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Play posted:In high school I took a bunch of 2CI and had sex with my girlfriend for the first time. I was really hosed up and it was dark so the passage of time was kind of mystery. She asked me if I was on drugs and for some reason I refused to admit it. Long story short I accidentally had sex for over two hours and still didn't want to stop, she was super creeped out and broke up with me. Maybe you were really bad at it
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Jul 10, 2018 10:37
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Bust Rodd posted:A singular guilt-laden smash at 2:30 AM while your friend is out of town, followed by years of weirdly inconsistent reasons you can’t attend their holiday parties/BBQ’s until they either move or he just shows up to your house drunk with a pair of bolt cutters and you make peace with your selfish dick yeah this but those 2 minutes of humping will be all worth it
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Jul 10, 2018 14:48
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Collapsing Farts posted:Having sex for 2 hours isn't some crazy feat... Unless you're like pumping non-stop the whole time Stdh.txt
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Jul 10, 2018 15:10
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Collapsing Farts posted:Having sex for 2 hours isn't some crazy feat... Unless you're like pumping non-stop the whole time Having sex for 2 hours is only normal if you are a porno
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Jul 10, 2018 15:21
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No it's not But I guess it's difficult if you are an out of shape goonlord lol How embarrassing for you
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Jul 10, 2018 15:58
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*brags about sexual feats on an internet forum*
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Jul 10, 2018 16:12
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i'm trying to think of a 'sexual feats' joke about uma thurman and quentin tarantino
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Jul 10, 2018 16:23
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Mozi posted:i'm trying to think of a 'sexual feats' joke about uma thurman and quentin tarantino I already tried, turns out it's impossible.
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Jul 10, 2018 16:34
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If you don't nut after 5 minutes either your dick is broken or your partner is really gross
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Jul 10, 2018 16:42
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I nut at will I have mastered nutting
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Jul 10, 2018 16:43
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lol if you don't sneak off to bang your wife for 3 minutes while the kids bang on the door for food
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Jul 10, 2018 17:45
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If some guy tried to plow me for two hours straight my vagina would feel like raw ground beef, no thank you
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Jul 10, 2018 18:08
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*convinces self that happy, fulfilling relationships cannot exist and that everyone who is so much as in a relationship / married / has kids must hate their life.* “Whew, I sure dodged that bullet unlike all those normies I’m better than, heh.”  *goes back to heating up ramen noodles at 3:00am while also trying to convince self that being super rich is probably not all that great either because you have to spend some time managing all that money in between enjoying all those extravagant vacations, boats, cars, sense of security about the future, accessible healthcare, etc* GreatGreen fucked around with this message at 18:17 on Jul 10, 2018 |
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Jul 10, 2018 18:12
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*goes onto to SA to post this:*GreatGreen posted:*convinces self that happy, fulfilling relationships cannot exist and that everyone who is so much as in a relationship / married / has kids must hate their life.*
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Jul 10, 2018 18:18
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* enjoys his life's trials and tribulations on their own merits, realizing that a long term relationship doesn't have to be the all of human experience for every person on earth * * is at peace with himself knowing that he tried his best in the relationships he did have with the time he was given *
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Jul 10, 2018 18:22
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Icochet posted:I already tried, turns out it's impossible. the last time i saw such sexual feats was when i was watching 'kill bill', as director quentin tarantino clearly sexualizes uma thurman's feet in a rather famous shot, therefore 'sexual feets', which sounds like 'sexual feats', so this is a funny joke .... i guess it is impossible after all
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Jul 10, 2018 18:24
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I'm single but I have a friend with benefits. Best of both worlds.
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Jul 10, 2018 18:39
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Chomp8645 posted:I'm single but I have a friend with benefits. Im about to have this in the near future. Also took a delivery job in a college town full of cute girls. Maybe this single things not so bad after all. *watchs friends have kids and getting married all the godamn time* *gets to get drunk and do whatever i want whenever."
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Jul 10, 2018 19:00
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*brags on internet forum about all the "free time" I have because no one depends upon me*
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Jul 10, 2018 19:22
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Heh the old ball and chain keeping you down guys! C'mon one more round! Ahhhhh c'mon guys! ~is left alone drinking in a dive bar~
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Jul 10, 2018 19:23
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*circle jerks the communists in yospos because he can't compete with the Chads sexually or economically*
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Jul 10, 2018 19:33
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*gets a spinoff sitcom that gets really dark and unfunny*
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Jul 10, 2018 19:33
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If you mean making out and foreplay and trading oral and loving and taking a fiver and then going back to bone town, you can easily spend 2-4 hours loving no problem. If you mean literally just pole-in-hole pounding for two straight hours... somethings going on there.
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Jul 10, 2018 19:33
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r u ready to WALK posted:If you don't nut after 5 minutes either your dick is broken or your partner is really gross Like 2 hours of foreplay, interspersed with loving, that’s pretty easy. 2 hours of penis in vagina sex to nut? Maybe try gay sex and see if you like that better homie?
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Jul 10, 2018 19:43
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bruvs be4 luvs
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*quits drinking* *considered dead by other single friends* *downloads free to play MMO*
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Jul 10, 2018 20:10
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Fried Watermelon posted:*quits drinking* *reinstalls eve online.* *sobs self to sleep at night for knowing ill die cold and alone in an unforgiving universe.*
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Jul 10, 2018 20:20
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*checks phone* *checks phone* *checks phone* *checks phone* *checks phone* *checks phone*
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Jul 10, 2018 20:31
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I just got engaged, but I'll check back in 10 years when I bet the hookup app scene is going to be great for divorced dudes in their 40s 
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Jul 10, 2018 20:34
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Gaunab posted:Maybe you were really bad at it I'm sure I was I was only 16. Although I'm pretty sure it was the unnatural persistence that did it, as some goonette mentioned it's not kind on the ladyparts Play fucked around with this message at 20:46 on Jul 10, 2018 |
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Jul 10, 2018 20:41
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I'm just the kind of person who doesn't enjoy socialising much and I have the most boring personality in the world. Relationships sound like way too much effort at this stage. I don't think I could do it. I ain't got nobody to blame but myself. Grem posted:I'm so loving lonely.
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Jul 10, 2018 20:48
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Fancy_Breakfast posted:I'm just the kind of person who doesn't enjoy socialising much and I have the most boring personality in the world. Relationships sound like way too much effort at this stage. I don't think I could do it. Have you considered an ant farm?
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Jul 10, 2018 20:49
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hevnz 2 murgatroyd posted:Have you considered an ant farm? No but I name each of the spiders in my room and am careful not to disturb their habits.
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Jul 10, 2018 20:54
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meet girls at the store posted:If some guy tried to plow me for two hours straight my vagina would feel like raw ground beef, no thank you
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Jul 10, 2018 21:27
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r u ready to WALK posted:If you don't nut after 5 minutes either your dick is broken or your partner is really gross I'm a two pump chump, op. A real 30 second hero
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Jul 10, 2018 21:31
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as far as chumps go let's just say i'm like a rural gas station - two pumps
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Jul 10, 2018 21:41
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4 stroke gang represent https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=duV7-0Sw2N0
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Jul 10, 2018 21:41
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unconsciously adding your married friends to a mental list of "don't even bother asking if they want to go do anything sooner than two weeks from now"
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Jul 10, 2018 22:59
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