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ng. please, I just need five minutes. stop appearing in my mind. no, I do not want to think about a specific rat that I saw once and his comically big balls right now. I am trying to calm my mind and recenter myself. please stop slowly creeping in from the left to fill the void where my thoughts used to be. no, do not start spinning 360 degrees like a flat image someone is using the rotate tool on. I admit you are hilarious. is that what you want from me? humor isn't going to help me get ready for this presentation. meditation is. please stop changing colors, variant album covers for Alice In Chains' self titled album style. you are not helping. master trevor at the rec center never prepared me for this. |
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Jun 19, 2018 14:37
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| # ? Apr 19, 2024 00:05 |
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many years of struggle for self mastery later, sitting cross legged in a temple on the top of a mystical meditation mountain, I wait for the guru to unveil the hidden truth. he produced a wood carving of a rat's big balls. *freeze screen, audience laughs and claps, different still images from my life play as the credits roll. final shot is me on my death bed, grimacing with my arms crossed* ---------------- |
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Jun 19, 2018 17:54
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This is a common obstacle to achieving mindfulness and presence of mind. It's often referred to as verminbulgia.
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Jun 20, 2018 16:22
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I just never expected Ratballs to be the name of his childhood sled. |
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Jun 20, 2018 16:34
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Jun 20, 2018 19:19
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in your mind, you see a vision of the universe, swirling galaxies and all of that. this backdrops a Buddha in the center of your vision, smiling serenely in a lotus pose, hands cupped together. oh man, this is it, you think. enlightenment, finally. you move towards the Buddha, zooming in. His smile seems so serene, so calm, that you in turn are quivering with nervous excitement and anticipation at the bliss of the life-changing lesson you will learn. and when you get close, the Buddha, in a whisper that is both intimately quiet and yet loud enough to fill to the cosmos, says "Say cheese." He uncups his hands. In his palms, there is a rat with giant balls. You turn away, then look again. Now it seems more like a giant pair of balls with a rat attached. you can't quite comprehend, but deep within you, you feel a rumbling. you flatuate, cutting a big one in the yoga studio. the perky yoga instructor comes over to you and says in a chipper voice "sounds like someone just had a tremendous auragasm!" ---------------- |
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Jun 20, 2018 19:30
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the eightfold path: erm, watch your step |
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Jun 20, 2018 20:05
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OM OM Everyone has a grundle OM OM |
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Jun 20, 2018 22:14
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v peaceful rat. a proper zen master |
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Jun 20, 2018 22:14
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balls here now |
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Jun 21, 2018 01:05
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be the balls |
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Jun 21, 2018 01:06
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coming soon to a beach store near you
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Jun 21, 2018 03:12
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FutonForensic posted:coming soon to a beach store near you lmbo e: someone should turn that into an ad
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Jun 21, 2018 03:39
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FutonForensic posted:coming soon to a beach store near you lol ---------------- |
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Jun 21, 2018 04:01
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City of Glompton posted:lmbo  any changes???
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Jun 21, 2018 05:14
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I'm dying and the last thing I see are my dead family reaching out to me but they also have a rat ball for a head.
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Jun 21, 2018 08:20
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Korean Boomhauer posted:
 that is perfect
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Jun 21, 2018 14:20
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D'ooooooooooooooooooooooohmmmmmmmmmm :3 ---------------- |
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Jun 21, 2018 16:11
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master: what is the sound of one hand clapping? me: *imagining a rat jumping rope and their big balls flopping up to hit their belly when they leap, then smacking the ground with a loud thud when they descend* uh, wait... what? ---------------- |
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Jun 21, 2018 16:46
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me: *looks around furtively, sweating* hey, I mean, what ISN'T the sound of one hand clapping, am I right?
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Jun 21, 2018 16:47
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the turtles sit peacefully in the lotus position, the rhythmic drip of a water pipe filling the sewers with a soothing beat like a metronome. "now it is time to learn your next lesson", master splinter says as he sits before them, his robe absentmindedly slipping open. "i... i can't unseen those, dude...", michaelangelo blurts out. next to him raphael does his best to hold his laughter
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Jun 21, 2018 17:16
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The old-school Batman theme but it's "nananananananana RATBALLS!"
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Jun 21, 2018 18:00
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ballnaural beats
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Jun 21, 2018 21:19
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that wii fit meditation game, except all the distractions are rat nuts.
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Jun 21, 2018 21:25
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*scientist hooks me up to a strange device, placing electrodes over the entirety of my head* "now once we turn on this screen we should be able to see what you're thinking. now just relax, allow yourself to fall into a peaceful, meditative place and... oh my god... what the gently caress is wrong with you!?"
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Jun 21, 2018 21:33
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Luvcow posted:*scientist hooks me up to a strange device, placing electrodes over the entirety of my head* Lol |
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Jun 21, 2018 21:50
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i can't unimagine this image now, darn. |
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Jun 22, 2018 03:30
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mysterious frankie posted:many years of struggle for self mastery later, sitting cross legged in a temple on the top of a mystical meditation mountain, I wait for the guru to unveil the hidden truth. he produced a wood carving of a rat's big balls. |
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Jun 22, 2018 03:39
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Luvcow posted:*scientist hooks me up to a strange device, placing electrodes over the entirety of my head*
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Jun 22, 2018 17:58
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I stare across a chasm, flowing water beneath stuffed improbably full of alligators. across, an open door, but the ancient bridge had long since rotted in the humidity. Above, why, a convenient tree branch! I whip my pelvis forward, swinging my extremely elastic scrotum out through the leg of my athletic shorts. Like Samus's static grappling hook, the extremely sticky surface of my scrote adheres to the branch, and I deftly swing across. Landing in a crouch, I attempt to tug my nads free, only to realize that any adherence strong enough to support my whole weight is unlikely to just release on command. Pulling back as hard as I can, I feel the tree give way, see it falling past the door moments before I am yoinked grundle-first into the screaming void, then the river, where I am instantly devoured by ten thousand alligators, all of whom feast upon my balls. crimes |
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Jun 22, 2018 18:47
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Pen in one hand, fork in the other, I took my first bite of the restaurant's offering for my critique. I found myself overwhelmed by the deliciousness, and demanded the staff to bring me the chef, so that I could thank them personally. The waiter insisted that I remained until all the other customers left the building. So I waited. Late in the evening, when the dining area was empty, I was finally ushered through the doors to the kitchen. That's when I saw the most amazing sight. The chef was a rat, and he was dunking his massive nuts into a pot of boiling minestrone for seemingly no other purpose but his own twisted pleasure. I exchanged a few words, thanked him for the meal, then left. Getting that restaurant condemned was the most singular pleasure I ever had in my life.
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Jun 22, 2018 19:18
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Alex Trebek: The category was Submersibles, and the clue was: "This submersible helped Robert Ballard discover underwater vents in 1979." Pete has had a long road to this championship game, and has a perfect record in his jeopardy career. He is looking very confident, so let's see his answer: Alex Trebek: Um...ok...you drew a rat with large balls when the answer was Alvin, and that is going to cost you. You wagered?  Alex Trebek: I'm confused, bofa what? Pete: 
paul_soccer12 posted:everyone in the idf must die |
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Jun 23, 2018 00:45
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mister magpie posted:Alex Trebek: The category was Submersibles, and the clue was: "This submersible helped Robert Ballard discover underwater vents in 1979." Pete has had a long road to this championship game, and has a perfect record in his jeopardy career. He is looking very confident, so let's see his answer: I've read this five times and laughed five times. |
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Jun 23, 2018 05:17
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You need to make a pilgrimage to Karni Mata to progress further on your spiritual journey. *quest received noise*
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Jun 23, 2018 06:43
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There is no rat spinning the wheel in the centre of your conscious experience. This is an illusion of the self, an extension of your sense of "I." Let it go and be free; follow your dreams. |
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Jun 23, 2018 07:41
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FutonForensic posted:The chef was a rat, and he was dunking his massive nuts into a pot of boiling minestrone for seemingly no other purpose but his own twisted pleasure. I exchanged a few words, thanked him for the meal, then left. |
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Jun 23, 2018 12:03
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quote:entire thread |
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Jun 23, 2018 15:44
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Psychiatrist: So...rat testicles? Me: Yes. Big ones. Comically large. P: You're having intrusive thoughts about rat testicles. Me (sighs) No. I'm having intrusive thoughts about intrusive thoughts about rat balls. P: I'm not sure I follow. Me: Like, inopportune times to involuntarily start thinking about big honkin' rat balls, and why that would be funny. That's what I've been thinking about. It's keeping me awake at night. P: I see...(pretends he's still taking notes but he's actually already starting his second prescription order) |
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Jun 23, 2018 16:35
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When this happens I allow my mind to acknowledge the rat's big balls and then I shift my focus to being present in the moment. Some like to focus on their breathing and how it feels. As I breathe in I like to envision two big furry spheres that get a little bit closer as the air fills my lungs and- oh rats I'm doing it again. |
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Jun 23, 2018 18:06
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| # ? Apr 19, 2024 00:05 |
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this thread is pretty baller it's balls to the wall fun I'm having a ball rat testicles |
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Jun 23, 2018 18:41
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