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nurabsal
Oct 13, 2012



Apparently Darth Maul isn't the only returning prequel character.... Warwick Davis returns in his breakout role

http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Weazel

https://heroichollywood.com/warwick...-han-solo-cast/

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aBagorn
Aug 26, 2004


Deakul posted:

I legitimately can't tell if this is one long piss take in regards to Darth Maul, are you all just loving with me or what?

I was sort of excited(but not really) to finally get a Star Wars movie with no force users or lightsabers.

Itís like a minute or less of him as a hologram - so youíre still good, I guess?

Phi230
Feb 2, 2016



Imagine caring about star wars in tyool 2018

Jose Oquendo
Jun 20, 2004

At the end of 2018, a study was published by London Metropolitan University showing that certain bacteria, normally present only in intestinal tracts or feces, were found on McDonald's self-service screens.


https://www.reddit.com/r/StarWarsLe...CMW&sh=2f95044a

-Film starts with text, not really a crawl

-Han and Qi'ra are trying to leave Corellia. They are boyfriend and girlfriend, and they kiss.

-They try to bribe an Imperial officer to escape Corellia, they get separated, Qi'ra gets captured by gangsters, Han hides in a recruitment center where he joins the Imperial army to leave Corellia. He says his name is just "Han" and that he's alone...Imperial guard gives him the last name "Solo"

3 years later

-Han is fighting on Mimban. He sees Beckett and his team including Val and Rio Durant. They are disguised as Imperial troops, but aren't fighting. Han tries to tell on them because they won't let him join their crew, but Beckett rats Han out first, saying that Han is trying to desert the Empire.

-Han gets thrown into a prisoner camp, where Chewie is. They escape. Beckett's crew sees this and they decide to "rescue" Han and Chewie and let them be part of their crew

-They try to steal fuel cells from a train from the trailer. Enfys Nest and the Cloud Raiders are also there, trying to steal it. Val sacrifices herself. Rio Durant, who is the pilot, also dies.

-Now Han must pilot the ship (not the Falcon) He drops the fuel cells and they blow up.

-Han, Chewie, and Beckett now go to Dryden Voss' hangout. He is the gangster they are trying to sell fuel cells too. Beckett comes up with a new plan, saying that there is some on Kessel.

-Qi'ra is now Dryden's girlfriend. She tells them that she knows Lando has a fast ship they can use.

-Han, Chewie, Beckett, Qi'ra go see Lando.

-Han plays sabacc with Lando to win the Falcon. Han loses because Lando cheats, Han knows he cheats, but can't prove it.

-Lando and L3 fly the Falcon with the crew to Kessel. Han and Qi'ra have another moment alone, they kiss again.

-L3 tries to save robot prisoners, but gets shot and teared in half

-Chewie tries to free Wookies. Doesn't seem like he knows them.

-The crew escapes Kessel with the fuel cells. Han must fly the Falcon now, because Lando is sad L3 is basically dead. They use L3's "brain" to help navigate through a black hole and the tentacle monster from the trailer

-The fuel cells from Kessel are unstable, so they have to go to a new planet to make them stable some how. Enfys Nest and her gang are there. Turns out she is a 16 year old girl and they are trying to help some "rebellion" and needs the fuel.

-Not clear if Han and the gang give them some or what, doesn't seem like any Cloud Raiders die

-Lando flies away with the Falcon.

-Han, Chewie, Qi'ra, go back to Dryden Voss. Beckett stays behind for some reason, it sounds like he thinks Dryden Voss may kill him.

-It turns out Beckett double crosses Han and tells Dryden Voss that the fuel cells are fake (even though they are real)

-Han, Qi'ra, and Chewie fight Dryden Voss and his guards. Voss and his guards die.

-Han goes after Beckett for revenge. Qi'ra stays behind, using a hologram message to speak with her actual gangster boss: Darth Maul

-Darth Maul is a crime lord now. Ray Park is the actor, but they use Sam Witwer's voice

-It sounds like Maul is only in hologram form and is in the movie for less than a minute.

-This is the last mention of Qi'ra. It is unclears what happens to her

-Beckett tries to talk his way out of trouble with Han, but Han shoots first and kills Beckett

-The movie ends with Han and Chewie going to a new planet to find Lando.

-Han hugs Lando, similarly to how Lando hugs Han in ESB. While hugging, Han steals Lando's cheat card he kept in his sleeve.

-Han goes all in on his sabacc hand, winning Lando's Falcon

-Han and Chewie fly the Falcon, stating they need to go to Tattoine to meet a "big time gangster" presumably Jabba the Hutt, although Jabba is not mentioned by name

-No Boba Fett

Kart Barfunkel
Nov 10, 2009



No fuckin' Jabba? This is horse poo poo.

rawillkill
Aug 15, 2009

Emma Watson is what runs trivia teams.


Kart Barfunkel posted:

No fuckin' Jabba? This is horse poo poo.

gotta get that sequel in there. there's gonna be 2 more of these

Wheat Loaf
Feb 13, 2012

by FactsAreUseless


I'm curious about the comment in that Reddit thread that the Darth Maul idea apparently "came from George".

rawillkill
Aug 15, 2009

Emma Watson is what runs trivia teams.


Wheat Loaf posted:

I'm curious about the comment in that Reddit thread that the Darth Maul idea apparently "came from George".

that's in reference to clone wars

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

"Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?"


Bring me Solo and the Wookie.

Wheat Loaf
Feb 13, 2012

by FactsAreUseless


rawillkill posted:

that's in reference to clone wars

Ah, fair enough; I'd heard that Lucas helped to direct a scene and gave Howard some comments so Clone Wars didn't occur to me. I thought it was a bit of an odd idea there as well. Didn't know it was actually a Lucas idea rather than a Filoni one, though.

Wheat Loaf fucked around with this message at 21:46 on May 12, 2018

Calaveron
Aug 7, 2006



Motherfucker Star Wars takes place in a galaxy that has at least 10 planets but these people keep running into each other like it's a small village

Pops Mgee
Aug 20, 2009

This is the worst day of my life.


Iím honestly loving shocked that they still havenít shoved Boba Fett into anything besides the new comics.

JBP
Feb 16, 2017

I will outlast the Chinese government's buying of fat lady avatars with the true grit of the greatest generation

Calaveron posted:

Motherfucker Star Wars takes place in a galaxy that has at least 10 planets but these people keep running into each other like it's a small village

That happens because it's a stupid show.

Brother Entropy
Dec 27, 2009



it might just be because it's being presented in a bullet point list of what happens but man the plot of this sounds kinda...scattered

CelticPredator
Oct 11, 2013



Lawrence Kasdenís script must be preserved!!!

Calaveron
Aug 7, 2006



Brother Entropy posted:

it might just be because it's being presented in a bullet point list of what happens but man the plot of this sounds kinda...scattered

To be fair you could probably do the same with empire strikes back and make it also seem scattered

Brother Entropy
Dec 27, 2009



Calaveron posted:

To be fair you could probably do the same with empire strikes back and make it also seem scattered

yeah, it's possible it just reads that way because i'm already expecting the movie to be a mess

gotta wait for more reviews to know for sure i guess

Edgar Allen Ho
Apr 3, 2017



Solo, I donít have high hopes for, but Woody seems fun.

That said, Iíd love to see the internetís reaction to ESB bullet spoilers

-han saves lukeís life by stealing his saber to cut up an animal and put luke in its guts for warmth
-tripping the imperial tanks makes their armor worthless
-turns out the funny sodekick is the worlds freatest jedi
-vader is lukeís dad

Brother Entropy
Dec 27, 2009



rotj would be the real fun one to see internet reactions to

Vinylshadow
Mar 20, 2017


Brother Entropy posted:

rotj would be the real fun one to see internet reactions to

-Saving Han is a trap, but Luke has a plan
-Blowing up the shield generator is a trap, but Leia, Han, and Chewie have a plan
-Attacking the Death Star is a trap, but Lando has a plan
-Surrendering to the Empire is a trap, but Luke has another plan

Darko
Dec 23, 2004



ROTJ would be funny because Empire sets up this grand new thing that changes the game, and EVERYONE speculates where it goes since there are so many impossible situations like Han frozen, Vader clearly more powerful, a secret "other hope" and then its:

- The movie starts off on Tatooine and ends with a battle against the Death Star
- Luke got more powerful offscreen and can now do force chokes and Obi Wan's mind trick
- Luke, Leia, Lando, C3PO, Chewie and Artoo rescue Han at the beginning of the movie from Jabba as some have infiltrated his group offscreen
- During the infiltration section, Luke has to fight a big monster. He beats it by throwing a rock at a button which drops a sliding door on its head
- Also Leia is captured, and Jabba chains her up next to him and forces her to wear a bikini while he watches slave girls dance
- Boba Fett dies in the process from being hit in the back and falling down a hole which is actually a monster's mouth
- The Emperor is finally shown, Vader is conflicted about his love for Luke
- Luke finally goes to see Yoda again (he hasn't since ESB for some reason), and Yoda immediately dies.
- Ghost Obi Wan says Leia is actually Luke's twin sister separated at birth. Luke somehow always knew, even when he was happy about kissing her in the last movie.
- The Rebels (including Luke, who met them) launch a final attack against the unfinished new Death Star by disabling the shield on an adjacent moon
- They get seen by some scouts on that moon and have a speeder bike chase, Leia gets separated with Luke
- Leia meets a little teddy bear creature called and Ewok and befriends it
- The rest of the group all get captured in a net by Ewoks after Chewie tries to eat some food he found on the ground (edit, wait, hanging from a tree)
- The group is about to be eaten by the Ewoks, but they think Chewie is a god, and Luke levitates him to prove it, so they let everyone go and call them friends
- They infiltrate the shield base but get ambushed/caught (there are also those two legged walkers you saw in Empire walking around)
- However, the Ewoks help ambush the Imperial legions, and defeat them and the walkers with log traps, spears, and rocks
- Meanwhile Luke has given himself up to Vader, who walks him up to the Emperor
- And a squid Admiral named Ackbar launches an attack against the Death Star. He thought the shields were down when they weren't because the Empire set up an ambush but Lando (who is piloting the Falcon now) saves them
- Luke gets mad when he sees the ambush and tries to attack the Emperor with his lightsaber, but Vader blocks it and they fight
- The shield generator gets blown up on Endor and Lando and the rest of the fighters notice, and attack. They fly into the new Death Star.
- Vader and Luke fight and Luke hides from Vader in the shadows. Vader reads Luke's mind and figures out he has a daughter, which makes Luke mad and he beats up Vader and chops off his hand.
- The Emperor is happy and says he'll make Luke his new apprentice. Luke refuses so the Emperor electrocutes him with lighting out of his hand. Vader looks sad at this happening.
- Vader picks up the Emperor and throws him down a shaft.
- Lando blows up the Death Star 2 in the Falcon
- Luke escapes the Death Star, but not before Vader reveals his face and dies in his arms
- They land on Endor, give Vader a viking funeral, then have a dance party with the Ewoks with fireworks in the background


Keeping the mistakes in to make it more authentic.

Also, yeah, typing all that out just enforces why ROTJ has dropped down my list of Star Wars movies greatly.

Darko fucked around with this message at 16:36 on May 13, 2018

Kevin Palpatine
Dec 20, 2017


there actually were bulletin board discussions about esb and rotj in the 80s (what did yoda mean "there is another skywalker?" etc) I posted a bunch of them on a forum once but I can't find them anymore. maybe google ate them after a while

SimonCat
Aug 12, 2016

by Nyc_Tattoo


College Slice

Kevin Palpatine posted:

there actually were bulletin board discussions about esb and rotj in the 80s (what did yoda mean "there is another skywalker?" etc) I posted a bunch of them on a forum once but I can't find them anymore. maybe google ate them after a while

Search the archives of usenet.

On second thought, don't, it's like visiting Pinhead's lair.

Vinylshadow
Mar 20, 2017


Darko posted:

- The group is about to be eaten by the Ewoks, but they think Chewie is a god, and Luke levitates him to prove it, so they let everyone go and call them friends

Ya know, you'd think that the Ewoks would've revered Chewie over Threepio since he's three times their size and can rip the arms off his enemies like a vengeful god or something

Darko
Dec 23, 2004



Kevin Palpatine posted:

there actually were bulletin board discussions about esb and rotj in the 80s (what did yoda mean "there is another skywalker?" etc) I posted a bunch of them on a forum once but I can't find them anymore. maybe google ate them after a while

I saw some of those before somewhere, and my dad tells me of all the speculation after Empire since it raised so many questions (that ended up being dashed by Jedi). I was only old enough to REMEMBER seeing Jedi in the theater, so my impression of the series was mostly based on that, retrofitting the older movies back in; but if I had seen Jedi after Empire in my teens or something, I would have been pissed.

Darko
Dec 23, 2004



Vinylshadow posted:

Ya know, you'd think that the Ewoks would've revered Chewie over Threepio since he's three times their size and can rip the arms off his enemies like a vengeful god or something

When I typed that up, I was just realizing the ridiculousness of them even being caught in the first place in the net. None of that makes any sense. And yeah, Chewie would come off to them like the Engineers would to us; I'd think they'd care about him more since he more resembles what they are used to while C3PO more resembles the invaders.

Timby
Dec 23, 2006

Your mother!


SimonCat posted:

On second thought, don't, it's like visiting Pinhead's lair.

WE HAVE SUCH SIGHTS TO SHOW YOU



Neo Rasa
Mar 8, 2007
Everyone should play DUKE games.



Darko posted:

When I typed that up, I was just realizing the ridiculousness of them even being caught in the first place in the net. None of that makes any sense. And yeah, Chewie would come off to them like the Engineers would to us; I'd think they'd care about him more since he more resembles what they are used to while C3PO more resembles the invaders.

Even C-3PO knows it's dumb as hell and tries not to play along because "it's against my programming to impersonate a deity" even though he's able to do it just fine.

Wheat Loaf
Feb 13, 2012

by FactsAreUseless


Neo Rasa posted:

Even C-3PO knows it's dumb as hell and tries not to play along because "it's against my programming to impersonate a deity" even though he's able to do it just fine.

Han getting irritated and Luke cracking up in the background of that scene is great.

ptkfvk
Apr 30, 2013


the ethics of bringing the ewoks into the fight were a little questionable. how could luke think they would stand a chance against the empire

chewie should have eaten an ewok.

i feel like there was some stupid bunker incident we missed.

Food Boner
Jul 2, 2005


is it the original darth maul guy

ray park sounds right

Food Boner
Jul 2, 2005


Phi230 posted:

Imagine caring about star wars in tyool 2018

Wheat Loaf
Feb 13, 2012

by FactsAreUseless


ptkfvk posted:

i feel like there was some stupid bunker incident we missed.

There were deleted scenes with the Rebels going through the bunker and another bit cut off the end of the scene where the Imperial officer catches them and sneers, "You rebel scum!" in which Harrison Ford puts his hands on his hips and goes, "Scum!?"

Timby
Dec 23, 2006

Your mother!


Food Boner posted:

is it the original darth maul guy

ray park sounds right

Yes, apparently it's Park, but it's the guy from the cartoon doing the voice instead of Peter Serafinowicz.

Food Boner
Jul 2, 2005


didnt realize it wasn't park speaking!

e at last we will have revenge!

sassassin
Apr 3, 2010
Probation
Can't post for 2 hours!


Timby posted:

Yes, apparently it's Park, but it's the guy from the cartoon doing the voice instead of Peter Serafinowicz.

So growly instead of smooth and cool?

Timby
Dec 23, 2006

Your mother!


Food Boner posted:

didnt realize it wasn't park speaking!

Park doesn't usually speak for his roles. He doesn't have the most imposing voice.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1qVc7SLIW2Y#t=88s

banned from Starbucks
Jul 18, 2004


Chewies just a big ewok, a Neanderthal. 3P0 is shiny gold and hairless. The sun god

Food Boner
Jul 2, 2005


Timby posted:

Park doesn't usually speak for his roles. He doesn't have the most imposing voice.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1qVc7SLIW2Y#t=88s

give me cockney darth maul any day

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Pops Mgee
Aug 20, 2009

This is the worst day of my life.


Witwer is fine in the cartoons, but I wish theyíd gone with Serafinowicz. His voice is soooo much better.

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