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Lowtax posted:Hey guys, I've been finding myself thirsty a lot lately, which always seems to happen around summer, and I've usually been drinking water (from the faucet, from a bottle, from a hose, from a cactus, etc etc). However I just returned from running some errands and I saw a guy drinking water and he was uglier and fatter than me. I don't want to get uglier and fatter (I'm ugly and fat enough), so I was looking into alternatives for water. Here's what I've tried so far:
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Jul 11, 2018 22:18
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 02:11 |
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Just drink gravy. It is like tasty cow water, keep it in a little thermos with you and whenever you see somebody eating dry biscuits you can loudly jump in and offer them some gravy and they will include you in their will.
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Jul 11, 2018 22:19
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I like coconut water and stevia sweetened aloe vera juice
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Jul 11, 2018 22:22
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 Drink hummingbird nectar. Idk it seems to work for them.
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Jul 11, 2018 22:23
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Get some of those Mio flavor things. You can adjust the amount you put into the water or sparkling water or vodka so yeah.
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Jul 11, 2018 22:25
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Drink piss out of an rear end in a top hat.
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Jul 11, 2018 22:26
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Drink frosting straight from the bag. It's the secret drink that athletes and champion mobility scooter pilots don't want you to know.
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Jul 11, 2018 22:27
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I hear if you drink magma you'll never be thirsty again.
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Jul 11, 2018 22:28
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A bottle of olive oil.
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Jul 11, 2018 22:29
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Protein shake for getting swole obviously. Can be mixed with anything posted above.
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Jul 11, 2018 22:30
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I see a lot of people suggesting cum and this is technically correct but what they all failed to mention was that it has to specifically be my cum
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Jul 11, 2018 22:34
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Rhymenoserous posted:A bottle of olive oil. Add some balsamic and welcome to flavor country.
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Jul 11, 2018 22:35
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Backwash
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Jul 11, 2018 22:39
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Farts
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Jul 11, 2018 22:42
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the nestle CEO said that access to water isn't a human right
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Jul 11, 2018 22:42
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sorry for making this a political thread
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Jul 11, 2018 22:43
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Water's for TOILETS
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Jul 11, 2018 22:45
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Water should be nationalised so everyone has free access
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Jul 11, 2018 22:46
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People are mostly water so can't you just drink people?
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Jul 11, 2018 22:49
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Drink coconut oil only, as it is a MIRACLE drug that can cure the following: -bad breath -bad shits -bad hair -bad BMI -bad personality -bad finances -bad diseases, including cancer Just drink that poo poo straight from the bottle and everything wrong with you will be magically cured. The nice man on TV said so! Anyone who says all it did was give them coconut breath is working for Big Pharma and wants you to be sick.
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Jul 11, 2018 22:49
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Just spitballing here but whenever I need some water I try these: * Mountain Dew: Code Red - a cherry (?) soda that is also red, like a cherry * Apple Juice - looks a little bit like piss, epic for pranks * Nesquik - you're supposed to add milk to this but hell it's ready a liquid * Gamer Fuel - like mountain dew I think but you need to be a gamer to have some * Orange Juice - I'm allergic to this one * Salt - technically not a drink but could be combined with liquids to make one * Tang - get your mind out of the gutter!!! Haha it's orange juice I think * Evian - this might actually be water though * Eggnog - a kind of Christmas milk drink? * Nectar - the bastards of the air, hummingbirds, use this instead of water
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Jul 11, 2018 22:50
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i suppose you could find some sort of powdered mangosteen product so you could be healthy and waterless
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Jul 11, 2018 22:52
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Mineral spirits. It's a spooky drink!
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Jul 11, 2018 22:52
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ToxicSlurpee posted:People are mostly water so can't you just drink people? Lowtax covered Blood already; also it's too risky as if he drinks other people's blood he'll either become a vampire or George Romero's Martin.
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Jul 11, 2018 22:53
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Dunk a dill pickle juice OP!!!
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Jul 11, 2018 23:02
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Jose posted:Water should be nationalised so everyone has free access what did you think hurricane maria was for
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Jul 11, 2018 23:04
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A lot of these suggestions contain water. You definitely don't want to risk any of that crap. Mercury, on the other hand, contains no water at all! And unlike water it has a rich history of being used in curing all kinds of ills. You can't go wrong with mercury, is what I'm saying.
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Jul 11, 2018 23:25
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What about these apples! And by these I mean the non alcoholic apple drink all Irish people love : Cidona!  The drink of all Irish children who are bored and stuck in a pub waiting for their parents to stop drinking. Enjoy the rich apple taste of a drink bought in order to bribe your child to piss off while you go on the lash. Edit: i may have emotional donkey brains.
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Jul 11, 2018 23:35
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Yo, 'yankaboy...I got a connect on some polyunsaturated dehydrated water, precision transmogrified in a Pons cold fusion reactor. poo poo's fire, bro so HMU ASAP!!
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Jul 11, 2018 23:39
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La Croix is not the answer. I would drink ball sweat before buying that again. I'm guessing Jolt is the best thing to put in your body.
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Jul 11, 2018 23:42
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have you considered soylent OP? it’s full of oil
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Jul 11, 2018 23:48
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Lowtax this is an easy one. Your new metal spine makes you cybernetic, right? That means you're part machine. What do machines have issues with the most? Heat! The exact problem you're having now! So what you need to do is get a good thermal compound to dissipate the heat. I would suggest a good silver paste that can help regulate your new robotic spine that is causing all of these heat issues.
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Jul 11, 2018 23:49
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I hear roast beef is pretty hydrating prepared with enough au jus.
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Jul 11, 2018 23:51
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Antifreeze! It's green! Who doesn't like to drink green liquids?
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Jul 11, 2018 23:58
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You should fill a party balloon wht maple syrup and slide it over your dick. This will infuse your peehole and bladder with syrupy goodness. The natives called this "inverse drinking"
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Jul 12, 2018 00:02
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The smooth refreshing taste of Winston cigarettes, OP.
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Jul 12, 2018 00:09
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I drink a 70/30 mix Mountain Dew and antifreeze. Keeps me from overheating on those hot summer days.
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Jul 12, 2018 00:09
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I mean, let's be real, Lowtax. We're not getting any younger or better looking. Let's meet up and drink some liquid nitrogen together.
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Jul 12, 2018 00:20
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Hydrogen peroxide. It's like water but contains more thirst-quenching oxygen!
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Jul 12, 2018 00:30
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 02:11 |
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hosed-Up Little Dog posted:lol if you don't hydrate intravenously I legitimately flirted with the idea of learning how to do this myself after a call to 911 once day when I was severely dehydrated (resting heart rate of 190). I took two full bags and it was like... quenching a thirst in places I've never felt before, places I didn't know could react that way. You know when you've been putting in some serious work outside for hours and hours and that one sip you take just takes you to another place for a second? It was like that except ... in all my cells... my organs... all my veins which before that day I didn't know you could feel. Now I dont know if it was because of my degree of dehydration but I've been very close to giving it a try because it was incredible, so blissful, for something so bland.
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Jul 12, 2018 00:36
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