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Love Rat
Jan 15, 2008

I've made a psycho call to the woman I love, I've kicked a dog to death, and now I'm going to pepper spray an acquaintance. Something... I mean, what's happened to me?

Do not try to beguile me with your sorcery Lady Blacksnake! I know you wear the Crown of Mysteries, an artifact blessed by the Coven of the Nine Moons to bestow bewitching beauty on any sorceress or enchantress who wears it. I see through your ruse, for I have the amulet of all-seeing granted to me by the Snake Enchanter of the Pits. Now stand still as I ready by battle ax to cleave you in two and end your two-thousand-year reign as Immortal Regent of the Blood Lands! My heaving, well-oiled muscles tautly flexing will be the last thing you see as I end your tyranny and free the slave wives from your marauders. Just wait, well hold on, my ax was here a moment ago... What sorcery is this?! My ax is gone... and what is this, this vine growing over my body, no, no! I must have the strength to break free..... I must!

Love Rat fucked around with this message at Jun 14, 2018 around 19:02

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Lil Peeler
Oct 17, 2007

THE GREAT MANBABY SUCCESSOR

Soiled Meat


see this is what we're talking about, poo poo like these lame rear end wizards who have to summon help to get laid are what give magic users a bad name. Man you all just gotta pull the staff out of your rear end, man up and have some confidence and maybe then chicks would want to talk to you. But no, you gotta spend your whole day up in your fart smelling tower with your gay little pointy hat wondering why girls don't like you

Anyway I banged a nymph yesterday. It ruled.

Got hooked up with a sweet gig recently, looks like Iron Maiden is coming to town in a few months and they want me to handle the pyro. Any other sorcerers have experience with metal shows? I want to show everyone a good time but don't want to burn the place down.

Peanut President
Nov 5, 2008





Iron Maiden? do they allow pyro at the nursin home now?

Lil Peeler
Oct 17, 2007

THE GREAT MANBABY SUCCESSOR

Soiled Meat

Peanut President posted:

Iron Maiden? do they allow pyro at the nursin home now?

It turns out that Bruce Dickinson is actually a lich.

Love Rat
Jan 15, 2008

I've made a psycho call to the woman I love, I've kicked a dog to death, and now I'm going to pepper spray an acquaintance. Something... I mean, what's happened to me?

Lil Peeler posted:

It turns out that Bruce Dickinson is actually a lich.

He even magicked away cancer.

DerekSmartymans
Feb 14, 2005

The
Copacetic
Ascetic



I see Terooch the Abs summoner is back. He’s a great dude but he’s always showing off his abs with a cut-off Hyper color t-shirt. Sometimes he summons a pit fiend to “punch me in the stomach as hard as you can.” It usually gets female priests hot and fat paladins jelly.

myDad
Jan 20, 2010

ce n'est pas ma mère

College Slice

aaaAARRARGGHHH

myDad
Jan 20, 2010

ce n'est pas ma mère

College Slice

remigious
May 13, 2009

Destruction comes inevitably


Hell Gem

Just tried to conjure a poo, turned out to be just a fart.

Former DILF
Jul 13, 2017

REST IN PISS


remigious posted:

Just tried to conjure a poo, turned out to be just a fart.

I think our payloads got switched because i just poo poo my pants

gimme the GOD DAMN candy
Jul 1, 2007

Ask me about the hate crime perpetrated against a gay black man, and how it was a real hate crime and totally not fabricated. I am well acquainted with the facts of this actual hate crime which actually took place in actuality.

you can tell that's not a wizard because 1) his shirt is off and wizards are nevernudes and 2) he looks dang good with his shirt off

Marlboro for Cats
Apr 14, 2018

by FactsAreUseless


gimme the GOD drat candy posted:

you can tell that's not a wizard because 1) his shirt is off and wizards are nevernudes and 2) he looks dang good with his shirt off

explain the pointy fuckin hat then

Mr.Pibbleton
Feb 3, 2006

Aleuts rock, chummer.


Marlboro for Cats posted:

explain the pointy fuckin hat then

Sorcerers can make any outfit work.

cardiacarrest123
Apr 10, 2016



I’m the dude in the back who just emptied his bowels in his armor

cardiacarrest123
Apr 10, 2016


* casts spell: mass confusion and diarrhea *

cardiacarrest123
Apr 10, 2016


* conjures demon over voluptuous princess whilst shirtless *

*demon starts choking itself and beating off *

Gridlocked
Aug 2, 2014

MR. STUPID MORON
WITH AN UGLY FACE
AND A BIG BUTT
AND HIS BUTT SMELLS
AND HE LIKES TO KISS
HIS OWN BUTT
by Roger Hargreaves


Dragon Blood sorcerer here. Just plotting to murder my great-great-great-grandfather so I can ascend to being the new Dragon Lord of Terror Pass.

Stupid GGGGpa thinks he's so good with his big rear end wings and being an actual full dragon and not just an elf with piddly little wings and some scales on my dick.

Smythe
Oct 12, 2003

no meds = f4


Grimey Drawer

DiggityDoink
Dec 9, 2007

If you like pineapple slices on pizza, I hope you like pineapple slices on your children's graves because you're weak, your bloodline is weak and you will not survive the winter.





The Grand Wizard of both Space and Time here to say you sorcerers are a bunch of losers. The wizard parties are off the loving hook. We've got conjurers, ensorcelors, and drugmancers just going apeshit. It's like if Burning Man decided to use magic instead of having been taken over by techbros in million dollar RVs.

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015


I was looking at the stars. You know really looking at the depth. Some were redish, some were bluish, south and north. P cool.

gimme the GOD DAMN candy
Jul 1, 2007

Ask me about the hate crime perpetrated against a gay black man, and how it was a real hate crime and totally not fabricated. I am well acquainted with the facts of this actual hate crime which actually took place in actuality.

DiggityDoink posted:

The Grand Wizard of both Space and Time here to say you sorcerers are a bunch of losers. The wizard parties are off the loving hook. We've got conjurers, ensorcelors, and drugmancers just going apeshit. It's like if Burning Man decided to use magic instead of having been taken over by techbros in million dollar RVs.

and much like burning man, it's populated mostly by pasty rear end nerds

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JediTalentAgent
Jun 5, 2005
Hey, look. Look, if- if you screw me on this, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine, you rat bastard!

What a Sorcery party looks like
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l0XtdjDzQy4

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