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Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?




____________________________

Raw Results
  • Raw opened with Raw's male and female participants in the two Money in the Bank ladder matches atop ladders in the middle of the ring. Kurt Angle and Constable Baron Corbin (now with shaved head) showed up, and Corbin warned Stephanie McMahon would be mad if they didn't win both briefcases at the PPV.
  • Arguments kicked off between everybody in the ring over who would win, with accusations made that Alexa was faking injury while Nattie insisted her own injuries were healed. Everybody talked up their Mixed Match Challenge partners chances at the PPV.
  • Alexa went backstage and then came back out with her entrance music for a Fatal Fourway with Ember Moon, Sasha Banks and Nattie.
  • The match - which was quite good - broke for a SECOND commercial break which was actually a full voiceover ad for MITB while the match continued in Picture-in-Picture mode. Shortly after they went to another commercial break.
  • Nattie submitted Alexa to win the Fatal Fourway. The match went a long time (20+ minutes) and was really good. They kept selling the idea that Nattie's leg injury had been aggravated.
  • Backstage, Kevin Owens tried to form an alliance with Finn with the idea that they and Bobby take out BRAUN tonight.
  • Ziggler and McIntyre defeated the Fashion Police in a tag match. They did a promo afterwards saying their early elimination in the Battle Royal was a fluke and the proof was Breezango being left laying.
  • Roman was interviewed backstage and said he was looking forward to beating up Jinder Mahal tonight.
  • Roman came out for his match but Jinder revealed the fight would be against another great Indian, the Great..... Sunil Singh! Roman very quickly defeated Singh but then got jumped from behind by Jinder and hit with the Khallas. Roman seemed to get a far more positive reaction than normal from the crowd.
  • The B-Team defeated Heath Slater and Rhyno. Heath Slater has an amazing new shirt that literally has the text "Rhyno Made This" inexpertly applied.
  • The Deleters of Worlds interupted on the Titantron clapping and laughing before teleporting to the entrance platform and did a neat promo about how the Woken and the Fireflies were always watching.
  • Elias managed to get through an entire musical performance, mocking Seth Rollins and his love of Crossfit. He showed off a new guitar with the IC Title painted onto it.
  • Elias cheesed it when Seth rushed the ring, and a furious Seth was yelling at him over the mic when he noticed the guitar (gifted by John Mayer!) had been left behind. He offered to sell it to the audience (Elias insisted he would bid), then threatened to curbstomp it. He had the crowd chant BURN IT DOWN! and then curbstomped the guitar, destroying it.
  • Owens approached Bobby Roode backstage to make a similar offer about teaming up against BRAUN
  • The Riott Squad were shown making a mess and cackling backstage.
  • They played ANOTHER Money in the Bank ad completely with loud overbearing music DURING the Bayley/Ruby Riott match, which was reduced to picture-in-picture.
  • Ruby defeated Bayley thanks to a distraction from the rest of the Riott Squad.
  • Coach introduced Ronda Rousey and Nia Jax to sit down in the ring on chairs for duelling promos. Somewhere in the world a wizened old fortune-teller died after seeing how terrible this segment would inevitably be.
  • The segment was bad but ended on a high note when Ronda got mad, Nia took a shot at her and they ended up on the ground where Ronda was able to lock in the armbar and Nia's superior strength wasn't enough to break free and she was forced to tap.
  • Curt Hawkins was shown backstage watching his next opponent No Way Jose's conga line.
  • Curt Hawkins lost to No Way Jose, stretching his losing streak to 0-201.
  • Finn Balor and Bobby Roode met backstage where they admitted neither trusted Owens but working together against BRAUN was a good idea but they should keep an eye on Owens too. Balor warned Roode he would keep an eye on him too.
  • Sami Zayn came out for the third in a series of utterly terrible segments featuring Bobby Lashley. He introduced an obstacle course so Lashley could "prove" his military background. Lashley came out and blasted through the course in less than a minute, only for Sami to jump Lashley right at the end and leave him laying. The crowd chanted,"USA!" at the end.
  • Backstage, Owens tried to direct Balor and Roode on how to take out BRAUN. BRAUN showed up and told them he had a great idea too, he thought the three of them should team up to fight him by himself!
  • The Fatal Fourway moved out of the ring and up the ramp, with BRAUN largely dominating until Owens, Balor and Roode managed to beat him down enough to put him onto the commentary table. Owens went up top of a ladder and hit a really nice looking Frogsplash from the top of the ladder onto BRAUN. No mention of him being scared of heights last week.
  • They interupted the match AGAIN for ANOTHER Money in the Bank commercial while the match was set to Picture-in-Picture mode.
  • Roode, Balor and Owens battled it out in the ring until BRAUN recovered from the table spot and headed back down to the ring, taking out Balor and Roode in the process in his desire to get hold of Owens. Owens cheesed it over the barricade but BRAUN chased and caught him and hauled him back to the ring.
  • BRAUN charged Balor but tripped on the way, which they did their best to downplay with Cole saying it was due to his injury after the table spot. He shouldercharged Balor, Roode and Owens and put the latter back in the ring.
  • Balor and Roode both looked to have BRAUN beaten but Roode prevented Balor getting the pin and Owens prevented Roode. Owens hit a frogsplash on BRAUN but he still kicked out. Owens grabbed a small ladder from under the ring and assaulted BRAUN with it till he blocked Owens and chokeslammed him.
  • BRAUN powerslammed Owens onto the ladder and pinned him to win the Fatal Fourway.
____________________________

Smackdown Results
  • Paige opened the show with Naomi, Lana, Charlotte and Becky in the ring to talk about the Women's MITB ladder match. It quickly broke down into an argument between the women about who was going to win.
  • The IIconics came out to mock everybody in the ring with amazingly terrible impersonations. Mandy Rose and Sonya Deville joined them, so the MITB participants charged them and kicked off an 8-woman brawl. Paige announced during the break they would be in a 8-Woman tag later tonight.
  • Daniel Bryan defeated Shelton Benjamin by submission in a surprisingly underwhelming match. It was probably only notable for:


  • Paige bumped into Asuka backstage and declined her demand for a match with Carmella tonight, but offered to put both of them into the 8-Woman tag into a 10-woman tag.
  • Paige caught Miz dressed in a referee's outfit and he lied about prepping for a movie (about a referee... a dog... referee? Called Ruff Ruff Ref!), and asked to ref the Samoa Joe/Rusev match. She declined, then.... agreed?
  • Jerry "The King" Lawler interviewed AJ Styles in-ring, where he apologized for slapping Shinsuke Nakamura last week during the contract signing... apologized for not punching his head off!
  • Rusev vs Samoa Joe included yet another of those loving terrible in-match commercials for MITB, with the wrestlers reduced to a rest-hold in the picture-in-picture while they waited for it to finish.
  • Miz actually largely called the match down the middle until Joe accidentally ran into him while going after Aiden English. Miz refused to count a pinfall for Joe, and as he and Joe argued, Rusev was able to get the win. Rusev knocked Joe down with the ladder, but when he tried to climb it Miz hit him with the Skull Crushing Finale then climbed the ladder and grabbed the briefcase.
  • Miz opened the briefcase only to find it full of pancakes. Backstage, New Day were laughing, and Kofi and Xavier were wearing one shirt at the same time.
  • Jeff Hardy vs. Shinsuke Nakamura ended in a DQ win to Hardy after Shinsuke slipped out of the Twist of Fate and punched Jeff on the dick. He hit the Kinshasa and then did the 10 count spot.
  • Carmella was getting her make-up done and instagramming, and got interviewed by Renee who asked if she was concerned about being in the 10-Woman tag and potentially going against Asuka. Carmella responded that everybody, including Asuka, should be scared of her.
  • Big Cass kicked Renee out of an interview so he could do a promo about how Daniel Bryan is too short to ride on a rollercoaster.
  • Asuka tapped out Carmella to win the 10-Woman Tag main event. The match broke down into another giant brawl and Carmella frequently tried to take advantage but kept being stymied, until finally hitting a Superkick on Asuka only for Lana to break up the pin. Asuka got Carmella into the Asuka Lock and Carmella immediately submitted.
  • Asuka was left in the middle of the ring surrounded by the MITB participants. They looked at the belt as Asuka did this:


Jerusalem fucked around with this message at Jun 13, 2018 around 02:02

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Professor Funk
Aug 4, 2008

SAVE_US.SD14


That last match was good.

MITB seems like it might be pretty cool. I will watch it.

ijii
Mar 17, 2007
I'M APPARENTLY GAY AND MY POSTING SUCKS.


I really hope Bobby Lashley and Sami Zayn feud ends at MITB. I don't think I can take another one of their segments.

e: Yea, I'm really looking forward to both the men's and women's MITB matches.

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?


The men's ladder match should be good, not sure how well the women's MITB will work but hoping it will be good. Shinsuke/AJ will hopefully finally have a proper ending to a match.

Ragnarok the Red
Jun 21, 2002

Why don't you love me, father?


Professor Funk posted:

That last match was good.

MITB seems like it might be pretty cool. I will watch it.

MitB is always, at worst, watchable just from the nature of the MitB matches themselves.

Aphrodite
Jun 27, 2006



The fatal 4 ways were both decent but they do that for every multi man match PPV go home.

Should have gone with the MMC mentions and done some mixed tags. Owens/Alexa could have been a fun pairing with their in match character stuff, and if you had Alexa against Braun this time you could play that up too.

John Dudebro
Dec 3, 2013



i am still tired of braun strowman

just have him only wrestle jobbers every week again, that was peak braun

Blaise330
Aug 13, 2007



Jeff Hardy in another non title match? Jeez smackdown really has no mid card.

Aphrodite
Jun 27, 2006



John Dudebro posted:

i am still tired of braun strowman

just have him only wrestle jobbers every week again, that was peak braun

He just wrestled 3 jobbers.

boar guy
Jan 25, 2007


thought the opener with the women was very good

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?


boar guy posted:

thought the opener with the women was very good

Definitely, just wish they hadn't done that stupid in-show advertising for MITB while it was happening (or any other match, for that matter).

Aphrodite
Jun 27, 2006



Jerusalem posted:

Definitely, just wish they hadn't done that stupid in-show advertising for MITB while it was happening (or any other match, for that matter).

The best part of that was that I think they actually just stayed down selling the spots that had just happened during the entire thing, so it could have been added to the real commercial that came right after.

Seams
Feb 3, 2005


not sure if corbin looks better or worse with a shaved head

owens insisting that the briefcase be raised if braun climbs the ladder because braun is tall was good. the rest of that segment was bad.

Seams fucked around with this message at Jun 12, 2018 around 03:32

Writer Cath
Apr 1, 2007

It's always Heath's fault.

Plaster Town Cop

Seams posted:

not sure if corbin looks better or worse with a shaved head

I missed the opening bit, so I find it hard to believe he could look worse than he did with hair.

boar guy
Jan 25, 2007


Seams posted:

not sure if corbin looks better or worse with a shaved head


much, much better

Seams
Feb 3, 2005


Writer Cath posted:

I missed the opening bit, so I find it hard to believe he could look worse than he did with hair.

at least he looked skeezy and gross before.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pV0J9ez92Ak

Writer Cath
Apr 1, 2007

It's always Heath's fault.

Plaster Town Cop

Seams posted:

at least he looked skeezy and gross before.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pV0J9ez92Ak

He looks way better now, in that I am okay with looking at him now.

Blaise330
Aug 13, 2007



Seams posted:

at least he looked skeezy and gross before.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pV0J9ez92Ak

Meh I'll take it.

Liquid Cannibalism
Mar 9, 2004

Delicious and Nutritious



Fun Shoe

Now if only he had a personality.

The_Rob
Feb 1, 2007

musicals are garbage


Liquid Communism posted:

Now if only he had a personality.

I think he should learn to wrestle better too

Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.

Seams posted:

not sure if corbin looks better or worse with a shaved head

It just takes some getting used to. You still expect to see hair somewhere on his head so you go looking for it.

boar guy
Jan 25, 2007


i gotta say also, ruby riott is a pretty decent hand

Blaise330
Aug 13, 2007



boar guy posted:

i gotta say also, ruby riott is a pretty decent hand

Totally shoulda been the one in the ladder match over alexa or sasha (or natty but she's probably winning).

Raskolnikov38
Mar 3, 2007

We were somewhere around Manila when the drugs began to take hold



i'm going to preemptively excuse raw's ratings on the kim/trump meeting

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

Jeremy Corbyn has been made the subject of an official complaint to the Labour party over his suggestion in 2013 that some British Zionists do not understand 'English irony'.

Are you offended?

Why not put in a complaint?




^^^ I'll go with Sony's E3 conference

The fatal 4-ways were both very fun and I didn't mind the picture-in-picture bits cause they came at times the wrestlers were down on the mat anyway so they weren't a huge intrusion.

Very hype for both the MitB matches. I expect the women's one to be a step up from last year because then you had women without any real experience in gimmick matches but this time they know what they're doing a bit more plus you've got Sasha and Alexa who've done some big spots and Ember is just nuts anyway so it should be real good.

sticklefifer
Nov 11, 2003

TOO EASY

Writer Cath posted:

I missed the opening bit, so I find it hard to believe he could look worse than he did with hair.
His hair was perfect for his character of everybody's high school friend's scumbag older brother.

But I guess now he has a new character so whatever, it works.

jesus WEP
Oct 17, 2004



Fun Shoe

Corbin was pretty funny on Talking Smack and I canít wait for his scripted promos every week to highlight precisely none of that

Blaise330
Aug 13, 2007



Rarity posted:

^^^ I'll go with Sony's E3 conference

The fatal 4-ways were both very fun and I didn't mind the picture-in-picture bits cause they came at times the wrestlers were down on the mat anyway so they weren't a huge intrusion.

Very hype for both the MitB matches. I expect the women's one to be a step up from last year because then you had women without any real experience in gimmick matches but this time they know what they're doing a bit more plus you've got Sasha and Alexa who've done some big spots and Ember is just nuts anyway so it should be real good.

With the way Ember likes bumping she's gonna find a way to kick her own rear end with a ladder. Should be entertaining.

JamMasterJim
Mar 27, 2010


Rarity posted:

^^^ I'll go with Sony's E3 conference

Not sure if Sonny's intermission or WWE's breaks were worse.
Or what to choose between obstacle course and random guys tooting.

Writer Cath
Apr 1, 2007

It's always Heath's fault.

Plaster Town Cop

sticklefifer posted:

His hair was perfect for his character of everybody's high school friend's scumbag older brother.

But I guess now he has a new character so whatever, it works.

The whole 'Constable' thing just screams "we have nothing for you."

SamuraiFoochs
Jan 16, 2007



Grimey Drawer

Personally I found Corbin's new look and hammy smugness made for a subtly hilarious tandem.

Both four ways good, everything else bad. Think the card for Sunday is pretty darn good though. The more time that passes the more I think Demon King Balor goes over Braun at SummerSlam.

DukeofCA
Aug 17, 2011

I am shocked and appalled.

Blaise330 posted:

With the way Ember likes bumping she's gonna find a way to kick her own rear end with a ladder. Should be entertaining.

Eclipse off the ladder. That'll compact her spine nicely.

Aphrodite
Jun 27, 2006



So it was the right knee that Nia hurt last week, but they had Nattie with her left knee wrapped and sold that one.

bradzilla
Oct 15, 2004



Fan of Britches

The MitB card actually looks pretty lovely outside of the MitB matches and the WWE title match.

Nia vs. Ronda
Carmella vs. Asuka
Roman vs. Jinder
Lashley vs. Sami
Rollins vs. Elias
Bryan vs. Cass
Bludgeon Bros vs. Gallows/Anderson



High potential in all of those matches to be badly wrestled, badly booked or a horrid combination of both.

IcePhoenix
Sep 18, 2005

you're a flower. you're also a rainbow and a river. you are the manifestation of all perfection and i want to i don't fucking know, but you are fucking perfect


quote:

Raw opened with Raw's male and female participants in the two Money in the Bank ladder matches atop ladders in the middle of the ring. Kurt Angle and Constable Baron Corbin (now with shaved head) showed up, and Corbin warned Stephanie McMahon would if didn't win both briefcases at the PPV.

Can someone translate this to English for me

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

Jeremy Corbyn has been made the subject of an official complaint to the Labour party over his suggestion in 2013 that some British Zionists do not understand 'English irony'.

Are you offended?

Why not put in a complaint?




bradzilla posted:

The MitB card actually looks pretty lovely outside of the MitB matches and the WWE title match.

Nia vs. Ronda
Carmella vs. Asuka
Roman vs. Jinder
Lashley vs. Sami
Rollins vs. Elias
Bryan vs. Cass
Bludgeon Bros vs. Gallows/Anderson



High potential in all of those matches to be badly wrestled, badly booked or a horrid combination of both.

I agree, it will be dumb if they don't give Elias the belt

bradzilla
Oct 15, 2004



Fan of Britches

Rarity posted:

I agree, it will be dumb if they don't give Elias the belt

I honestly can't disagree, dude is a great midcard heel.

Roman/Jinder is gonna be really bad.

Wazzu
Feb 28, 2008

Are you sure I'm winning the Rumble? That does'nt seem right.....

IcePhoenix posted:

Can someone translate this to English for me

Stephania would be mad if RAW didn't win both briefcases. 2 missing words.

cavallingus
Apr 23, 2010
Probation
Can't post for 23 days!


Whenever I see Jinder mentioned I can never not think about that botch at GRR. His match with Roman will be horrendously bad.

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Dragonatrix
Aug 16, 2009

You have offended STRINGIE! You must be punished!


Jinder/Roman being a hilarious botchfest is the only possible silver lining that pairing could have and even then it's likely to be hella boring

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