How to stop "best" friends? A Buddy Road Trip Comedy

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Enfys: The ocean is calling and I must go

You should conduct an audit. If people aren't filing their friendship returns on time, you can charge them interest and a penalty for late filing.

# ? Jun 11, 2018 18:09

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# ? Apr 23, 2024 08:55

Splicer: from hell's heart I cast at thee
🧙🐀🧹🌙🪄🐸

Unfortunately friendchains are an immutable ledger.

# ? Jun 11, 2018 18:11

lofi

They contain a record of every Friendcoin transaction, of who gave Friendness to who, forever.

# ? Jun 11, 2018 18:36

By popular demand: IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!

The BuddyBond® market just crashed! I lost millions and my dear old 🐈.
How do I get started on the whole drug manufacturing thing?

# ? Jun 11, 2018 18:40

Midjack

Buy your friends horses. Then buy your friends' horses.

# ? Jun 11, 2018 18:57

Sundae

The best way to tell who is your real friend is to offer them money. Real friends refuse it while fake friends accept generous gifts. Withdraw your entire 401(k) and divide it into equal portions for each "friend." Then give it to them. If they accept, never talk to them again. They're not your "best."

# ? Jun 11, 2018 19:26

Sirotan: Sirotan is a seal.

You could try churning them. Sign up and use them long enough to get the reward - say, some trips to the bar or an invite to a backyard BBQ - then cancel before you end up having to pay the reciprocity fees. I'm on my 3rd best friend this year, I would drop a few but I'm thinking about buying a house, so I don't want it to affect my friend score.

# ? Jun 11, 2018 19:32

CannonFodder

Friends help friends when someone has to move house, and the best friends are those with a truck.

Be a best friend, buy a truck. The bestest friends have the biggest truck, and you want to be the bestest friend, right?

# ? Jun 11, 2018 19:57

Haifisch: Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!

Have you considered buying a friendshare? I know a lot of people think they're scams, and they are BWM for a lot of people, but if you're okay with seeing the same friend every year or going to the friends you have points for, it can be a decent deal. Just be aware you can basically never get rid of your friendshare unless you're willing to pay someone to take it off your hands, or unless you die.

If that doesn't interest you, try Whole Friend Insurance. That way if someone stops being your friend, you get a nice payout for it, and the money you invest just goes UP UP UP in the meantime.

# ? Jun 11, 2018 20:22

Dwight Eisenhower: Indeed, I think that people want peace so much that one of these days governments had better get out of the way and let them have it.

could someone please post a quick summary of the tax implications of friendcoin transactions?

I'm thinking about adding up to 3 more friends in 2018 but wanna make sure my withholding is set up right

# ? Jun 11, 2018 20:29

DJCobol: CALL OF DUTY!

Dwight Eisenhower posted:

could someone please post a quick summary of the tax implications of friendcoin transactions?

I'm thinking about adding up to 3 more friends in 2018 but wanna make sure my withholding is set up right

The standard deduction changed in 2018 so now its 2 friends. Any more friends than that and you'd be better off itemizing them.

# ? Jun 11, 2018 20:46

Weatherman: WARBLEKLONK

SELL YOUR SHITFRIENDS

# ? Jun 11, 2018 22:08

Dik Hz: Fun with Science

Midjack posted:

Buy your friends horses. Then buy your friends' horses.

Excellent idea. Turn that underutilized friend equity into horse equity.

# ? Jun 11, 2018 23:18

Hoodwinker

Can anybody tell me if my friend allocation makes sense for my age? I'm looking to retire from friendships early, if that's any help. I have 9 domestic friends, 2 international, and 1 fixed spouse.

# ? Jun 12, 2018 00:25

Devian666: Take some advice Chris.

I think a lot of males are bad at maintaining relationships with people that are worthwhile. Perhaps don't treat friendship as if it works like the algorithm in the Sims. All you need to do is stay in touch by email, phone or not be lazy and visit people.

Perhaps it is time for the OP to re-evaluate his worldview and what is worthwhile in life. At very least start saving for retirement.

Hoodwinker posted:

Can anybody tell me if my friend allocation makes sense for my age? I'm looking to retire from friendships early, if that's any help. I have 9 domestic friends, 2 international, and 1 fixed spouse.

If you are holding your friends in a 401K sell those friendships and take out the friendship money as a loan. Then you can buy more friends that expire in 7 years.

# ? Jun 12, 2018 00:40

Monokeros deAstris: which means Magical Space Unicorn

Hoodwinker posted:

Can anybody tell me if my friend allocation makes sense for my age? I'm looking to retire from friendships early, if that's any help. I have 9 domestic friends, 2 international, and 1 fixed spouse.

Why bother with any fixed spouse at all? Friendships are volatile but you don't care what your friends do tomorrow, only 30 years from now. The spouse is just a drag on your gains

# ? Jun 12, 2018 00:48

Devian666: Take some advice Chris.

Alhireth-Hotep posted:

Why bother with any fixed spouse at all? Friendships are volatile but you don't care what your friends do tomorrow, only 30 years from now. The spouse is just a drag on your gains

The OP needs to get swole with their friends gains. Maybe this thread would be better placed in YLLS.

# ? Jun 12, 2018 01:50

Moneyball: It's a problem you think we need to explain ourselves.

I think we've got it for a few days, then on to greener pastures

or til we run out of finance related jokes

Or what's the opposite of BFC? Music? Art?

# ? Jun 12, 2018 02:05

Bobbie Wickham: by Smythe

Redneck or Sports, Redneck or Sports!

# ? Jun 12, 2018 02:10

Dik Hz: Fun with Science

Moneyball posted:

I think we've got it for a few days, then on to greener pastures

or til we run out of finance related jokes

Or what's the opposite of BFC? Music? Art?

Opposite of BFC is probably bitcoin, forex, and candles. Oh wait......

# ? Jun 12, 2018 02:13

Sundae

Notax posted:

So if your friends are all "best" friends with each other in a relay arrangement, how do you stop them from being your "best" friend, even years later?

Oh, and, by the way, there's no way to talk directly with anyone you used to be "friends" with. The conditions prohibit anything specific. You would have to stop them by a proxy force..... but how???

You're missing one of the most important parts of any friendship arrangement: trust. Place executive authority of all your friendcoins in a blind trust, tell your friends how much you've trusted them, and that'll satisfy all the notification requirements. You can then let your executor deal with all of them by proxy while you don't worry about silly things like talking to them, talking about them, or grown-up adult scenarios or communication.

Note that while this approach is great for dealing with friends with assets, you can't access any of the benefits associated with friends with benefits while they're in trust.

Edit: Also, I think Goons With Spoons would have this guy's recipe for success!

# ? Jun 12, 2018 02:40

BUG JUG

Hoodwinker posted:

Can anybody tell me if my friend allocation makes sense for my age? I'm looking to retire from friendships early, if that's any help. I have 9 domestic friends, 2 international, and 1 fixed spouse.

Why did you go with a fixed spouse when everyone else in your age bracket are going with floating spouses and open relationships?

# ? Jun 12, 2018 03:33

Devian666: Take some advice Chris.

BUG JUG posted:

Why did you go with a fixed spouse when everyone else in your age bracket are going with floating spouses and open relationships?

The index fund of open relationships provides a much better yield.

# ? Jun 12, 2018 03:41

Hoodwinker

BUG JUG posted:

Why did you go with a fixed spouse when everyone else in your age bracket are going with floating spouses and open relationships?

I personally prefer to establish my asset allocation early on and sticking with it regardless of social markets. I feel better with a certain amount of fixed social income.

# ? Jun 12, 2018 04:01

Splicer: from hell's heart I cast at thee
🧙🐀🧹🌙🪄🐸

I've got some spare social capital lying around and I'm looking to invest. Should I diversify across a broad range of close acquaintances or go all in on one best friend with a truck?

Splicer fucked around with this message at 08:59 on Jun 12, 2018

# ? Jun 12, 2018 08:56

By popular demand: IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!

The problem with investing in friends is that they can leave and chaining them in the basement reduces the value considerably.

# ? Jun 12, 2018 11:54

EAT FASTER!!!!!!: Legendary.

I think this whole arrangement really relies on your understanding of friend equity, which for tax purposes you should try to plan to address under the long term friend equity rate

# ? Jun 12, 2018 12:50

lofi

I tried to avoid having to pay friendtax by selling my bestie to a family member for $1, but now the government are investigating me, please advise.

# ? Jun 12, 2018 13:15

By popular demand: IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!

drat big government and their arbitrary definitions of "slavery" and "abduction"! I should be a friend billionaire by now!

# ? Jun 12, 2018 13:48

moana: one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

Splicer posted:

I've got some spare social capital lying around and I'm looking to invest. Should I diversify across a broad range of close acquaintances or go all in on one best friend with a truck?

Do you not have any friends with horses? Also can everybody please post expense ratios when asking these types of questions, it really doesn't make sense to evaluate friends without knowing how much they cost upfront.

Has anyone here ever leased a friend? I know it's not normally a good deal, but say I just need a best friend for a year or so, like for an upcoming wedding that they can help me plan. Would it be worth it then?

# ? Jun 12, 2018 18:24

Haifisch: Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!

Leasing a friend in that situation can be a good deal if you're mindful of all the lease terms. You don't want to be taking the friend back to the dealership and be surprised with a fee because you went over the number of allowed hangout-hours.

# ? Jun 12, 2018 19:25

Devian666: Take some advice Chris.

The best thing about fractional reserve friendship is that you can just print more friends to create social liquidity. It can literally avoid depression.

# ? Jun 13, 2018 00:06

Breetai: 🥄Mah spoon is too big!🍌

Is this viral marketing for the latest Tommy Wiseau film? If so this needs to go to the cinema subforum pronto.

# ? Jun 13, 2018 06:22

By popular demand: IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!

Don't take FriendCoin tips from Tommy, they always sleep with his women or still his brilliant banking ideas.

# ? Jun 13, 2018 07:31

Devian666: Take some advice Chris.

Oh hai Notax.

# ? Jun 13, 2018 20:39

Fredrik1: Gopherslayer

friends are only going up up up!

# ? Jun 16, 2018 12:50

lofi

# ? Jun 16, 2018 15:42

Moneyball: It's a problem you think we need to explain ourselves.

Okay everyone, back on the bus. We're going to Goons With Spoons for some to die for avocado toast

# ? Jun 16, 2018 21:05

alnilam

Tired: Cook for your friends :shobon:

Wired: Cook your friends :twisted:

# ? Jun 16, 2018 23:00

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# ? Apr 23, 2024 08:55

By popular demand: IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!

Oh hell yeah, the best friend I ever had with some white wine and mushroom sauce.
Them was good eating.
E: don't forget to sprinkle with grated piccorino cheese, and don't you dare bring that horrible synthetic 'truffle oil'.

# ? Jun 16, 2018 23:15

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > How to stop "best" friends? A Buddy Road Trip Comedy

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