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Is Sami Zayn a good friend?
This poll is closed.
[Truth] Yes 61 56.48%
[Truth] No, but only because I'm a monster 4 3.70%
[Lie] No 3 2.78%
[Lie] I'm Sami Zayn 40 37.04%
Total: 108 votes
[Edit Poll (moderators only)]

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Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Anybody remotely interesting is mad in some way or another.




____________________________

Raw Results
  • Roman Reigns came out to boos and demanded Jinder Mahal to come out and face him. Kurt Angle came out and said no, and announced the main event was Jinder vs Bobby Lashley vs Elias for a spot in Money in the Bank. Roman went looking for Jinder, they fought, and Roman beat him up while the crowd booed.
  • Seth Rollins retained the IC Title in a match against Kevin Owens.
  • Ronda Rousey and Charlotte were featured in a video, Nia Jax showed up and challenged Rousey to a match, Rousey initially turned it down and then accepted. All three were good buddies.
  • Bobby Roode qualified for the MITB Ladder match in a triple threat vs No Way Jose and Baron Corbin.
  • Owens wanted a rematch for the IC Title but Angle turned him down. Angle told an injured Jinder Mahal the main event was still going to happen.
  • Curtis Axel and Bo Dallas - The B Team - defeated Breezango and were initially confused about the fact they won.
  • Ember Moon, Sasha Banks and Nattie defeated the Riott Squad when Nattie made Liv Morgan tap out to the sharpshooter.
  • Drew McIntyre and Dolph Ziggler did a promo calling out the likes of BRAUN and Finn Balor.
  • The Deleters of Worlds defeated The Revival in a tag match.
  • Sasha Banks wished Bayley good luck in her match to qualify for the MITB Ladder match. Bayley thanked her.
  • Sami Zayn declared that Bobby Lashley was hiding something, and he had invited Lashley's sisters to appear on Raw next week and expose him.
  • Alexa Bliss qualified for the MITB Ladder match, pinning Bayley in a match that also featured Mickie James.
  • Mahal left the trainer's room and got attacked by Roman Reigns and speared through a wall.
  • Drew McIntyre and Dolph Ziggler defeated Finn Balor and BRAUN. Finn got pinned after being crotched on the top rope, while outside the ring BRAUN ran his shoulderblock spot through Drew.
  • Kevin Owens replaced Jinder Mahal in the main event triple threat for a spot in the MITB Ladder match. Elias tried to play guitar and sing a song DURING the match.
  • Sami jumped Bobby Lashley to prevent him winning the match, allowing Owens to hit the Frog Splash on Elias and qualify for the MITB ladder match.
  • Raw ended with Kevin and Sami embracing on the ramp, happy and assured of their mutual affection. A rare happy ending
____________________________

Smackdown Results
  • Renee and Bryan opened the show, with the crowd giving Bryan a gigantic and sustained ovation. He was eventually able to talk and said that it was no longer enough for him to just be back, he wanted to be the best. He intended to scratch and claw his way back to the WWE Championship. Big Cass came out to mock him, and Bryan just absolutely beat the poo poo out of him and made him tap out to a heel hook.
  • The New Day (BIG E and Xavier Woods) defeated The Bar in a tag match where one member of the winning team would be put into the MITB Ladder match. It wasn't immediately announced if that would be BIG E or Xavier (or Kofi?)
  • The Bludgeon Brothers did a promo promising to "cure" those made weak and diseased by friends, family and joy. Their cure is bludgeoning, in a surprising turn of events.
  • Paige was on a phonecall backstage explaining to Carmella she couldn't have a horse-drawn carriage for the Royal Mellabration. Mandy Rose and Sonya Deville showed up thinking that Mandy had qualified for the MITB ladder match by beating Becky Lynch last week, but Paige explained the qualifier was tonight featuring both of them and Becky. Not in a handicap match, but a Triple Threat.
  • Renee interviewed AJ Styles backstage about what the PPV match stipulation would be if he beat Shinsuke in their match tonight. AJ joked around about the ridiculous stipulations he could pick and then explained that no matter what it was, there was no way Shinsuke could beat him in the house that AJ Styles built.
  • Andrade "Cien" Almas made his debut with a squash of jobber Jake Constantino. Vega got on the mic afterwards to claim they were disappointed in the quality of the Smackdown locker room and they were here to take over.
  • Rusev and Aiden English were hanging out backstage in a room decorated with Rusev's stuff. English offered up a new song for Rusev to celebrate his victory over Daniel Bryan last week. Lana interupted to explain she had a MITB qualifying match of her own against Billie Kay next week, and thus she and Rusev would both become the first ever Mr. & Mrs. Money in the Bank. English declared that to make it even better, this would happen on Rusev Day!
  • Carmella's "Royal Mellabration" was kicked off by a Royal Crier who introduced Carmella of the Isle of Stanton. Royal Guard Soldiers came out with the belt on a pillow, and then out came Carmella. After a dire promo, Paige came out to a big cheer and introduced Carmella's opponent for MITB: Asuka. Carmella was less than pleased, Asuka was delighted.
  • Shinsuke Nakamura was interviewed by Renee backstage, and she thought he was pretending not to understand english again. He explained he didn't understand her use of the words chance and possibility, because it was a certainty that he would beat AJ, and destroy his face with his knee before taking the belt.
  • Becky defeated Mandy Rose and Sonya Deville, much to the crowd's delight, to qualify for the MITB ladder match. Sonya was the first to break ranks and attack her friend, but Mandy actually dominated stretches of the match before Becky was able to turn an attempted power move into the Disarmer and score a submission victory.
  • Samoa Joe did a promo warning Big Cass of the dangers of running his mouth and then having to face the consequences.
  • The IIconics did a cellphone promo about MITB.
  • Shinsuke Nakamura defeated AJ Styles in the main event to earn the right to name the stipulation for their MITB match. AJ had the match won but almost hit the referee when going for the Forearm. As AJ checked on the ref, Shinsuke faked that he had been kicked on the dick. While the ref was admonishing AJ, Shinsuke hit a Reverse Exploder Suplex and then the Kinshasa to get the pinfall.

Jerusalem fucked around with this message at May 16, 2018 around 11:54

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Aphrodite
Jun 27, 2006



Please correct the summary. Jinder was speared into a hallway taped over with cardboard.

SatoshiMiwa
May 6, 2007



Leave the post title like this IMO

Baron Corbin
Oct 24, 2001

i'll always take care of you


Muldoon

raw was very bad and nobody except a very few very good posters posted in the thread which made it extra very bad to watch

Professor Funk
Aug 4, 2008

God is dead, true love is a lie, and the yard belongs to the Big Dog.

OH IT'S TRUE. IT'S DAMN TRUE.


that was an awe inspiringly bad raw, mother of god

Ragnarok the Red
Jun 21, 2002

Why don't you love me, father?


Bobby Lashley has less character than generic local jobber wrestlers they bring in for one off squash matches.

Saint Freak
Apr 15, 2007



I died on fleek, and so am cursed to roam the Earth forever, eternally on fleek...


Buglord

Ragnarok the Red posted:

Bobby Lashley has less character than generic local jobber wrestlers they bring in for one off squash matches.


He's got plenty of character!


There's the whole headband thing! And he's got..sisters I guess!

D.N. Nation
Feb 1, 2012



Raw's just...shambling along.

Accident Underwater
Oct 21, 2005

Gotta give'em hell


Raw should go back to letting Seth wrestle for 1-2 hours

Do it ironically
Jul 13, 2010


i had it PVRed here and...i just didn't have the heart to watch if after that opening segment, so thanks for the write up

Fsmhunk
Jul 19, 2012


Saint Freak posted:

He's got plenty of character!


There's the whole headband thing! And he's got..sisters I guess!

He's hard hitting and soft spoken.

Saint Freak
Apr 15, 2007



I died on fleek, and so am cursed to roam the Earth forever, eternally on fleek...


Buglord

One time his sister had this towel and haha, well I guess you had to be there

shiksa
Nov 9, 2009



as mediocre as raw was, i switched over to the nba playoff game after it was done and in the final 5 minutes it was a thrilling... 15 point comfortable win for golden state.

Ragnarok the Red
Jun 21, 2002

Why don't you love me, father?


Real talk: would Roman even be cheered over Muhammad Hassan at this point?

shiksa posted:

as mediocre as raw was, i switched over to the nba playoff game after it was done and in the final 5 minutes it was a thrilling... 15 point comfortable win for golden state.

Thank God for the NHL Playoffs. Even "built to beat Golden State" Houston can't do anything.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


I think they should change Roman's music and he might get cheered on accident.

mkay0
Nov 7, 2003

I crawled the earth, but now I'm higher
2010, watch it go to fire


Watched basketball instead. Looks like that was the right call.

Lid
Feb 18, 2005

Rap terrorist, terrorise, tear it up
Brought gas and the matches to flare it up
Militant Michael might go psycho
On any ally or rival
Born Black, that's dead on arrival
My job is to fight for survival
In spite of these #AllLivesMatter-ass white folk


I am looking forward to Nia v Ronda because the idea of a one match Ronda or Nia having to carry the other is amazing for so many reasons. Ronda is, in one match, clearly the better worker but God help her taking the lead with someone who the best women in the company can only carry to at best a two star match.

Shima Honnou
Dec 1, 2010

The Once And Future King Of Detroit





College Slice

Roman Reigns got Jinder Mahal over.

Aphrodite
Jun 27, 2006



Lid posted:

I am looking forward to Nia v Ronda because the idea of a one match Ronda or Nia having to carry the other is amazing for so many reasons. Ronda is, in one match, clearly the better worker but God help her taking the lead with someone who the best women in the company can only carry to at best a two star match.

Excuse me Alexa carried her to a 2.75 Star match at Wrestlemania.

SatoshiMiwa
May 6, 2007



They should of brought Bobby in as a MMA guy to further the angle Brock had but welp have to make him generic again

cavallingus
Apr 23, 2010

Where the fuck did I leave that issue of GQ?

Ragnarok the Red posted:

Thank God for the NHL Playoffs. Even "built to beat Golden State" Houston can't do anything.
let's go vegas the golden knights you stupid idiots!!!

shiksa
Nov 9, 2009



piss tape israel posted:

let's go vegas the golden knights you stupid idiots!!!

i gotta have my caps.

dromal phrenia
Feb 22, 2004



nicholas is a better tag partner than finn balor, this is canon now

achillesforever6
Apr 23, 2012

#RXTREVOLUTIONFOREVER6


piss tape israel posted:

let's go vegas the golden knights you stupid idiots!!!
I hope to god that the Caps make it to the Finals only to be stonewalled by MAF once again, it would be basically losing to the Pens again since the Knights have a bunch of Penguins on that team.

The_Rob
Feb 1, 2007

musicals are garbage


lol I just watched the video of Jinder getting speared through the cardboard.

Lol

GrimGypsy
Mar 27, 2007



that cardboard 'wall' leading into the obvious hallway to catering was some real zero-effort poo poo, absolutely hilarious

good job making jinder look like the sympathetic hero being screwed by management and willing to fight hurt tho

Neurolimal
Nov 3, 2012

by R. Guyovich


They should just go hardcore into the pathetic angle, Jeb Bush levels of "please clap " with Roman sitting in the ring with a little corgi and talking about how he's really sorry for what The Management is doing with his story and just wants to entertain y'all with some good wrestling

The_Rob
Feb 1, 2007

musicals are garbage


I hope Roman hits Jinder with a really soft pillow next RAW.

Faustian Bargain
Apr 12, 2014



Have Roman come out to punk’s music at mitb, as a face.

Strawberry Panda
Nov 4, 2007

Breakfast Defecting, Slow Dick Touching, Root Beer Barreling SwagVP


Do they want to injure Ronda this early into her career?

The_Rob
Feb 1, 2007

musicals are garbage


Seriously could they not like put a piece of drywall over the hallway at the very least? Like that would at least look kind of cool.

cavallingus
Apr 23, 2010

Where the fuck did I leave that issue of GQ?

Faustian Bargain posted:

Have Roman come out to punk’s music at mitb, as a face.

Lid
Feb 18, 2005

Rap terrorist, terrorise, tear it up
Brought gas and the matches to flare it up
Militant Michael might go psycho
On any ally or rival
Born Black, that's dead on arrival
My job is to fight for survival
In spite of these #AllLivesMatter-ass white folk


Strawberry Panda posted:

Do they want to injure Ronda this early into her career?

There is literally no way, unless this match is somehow ****+, that people won't be snarking that Ronda's wrestlemania was a fluke carried by Triple H because look at her in there with Nia. It was smoke and mirrors! Can't even have a good match with Nia Jax mistah speakah.

Commissar Ken
Dec 9, 2006

"Children love me, dammit!"

Sami Zayn is a good friend to Palestine and I applaud him for that tweet.

I didn't think i'd be writing in a Sanders/Zayn ticket in 2020 when this morning started.

Blaise330
Aug 13, 2007



reignofevil posted:

I think they should change Roman's music and he might get cheered on accident.

*Seth Rollins theme opening riff* THE BIG DOOOOG *transition into old shield theme*

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Anybody remotely interesting is mad in some way or another.


I'm actually catching up on Raw and the Roman/Angle segment was so much worse than it was written. Angle's frustrated, seething"I'm sorry but.... management... aren't letting me give you the chances you truly and genuinely deserve despite constantly failing, losing and getting beaten every week..." was so loving stupid. They are not giving up on trying to make fans think Roman Reigns is basically CM Punk or Daniel Bryan and it's so, so, so stupid and literally everybody but Vince McMahon sees it.

Your Parents
Jul 19, 2017


Ragnarok the Red posted:

Real talk: would Roman even be cheered over Muhammad Hassan at this point?

If Roman were talking and got interrupted by AAAALAAAYYYLIYAAAHHLAAAAYLIYAAALAAAYLAAAAYLLAAA the crowd in any city in America would give a Jesus pop.

Your Parents
Jul 19, 2017


Lid posted:

I am looking forward to Nia v Ronda because the idea of a one match Ronda or Nia having to carry the other is amazing for so many reasons. Ronda is, in one match, clearly the better worker but God help her taking the lead with someone who the best women in the company can only carry to at best a two star match.

Nia is going to dump her on her neck and injure her for 9 months.

NowonSA
Jul 19, 2013

I am the sexiest poster in the world!


Why the hell are Dolph and Mcintyre beating Finn and Braun? I guess it's kinda cool that they're being treated as people who can actually win matches, but there's got to be other bodies you can throw at them, at least initially.

Jerusalem posted:

I'm actually catching up on Raw and the Roman/Angle segment was so much worse than it was written. Angle's frustrated, seething"I'm sorry but.... management... aren't letting me give you the chances you truly and genuinely deserve despite constantly failing, losing and getting beaten every week..." was so loving stupid. They are not giving up on trying to make fans think Roman Reigns is basically CM Punk or Daniel Bryan and it's so, so, so stupid and literally everybody but Vince McMahon sees it.

Yeah I really can't think of a worse angle to take Roman's story than "the guys in back are holding me down!" when everyone who's pissed at him and booing him knows that it's Vince and the management who keep having him win and main event PPVS and such. It worked well with Punk and Bryan because it was actually the case and the fans knew it. This is like having someone come in from an mma background and making their gimmick that they can't take physical punishment or stand up to submission holds, it just goes against what the audience perceives them to be and what they actually are, so no one buys it and the aren't able to pull it off well since it's the furthest thing from "their personality dialed to 11."

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Lid
Feb 18, 2005

Rap terrorist, terrorise, tear it up
Brought gas and the matches to flare it up
Militant Michael might go psycho
On any ally or rival
Born Black, that's dead on arrival
My job is to fight for survival
In spite of these #AllLivesMatter-ass white folk


Punk is a heavily tattooed antiauthoritarian punk who has no filter between his moutg and his brain and would sooner break than bend that they wanted to fire from developmental and was only brought up because of Paul Heyman incessantly advocating for him.

Bryan is a small, pale, hippy bearded, socialist, anti-capitalist who was putting on the best work day in day out without any reason to and was fired from the company because sponsors didnt like a tie choke on a childrens show.

Roman is...

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