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I had a several month long dry spell right after college. There was a girl I worked with that had a 10/10 body but was the most socially awkward person I've ever met. Having a conversation with her was literally painful, she'd ramble off about different things and her tone and pitch of voice would vary wildly from moment to moment. She definitely had aspergers, and it might have been full blown autism given how totally weird she was. But her breasts were enormous and I was weak, so I asked her out on a date. We went out to a really nice restaurant and a movie, and I paid for absolutely everything. I could barely form a conversation with her - it was like talking to computer simulation of a person that kept glitching out and rebooting. I cannot stress enough how little fun I was having, how awful the conversation was, and how little chemistry we had. I can't even imagine her having chemistry with any human being. During the date she told me that she was saving herself for marriage, but I still got a handjob that evening. I didn't ask her on a second date because the moment I came my brain completely cleared out and I realized how insane I was being.
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Jul 16, 2018 19:27
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 02:57 |
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hosed your mom
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Jul 16, 2018 19:28
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Hurt my neck pretty bad trying to use the chaise lounge as leverage to suck my own dick
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Jul 16, 2018 19:37
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I also signed up for a high interest loan without reading the paperwork because I was rocking a half chub and was worried everyone in the bank would see 
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Jul 16, 2018 19:40
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MAI WAIFE
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Jul 16, 2018 19:57
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actually paid for porn lol it was only 99¢ and they did that "if you want to see the rest of this video then pay us" thing got me good
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Jul 16, 2018 20:00
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Got married.
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Jul 16, 2018 20:06
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https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3856599 This. No question.
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Jul 16, 2018 20:07
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hosed a really gross girl. Not like dirty or disease ridden or anything, but i definitely didn't tell anyone about it and even try to convince myself some times that it didn't happen.
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Jul 16, 2018 20:07
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jacked it to a sears catalog
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Jul 16, 2018 20:10
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Posted in gbs
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Jul 16, 2018 20:11
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1redflag posted:hosed a really gross girl. Not like dirty or disease ridden or anything, but i definitely didn't tell anyone about it and even try to convince myself some times that it didn't happen.
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Jul 16, 2018 20:13
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I've sent a bunch of goonettes pictures of my dick
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Jul 16, 2018 20:22
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Proceeded to cut a hole in a muskmelon with a paring knife. Microwaved the melon for approximately two minutes. Removed the melon from the microwave and hosed it. The stupid part is that for all intents and purposes I left the melon inedible.
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Jul 16, 2018 20:24
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FactsAreUseless posted:Please do not post about incest on the forums. 
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Jul 16, 2018 20:26
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grindr lol
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Jul 16, 2018 20:27
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spinderella posted:https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3856599 man I am some kinda fuckwit for missing this when it happened. what a wild ride.
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Jul 16, 2018 20:42
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Just started dating a girl - no sex or anything, nothing officially declared, just a couple of hangout style dates. Accepted an invitation to my ex's "apartment warming" party. Went alone. Drank too much knowing the entire time I was drinking too much. Passed out on ex's living room floor. Woke up on the floor of her bedroom. At some point in the night, we ended up going down on each other. The next morning, the ex, her roommate, and me go out to coffee. Ex says, "we're back together" to roommate, I turned to her and said "no we're not." I go home, try to call the girl I was dating to let her know what I did, let her decide if it's a dealbreaker. She ghosts my calls. This was before I had a cellphone, so just calls and voicemails. I assume she found out through the grapevine, but never knew for sure. I see the girl soon after in a coffee shop, ask her how she's doing. I get no read from her one way or the other. I move on with my life, never see her again. Over a decade later, the girl friends me on Facebook. One of her best friends is the ex. Another of her best friends is a previous ex. I wonder to this day who knows who and who knows what, but I'll never find out.
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Jul 16, 2018 20:43
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working & jerking (repeat offender)
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Jul 16, 2018 20:44
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FactsAreUseless posted:Please do not post about incest on the forums. My shameful secret, NOOOOOOOOOO
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Jul 16, 2018 20:56
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Cubone posted:actually paid for porn lol Yeah this. I'm not proud of it but I signed up for a video site early on in the internet days for a month. I probably got my money's worth honestly. I hope at least some of it made its way to the performers. I feel really sleazy watching porn in the first place honestly. I haven't done so in a while.
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Jul 16, 2018 21:05
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craigslist personals 
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Jul 16, 2018 21:08
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Oh man... Ha ha. Oh poo poo. Well, I guess I'll tell you. I did a seasonal gig at a haunted house for extra cash nearly every October for years. It was my third year working there and well I was sort of a wreck at that time in my life. I was doing a lot of speedballs and poo poo just didn't align how I wanted it that day. I had to run all over to secure both Coke and H and I ended an hour and a half away from my job but with forty minutes to get there before my shift started. So I needed to get on the highway and haul rear end to get to work. I also had a very powerful urge to jerk off because of the speedball I did so I put some pronography on my phone and jacked off furiously while driving 85-90 mph on the highway. It was extremely stupid and dangerous but I did not crash my car nor did finish. I was also late for work.
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Jul 16, 2018 21:11
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bradzilla posted:craigslist personals
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Jul 16, 2018 21:12
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Jose posted:I've sent a bunch of goonettes pictures of my dick Iol
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Jul 16, 2018 21:14
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Jim Barris posted:Oh man... Ha ha. Oh poo poo. Well, I guess I'll tell you. I did a seasonal gig at a haunted house for extra cash nearly every October for years. It was my third year working there and well I was sort of a wreck at that time in my life. I was doing a lot of speedballs and poo poo just didn't align how I wanted it that day. I had to run all over to secure both Coke and H and I ended an hour and a half away from my job but with forty minutes to get there before my shift started. So I needed to get on the highway and haul rear end to get to work. I also had a very powerful urge to jerk off because of the speedball I did so I put some pronography on my phone and jacked off furiously while driving 85-90 mph on the highway. It was extremely stupid and dangerous but I did not crash my car nor did finish. I was also late for work. Man how are people doing amphetamines and opiates on the way to work. I always though I was super depraved just jamming some in the comfort of my own home. That's some next level poo poo.
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Jul 16, 2018 21:15
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Nurge posted:Man how are people doing amphetamines and opiates on the way to work. I always though I was super depraved just jamming some in the comfort of my own home. That's some next level poo poo.
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Jul 16, 2018 21:18
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Jim Barris posted:I mean. How do you not? I had to be extremely intoxicated at all times ergo I had to be able to function at a job while extremely intoxicated. Cause I need the job for the money to spend on the drugs to keep me high 24/7 I guess I just never got that far into it then.
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Jul 16, 2018 21:19
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Nurge posted:I guess I just never got that far into it then.
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Jul 16, 2018 21:23
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Jim Barris posted:Could be. Pretty much everybody is susceptible to drug addiction but the more trauma you pile on someone the farther theyre willing to degrade themselves. Yeah. My saving grace was probably that I was never into opiates, just made me feel like poo poo. I loved the poo poo out of speed but I bailed when it got too serious, and that's a lot easier to break.
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Jul 16, 2018 21:24
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Watched videos of other people having sex to quell my sick desires. It's not like I'm the one having sex in this situation. What the gently caress is wrong with me. Simulating sex on myself while pretending it's really happening with a pretty lady, what a sick joke
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Jul 16, 2018 21:25
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Had sex with Kevin Spacey.
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Jul 16, 2018 21:27
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That's a pretty weird and puritanical way to look at sex. If you aren't doing it to reproduce, it's just mechanical stimulation of nerve endings my dude, so go wild with that 20" dildo.
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Jul 16, 2018 21:28
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Colonel Cancer posted:That's a pretty weird and puritanical way to look at sex. If you aren't doing it to reproduce, it's just mechanical stimulation of nerve endings my dude, so go wild with that 20" dildo. Naw man. It's all about the mind. Once you get older and getting aroused gets much loving harder you realize you need to get into the right mood and poo poo. Also porn becomes much less effective because holy poo poo the fake crap gets so much less interesting.
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Jul 16, 2018 21:30
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manually stimulated myself to climax, depriving my body of precious life essence.
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Jul 16, 2018 21:32
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From this day forward I will never touch my penis again. I have drawn a line around my genitals and my hand will never cross it. I hereby secede from the union of my dick and my balls
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Jul 16, 2018 21:32
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house of the dad posted:Watched videos of other people having sex to quell my sick desires. It's not like I'm the one having sex in this situation. What the gently caress is wrong with me. Simulating sex on myself while pretending it's really happening with a pretty lady, what a sick joke poo poo, gently caress
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Jul 16, 2018 21:38
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house of the dad posted:From this day forward I will never touch my penis again. I have drawn a line around my genitals and my hand will never cross it. I hereby secede from the union of my dick and my balls I was gonna ask you about that line the other day...
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Jul 16, 2018 21:40
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Nurge posted:Naw man. It's all about the mind. Once you get older and getting aroused gets much loving harder you realize you need to get into the right mood and poo poo. Also porn becomes much less effective because holy poo poo the fake crap gets so much less interesting. I don't disagree there. It's just silly to put the physical act of sex on a pedestal as opposed to idk healthy sustained relationships that involve sex.
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Jul 16, 2018 21:43
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 02:57 |
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cummed in a lady and then there was a spawn forming in ehr, it came out and now we're stuck forever together in this hell and the dark gods laughing at me for my foolishness and im chained to this meat, this blood and the world is spinning and I keep killing and killing but it never ends (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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Jul 16, 2018 21:51
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