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FAUXTON
Jun 2, 2005

daef


infernal machines posted:

more like zastava motors v2

Faraday future 2.0

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Notorious b.s.d.
Jan 25, 2003

where we're going, we know
whose boots to lick


coffeetable posted:

in the extreme, you could write tesla's market cap as 75% bankruptcy, 25% toyota v2.0.

a year ago, I would have agreed there was a chance that we're looking at a global auto giant, even if it is a slim one

after musky-boy's recent remarks, and the announcement of an sec investigation, the odds are not looking so good.

in the immediate future, tesla needs new money. this is incontrovertible. sales will not pay for their current burn rate. so they need to either issue new stock, or float a bond

unfortunately for tesla, it's nearly impossible for a company under an sec investigation to do either one. no investor is going to trust any of your representations about your stock or debt after you are accused of fraud.

Notorious b.s.d.
Jan 25, 2003

where we're going, we know
whose boots to lick


tl;dr: tesla could have done fine if elon musk could keep his loving mouth shut

infernal machines
Oct 11, 2012

Don't let the little fuckers generation gap you


elon "elon musk" musk, did too much acid with his girlfriend and committed a felony on twitter

infernal machines
Oct 11, 2012

Don't let the little fuckers generation gap you


Notorious b.s.d. posted:

tl;dr: tesla could have done fine if elon musk could keep his loving mouth shut

they would at some point have to unlock the secret of building cars though

Improbable Lobster
Jan 6, 2012

What is the Matrix? We just don't know.



Buglord

anything actually worthwhile in tesla is going to be bought by one of the big auto makers and the brand/all the other worthless poo poo will be bought up by some smalltime company that'll import their own electric deathtraps under the tesla name

Trabisnikof
Dec 24, 2005

It's always 2am somewhere.


infernal machines posted:

they would at some point have to unlock the secret of building cars though

from all the early reports they hired the right people but then elon ran them all off doing his best captain kirk impressions.

"you say it takes 6 months to set up the factory? do it in 2!"

*process engineers leave to do same job elsewhere*

*factory takes 9 months to build and constantly catches fire*

Notorious b.s.d.
Jan 25, 2003

where we're going, we know
whose boots to lick


infernal machines posted:

they would at some point have to unlock the secret of building cars though

in the recent past there was reason to believe they might eventually figure it out

now that's not the case

there's no way for tesla to raise money with its current management and an outstanding sec investigation

infernal machines
Oct 11, 2012

Don't let the little fuckers generation gap you


i could definitely believe that, also their apparent insistence that they run a manufacturing line like a software dev shop

Notorious b.s.d.
Jan 25, 2003

where we're going, we know
whose boots to lick


Improbable Lobster posted:

anything actually worthwhile in tesla is going to be bought by one of the big auto makers and the brand/all the other worthless poo poo will be bought up by some smalltime company that'll import their own electric deathtraps under the tesla name

the brand may very well be the only worthwhile part of tesla

we know they're not very good at manufacturing cars, so why would you want the factories or designs?

is their patent portfolio worth anything?

Rex-Goliath
Nov 12, 2016



Notorious b.s.d. posted:

in the recent past there was reason to believe they might eventually figure it out

now that's not the case

there's no way for tesla to raise money with its current management and an outstanding sec investigation

if they throw musk out maybe

BIG maybe though

Triglav
Jun 2, 2007

IT IS HARAAM TO SEND SMILEY FACES THROUGH THE INTERNET


Notorious b.s.d. posted:

the brand may very well be the only worthwhile part of tesla

we know they're not very good at manufacturing cars, so why would you want the factories or designs?

is their patent portfolio worth anything?

i think they "open sourced" their patents, so theyre not worth much financially

Trabisnikof
Dec 24, 2005

It's always 2am somewhere.


Triglav posted:

i think they "open sourced" their patents, so theyre not worth much financially

also who wants to use a patent for a supercharger design that actively ruins the batteries as you use it

Powerful Two-Hander
Mar 9, 2004

Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.


Trabisnikof posted:

also who wants to use a patent for a supercharger design that actively ruins the batteries as you use it

to be fair this is pretty much the problem with batteries in general

eschaton
Mar 7, 2007
Ask me how it all ends!

Oven Wrangler

I got more confident in $TSLA when Ol’ Musky hired Chris Lattner, it made me think that maybe they weren’t the total clownshow they appeared to be

I completely lost confidence when he got fired left

the company would legit be better off with him in charge and Elon gone, Chris knows how to hire good people and listen to them

Lonoxmont
Aug 28, 2018
I'm too stupid to put something witty here. Sorry.

eschaton posted:

I got more confident in $TSLA when Ol’ Musky hired Chris Lattner, it made me think that maybe they weren’t the total clownshow they appeared to be

I completely lost confidence when he got fired left

the company would legit be better off with him in charge and Elon gone, Chris knows how to hire good people and listen to them

But then how is Elon supposed to prove that you can run a business entirely from the power of memes and shitposting?

Bhodi
Dec 9, 2007

Oh, it's just a cat.


Pillbug

President Beep posted:

that little ditty is right up there with sagebrush’s lionel hutz business card edit, imo.
good point gonna stolen valor the poo poo out of it

Eeyo
Aug 29, 2004



Lonoxmont posted:

But then how is Elon supposed to prove that you can run a business entirely from the power of memes and shitposting?

and lsd

iospace
Apr 20, 2020




Fun Shoe

Notorious b.s.d. posted:

a year ago, I would have agreed there was a chance that we're looking at a global auto giant, even if it is a slim one

after musky-boy's recent remarks, and the announcement of an sec investigation, the odds are not looking so good.

in the immediate future, tesla needs new money. this is incontrovertible. sales will not pay for their current burn rate. so they need to either issue new stock, or float a bond

unfortunately for tesla, it's nearly impossible for a company under an sec investigation to do either one. no investor is going to trust any of your representations about your stock or debt after you are accused of fraud.

I think the biggest problem Tesla has was when Musk over-promised on Model 3 production. He set a pretty high benchmark, and I knew as soon as I saw it it would be next to impossible to make, not without serious compromise. The Model S still had a lot of fit and finish issues, and there was no sign that the Model 3 would avoid them.

Last Chance
Dec 31, 2004



yes, they make lovely cars, past and present models, that are falling apart as we speak

iospace
Apr 20, 2020




Fun Shoe

Actually, who over-promises more:

Musk or Roberts?

Notorious b.s.d.
Jan 25, 2003

where we're going, we know
whose boots to lick


iospace posted:

Actually, who over-promises more:

Musk or Roberts?

depends on the definition

roberts is promising much less in absolute terms, but, in proportion to what his company can actually deliver, he's waaaaaay out past musk

ole' musky is only promising about double what tesla is able to deliver. roberts has promised like 50x as much content as will ever get into that game.

Chris Knight
Jun 5, 2002

And I'm only saying this because I care.

There are a lot of decaffeinated brands on the market today that are just as tasty as the real thing.



Fun Shoe

Ultraklystron posted:

Elon Elon!
Yes OSHA?
Building safely?
Yes OSHA.
Telling Lies?
No OSHA.
Look at this thread.
Ha ha ha.

amazing

Chris Knight
Jun 5, 2002

And I'm only saying this because I care.

There are a lot of decaffeinated brands on the market today that are just as tasty as the real thing.



Fun Shoe

infernal machines posted:

more like zastava motors v2

touch screen to put it in H

Chris Knight
Jun 5, 2002

And I'm only saying this because I care.

There are a lot of decaffeinated brands on the market today that are just as tasty as the real thing.



Fun Shoe

https://twitter.com/devtesla/status/1035878409606451200

Dumb Lowtax
Jul 9, 2005

Save blue hippo from danger, vote for Moo Moo in the best cat contest

Plaster Town Cop

Notorious b.s.d. posted:

the brand may very well be the only worthwhile part of tesla

we know they're not very good at manufacturing cars, so why would you want the factories or designs?

is their patent portfolio worth anything?

Once Tesla goes under how does it work for acquiring the rights to repair and maintain the existing fleet of Teslas with proprietary tools once the servers go dark? There's a whole lot of money in offering that and thousands of people's cars held hostage otherwise, so which company is going to bite to get those millions? And will they most likely keep the Tesla brand name while they operate? If so Tesla's not really dead, although hopefully the move helps wash their hands of the toxic company culture all the previous people worked in.

Notorious b.s.d.
Jan 25, 2003

where we're going, we know
whose boots to lick


Dumb Lowtax posted:

Once Tesla goes under how does it work for acquiring the rights to repair and maintain the existing fleet of Teslas with proprietary tools once the servers go dark? There's a whole lot of money in offering that and thousands of people's cars held hostage otherwise, so which company is going to bite to get those millions? And will they most likely keep the Tesla brand name?

well, one possibility is that they're just left up poo poo's creek, like owners of any other obscure, failed car

there are not that many Teslas on the road. total sales, globally, 2015 to q2 2018, across all models, come to 300,000. that is about one year's worth of toyota camry u.s. sales. or six months of f-150 sales

--

it might actually be worse than the average car company failure. usually, even after the parent company pulls out or shuts down, individual dealerships will continue to source parts and provide repairs for many years.

tesla has no independent dealers. when the parent goes, so do the service centers

Dumb Lowtax
Jul 9, 2005

Save blue hippo from danger, vote for Moo Moo in the best cat contest

Plaster Town Cop

Hahahaha that fucken rules

infernal machines
Oct 11, 2012

Don't let the little fuckers generation gap you


the good news is their parts are mostly made by everyone else. and tesla owners are gullible shits with tons of money, so there should be a healthy aftermarket trade

Ultraklystron
May 19, 2010


Bhodi posted:

good point gonna stolen valor the poo poo out of it

By all means spread the joke far and wide, I want it turn up on Elon's radar ASAP.

Ultraklystron fucked around with this message at Sep 3, 2018 around 08:26

fermun
Nov 4, 2009

The X-Files will return in a moment.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zNtTfzYiu4

President Beep
Apr 29, 2009


Grahms ah dint fell so gud!


infernal machines posted:

the good news is their parts are mostly made by everyone else. and tesla owners are gullible shits with tons of money, so there should be a healthy aftermarket trade

looking forward to seeing what the fine folks at jc whitney offer in their 2020 parts catalog.

Bulgakov
Mar 8, 2009



lol yeh its extremely good

Bulgakov
Mar 8, 2009


Ultraklystron posted:

Elon Elon!
Yes OSHA?
Building safely?
Yes OSHA.
Telling Lies?
No OSHA.
Look at this thread.
Ha ha ha.

rapeface
Nov 5, 2004

rapeface

am I the first pleb to admit not knowing what the reference is to

prisoner of waffles
May 8, 2007

Ah! well a-day! what evil looks
Had I from old and young!
Instead of the cross, the fishmech
About my neck was hung.


rapeface posted:

am I the first pleb to admit not knowing what the reference is to

yes, and google "johny johny eating sugar"

bump_fn
Apr 12, 2004




Scratchmo

Ultraklystron posted:

Elon Elon!
Yes OSHA?
Building safely?
Yes OSHA.
Telling Lies?
No OSHA.
Look at this thread.
Ha ha ha.

ol qwerty bastard
Dec 13, 2005

If you want something done, do it yourself!

prisoner of waffles posted:

yes, and google "johny johny eating sugar"

no don't!

save yourself from the worst earworm ever conceived, it's truly awful and once it gets in your head it will never ever come out

also just to be safe, don't have children

President Beep
Apr 29, 2009


Grahms ah dint fell so gud!


ol qwerty bastard posted:

also just to be safe, don't have children

this is how i became ensnared.

e: luckily we’re a few years past that stage now.

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Roosevelt
Jul 18, 2009

I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.



she looks like she's thinking about some kind of extermination

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