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I know this is a bold claim, but if you don’t believe it, try it yourself – you will regret. This is worse than the time I ate an entire box of sugar free cookies. This is not a loving joke or a god drat game. We’re at that point where I think we should start trying to have a baby. We had both agreed that we wanted a kid so I brought it up and ever since then he hates my guts. I ate 3 boxes of “Fiber one bars” as my exclusive food due to extreme laziness in the last 2 days and I cannot even understand how much I am loving farting. He’s not actively hostile but I can see that my presence ticks him off. This is beyond insanity, and I am NOT exaggerating. We don’t have sex, we don’t kiss, we don’t touch. I am farting at least 2 loud boisterous farts out of my rear end per 1 minute. So, I talked to him about it and he said that it was work and after that he seemed ok with me. I have been farting incessantly for the last 18 hours. No sex but that’s fine, because he has a much lower libido than me anyway. I want to die, it’s like I’m inhaling through my mouth and exhaling through my rear end. However, I still feel like he’s kind of ticked off from me. Its a visible change when he comes home and sees me. I thought it wasn’t work anymore so I turned on a USB camera to record him when he comes home, and I deliberately went out of the house during the evening so he can come home to empty house.Basing this on what I saw from a week’s recordings, he comes home and when he realizes I’m not there he literally celebrates. He calls out my name and when there’s no reply he physically celebrates. Later, when I do call telling him that I’m coming home, he yells out “gently caress, leave me alone”, “gently caress off”, “gently caress my life” when the call cuts off. Continuous loud yelling moans are destroying my rear end in a top hat. Introverts prefer no vegetables on their pizza.
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Jun 23, 2018 14:08
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This would be a good one for the dramatic reading thread
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Jun 23, 2018 14:14
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gays dont fart a bunch to make a baby dude just the sex part is good enough, make sure he nuts in your butt though
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Jun 23, 2018 14:17
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Boys have a penis. Girls have a vagina.
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Jun 23, 2018 14:17
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screamin and creamin posted:I ate 3 boxes of “Fiber one bars” as my exclusive food due to extreme laziness in the last 2 days Kids, don't try this at home. These things are dangerous.
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Jun 23, 2018 14:21
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idk babies seem pretty cool to me, i'd have a goddang baby and probably even care for it for many years
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Jun 23, 2018 14:22
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I'd have a baby... for lunch!
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Jun 23, 2018 14:25
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Sponge Baathist posted:Boys have a penis. Girls have a vagina.
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Jun 23, 2018 14:32
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My wife wants to have a baby but I convinced her that we just won’t have the money for it until I get my star citizen fleet fully kitted out.
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Jun 23, 2018 14:43
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screamin and creamin posted:I still have some fiber one boxes. That'll work
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Jun 23, 2018 14:43
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veiled boner fuel posted:My wife wants to have a baby but I convinced her that we just won’t have the money for it until I get my star citizen fleet fully kitted out. What if she goes and has it without you?
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Jun 23, 2018 14:44
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Username/OP combo too much to bear.
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Jun 23, 2018 14:56
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don't have babies OP, your life will be no doubt more fullfilling if you just browse r/atheism all day while cumming fat ropes all over your funko pops collection like us intelligent childfree people
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Jun 23, 2018 15:01
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There are kids already born that need homes. Take one of those.
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Jun 23, 2018 15:32
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Lol
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Jun 23, 2018 16:00
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Hide inside his anime body pillow and spermjack the fool.
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Jun 23, 2018 16:01
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Icochet posted:Hide inside his anime body pillow and spermjack the fool. :lmdbo:
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Jun 23, 2018 16:09
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Solution: start slipping Benefiber into everything he eats and drinks.
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Jun 23, 2018 16:26
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You're on the right track, op, but the secret to successfully having a baby is to fart so loud and bad the neighborhood starts calling the cops on you. From this miasma, a baby will soon congeal. Good luck! 
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Jun 23, 2018 16:36
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Have you tried having someone ejaculate inside of you, OP? Specifically in your vagina, it won't work in other holes.
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Jun 23, 2018 17:11
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There is another way. Procure an amount of sperm from a man and let it putrefy by itself in a sealed jar for 40 days, with the highest degree of putrefaction in a horse's womb. Or at least so long as until it starts to move by itself and comes to life. Then feed it the Arcanum of human blood and nourish for up to 40 weeks, and keep it in the even heat of a horse's womb, and a human child will grow. It will be exactly as a normal human child, but much smaller. If you do not have a horse + womb, the even heat of a human rectum will also do. A cool trick for all who wish to make a butt baby.
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Jun 23, 2018 17:42
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Mooey Cow posted:There is another way.   
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Jun 23, 2018 23:25
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You made that baby yet, OP?
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Jul 1, 2018 17:19
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