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Lil Peeler
Oct 17, 2007

THE GREAT MANBABY SUCCESSOR

Soiled Meat

Just hangin' out, thinking about how cool I am being a sorcerer and all. So a little about me, I'm 234 years old, been a sorceror for about 200 of them or so ever since I realized I could tap into the primal energies of the cosmic void. My familiar is a little quokka which is a total chick magnet (not like I need the help). I specialize in disintegration, teleportation and mind control. I'm also into a few schools that you've probably never heard of.

In my spare time I brew craft beer, listen to Mastodon and hit up the local BDSM clubs.

Partied so hard last weekend that I tore open a dimensional hole to Limbo, that was some weird poo poo, especially when you're tripping balls on acid. Yeah, people love me at a party because of my ability to conjure fire and lighting from the nether. One time I ensorcled this lame rear end wizard to go buy weed but then called the cops on him because he's such a loser.

So what other sorcerers do we have on the SA forums and what's your background?

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Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

I thought it was time you had a new av so typed in random picture and this is what came up


Me Grug. Me dumber than an average peasant but me a sorcerer.

poverty goat
Feb 15, 2004

Let me tell you a thing or two about GhostCoin

Oh, how quaint, a sorcerer. Do you do childrens' birthday parties? My niece loving loves rabbits

Bum the Sad
Aug 25, 2002

God Damnit

Hell Gem

I turned my butt into a bag of holding.

Jon Joe
Oct 19, 2011

magical teen bomb squad


Grimey Drawer

Oh I thought this was the cool SOCCER thread

Bum the Sad
Aug 25, 2002

God Damnit

Hell Gem

Jon Joe posted:

Oh I thought this was the cool SOCCER thread

Would you still like to hear about my rear end?

Lil Peeler
Oct 17, 2007

THE GREAT MANBABY SUCCESSOR

Soiled Meat

Bum the Sad posted:

Would you still like to hear about my rear end?

The Bitcoin thread is over there, dingus.

Chinatown
Sep 11, 2001

*Suck My Balls*

Grimey Drawer

Jon Joe posted:

cool SOCCER

huh???

ferroque
Oct 27, 2007



Conjuring poo poo is lame and the arcane arts are weak af. Try out some real magic next time

Lil Peeler
Oct 17, 2007

THE GREAT MANBABY SUCCESSOR

Soiled Meat

ferroque posted:

Conjuring poo poo is lame and the arcane arts are weak af. Try out some real magic next time

lol look at this scrub wizard coming up in here, bitch get back to your tower and play with your staff

Over There
Jun 28, 2013



christmas boots
Oct 15, 2012

Season's Greetings!

Biscuit Hider

Lil Peeler posted:

lol look at this scrub wizard coming up in here, bitch get back to your tower and play with your staff

Your mom sure played with my Wizard staff. I had to make her wear a belt of gender change first, on account of being a gay wizard, but I think I made my point.

That said, your mother has a massive penis. I mean honestly you should really take pride in that.

Nooner
Mar 26, 2007
Probation
Can't post for 27 days!


hey OP how about u "conjure" deeze nutz in yo mouf

VikingSkull
Jan 23, 2017

I'D RAPE MY OWN SISTER FOR THE LOLS. LIFETIME TRUMP APOLOGIST


Propitious Jerk
Sep 13, 2010


A sorcerer is just a wizard going through a mid-life crisis.

naem
May 29, 2011



It's me, fireball guy. At like 18 I realized I could cast a level 70 fireball at will.

That's it, just fireballs.

Big ones though! Haha.

I don't have to study or anything, just have to keep in shape and wear really brightly colored clothing, get my hair did. Have to keep that charisma high!

Want me in your adventure party? Cool! I'll fire your enemies. In a ball shape.

Door locked? I'll fireball it. Need information out of an enemy guard? I'll shoot him, with a fireball. Impassible bottomless pit? I'll fireball it! Fire proof enemy? I'll run away screaming.

I'll throw fireballs at literally any problems in life, which at least destroys evidence of failures.

naem
May 29, 2011



Watch out for my arch enemies Lightning Bolt Guy, Ice Guy Who Throws Big Icicles At You And Also You Flash Blue And Walk Slow For A Minute When He Hits You, and Poison Guy.

Poison Guy got a bad deal imo. When he zaps you with vague green energy bolts a bunch of plants sprout and wiggle around your feet menacingly and your health meter drops until you stop glowing or drink Health potions. The plants stop wiggling and then sit there forever too so he goes around ruining lawns a lot whenever he fights people.

Lil Peeler
Oct 17, 2007

THE GREAT MANBABY SUCCESSOR

Soiled Meat

naem posted:

It's me, fireball guy. At like 18 I realized I could cast a level 70 fireball at will.

That's it, just fireballs.

Big ones though! Haha.

I don't have to study or anything, just have to keep in shape and wear really brightly colored clothing, get my hair did. Have to keep that charisma high!

Want me in your adventure party? Cool! I'll fire your enemies. In a ball shape.

Door locked? I'll fireball it. Need information out of an enemy guard? I'll shoot him, with a fireball. Impassible bottomless pit? I'll fireball it! Fire proof enemy? I'll run away screaming.

I'll throw fireballs at literally any problems in life, which at least destroys evidence of failures.

This is a cool sorcerer thing to do. I'm also big on incinerating stuff, like loser wizard beards.

Former DILF
Jul 13, 2017
Probation
Can't post for 5 days!


I'm a warlock would anyone like a cup of willow tea

gimme the GOD DAMN candy
Jul 1, 2007

gimme those gat dang candies



the virgin wizard and the chad sorcerer

mostly wizards try to make up for every person they find attractive hating them by delving into enchantment, which is pretty dang rapey. sorcerers don't need to bother with that poo poo because of how good looking and pleasant they are.

Labes for days
Dec 14, 2010

His third chybut sack swelled.


What about warlocks, clerics, and bards? Quit creating divisiveness among the CHA classes you otyugh-fucker.

super sweet best pal
Nov 18, 2009

No need to sign, we'll take care of that.


Lipstick Apathy

I could spend decades learning spells but why bother when the few I have now are really good already.

Devils Affricate
Jan 22, 2010


Yo, been a bard all my life but recently been going through kind of a weird spot. Feeling kind of magically anxious if you know what I mean. Monday morning got out of bed and accidentally cast something on one of my socks that made it start wiggling and (I think?) quietly cursing at me nonstop. Looked it up and this has all the signs of Grimbly's Lesser Possession which is a level 3 spell WTF. All my points are in harps and paeans.

naem
May 29, 2011



Labes for days posted:

What about warlocks, clerics, and bards? Quit creating divisiveness among the CHA classes you otyugh-fucker.

I thought warlocks and clerics were WIS based?

I mean I don't know and can't be bothered to check because I'm too busy standing dramatically with the setting sun to my back with at least one of my nipples showing through my robe/shirt-with-holes-in-it/a-big-fireball-sewn-on-it and also my hair is blowing around even though there's no wind and my eyes are glowing red (just a little don't want to overdo it)

Blazing Ownager
Jun 2, 2007

She-Ra Fan Club Member #6782

Why the gently caress are we letting the Barbarians in? Do you know how many wizards Barbarians have decapitated?

I'm not saying we should put them in torture racks and use them as slave labor, that just also ends in decapitation. I'm saying we should maybe just give them some gold and encourage them to take a quest as far away from us all as possible.

naem
May 29, 2011



Blazing Ownager posted:

Why the gently caress are we letting the Barbarians in? Do you know how many wizards Barbarians have decapitated?

I'm not saying we should put them in torture racks and use them as slave labor, that just also ends in decapitation. I'm saying we should maybe just give them some gold and encourage them to take a quest as far away from us all as possible.

Most sorcerers and barbarians come from the same cultures.

Paladins train for years to be knighted in shining armor, and wizards study for a century to become powerful. So they tend to work together.

With barbs and sorcs, it's all inborn athleticism and/or natural talent, so there's an anti-intellectual jock/rockstar mentality in common.

As long as you have the same color face paint and common enemies you're usually good to go. Plus the walking around shirtless thing.

VikingSkull
Jan 23, 2017

I'D RAPE MY OWN SISTER FOR THE LOLS. LIFETIME TRUMP APOLOGIST


the biggest conundrum is was Thulsa Doom a barbarian, or a sorcerer

naem
May 29, 2011



There's ALSO the fact that most sorcerers get their powers from inhuman heritage and THAT is usually because barbarians will gently caress like, ANYTHING.

Half elves? Barbarian hosed an elf. Understandable. Demonkin? It was a purple lady demon in like a bikini so yeah Throgg was into it.

Dragon kin though? Somebody hosed a dang dragon I mean who else is dumb enough to even try that. Like a half-human half-dragon can often appear in pretty much human form and look like a hot lady but still SOMEBODY must have been the first to to have sex with an actual giant fire lizard monster you know??

Don't get me wrong I love shooting fireballs but my skin gets dry and scaly if I don't moisturize

christmas boots
Oct 15, 2012

Season's Greetings!

Biscuit Hider

Former DILF posted:

I'm a warlock would anyone like a cup of willow tea

Lol gently caress you guys.

You know how the story goes, wizards study for the final and get an A, sorcerers just show up rested and get a B, and Warlocks suck the teacher’s dick for a passing grade.

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015
Probation
Can't post for 30 days!


My thought is, why do witching when you can just do sourcing? Welp turns out sourcing is actually just witching and divination at the same time. P cool.

Gentleman Baller
Oct 13, 2013


Its cool to see so many like minded people. How does everyone deal with the big family dinners? Last thanksgiving, my uncle's new wife ACTUALLY said, "so I hear you're a druid or something?"

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015
Probation
Can't post for 30 days!


Gentleman Baller posted:

Its cool to see so many like minded people. How does everyone deal with the big family dinners? Last thanksgiving, my uncle's new wife ACTUALLY said, "so I hear you're a druid or something?"

Then you say “no IDIOT! Druids can’t even access the mainframe anymore”

Labes for days
Dec 14, 2010

His third chybut sack swelled.


naem posted:

I thought warlocks and clerics were WIS based?

I mean I don't know and can't be bothered to check because I'm too busy standing dramatically with the setting sun to my back with at least one of my nipples showing through my robe/shirt-with-holes-in-it/a-big-fireball-sewn-on-it and also my hair is blowing around even though there's no wind and my eyes are glowing red (just a little don't want to overdo it)

Go back to the side of whatever stoner's van you wandered off of, for you clearly know nothing of manipulating magical forces through sheer strength of personality.

ok yeah it's WIS for clerics

Deki
May 12, 2008


I had a sorcerer brag about being 1/8th dragon or some poo poo, like I'm supposed to be impressed that his great grandma hosed a lizard or something.

gimme the GOD DAMN candy
Jul 1, 2007

gimme those gat dang candies



Deki posted:

I had a sorcerer brag about being 1/8th dragon or some poo poo, like I'm supposed to be impressed that his great grandma hosed a lizard or something.

i suppose it doesn't sound very impressive considering that your grandma was the world champion of lizard loving

LGD
Sep 25, 2004



Deki posted:

I had a sorcerer brag about being 1/8th dragon or some poo poo, like I'm supposed to be impressed that his great grandma hosed a lizard or something.

whoa lets cool it on the racism buddy

Sleepless Dreamer
Jun 5, 2008

it's my calling to tell nerd ers how to properly

Rage mages are the best balance of barbarian physical prowess and natural magic. Some may call us abominations, but they only do it once on account of how angry it makes us.

One time, at Starbucks, I was asked to wear more than a wolf pelt covering my wang, I ended up leveling the city block.

naem
May 29, 2011



Deki posted:

I had a sorcerer brag about being 1/8th dragon or some poo poo, like I'm supposed to be impressed that his great grandma hosed a lizard or something.

You might want to remind them at as reptiles dragons don't even have wieners lol. Just a, cloaca, kind of an all purpose hole. Can't even tell who is male or female, you have to like, count their horns or something.

Which kinda makes the origin of dragonkin that much more disturbing

LGD
Sep 25, 2004



naem posted:

You might want to remind them at as reptiles dragons don't even have wieners lol. Just a, cloaca, kind of an all purpose hole. Can't even tell who is male or female, you have to like, count their horns or something.

Which kinda makes the origin of dragonkin that much more disturbing

dragons are mammals

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Peanut President
Nov 5, 2008





naem posted:

You might want to remind them at as reptiles dragons don't even have wieners lol. Just a, cloaca, kind of an all purpose hole. Can't even tell who is male or female, you have to like, count their horns or something.

Which kinda makes the origin of dragonkin that much more disturbing

dragons are warm blooded, dunkass they aint reptiles

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