|
|
The power to tip the exact minimum that the waiter still likes you. |
#
?
Jun 30, 2018 03:27
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 25, 2024 02:03 |
|
|
|
ability to turn a can of lacroix into a different flavor of lacroix however you can't specify the flavor, it's just a different one, and you can only do it once |
|
#
?
Jun 30, 2018 03:28
|
|
|
|
The power to make the microwave stop and open without any noises at all. |
|
#
?
Jun 30, 2018 03:30
|
|
|
|
The power to relay true stories of trophy fishing with unerring accuracy. |
|
#
?
Jun 30, 2018 03:32
|
|
|
|
The power to absorb the food allergies of other super powered people. |
|
#
?
Jun 30, 2018 03:36
|
|
|
The power to know who in the room will correctly guess the number you are thinking of
|
|
#
?
Jun 30, 2018 03:43
|
|
|
|
-The power to edit out lame jokes- |
|
#
?
Jun 30, 2018 04:01
|
|
|
|
You can turn any weekday into Wednesday, with everyone's schedules adjusting accordingly Uses: -favorite restaurant is closed on Monday -cute librarian you want to talk to is off on Tuesday -forgot to study for the test on Thursday -favorite restaurant is too busy on Friday |
|
#
?
Jun 30, 2018 04:43
|
|
|
OP have you ever read the Xanth series? And here is my contribution: Total immunity to the color green. ---------------- |
|
|
#
?
Jun 30, 2018 10:21
|
|
|
Cyberpunkey Monkey posted:OP have you ever read the Xanth series? I need to revisit Xanth |
|
#
?
Jun 30, 2018 14:18
|
|
|
|
I actually have a real life mild superpower. I can always find the end of a roll of sticky tape. Even when other people have scuffed up the tape by trying to gouge a hole where they think the end should be. You may bow and scrape now.
|
|
#
?
Jun 30, 2018 19:40
|
|
|
|
hockey jockey posted:I actually have a real life mild superpower.  the chosen one
|
|
#
?
Jun 30, 2018 19:49
|
|
|
|
u can unmelt cheese |
|
#
?
Jun 30, 2018 20:43
|
|
|
hockey jockey posted:I actually have a real life mild superpower. The alien craft, bristling with weapons of advanced technological destruction that hummed menacingly from all about it's perimeter, left no doubt in anyone's mind Earth was doomed. And most likely, the SomethingAwful forums, too. The craft hovered a moment as pads on extended metallic rods slid out of the bottom of it. A line framed in light formed, becoming a square that became a doorway that slowly bent down toward the 'Yob. The forum grew silent. After a brief moment that seemed eternal, a tentacled appendage slid out of the craft, almost like an octopus only instead of hooked suckers, there were glowing purple circles that pulsed along the tentacle. Moderators FluffyDuckie and Alnilam cautioned everyone to stay back. After a moment, the two moderators conversed and came up with a plan. "hockey jockey, would you please come here?" Fluffie asked. hockey jockey did. FluffieDuckie pointed at the tentacle, said something to hockey jockey, and knew what must be done. The tentacle awaited. At the end of is was a strange cylinder of some kind, with a sort of translucent material surrounding it's circumference. Several gouges could clearly be seen. Forums poster hockey jockey gingerly plucked the cylinder from the tentacled appendage and after the briefest of moments, produced a ripping sound as a ribbon of material was ripped off the roll. He placed the roll back onto the appendage, which slithered into the craft and disappeared. The legs retreated back into the craft, and it left behind a glowing golden box. Earth was saved! There was a note on the box. FluffyDuckie and alnilam read it, and after a moment, revealed the contents of the letter: "People of Earth, We bought this roll of packing tape from a Dollar General Store because on the box it said "easy to use". It wasn't. We couldn't get our money back! We were so angry... but you allowed us to load a packing tape gun, and we are happy! It is now easy to use, and we will not have to destroy your world. Thank You! Sincerely, A Highly Advanced, War-Crazed Race That Just Wanted Their Money Back Inside the box was... future posts, from you! https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
|
#
?
Jun 30, 2018 21:10
|
|
|
|
Splatmaster posted:The alien craft, bristling with weapons of advanced technological destruction that hummed menacingly from all about it's perimeter, left no doubt in anyone's mind Earth was doomed. And most likely, the SomethingAwful forums, too. The craft hovered a moment as pads on extended metallic rods slid out of the bottom of it. A line framed in light formed, becoming a square that became a doorway that slowly bent down toward the 'Yob. The forum grew silent. After a brief moment that seemed eternal, a tentacled appendage slid out of the craft, almost like an octopus only instead of hooked suckers, there were glowing purple circles that pulsed along the tentacle.
|
|
#
?
Jun 30, 2018 21:26
|
|
|
|
Cyberpunkey Monkey posted:OP have you ever read the Xanth series? I haven't but just looked it up. It looks about as silly as the Discworld novels, which I liked very much. Perhaps I'll check it out. Also if Piers Anthony is reading this, pm me for some more magical ideas. |
|
#
?
Jun 30, 2018 23:00
|
|
|
It is def. in the same vein as Pratchett's stuff. I probably would have read more Pratchett early on, but I started with the Young Adult section alphabetically. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Another submission to the thread topic: Can breathe fire, but only enough to like light a joint or a cig if they stick it down their throat a little bit. ---------------- |
|
|
#
?
Jul 1, 2018 03:55
|
|
|
|
A real lightbulb appears over your head when you have a good idea, which you can collect and use later |
|
#
?
Jul 1, 2018 07:37
|
|
|
|
Roxanne by The Police is playing *grabs marshmallows and soda* time to shine |
|
#
?
Jul 1, 2018 19:25
|
|
|
|
ability to re-carbonate a flat soda (can't make it cold though, bummer)
|
|
#
?
Jul 2, 2018 02:33
|
|
|
|
The power to tell what a vending machine is sold out of the night before in dreams. |
|
#
?
Jul 2, 2018 02:58
|
|
|
The power to know whether or not you left the stove on, but only when you're already on your way home
|
|
#
?
Jul 2, 2018 03:03
|
|
|
|
The power to make big dogs slide around on hardwood floors using your mind. |
|
#
?
Jul 2, 2018 03:07
|
|
|
The power to stop the gas pump on a whole number of dollars without going over. |
|
#
?
Jul 2, 2018 03:18
|
|
|
|
The power to hold farts in so long they become burps. |
|
#
?
Jul 2, 2018 03:20
|
|
|
BoldFrankensteinMir posted:The power to hold farts in so long they become burps. That could be a spicy superpower, depending on what you had for dinner. |
|
#
?
Jul 2, 2018 03:23
|
|
|
|
Barking Gecko posted:That could be a spicy superpower, depending on what you had for dinner. My powers are made nigh uncontrollable by kimchi, there was a whole Crisis about it in the eighties. |
|
#
?
Jul 2, 2018 03:25
|
|
|
The power to make your fart come out of somebody else's butt
|
|
#
?
Jul 2, 2018 03:32
|
|
|
the power to be able to tell whether clothes will fit you without trying them on |
|
#
?
Jul 2, 2018 03:45
|
|
|
being able to shut off the gasoline pump at exactly the round or funny number you want |
|
#
?
Jul 2, 2018 07:20
|
|
|
|
The power to percieve all of time as a series of English muffins, toasting and untoasting, being spread/unspread with an infinite array of jams finding infinite nooks and crannies. |
|
#
?
Jul 2, 2018 15:58
|
|
|
|
still looking cool while having an orgasm
|
|
#
?
Jul 2, 2018 20:17
|
|
|
*dog orgasms*
|
|
#
?
Jul 2, 2018 20:31
|
|
|
|
the ability to slow or speed up time but you can only speed it up when you’re having fun and can only slow it down when you’re hating every moment. |
|
#
?
Jul 2, 2018 22:36
|
|
|
|
the ability to walk into a petting zoo with a jar of peanut butter and not having people ask so many goddamn questions
|
|
#
?
Jul 2, 2018 23:04
|
|
|
The ability to, at will, turn a yo-yo into a yo...
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
|
#
?
Jul 2, 2018 23:36
|
|
|
The power to replace exactly one frame of any movie you are watching in the theater with goatse |
|
#
?
Jul 3, 2018 00:46
|
|
|
|
Super stretchy arms. But whenever you recoil them from their stretched position, they sling back and slap you in the face. |
|
#
?
Jul 3, 2018 08:01
|
|
|
|
Splatmaster posted:The alien craft, bristling with weapons of advanced technological destruction that hummed menacingly from all about it's perimeter, left no doubt in anyone's mind Earth was doomed. And most likely, the SomethingAwful forums, too. The craft hovered a moment as pads on extended metallic rods slid out of the bottom of it. A line framed in light formed, becoming a square that became a doorway that slowly bent down toward the 'Yob. The forum grew silent. After a brief moment that seemed eternal, a tentacled appendage slid out of the craft, almost like an octopus only instead of hooked suckers, there were glowing purple circles that pulsed along the tentacle. *Gwyneth Paltrowesque speech about the honour of having a story written about little ol' me goes here*
|
|
#
?
Jul 3, 2018 19:08
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 25, 2024 02:03 |
|
|
You can jam a USB plug into a port and you will always get it the right way up on the first try without even looking. |
|
#
?
Jul 3, 2018 20:46
|
|
