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The Lone Badger
Sep 24, 2007

CCF. A bunch of 'fake' tables surrounded by singer-statues (and no seats) to fill out the restaurant and make it look lively.

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the bitcoin of weed
Nov 1, 2014

Maslovo posted:

Is wall B is supposed to look like that?
It looks like it just grabbed a single column of pixels and stretched it across.

It rules, it looks like the funky rings of Saturn, so I need to have BCB to have every guest cripplingly motion sick by the time they finish their meal

ultrafilter
Aug 23, 2007

It's okay if you have any questions.


EFF

Music Junkie
Sep 30, 2012

That's right, embrace the cute. Embrace it. You know you want to.
:psyduck: A music restaurant. In Los Angeles. Just when you can't get any tackier, this comes along. Also, DCB if only 'cause i like the wallpaper and the flooring clashes with it, along with the table. By the way, is there a set number of recipes you can get in the game?

Enchanted Hat
Aug 18, 2013

Defeated in Diplomacy under suspicious circumstances

Leraika posted:

Also, are there texture files for what's shown on TV? I wanna be on TV!

Great idea! I've included all the different TV screens below. Anyone who wants to be cool and famous, put something on one of the TVs!

Enchanted Hat
Aug 18, 2013

Defeated in Diplomacy under suspicious circumstances

Music Junkie posted:

:psyduck: A music restaurant. In Los Angeles. Just when you can't get any tackier, this comes along. Also, DCB if only 'cause i like the wallpaper and the flooring clashes with it, along with the table. By the way, is there a set number of recipes you can get in the game?

I mean, in the sense that they did not program an infinite number of recipes into their game? But luckily there will be several new, exciting cuisines in Restaurant Empire 2 with their own terrible recipes once we get to that!

Aesculus
Mar 22, 2013

I can't wait for Armand's quality 0.5 fugu sashimi prepared by a chef with 0% skill.

VivaLa Eeveelution
Apr 3, 2011

Are the textures of the (legally not) Elviseses editable?

I'm not saying they should be given Chad Kroeger's face; I'm just wondering if they could.

Whybird
Aug 2, 2009

Phaiston have long avoided the tightly competetive defence sector, but the IRDA Act 2052 has given us the freedom we need to bring out something really special.

https://team-robostar.itch.io/robostar


Nap Ghost
So wait. I thought Armand was heading around the world to a secret cooking retreat to learn the skills of this mysterious mentor. He's come back with no new skills and a shy Italian dude who can't cook. Was this just an elaborate hoax so he could go and get laid?

Keldulas
Mar 18, 2009
That's a far more coherent story than what the game actually has to offer, kudos.

Enchanted Hat
Aug 18, 2013

Defeated in Diplomacy under suspicious circumstances

VivaLa Eeveelution posted:

Are the textures of the (legally not) Elviseses editable?

I'm not saying they should be given Chad Kroeger's face; I'm just wondering if they could.

They almost certainly are editable, but bear in mind that they're textures wrapped around a 3D model, so they'll look really weird if you replace them with a 2D portrait.

Enchanted Hat fucked around with this message at 20:41 on Aug 9, 2018

Enchanted Hat
Aug 18, 2013

Defeated in Diplomacy under suspicious circumstances

Whybird posted:

So wait. I thought Armand was heading around the world to a secret cooking retreat to learn the skills of this mysterious mentor. He's come back with no new skills and a shy Italian dude who can't cook. Was this just an elaborate hoax so he could go and get laid?

Just wait until the next mission when we have to dedicate a recipe to Carlo and use it to beat the cooking contest in order to win a kiss standing about a foot apart in a loving manner.

The_White_Crane
May 10, 2008
B C A please, for maximum horror.
Also note the foie gras tart apparently involves Armand sourcing duck livers at 66 cents per 75g, which makes me very skeptical about it actually being foie gras.
Is he just hiring hobos to go around the city parks?

Also, IDK if this is funny enough to use all our TV screen slots on, but since you said it cycles through the images...

Edit: Removed for the better version

Line the walls with propagandatrons!

The_White_Crane fucked around with this message at 14:23 on Aug 8, 2018

VivaLa Eeveelution
Apr 3, 2011

^ If it cycles and isn't random, I'd say half of your 'They Dine!' masterpiece so it flickers back to other programming, like the subliminal messages have lag or something.

Obey, Submit, Consume, Boycott Omnifood, and Eat More Cinnamon are the ones I'd go for.

The_White_Crane
May 10, 2008

VivaLa Eeveelution posted:

^ If it cycles and isn't random, I'd say half of your 'They Dine!' masterpiece so it flickers back to other programming, like the subliminal messages have lag or something.

Obey, Submit, Consume, Boycott Omnifood, and Eat More Cinnamon are the ones I'd go for.

Yeeeees, good idea!



And that leaves five slots for more traditional "artwork".

Leraika
Jun 14, 2015

Luckily, I *did* save your old avatar. Fucked around and found out indeed.


Momma always said I had a face for TV. Or was it radio?

Zanzibar Ham
Mar 17, 2009

You giving me the cold shoulder? How cruel.


Grimey Drawer
Maybe also super-impose that Kelly 'sickos shirt guy' on one of the regular TV images. I'd do it myself but I don't have that sickos guy with the transparent background.

paragon1
Nov 22, 2010

FULL COMMUNISM NOW
Replace the normal art with the fugliest recipes in the game.

Haifisch
Nov 13, 2010

Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!



Taco Defender
BCB. All of the options are magical, though.

I brought my Drake
Jul 10, 2014

These high-G injections have some serious side effects after pulling so many jumps.

Could someone please add something from the Money for Nothing video to the TV textures?

I can't decide so I'll follow the vote of whoever does it.

EDIT: my vote is now BCB, thanks Haifisch!

I brought my Drake fucked around with this message at 14:56 on Aug 9, 2018

Haifisch
Nov 13, 2010

Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!



Taco Defender

That's the way you do it.

Enchanted Hat
Aug 18, 2013

Defeated in Diplomacy under suspicious circumstances
The They Live propaganda screens are great :allears:

Nondevor
Jun 1, 2011





catposting


We should have at least one cooking show on TV, right?

Zikan
Feb 29, 2004

needs more guy fieri imo

Flamester
Dec 30, 2012

Zikan posted:

needs more guy fieri imo

I'll do you one better.

I brought my Drake
Jul 10, 2014

These high-G injections have some serious side effects after pulling so many jumps.

As long as we're at it anybody see Flash Gordon Ramsey's av? Is there a rug or platform texture we could use that on?

Enchanted Hat
Aug 18, 2013

Defeated in Diplomacy under suspicious circumstances

queserasera posted:

As long as we're at it anybody see Flash Gordon Ramsey's av? Is there a rug or platform texture we could use that on?

Feel free to do something cool with the rugs:


Zagglezig
Oct 16, 2012
If you feel like fiddling around with those table textures, I had an idea and made something out of clip art and google translate. If anyone wants to spruce it up, feel free. It could probably use more color, now that I think of it. I've got the unconsolidated file, though I don't know how I'd share that.

Ibblebibble
Nov 12, 2013

Nondevor posted:



We should have at least one cooking show on TV, right?

The Katering Show is the best thing to come out of Australia in the last 600 years.

VivaLa Eeveelution
Apr 3, 2011

Ibblebibble posted:

The Katering Show is the best thing to come out of Australia in the last 600 years.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J55vgxNaaBY

Armand would totally buy that food dye and fart dust quesadilla recipe, but unfortunately it needs an oven.

Enchanted Hat
Aug 18, 2013

Defeated in Diplomacy under suspicious circumstances
Episode 16: Imagine a boot stamping on a floppy chef's hat forever



Hi, uncle. I need some advice from the voice of experience. You see, I heard that the Master Series is accepting chef registrations, and I would like to enter…

The Masters! Now, that's a bold move, but I'm not even sure they'd let you enter!

Why can't I enter the Masters?

I believe that you need to win all the Nationals, Armand. That means the Italian, French and American events. You should tackle these contests first if you really want to take a crack at the Masters.

YOU HAVE TO WIN ALL THE NATIONAL EVENTS BEFORE YOU CAN ENTER THE MASTER SERIES.

But I am already a Master French chef!

You have trained with a French Grand Master. But you will still have to prove your capability with other cuisines in front of the judges. And that, my dear Armand, you must do by winning all the nationals first. It's the rules of the competition, Armand!

How can I prepare for the Masters?

At this stage of your career, I think you probably know as much as I do. Use your instinct, faith and your heart when cooking, Armand. Everything else will fall in place!

Thanks, uncle. I guess I'm on my own on this one…

Don't worry, Armand. You have already proven that you can be among the very best chefs. The rest depends on your determination and resolve. I know you will succeed!

Well, I'll be going now!

Good luck Armand!



This mission is all cooking contests, all the time! We have to win the French, Italian and American national cooking contests in order to qualify for the master contest, then beat that as well. I hope you're good at those cooking minigames, because I'm definitely not!



But first, let's check out the new interior of the Funky Elvis (or "HUSiC CLUG" as it says there on the pediment)!



WHAT HAVE WE WROUGHT!



The walls are generally covered with giant TV screens and electric guitars, but I wanted to preserve a stretch of wall here in the middle of the restaurant in order to convey just how loving vile this wallpaper is. It looks like I royally screwed up editing a texture, but this is what it's supposed to look like. There was pretty broad consensus in the thread to go for the BCB décor style, because evidently you guys are trying to kill me.



In addition to the regular tables, we have a single table for display only in this TV dungeon surrounded by an army of (allegedly) Elvises. The table itself features Zagglezig's kickass Funky Elvis logo.



A couple of guests come in for lunch. The green face icon above Eliza Anderson indicates that she is sickened, and I can understand why.



A guest at the Treize à Table wants a word, and since it's an excuse to get out of this loving restaurant, I jump at the opportunity. But holy poo poo, we have a new record: a $102,060 recipe. What could that even be?



Oh, fries. What does he think this is, a diner! And it's a breakfast dish too, so despite its amazing quality rating, this is never going to be very useful to us. At least it has an impressive profit margin of $2.61 - we'll only have to sell 39,104 plates of this in order to recover the cost of the recipe! That said, it is a lot better than all our other breakfast dishes, so I've added it to all the restaurant menus. A good recipe.



I buy another recipe at the Gentille Alouette. At least this one was only about $19,000. Good profit margin, but the quality is so low that I'll never be using this (unless one of you guys want me to add it, of course!) Bad recipe



Since the recipe was bad, I've asked head chef Renato "The Cleaver" Corleone to "deal" with this customer.



All right, enough of that. It's time to steamroll the cooking nationals! We've already beaten the French nationals, so we have to beat the American and Italian nationals, then win the master contest in Paris. First up is the American contest. American appetizer, dessert and some recipe I don't recognise. I'm hoping that I can win this just off the strength of the first two rounds so the last recipe won't matter.



Let's be cute and make Delia the supporting chef.



A NEW cooking minigame?! I'm not comfortable with this!!!



Phew. One down, two to go!



Winning the contest earns me this recipe for Santa Fe meat loaf. It's an amazing recipe, even though it's clearly a sub sandwich with some kind of bean soup. A good recipe



Rome, second contest! Italian mains and desserts followed by smoked salmon pizza. Is putting smoked salmon on pizza even legal in Italy?



As an olive branch to the Corleones, I ask Mario to help us. In past cooking contests, Mario has been even more dominant than Armand, so having the Corleones on our side should be invaluable (also, I'm not sure any of the other contestants would dare to try to beat him).



Second one down! Armand cooked in the third round because he had Dmitri's special super salmon, but he still did pretty poorly.



We won the recipe for tiramisu from the Italian nationals. What kind of madman adds tiramisu to the game, then says to himself, "yes, obviously tiramisu should be one of the lowest-rated recipes in this game, tiramisu is garbage"? He must have meant to write 99%, but his finger slipped all the way to the opposite side of his keyboard. Unfortunately, that means that this is a bad recipe.



Time for the global cooking masters! All cuisines, all recipes, appetizers, soups, mains and desserts! Let's go!



Armand, Delia and Mario – the cooking juggernaut.



Using Armand's special ingredients, the stuffed spider crab is still our best appetizer, with a recipe quality of 90%.



Armand's cooking experience and my sick minigame skills push that up to 99%. The French Confection got nothing on us.



Our fisherman's soup is by far the best soup in our repertoire. Mario is the only one in the party who knows how to cook it, so he's up now.



Like taking candy from a baby. Well, soup. And we're not stealing it, we're actually making the soup and giving it to the baby. And by "baby" I mean the judges. I'm gonna stop typing.



Round three: crab cakes! Since it's a contest, I'm going to lay off the crob and use some of Dmitri's super crabs.



This isn't a contest, it's a massacre!



For the final round, let's return to our roots.




We are the cooking masters!



We win the recipe for fillet of beef with foie gras and truffles! I believe this recipe is called tournedos Rossini, and it's delicious and looks nothing like that in reality. It's also got a really high quality rating and great profitability. A good recipe!



Let's celebrate our victory by spicing up the exterior of the Funky Elvis just a little bit. Before…



…and AFTER! Now you know EXACTLY what you're in for when you enter this restaurant.



I beat the Italian and American contests again for more recipes. Finally, after clawing his way through the cooking ladder, beating every national cooking contest and conquering the cooking masters tournament, Armand finally knows how to fry an egg. Good recipe



I also win this. I'm sorry, game, but this recipe is just disgusting: $0.36 gross margin? Get this out of my restaurant and never come back!



While I wait for the end of the month, I take a moment to appreciate the new exterior. Just look at this. I could add NOTHING to this.



Oh, and someone sells me another recipe. Good profit margin, quality isn't too bad. It's a mediocre recipe, really.



Victory upon victory! At this point, can ANYTHING stand against us? Next mission, we'll be visiting old friends to build a grand coalition against the wicked OmniFood!

In addition to challenging OmniFood, we will also finally be allowed to make a new restaurant of our own design instead of being handed one by the game. I'll need you guys to decide what kind of restaurant we should make!

Thread poll: building a new restaurant

We need three things to build our new restaurant:

1. A location (Paris, Rome or Los Angeles)
2. A style (French, Italian, Steakhouse, Seafood or Music)
3. A great name!

I'll be looking at the location, style and name separately, so don't worry about splitting the vote. If you vote for a seafood or music restaurant, please also state whether the restaurant should cook French, Italian or American food.

TooMuchAbstraction
Oct 14, 2012

I spent four years making
Waves of Steel
Hell yes I'm going to turn my avatar into an ad for it.
Fun Shoe
Good lord, that restaurant is perfect. :discourse:

It's time to try for some cultural imperialism! Er, I guess Armand's French, so this would be more like cultural importation? Anyway, let's build a Parisian steakhouse. Call it, oh, I dunno, Texas Rodeo, Boeuf, et Pommes Liberté.

chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014

Music restaurant in Paris named But I Am Pagliacci



Ah yes, when I think "cold chicken salad" I think "lemons, vanilla yogurt, mayonnaise, and blueberries."

I feel like that recipe will just taste of pure vomit.

The_White_Crane
May 10, 2008
Is La Cosa Nostra actually in Rome or Paris?
Either way, set up a Music Restaurant right next to it named Corleone's Lament.

Also, those are some great recipes.

1.3 kilos of potatoes for breakfast!


Quails with one fig and savoy cabbage!

The_White_Crane fucked around with this message at 21:18 on Aug 10, 2018

Psychotic Weasel
Jun 24, 2004

Bang! You're dead.
I don't know what you're talking about, onion and vanilla yogurt go great together. I'm just picturing eating it now... Just add a pinch of salt to make it a real pièce de résistance.

I feel as though Armand should go back to his roots and open another French restaurant.

edit:

The_White_Crane posted:

1.3 kilos of potatoes for breakfast!

Seriously, how do you gently caress up breakfast hash this badly and make it cost $11.00? This is more expensive than lobster and it just diced potatoes; note to the devs: Yukon gold is a type of potato, not actual gold.

Psychotic Weasel fucked around with this message at 21:22 on Aug 10, 2018

chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014

The_White_Crane posted:

1.3 kilos of potatoes for breakfast!

Me.

CourValant
Feb 25, 2016

Do You Remember Love?

Enchanted Hat posted:

[/i] There was pretty broad consensus in the thread to go for the BCB décor style, because evidently you guys are trying to kill me.

How are your eyes after all of that? :)

Enchanted Hat posted:

Thread poll: building a new restaurant

There is only one choice; if we are to truly dominate the restaurant business and charge a mind-numbingly stupid price for sub-standard food, caked in cinnamon, then our path is clear:

Our new restaurant will be based in Los Angeles, serving French Food, and it will be named L'amerloques Stupide.

Where else can you charge $24.99 for a crepe and or souffle and have it deemed 'reasonable'.

Kitala
Sep 2, 2012

Not Some Opera Floozy

chitoryu12 posted:

Ah yes, when I think "cold chicken salad" I think "lemons, vanilla yogurt, mayonnaise, and blueberries."

I feel like that recipe will just taste of pure vomit.

I could see chicken salad with Greek yogurt and lemon and blueberry, but the mayonnaise defeats the purpose of yogurt and vanilla yogurt seems too sweet.

Zikan
Feb 29, 2004

We need to get on top of the hottest trend, video games. Kids in America love those Italian plumbers. They are too expensive to license so we need to use this knockoff created by our accountant’s son. Gentlemen “Morio Sibilings” is going to be the greatest thing since McDonalds!

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Poil
Mar 17, 2007

Seafood in Paris named L'odeur de Poisson Mort.


The_White_Crane posted:

Also, those are some great recipes.

1.3 kilos of potatoes for breakfast!
I wouldn't mind starting a day with 1.3 kg of fries (provided they weren't ruined by mushrooms).

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