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hexwren
Feb 27, 2008





Maybe it's not 2017, but the time has come again.

(the first two games didn't kill anybody, and there's no reason to stop now.)

We still know the complaints and questions you've got before you even ask them.

"it's a stupid game that is decided as soon as it starts!"
"your threads are bad and boring"
"plumpy sux"
"waaaaaaaaah why are you using up space on the servers that I could be filling with my e/n threads about FYAD meme warhammer 40k self-insertion fanfiction?"

Because (all together now)

gently caress IT (and you)

Hold onto your rear end (or your buddy's) and get ready to shitpost your way to glory, goons, because here it comes again



wherein we are once more guaranteed that some incredibly dumb poo poo happens.



Rules v. 2.0

1. The players consist of twenty goons, divided into five teams of four.
          1a. In order to facilitate signups, please indicate your team of first choice with your signup post. If that team is full by the time your name is reached, you will be shuffled at random into one of the other teams.
2. A standard Candy Land board is used. In this case, the 1984 edition. It is sitting on my dining room table. Photos of the board and card draws will be posted to the thread to keep everyone in the loop as the game proceeds.
          2a. We will be using a modified deck of cards, consisting of a bit over half of the available color cards (in even amounts) and all the character cards. (This is what happens when you buy your copy of the game on ebay.)
          2b. Exact totals are 6x single [red/yellow/blue/purple/green/orange], 1x double [red/yellow/blue/purple/green/orange], and the six character cards [Plumpy/Mr. Mint/Jolly/Gramma Nutt/Princess Lolly/Queen Frostine].
          2c. Cards will be shuffled before each turn.
3. There are two goals:
          3a. One, to be the overall champion, to be better than the other 19 chumps who didn't make it to King Kandy's Kastle before you.
          3b. Additionally, the best team will be determined by seeing which of the five teams can bring all four of its members to the Kastle first.
4. Because suffering builds character, we will (mostly) be playing by the standard House Rules involving the end of the game.
          4a. Thus, one must land exactly on the final purple square to have reached the castle, and card draws that would move a player beyond that space count as skipped turns.
          4b. However, management reserves the right to ignore this rule (and any other) once the individual champion is determined. We'll see if it's still fun by that point.
5. On a given turn, each player will be dealt a card and moved "simultaneously," that is, where each player ends their turn is considered to have been reached at the same point.
          5a. This obviously leads to the concept of a tie. Two players can occupy the same space on the board without issue. However, there can be no ties at the end of the path. The champion must reach the castle alone.
          5b. If two or more players reach the final square during the same turn, they will be sent back to Gramma Nutt at the Peanut Brittle House to try again. You can also feel bad about it. It could have been worse. I originally considered that they'd just loop around and have to start over.
6. Barring emergencies or the inability to give a drat, there will be 1-2 moves per day. Probably.
7. Each team will be granted certain bonuses to allow them to reach the top of the board more quickly.
          7a. The first of these is the Joker, because I've watched far too many ridiculous British game shows. Between turns, any player may use their team's Joker by posting ##Joker in the thread. It must be in that format, or it will be ignored.
                    7a.a. On the turn following a Joker's activation, every player on that team will receive two cards, and each piece will be moved according to the more profitable of those two cards. Only one Joker may be played for each team in a single turn.
                    7a.b. Each team begins play with a single Joker. However, when play begins, additional Challenges will be made available, allowing motivated teams to earn more Jokers.
                    7a.c. Additionally, in a fairly-sizeable change from the original game, each player on a team may now submit a response to a challenge, resulting in each joker challenge being worth up to four jokers for your team.
          7b. Finally, each player may only encounter each individual character square once. If, for example, a player has drawn the card directing them to the Ice Cream Sea, if they draw it again later in the game, they will not move that turn.
                    7b.a. Let's call this the Plumpy Amendment. Nobody likes hangin' with Plumpy.



8. This is Rosemary. Rosemary is majestically fluffy. Rosemary is also kind of dumb, because like all cats, she has a brain approximately the size of a walnut. Rosemary likes sitting on things. There is a very good chance she will sit on the game board at some point during this competition.
          8a. If Rosemary sits on the board and dislodges pieces or even knocks them to the carpet, the piece will be placed on the board on the nearest available valid square. This may be a help (if the piece moves towards the window) or a hindrance (if the piece moves towards the kitchen.)
          8b. The Rosemary Rule applies equally to Meyer, who is smarter than Rosemary, but still not that smart.
9. There will be some setup time between recruiting all five teams and actually beginning play while playing pieces are constructed. This should not exceed a day or two at most.
10. Posting "didn't read rules/thread" or some variation thereof when you attempt to sign up is a good way to ensure you will not be assigned a team. Also, naturally, you'll have to read the rules to see this rule.
11. If you do not talk poo poo about your opponents, you are probably boring. Don't be boring.
12. We know this game is broken as hell, just roll with it. Rules are, of course, subject to change if they are preventing the game from completing in a reasonable manner. Or if I feel like it.
13. JOLLY IS WATCHING


TEAMS


TEAM CHOCOLATE
1. oldskool
2. CirclMastr
3. Monathin
4. Dancer

TEAM GUMMY
1. Ramos
2. WereGoat
3. Birdstrike
4. Moatillata



TEAM LOLLIPOP
1. Ursine Catastrophe
2. Podima
3. Captain Foo
4. AnonymousNarcotics

TEAM MINT
1. UnCO3
2. Jon Joe
3. AJ_Impy
4. OfChristandMen






OH gently caress IT'S TEAM BUBBLEGUM
1. Studio
2. Mistaken Frisbee
3. Dog Kisser
4. Prince of Space





If there are any questions, they will be answered as soon as a representative is available to take your call.

hexwren fucked around with this message at Jul 10, 2018 around 07:06

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oldskool
Aug 9, 2010




Lipstick Apathy

Team Chocolate (again), please & thanks.

Ramos
Jul 3, 2012



Team Gummy, please.

Studio
Jan 15, 2008




Team Bubblegum, thanks.

Ursine Catastrophe
Nov 9, 2009







We're fine.


Dinosaur Gum

I represent the Lollipop team. (The lollipop team, the lollipop team)

Mistaken Frisbee
Jul 19, 2007


Team Bubblegum, please.

CirclMastr
Jul 4, 2010

GENERIC CANDY AVATAR #1


Team Chocolate please.

UnCO3
Feb 11, 2010

Ye gods!


College Slice

Put me in for the strongest and most powerful team, team mint, please

Jon Joe
Oct 19, 2011

HELP! I'VE FAILED AND I CAN'T SUBMIT


Grimey Drawer

UnCO3 posted:

Put me in for the strongest and most powerful team, team mint, please

Dog Kisser
Mar 30, 2005

But People have fears that beasts do not. Questions, too.


Team Bubblegum holy poo poo I missed this last time

Captain Foo
May 11, 2004

devil on your shoulder





Clever Betty

that was a ton of rules I didn't necessarily read but I'm fuckin in

I don't care what team I'm on everyone is an inferior schmuck anyway

Rule 10 bitch

CirclMastr
Jul 4, 2010

GENERIC CANDY AVATAR #1


I secretly just want a Joker challenge that will let me talk poo poo about Haribo. I don't understand how that lovely company is still in business.

hexwren
Feb 27, 2008



Feel free to go yell at your friends to join.

Prince of Space
Apr 17, 2016



Hell Gem



Um, put me on, like, team Bubblegum?

hexwren
Feb 27, 2008



Team Bubblegum is now full.

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007



Yam Slacker

All right. Team Mint me.

WereGoat
Apr 28, 2017



Team gummy please?

Captain Foo
May 11, 2004

devil on your shoulder





Clever Betty

I see jolly watching and it's because that monster is a sick and perverted voyeur

Monathin
Sep 1, 2011

Is this...bird costume...really necessary?



I have no loving clue how this will actually work and didn't play/read the other games so put me on team chocolate so i can annoy the gently caress out of my buds oldskool and cirlcmastr

Podima
Nov 4, 2009

Guilt is an outmoded concept, the refuge of those who have yet to embrace the fact that their path is the correct one.


Put me and Foo on Lollipop tia

Birdstrike
Oct 30, 2008

NRL
Teaching new dogs,
old tricks.



TEAM GUMMY PLEASE

Rosemary is my spirit animal

Dancer
May 23, 2011

Fly me away on the wings of an angel.


Chocolate FTW.

Captain Foo
May 11, 2004

devil on your shoulder





Clever Betty

Podima posted:

Put me and Foo on Lollipop tia

Captain Foo
May 11, 2004

devil on your shoulder





Clever Betty

podima u drunk mfer we gonna run this shittt

OfChristandMen
Feb 13, 2006

GENERIC CANDY AVATAR #2


Team MINT for me. (Then the dreaded shuffling)

Podima
Nov 4, 2009

Guilt is an outmoded concept, the refuge of those who have yet to embrace the fact that their path is the correct one.


Captain Foo posted:

podima u drunk mfer we gonna run this shittt

Captain Foo
May 11, 2004

devil on your shoulder





Clever Betty

OfChristandMen posted:

Team MINT for me. (Then the dreaded shuffling)

where's your av u weakling

hexwren
Feb 27, 2008



Teams Chocolate and Mint are now full.

Captain Foo
May 11, 2004

devil on your shoulder





Clever Betty

more like full of poo poo lmao

AnonymousNarcotics
Aug 6, 2012

we will go far into the sea
you will take me
onto your back
never look back
never look back


I would like to play for any team that is still open if such a team exists!

Dancer
May 23, 2011

Fly me away on the wings of an angel.


Gummy or Lollipop, you must choose quickly

AnonymousNarcotics
Aug 6, 2012

we will go far into the sea
you will take me
onto your back
never look back
never look back


Only the worst candies are left!

I'll go lollipop

AnonymousNarcotics
Aug 6, 2012

we will go far into the sea
you will take me
onto your back
never look back
never look back


Joker challenges are the best part of these games. I'm psyched.

Podima
Nov 4, 2009

Guilt is an outmoded concept, the refuge of those who have yet to embrace the fact that their path is the correct one.


AnonymousNarcotics posted:

Only the worst candies are left!

I'll go lollipop

gtfo my team if you can't respect a good sucker

Prince of Space
Apr 17, 2016



Hell Gem

The candy tiers go Gum > Mint > Lollipops > Chocolate > Gummis, obviously. Unless you count peach rings and sour worms as gummis - but that changes everything!

Moatillata
Dec 13, 2006

Maintain.


Team gummy

Like my underpants

oldskool
Aug 9, 2010




Lipstick Apathy

Prince of Space posted:

The candy tiers go Gum > Mint > Lollipops > Chocolate > Gummis, obviously. Unless you count peach rings and sour worms as gummis - but that changes everything!

gum isn't even a candy, it's a jaw exercise. it's practically healthy, the exact opposite of candy.

Jon Joe
Oct 19, 2011

HELP! I'VE FAILED AND I CAN'T SUBMIT


Grimey Drawer

Prince of Space posted:

The candy tiers go Gum > Mint > Lollipops > Chocolate > Gummis, obviously. Unless you count peach rings and sour worms as gummis - but that changes everything!

The candy tier goes mint > everyone else > your sad candied rear end

Moatillata
Dec 13, 2006

Maintain.


Prince of Space posted:

The candy tiers go Gum > Mint > Lollipops > Chocolate > Gummis, obviously. Unless you count peach rings and sour worms as gummis - but that changes everything!

Lol look at this fresh breath loving motherfucker

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Prince of Space
Apr 17, 2016



Hell Gem

oldskool posted:

gum isn't even a candy, it's a jaw exercise. it's practically healthy, the exact opposite of candy.

It's a sugar delivery system that turns into an adhesive when you're done with it!

While it may be soft and rubbery, it's indigestible and thus indefatigable.

Take this wrongthinker, for example:

Jon Joe posted:

The candy tier goes mint > everyone else > your sad candied rear end

If you're implying that mint and gum don't go well together then I couldn't disagree more!

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