getting very uncomfortable with the spider in my bathroom

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Luvcow: One day nearer spring

hey little spider, why are you furiously masturbating while i shower? you think i can't see you there in the corner? not cool, not cool at all.

# ? Jul 1, 2018 00:49

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# ? Apr 19, 2024 18:30

Luvcow: One day nearer spring

i mean, i guess I'm flattered, but still... its creepy that you keep doing that. wait is that a message in your web there?

*squinting as i try to read it* "some pig"? not cool little spider, not cool...

# ? Jul 1, 2018 00:55

Manifisto

I have been observing my bathroom spider very closely and based on his body language I am pretty sure he thinks I am a big sexy spider due to my ability to pull dental floss out of the roll. like I'm pretty sure he gets aroused when teeth flossing time rolls around, and that's frankly pretty awkward. I don't know what the spider does with the floss I discard after the lights go out, and honestly I'm not entirely sure I want to know.

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Jul 1, 2018 01:43

Kthulhu5000: by R. Guyovich

At first I was like, "OK, spider. We can co-exist. You can hang out in here and take care of flies and all of that!"

And then he started hanging around without his pants on. Just a tanktop and some eight-legged spider tighty whities.

And then he dragged in a couch from the corner. With stains, but what does a spider care?

And then he dragged in an old TV with a cracked screen from the same corner. And he split my cable TV to hook up to it.

Finally, I had enough when I saw him, a bunch of flies, two mice, a rat, and a goddamn toad sitting on that couch, passing a bottle of my liquor among themselves, while watching re-runs of the old game show Press Your Luck. I yelled at him that he sure was being a lazy deadbeat lowlife in my bathroom, and that maybe he should find another bathroom to crash in.

And he got up off that couch, took his spider penis out, and spider-urinated onto my shoes. And then sat back down while his companions nodded at him in silent mirth and approval.

I really haven't been able to use my bathroom since then. But I'm working on this arrangement with a raccoon I met out by the dumpster last night, and I think things will work out.

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# ? Jul 1, 2018 01:49

Manifisto

spider in my bathroom seems pretty convinced the place is his, and while he's willing to tolerate my occasional visits he's not willing to back off of his airbnb rate of a dozen juicy flies

# ? Jul 1, 2018 01:53

Luvcow: One day nearer spring

Manifisto posted:

I have been observing my bathroom spider very closely and based on his body language I am pretty sure he thinks I am a big sexy spider due to my ability to pull dental floss out of the roll. like I'm pretty sure he gets aroused when teeth flossing time rolls around, and that's frankly pretty awkward. I don't know what the spider does with the floss I discard after the lights go out, and honestly I'm not entirely sure I want to know.

Kthulhu5000 posted:

At first I was like, "OK, spider. We can co-exist. You can hang out in here and take care of flies and all of that!"

And then he started hanging around without his pants on. Just a tanktop and some eight-legged spider tighty whities.

And then he dragged in a couch from the corner. With stains, but what does a spider care?

And then he dragged in an old TV with a cracked screen from the same corner. And he split my cable TV to hook up to it.

Finally, I had enough when I saw him, a bunch of flies, two mice, a rat, and a goddamn toad sitting on that couch, passing a bottle of my liquor among themselves, while watching re-runs of the old game show Press Your Luck. I yelled at him that he sure was being a lazy deadbeat lowlife in my bathroom, and that maybe he should find another bathroom to crash in.

And he got up off that couch, took his spider penis out, and spider-urinated onto my shoes. And then sat back down while his companions nodded at him in silent mirth and approval.

I really haven't been able to use my bathroom since then. But I'm working on this arrangement with a raccoon I met out by the dumpster last night, and I think things will work out.

Manifisto posted:

spider in my bathroom seems pretty convinced the place is his, and while he's willing to tolerate my occasional visits he's not willing to back off of his airbnb rate of a dozen juicy flies

# ? Jul 1, 2018 01:55

City of Glompton

Luvcow posted:

thank you PSP for the beautiful spring sig

# ? Jul 1, 2018 02:18

roomforthetuna: I don't need to know anything about virii! My CUSTOM PROGRAM keeps me protected! It's not like they'll try to come in through the Internet or something!

I'm starting to wonder if my bathroom spiders have invented spider agriculture. There always seems to be more flies in the spider rooms than the no-spider rooms. Are the spiders deliberately hatching the fly eggs? Are they artificially inseminating cocooned flies to make more eggs? Are they genetically modifying the flies to be extra big and juicy?

# ? Jul 1, 2018 20:13

Entropic: patriarchy sucks

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8z3D5Jutw1Q

# ? Jul 3, 2018 21:57

3dou: The best kind of sex is VHS.

they don't call him "daddy" long legs for nothing

# ? Jul 3, 2018 22:44

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

Spider web in the corner spells out "SOME DICK!"

# ? Jul 3, 2018 23:18

cda: by Hand Knit

Splatmaster posted:

Spider web in the corner spells out "SOME DICK!"

lmao

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# ? Jul 13, 2018 22:40

alnilam

Splatmaster posted:

Spider web in the corner spells out "SOME DICK!"

# ? Jul 13, 2018 22:40

drilldo squirt: a beautiful, soft meat sack

Splatmaster posted:

Spider web in the corner spells out "SOME DICK!"

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# ? Jul 14, 2018 05:00

lmbo calrissian: i'm into fashion
men are my passion

Splatmaster posted:

Spider web in the corner spells out "SOME DICK!"

# ? Jul 14, 2018 05:34

MockingQuantum

I'm slowly coming to the realization that my bathroom was built around the spider, not the other way around

it is truly I who is the bathroom dick

_{_{_{thank you luvcow for the sig}}}

# ? Jul 14, 2018 06:19

MockingQuantum

_{_{_{thank you luvcow for the sig}}}

# ? Jul 14, 2018 06:31

Macnult

Splatmaster posted:

Spider web in the corner spells out "SOME DICK!"

# ? Jul 15, 2018 08:35

cda: by Hand Knit

I'm started to get worried about how often this spider is bringing up Jordan Peterson while I'm trying to piss

# ? Jul 15, 2018 15:24

Jezza of OZPOS: GET LOSE❌🗺️, YOUS CAN'T COMPARE😤 WITH ME 💪POWERS🇦🇺

do NOT watch me take a poo poo you little creep I ask for ONE thing in this relationship and that�s it

~~~~<===========3

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# ? Jul 15, 2018 20:27

Scaly Haylie

cda posted:

I'm started to get worried about how often this spider is bringing up Jordan Peterson while I'm trying to piss

maybe he's just got a lot of pisstakes

# ? Jul 15, 2018 21:50

kalel

We've known each other for a long time. I pay the rent and he kills everything smaller than him that is too fast for me to kill. It's a worthwhile partnership. So, to answer the question, no I don't have any problem with him seeing my schlong and me seeing his sperm-soaked pedipalps

# ? Jul 16, 2018 00:38

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# ? Apr 19, 2024 18:30

Bluedeanie: It's no longer a blue world, Max. Where could we go?

you hear this playing back at you from the corner of the shower in the teeniest, tiniestx spideriest voice possible, barely coming over the dril of the faucet

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yTAGR0UgANE

# ? Jul 17, 2018 02:51

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