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mystes
May 31, 2006



Something like that happened before and Tesla even temporarily unlocked the full capacity for free during Hurricane Irma after a customer requested it:

quote:

As Hurricane Irma bears down on Florida, Tesla issued an over-the-air update to drivers in the state that unlocks the full battery capacity of its 60 and 70 kilowatt-hour Model S and X vehicles. The update provides those trying to escape the path of the storm with an additional 30 to 40 miles above the typical range of the vehicle, according to Electrek.

quote:

Tesla introduced its cheaper Model X 60D and Model S 60 / 60D vehicles last year. The vehicles are equipped with a 75 KWH battery, but they are software locked to use only 80 percent of that available power. Drivers could unlock that extra capacity with an update for an additional $3,000. Tesla has since discontinued the Model S 60/60D and Model X 60D vehicles, saying that most owners were simply opting for the higher range vehicles.
https://www.theverge.com/2017/9/10/...odel-s-x-60-60d

mystes fucked around with this message at Aug 16, 2018 around 20:15

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mystes
May 31, 2006



Also make sure sure to put aside some money to deal with the smear campaign Tesla will start against you if your car gets into an accident while in autopilot mode.

mystes
May 31, 2006



I don't suppose we could change the thread title back so people remember what it's actually supposed to be about?

mystes
May 31, 2006



I'm a bit disappointed that there are actual keyfobs so this isn't the only way to get into the cars. I liked the idea that 100% of Tesla drivers were locked out of their cars.

mystes
May 31, 2006



H.P. Hovercraft posted:

i'm not worried about elong impregnating anyone apparently he needs a lab to do it
I'm sure he'll just clone himself anyway.

mystes
May 31, 2006



Ugh should I be more annoyed at Tesla or the people who buy expensive cars and then don't even care whether they work or not?

mystes
May 31, 2006



Xealous posted:

others didn't pass because they were harness people working in cad programs and not actually programmers
Ok I'm now actually impressed that Tesla has managed to successfully ship any cars that at least work some of the time.

mystes
May 31, 2006



Has Tesla sued Xealous yet?

mystes
May 31, 2006



infernal machines posted:

bonus, you also can't open the doors from the outside if the power is out as they have those stupid recessed electric "door handles". it requires an auxiliary 12 volt supply to open the rear doors, period

so hope you like trying to crawl over the front seat or drop the seat back and escape through the trunk while your car burns
They should make it so you can only open the doors if you have cellular reception while they're at it.

mystes
May 31, 2006



Ciaphas posted:

at least some 20 years down the line when lawmaking finally happens cars will be more regulated and more expensive all because common sense isn't
20 years from now, all doors will open remotely only, for a reasonable fee payable in Doorcoin.

You will be able to upgrade to lifetime* door service.

(If you die in a burning car before the door opens your life will have ended so your estate will be billed for any additional door opening required to remove your corpse.)

Inquire with your dealer about expedited door opening service.

mystes fucked around with this message at Aug 28, 2018 around 02:02

mystes
May 31, 2006



Ah I was just thinking that must have been in some book, but I was thinking Ubik.

mystes
May 31, 2006



Considering how they've handled the autopilot crashes, I'm sure they'll find a way to blame people who die because they can't get out, too.

mystes
May 31, 2006



endlessmonotony posted:

Give his wife a listing of common problems and how to mitigate them safely.
Common problems and how to mitigate them safely:
Your husband buys a Tesla -> divorce

mystes
May 31, 2006



SENSUAL DAD KISS posted:

as a stimulant connoisseur i kinda wanna buy some nicotine gum or something and see what it's actually like
Someone on SA did this a few years ago, predictably became addicted, and couldn't stop.

I can't remember if it was in YLLS or the nootropics thread (which is always good for a laugh).

mystes
May 31, 2006



Elon Musk is going to call up Lowtax to demand that he ban all of you.

mystes
May 31, 2006



President Beep posted:

why in the hell would they not be sequential though (other than dishonesty)? just think if a reputable manufacturer needed to do a recall. “cars 100-250 all have x bad part”.
Aren't recalls usually more like "enter your vin number to see if you're affected, also if you're affected we're mailing the address the DMV has for you" anyway?

Also if they have a legitimate system such as each factory having a specific number and aren't just randomly jumping around, they still should probably be able to say "vins starting with xxxxx are affected" even if it isn't sequential.

mystes
May 31, 2006



infernal machines posted:

increment by 1 every time we remove a weld
Lol that would be the best. The missing vins would be showing exactly how bad their FPY is

mystes
May 31, 2006



Shifty Pony posted:

buuuuuuut someone posted the agreement that they have to sign when giving Tesla money and it looked like Tesla was trying to legal ninja their way around calling the deposit an actual deposit and instead treat it as payment for the costs involved in assigning a VIN or some such bullshit.
How stupid would someone have to be to agree to that?!

mystes
May 31, 2006



movax posted:

I can’t believe musky has created something that has encouraged people to submit VINs found in the wild to a tracker in some kind of super autistic scavenger hunt
They could make a whole Tesla children's puzzle book. "Can you spot all 10 defects in this car?"

mystes
May 31, 2006



ryde posted:

Cross posting from CDPAM. Apparently the settlement was for Musk to take a two year vacation.
It just says "the settlement would have barred Musk as chairman for two years" so couldn't he have still remained as CEO unless the board chose to replace him?

mystes
May 31, 2006



mewse posted:

The settlement involved no admission of guilt but he had to stand by his principles
His principles dictate that if he can't tweet whatever he wants whenever he wants, he must personally burn Tesla to the ground.

mystes
May 31, 2006



It would be cool if after all this nonsense the board of directors ends up firing him as CEO, but I guess they know that would cause the stock to tank.

mystes
May 31, 2006



Combat Theory posted:

Imagine yourself as part of the tesla board and not being abled to fire the guy who continously throws wrenches into your barely functional company machinery because if you do your silicon valley fanboys will all turn on the company.
It just goes with the territory. The Cult of Musk is the only thing propping up Tesla's share price in the first place.

mystes
May 31, 2006



infernal machines posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VxRNoSSkLkE

just leave those lights hanging wherever. probably don't have to be any kind of special led either

oh, and nothing should be accessible or serviceable
If only they could develop a technology to make it possible to grow plants in an enclosed space while still taking advantage of natural sunlight. Oh well, I guess that must be impossible.

mystes
May 31, 2006



Sagebrush posted:

like there's i think a major misunderstanding that people have about just how many resources they consume, and what sort of infrastructure there is behind the scenes to handle that. they just don't have a concept of how big a farm is and how much land worldwide is devoted to food production

example: a student wants to build the


that goes in the corner of your apartment. and i ask them: what is the benefit of this over a window box? and they say oh, families can use it to supplement their meals with vegetables, or whatever. and i raise an eyebrow and ask them to do some math on how much space a hypothetical food crop (let's say tomatoes) needs, and how quickly it grows, and how much food a family consumes per week, and come back with an analysis of just how big an offset this would make.

another recent example: guy who wants to make a machine that takes your food waste and composts it into methane which is fed back into your house's gas system, thus turning food scraps into energy savings. even setting aside the infrastructure problems with plumbing and code and such, i just have a really bad feeling about how much natural gas your e.g. water heater or stove uses compared to how much you can get from one family's decaying food scraps

or solar panels. loving everybody has this idea that you can just stick a solar cell on your $product and never worry about batteries again. two minutes of math shows how it doesn't work but everyone goes "oh, but like, even if you let it charge all day?" and i'm like yes look your thing draws two orders of magnitude more power than you can produce

To put this another way, if it was that easy to grow a family's worth of food in a small amount of space with minimal effort, the neolithic revolution wouldn't have resulted in civilization in the first place, and we would all be living by ourselves growing our own food.

mystes fucked around with this message at Oct 1, 2018 around 01:18

mystes
May 31, 2006



ate all the Oreos posted:

greetings fellow yosteens, can you please direct me to where the cool cats are discussing tesla's valuable internal trade secrets? mondo thanks
What valuable internal trade secrets?

mystes
May 31, 2006



Doge Motor Company, a subsidiary of antiFiat Currency Automobiles

mystes
May 31, 2006



Stymie posted:

until he mysteriously reappeared perfectly fine because the story was entirely western propaganda
Is this like the opposite of the Mandela Effect?

mystes
May 31, 2006



Edit: never mind.

mystes fucked around with this message at Oct 3, 2018 around 00:36

mystes
May 31, 2006



Endless Mike posted:

a redditor wrote a 5 year review of his model s
his good is four short points that boil down to "i like to drive it"

he then writes several paragraphs about how the interior is falling apart and poorly designed, it's been unreliable, and the software needs to be regularly rebooted
https://www.reddit.com/r/teslamotor...ouldnt_like_it/
This would be a problem if they ran out of rich idiots to sell to and had to sell to normal people, but luckily their cars fall apart so quickly that they can just keep selling new cars to the same rich idiots every couple years.

mystes
May 31, 2006



See, Objectivism is actually Socialism because it's in the greater good for rich people to have all the money.

mystes fucked around with this message at Oct 4, 2018 around 14:02

mystes
May 31, 2006



Probably people are only using Autopilot on highways in good weather conditions.

mystes
May 31, 2006



Wow he's trying to gently caress up the settlement again already.

mystes
May 31, 2006



redleader posted:

ah, i see you're part of the problem
But you see the terms were better than the bank so he's really a "socialist" like musk!

mystes
May 31, 2006



Gazpacho posted:

the court hasn't even ordered the settlement yet ...
The SEC and Tesla have to make a joint statement to the court. I suspect this will not happen now and the settlement will get thrown out.

mystes
May 31, 2006



Roosevelt posted:

i have a friend whose job description is basically "makes money" and one time he told me to buy stock in a new diabetes drug or something, but i was too broke. then a few months later it increased value by like 9000% or something. that's my investment story.
Yeah, inside information works too.

mystes
May 31, 2006



If it turns out they couldn't open the doors to get out I wonder if that will lead to a recall of all Teslas?

mystes
May 31, 2006



Elon Musk actually invented the idea of making batteries out of lots of individual cells.

mystes
May 31, 2006



You could call it a "battery" of batteries.

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mystes
May 31, 2006



Tesla Thread: Stymie was Right

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