Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us $3,400 per month for bandwidth bills alone, and since we don't believe in shoving popup ads to our registered users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
«3 »
  • Post
  • Reply
spacetoaster
Feb 10, 2014



Anne Frank, the Jewish girl who hid from the Germans in WWII and famously wrote a diary, has been found out to have written several dirty jokes in the diary. The pages containing her adolescent humor were damaged/covered up, but modern imaging technology was able to recently show the text. http://www.annefrank.org/en/News/Ne...ages-published/



Here's one:

quote:

"Do you know why the German girls of the armed forces are in the Netherlands? As a mattress for the soldiers."

And another:

quote:

"A man and a woman had a relationship, and after a few months the woman's belly was getting disturbingly big. Then, the man called a doctor who said: 'It's just air, Mrs., just air!!!" The man replied: 'I am not pumping air, am I?' "

Just one more:

quote:

"A man had a very ugly wife and he did not want a relationship with her. One evening, he came home and he saw his friend lying in bed with his wife and the man said: 'He does and I have to!!!!' "

There's several more, and a bunch of stuff about prostitutes and sex education.

Can you goons come up with your own ideas on jokes that would be found in her diary? I'll add them to the OP.

Here's mine:

quote:

Germans: "Knock knock"
Anne Frank: "Who's there?"
Anne Frank: "poo poo..."

Sponge Baathist posted:

Nazis: I smell a Jew
Anne Frank: This attic doesn't have a shower
Nazis: We'll take you to the shower



SnakeParty posted:

“Teacher: which of you babalehs can use the word Kippah in a sentence?

Student: Kippah ya hands off of my bagel!”

-Anne Frank

Jose Mengelez posted:

posting from the gas chamber

Oscar Wild posted:

She would have written more but she lacked concentration.

spacetoaster fucked around with this message at May 18, 2018 around 04:29

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

FAGGY CLAUSE
Apr 9, 2011

I READ SOME INCEL POSTS ON THEIR FORUM AND NOW I FEEL BAD FOR THEM!


quote:

Man I could go for a nice relaxing ASMR session of your ripping high pitched squeaky farts directly into my earhole...little brown tornados flying around my skull

bradzilla
Oct 15, 2004



Fan of Britches

Those are some bad jokes

spacetoaster
Feb 10, 2014



bradzilla posted:

Those are some bad jokes

Do better then.

amusinginquiry
Nov 8, 2009



College Slice

I did not see this coming

bradzilla
Oct 15, 2004



Fan of Britches

spacetoaster posted:

Do better then.

I'm not a Jewish teen in the WWII era so I don't think I'm qualified

Sponge Baathist
Jan 30, 2010



Nazis: I smell a Jew
Anne Frank: This attic doesn't have a shower
Nazis: We'll take you to the shower

Big Butt Skinner
Apr 16, 2005

Blueprints of the dummy...
Notarized photos of you making the dummy...
And an alternate wording for the banner: "Buttzilla."

Are those jokes funnier pre-translation?

a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010



ah, Anne Frank made mediocre jokes about cum, she would have fit in here.

spacetoaster
Feb 10, 2014



Big Butt Skinner posted:

Are those jokes funnier pre-translation?

They could probably be funnier if a bi-lingual person took the time to change them up a bit, but the anne frank people were going for accuracy more than funny.

Kazoo Reverb
Dec 3, 2004



She also was WAY into Peter and way into masturbating, but her father excised pretty much anything that didn't make her look like a divine spirit.

spacetoaster
Feb 10, 2014



Kazoo Reverb posted:

She also was WAY into Peter and way into masturbating, but her father excised pretty much anything that didn't make her look like a divine spirit.

It's ironic that people reading her diary was one of the things she was afraid of.

Cough Drop The Beat
Jan 22, 2012

It's your HPV, Veronica. I'm just carrying it.

Not sure why people are shocked that a teenage girl's diary reads exactly like a teenage girl's diary.

SnakeParty
Oct 30, 2011


So a Jew was walking home from work in Germany 1938 when all of sudden who should he run into but Hitler and a gang of thugs. One of the thugs points a gun at the Jew and Hitler screams “JEW YOU MUST EET ZEES PILE OF DOGGIE POOPOODOODOO” so the Jew says oy vey it’s a livin and gets down on all fours and eats the poo poo it’s very humiliating. The Nazis laugh and laugh and the Jew seizes the moment and grabs the gun, pointing it back at the Nazi thugs and Hitler and says “You should be so laughing! Now you must to eat the poopoodoodoo or you want I should kill you? You call these bagels?! Hashem forgive me should I want to kill you so!”

So the coward Nazi scum eat the poop humiliatingly while getting poop all over their lovely bad Nazi faces. The Jew laughs kikely. He runs home giggling quickly before they can get up.

When he gets home he goes to his wife and says “my darling saraleh! You’ll never guess who I met for lunch!

-Anne Frank

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

Kazoo Reverb
Dec 3, 2004



spacetoaster posted:

It's ironic that people reading her diary was one of the things she was afraid of.

I think it's an important document to humanize victims of the holocaust, but it'd be even more humanizing with the foibles in there too

A_Bug_That_Thinks
Mar 16, 2011


ASK ME ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE BIG SAGGY POKEMON TITS

A man and a woman were having an affair, and after a few months, they noticed her belly was getting swollen. The man was worried, and called a doctor. The doctor told him "Don't worry, it's just air". The man replied "But doctor, it's not air I'm filling her with!"

SnakeParty
Oct 30, 2011


“Teacher: which of you babalehs can use the word Kippah in a sentence?

Student: Kippah ya hands off of my bagel!”

-Anne Frank

SnakeParty
Oct 30, 2011


“It was a particularly sweltering Yom Kippur. The whole synagogue was hazy, and feeling very hungry and tired. Still, the rabbi droned on and on about learning to forgive oneself for past misdoings and transgressions whether real or imagined.

The temple cantor was dozing off, when he should chance to glance out of an open window. He saw the absolute most tantalizing shikse in this tiny red dress. rear end and tits out to here. He fantasized about peeling off that red dress and making a mitzvah with her (only after she converts by the Halacha of course). He dreams of their son yosseleh entering into rabbinical school. Suddenly he realizes that the whole synagogue is looking at him. The rabbi clearly sees he is investigating a red hot loving shikse and he whispers angrily “Moshe! What are you doing! It’s time to lead us in a psalm! Don’t you know it’s Yom a Kippur!?”

The Cantor replies “Rav, Baruch HaShem! I know it’s Yom Kippur but it’s simchat Torah in my pants!” “

-Anne Frank

Rad-daddio
Apr 25, 2017

-You know you wanna-


Kazoo Reverb posted:

She also was WAY into Peter and way into masturbating, but her father excised pretty much anything that didn't make her look like a divine spirit.

Well, if you're hiding in an attic and you're a teenager what the hell else are your gonna do?

Dyna Soar
Nov 30, 2006


80 years ago a teenage girl wrote down some dirty jokes in her diary, leading to OP making a thread to share his unfunny racist jokes.

SnakeParty
Oct 30, 2011


“A Jew just purchased a brand new automobile. Shiny and red with a giant Star of David hood ornament. He wanted hashems blessing so he went to an orthodox rabbi

Rav, he said, would you make a bracha over my beautiful car?

Nu! You want I should bless an inanimate object? I will not!

Dejected, but not undeterred, he goes to a conservative rabbi

Rav, he said, would you make a bracha over my beautiful car?

“Nu! Sure but it’s gonna cost ya!”

But the Jew had already nearly vanished as soon as he had heard the word ‘cost’.

Finally, as a last resort, he goes to the reform rabbi

Rav, he said, would you make a bracha over my beautiful car?

Nu, she said, ehh what’s a bracha?”

-Anna Frank

spacetoaster
Feb 10, 2014



Kazoo Reverb posted:

I think it's an important document to humanize victims of the holocaust, but it'd be even more humanizing with the foibles in there too

Obviously.

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

Not sure why people are shocked that a teenage girl's diary reads exactly like a teenage girl's diary.

Who is expressing shock at this?

spacetoaster fucked around with this message at May 17, 2018 around 14:50

SnakeParty
Oct 30, 2011


“How many Jewish mothers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Oh so you don’t call? You never call! I will just sit here in the dark, no need to worry about or call your poor mother!”

-Anne Frank

Who What Now
Sep 10, 2006

a VeRy SpEcIaL pOsTeR


Kazoo Reverb posted:

She also was WAY into Peter and way into masturbating,

It's not like there was much else to do

SnakeParty
Oct 30, 2011


“The shikse sexily pulls out the Jews circumcised penis

‘Oh my what a terrifically smooth penis you have” she says to the Jew.

‘Nu you want you should to see smooth?my brothers mohel is the village butcher!”

-Anne Frank

Im Ready for DEATH
Oct 5, 2016




I don't get any of the jewish jokes in this thread

Jawdins
Sep 9, 2001



I had no idea Anne Frank ghostwrote for Mel Brooks, thanks SnakeParty

Cough Drop The Beat
Jan 22, 2012

It's your HPV, Veronica. I'm just carrying it.

spacetoaster posted:

Who is expressing shock at this?

That's the kind of the point. Way too many people deify Anne Frank as if she was some kind of godly saint and reading secret pages from her diary about how she liked corny dad jokes and thought about sex and masturbation like anyone else humanizes her as an ordinary girl in an extraordinarily terrible situation, which was the whole point of her diary's existence.

spacetoaster
Feb 10, 2014



Cough Drop The Beat posted:

too many people deify Anne Frank

I never knew this.

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

I thought it was time you had a new av so typed in random picture and this is what came up


Cough Drop The Beat posted:

That's the kind of the point. Way too many people deify Anne Frank as if she was some kind of godly saint and reading secret pages from her diary about how she liked corny dad jokes and thought about sex and masturbation like anyone else humanizes her as an ordinary girl in an extraordinarily terrible situation, which was the whole point of her diary's existence.

That's typically the case for all "big people". While Anne Frank may not have been a brilliant inventor or scientist or politician, she is still a larger than life figure so it figures

Anne frankly, turning people into idols, even for a good cause, is hosed up.

Jose Mengelez
Sep 11, 2001

THE BOI FROM BRAZIL


posting from the gas chamber

Mel Mudkiper
Jan 19, 2012
Probation
Can't post for 28 hours!


It always bothered me that Anne Frank's diary was cleared edited and reorganized

Like, you expect me to believe she reached a conclusion about the moral nature of mankind the day before she was caught?

I know it's for a greater narrative impact but it still felt disrespectful

Jose Oquendo
Jun 20, 2004
LUKE SKYWALKER FUCKS REY AND SHE CALLS HIM DADDY


What kind of fuckin weirdo wants to read a teenage girl's diary.

SLICK GOKU BABY
Jun 12, 2001

A Little Known FACT: Burger King's Bacon King is superior to the Baconator.


Hey OP, I got a joke you can add to the OP.

What's the difference between a pizza and a 13 year old jew girl?

A pizza can't get Aatrek's attention.

A_Bug_That_Thinks
Mar 16, 2011


ASK ME ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE BIG SAGGY POKEMON TITS

I doubt a pizza would escape aatreks attention

Im Ready for DEATH
Oct 5, 2016




Jose Oquendo posted:

What kind of fuckin weirdo wants to read a teenage girl's diary.

forums moderators of course

Dr. Gitmo Moneyson
Jun 26, 2005

Feels good man.



Newsflash: Teenager who spent years locked up in her parents’ basement an attic had an adolescent sense of humor.

Mooey Cow
Jan 27, 2018



I liked the "pumping her full of air" joke, it has potential
Others need some work.

Kinda sucks that the nazis killed that girl and also those other millions of people.


Anyway here's my joke for the op: A dead nazi is hilarious, but a million dead nazis is even better.

Oscar Wild
Apr 11, 2006



More disturbing are the 50 pages of badly drawn Mickey Mouse/Donald Duck yaoi that Anne drew in the margins.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Oscar Wild
Apr 11, 2006



Oscar Wild posted:

More disturbing are the 50 pages of badly drawn Mickey Mouse/Donald Duck yaoi that Anne drew in the margins.

She called it "Steamboating Willy".

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • Post
  • Reply
«3 »