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Hey guys, I've been finding myself thirsty a lot lately, which always seems to happen around summer, and I've usually been drinking water (from the faucet, from a bottle, from a hose, from a cactus, etc etc). However I just returned from running some errands and I saw a guy drinking water and he was uglier and fatter than me. I don't want to get uglier and fatter (I'm ugly and fat enough), so I was looking into alternatives for water. Here's what I've tried so far: * Gatorade - It's pretty good and sweet and I see a lot of attractive pro athletes using it (to drink), so I'm inclined to drink this. However, it's expensive and I heard it contains water, and those are both deal breakers to me. * Milk - This comes from a cow, and cows are full of steak, not water, so that's a plus. However it's even MORE expensive, and also it makes me fart and poo poo a lot. So gently caress off farmers. * Very hard liquor - I looked for 200 proof alcohol and got whatever was the closest to it and now my mouth tastes like pain, so count this option out * Sand - The opposite of what I'm looking for (makes me thirstier), but it is free and you can find a lot of it at children's playgrounds. I take it home with me because moms don't like it when you eat sand in front of their kids. * Blood - Drank my own blood and it tasted like poo poo (I was bleeding out of my rear end in a top hat after drinking a quart of sand). Also I figure that eventually I'll run out of blood to drink, and I'll have to move on to something else (like sand). Are there any viable alternatives to drinking water that you guys have heard about? It needs to taste good and be cost effective and not contain water because I don't want to get fatter and uglier. Thank you and may g*d bless.
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Jul 11, 2018 21:34
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| # ¿ Apr 25, 2024 02:03 |
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Mozi posted:what i find helpful is to dehydrate my water in a bathtub or small kiddie pool with a fan blowing on it until it's all gone, then scrape up the solids and eat them to gain all the necessary nourishment What if I just grind up and eat the bathtub?
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Jul 11, 2018 21:41
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Cirrhosis Johnson posted:Then you become the bathtub.
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Jul 11, 2018 21:44
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Andenno posted:You should try ice. It's like the diet version of water. As you crunch and munch away your jaw is burning up all those extra water calories.
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Jul 11, 2018 21:45
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DISCO KING posted:Gasoline fuels my car, why not your cybernetic body, Lowtax?
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Jul 11, 2018 22:06
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gleebster posted:Take a page out of the bees' book and sip nectar from flowers. When it's winter, time to hibernate or whatever bees do then. What the hell, why do bees do that, sounds dumb as gently caress to drink a flower.
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Jul 12, 2018 02:04
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Fancy_Breakfast posted:Yeah but it only has water in it BECAUSE IT RAINED ON THE ORANGE JUICE TREE. moraon He's not saying to drink the tree, idiot. R > C > P. If the package says "100% orange juice" that means the only thing in there is orange juice, and an orange is full of orange and juice just means it was juiced, ergo quid pro quo there is no water in orange juice Dr. Scientist MD.
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Jul 14, 2018 01:06
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| # ¿ Apr 25, 2024 02:03 |
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Hell Yeah posted:dr scientist is a man of integrity, not some crackpot youtube doctor
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Jul 14, 2018 01:17
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