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I have kind of a lovely employment and work history but I'm also in need of a job at the moment. I'm thinking of applying to some upper management positions at lovely companies that I know have poo poo employee practices like JCPenneys or Ross or Sears or something. The thing is, I have absolutely no experience in any of the kind of positions I would be applying for, and I never finished my degree at a fairly prestigious local university. If I were to fudge my application, say that I had finished my degree a decade ago and been working fake jobs ever since, is there any chance I could land myself a bullshit job at one of those companies -- and in the worst case scenario what kind of backlash would I be looking at for lying?
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Jul 16, 2018 23:21
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The Holy Ghost will look down upon you.
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Jul 16, 2018 23:22
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Being able to look at yourself in the mirror for the rest of your life.
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Jul 16, 2018 23:24
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It’s usually pretty easy to get away with. https://www.nytimes.com/2007/04/27/us/27mit.html?nytmobile=0 Our stupid HR does minimal background diligence, I’ve hired some crazy loving people. If they were able to suppress the crazy they’d still likely have jobs.
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Jul 16, 2018 23:25
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im a yale man. i actually went to yale, yale law. yeahhh. i rowed & ate turtles and wore makeup at the old boys club. had my rear end hosed etc. im a laywer now, argal bargal etc.
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Jul 16, 2018 23:25
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Jobs are just a means to an end, not your identity your life Lie your way to the top. Trust me, a lot of people do it. I got the best job of my life because I lied
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Jul 16, 2018 23:25
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they make you murder a baby on your first day to prove you really are sociopath class, extremely not worth it in my experience
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Jul 16, 2018 23:27
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if u crack a baby open it looks just like the inside of a passion fruit. i know b/c i played 'eunuch chef' in my eating clubs staging of caligula the movie, at yale.
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Jul 16, 2018 23:29
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Ive recruited a bunch of people in the past, never checked qualifications. Dont lie about your work exp tho and if you cant get an ex job as a reference use a character reference.
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Jul 16, 2018 23:30
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lol but seriously I posted:they make you murder a baby on your first day to prove you really are sociopath class, extremely not worth it in my experience That was my last job. Thanks to the tremendous support of the posters ^^^^^^^^^ I think I may fudge some poo poo and not be too worried
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Jul 16, 2018 23:30
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I always say I don't have any criminal charges I haven't been pardoned for even though I do and apparently they just don't bother doing a police check most places because I have a job
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Jul 16, 2018 23:32
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claim you went to magdalen college but pronounce it 'maudlin' bc thats how those fusty old queers say it at maudlin. if they ask for ur diploma reach into ur pocket and molest them
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Jul 16, 2018 23:33
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macdonal hamborkles posted:Ive recruited a bunch of people in the past, never checked qualifications. Lying about work experience is the whole premise behind this post. I have plenty of people who will answer the phone and say I worked for them even though I never did. How thorough do I need to be on a "work experience" check?
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Jul 16, 2018 23:33
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Listen to me Jesus. Nothing bad will happen to you. There is literally no downside to lying on your resume. If you are confident that you can do the work, actually gently caress it, even if you are NOT confident that you can do the work you still should lie and then fake it till you make it. You absolutely MUST lie on your resume. And don't go small like, padding years or using flowery language. No. Make up whole stretches of high level work and degrees you don't have. Go big, JC. Trust me.
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Jul 16, 2018 23:37
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say you are bill gates and they will believe you as long as you have a strong handshake
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Jul 16, 2018 23:39
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I got fired from like 4 jobs in my 20s and always lied about the reason I left when interviewing at other places. No one ever called me on it. Most companies are only willing to confirm employment and won't give any details for fear of being sued for defamation in case they gently caress up.
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Jul 16, 2018 23:40
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there's people who just decide they're dentists and start practicing dentistry and don't get caught for like 30 years, meaning presumably there's some that just never get caught. it's chaos out there.
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Jul 16, 2018 23:40
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My last resume was at LEAST 80% lies and I got the job that required a CS degree and 5 years of experience. I don't even have a degree and now I get to boss people around. Lmao if you spent a shitload of money and time on college. You fools. You absolute imbeciles.
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Jul 16, 2018 23:43
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We are probably one of the last generations that will be able to get away with lying about our employment histories. You see, cause we are all going to die in nuclear war, climate change, etc. In the very near future. So gently caress it, go wild.
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Jul 16, 2018 23:43
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Get a job as a police man i've always wanted to be a police man you can drive fast shoot people maybe and beat up homeless crustpunks
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Jul 16, 2018 23:44
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BloodRed posted:Get a job as a police man i've always wanted to be a police man you can drive fast shoot people maybe and beat up homeless crustpunks if ur a policeman u can sit in teh drunk tank and wack off on the drunks in there they say. the old sanfran hosedown
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Jul 16, 2018 23:45
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It worked for the president
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Jul 16, 2018 23:46
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UglyCrackBaby posted:It worked for the president ...no it didnt
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Jul 16, 2018 23:46
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if you lie on your resume you will get it all wrinkly
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Jul 17, 2018 00:03
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doesn’t that happen anyway though? Like, eventually?
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Jul 17, 2018 00:12
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Jeez, try this, lie in your resume but then ask around A/T for details. Like, if you’re lying about being a computational biologist, post a thread in the science sub like “haha I know were al scientists wouldn’t it be funny if we all posted the work experience portions of our resumes for laughs” e: quote is not edit Murray Mantoinette fucked around with this message at 00:21 on Jul 17, 2018 |
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Jul 17, 2018 00:14
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Yo that's actually a really good idea. Hold up, I'll be right back.
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Jul 17, 2018 00:15
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Murray Mantoinette posted:doesn’t that happen anyway though? Like, eventually? not if u get one of those south korean foreskin facial things
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Jul 17, 2018 00:16
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BloodRed posted:not if u get one of those south korean foreskin facial things I get those all the time. We talking about two different things?
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Jul 17, 2018 00:21
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Lying is unethical. But then again so are most businesses so really you'd be showing how well you fit into a corporate structure by being a huge phony.
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Jul 17, 2018 00:23
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lie your way into a job, and then after a few months use your current job as evidence to get into your next job. repeat one or two times and then you'll have a "real" resume and won't have to worry about being found out! you could also gin up a bullshit website for a fake startup and have a friend agree to take calls/emails at the contact info listed on the website. could also try and dig up the name of a local company that went bankrupt within the last few years, and then claim them on your resume
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Jul 17, 2018 00:27
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say argal alot. thats lawyer speak,and something of the lingo at yale
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Jul 17, 2018 00:28
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1redflag posted:You see, cause we are all going to die in nuclear war, climate change, etc. In the very near future. So gently caress it, go wild. lol if there's a nuclear war you probably won't die in the initial exchange. you'll either rot away from radiation sickness or cancer, or you'll get murdered by bandits. lol!!
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Jul 17, 2018 00:28
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Farmer Crack-rear end posted:lie your way into a job, and then after a few months use your current job as evidence to get into your next job. repeat one or two times and then you'll have a "real" resume and won't have to worry about being found out! now this is the next level thinking we need
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Jul 17, 2018 00:34
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Murray Mantoinette posted:I get those all the time. We talking about two different things? no this is ground up foreskin stemcells rubbed onto rich womens faces not an old man cumming on ur face in an alleyway http://www.iflscience.com/health-and-medicine/penis-facials-are-hollywoods-favorite-new-beauty-trend-yes-really/
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Jul 17, 2018 00:37
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Farmer Crack-rear end posted:lol if there's a nuclear war you probably won't die in the initial exchange. you'll either rot away from radiation sickness or cancer, or you'll get murdered by bandits. lol!! do i need to apply to become a bandits?
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Jul 17, 2018 00:55
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lol if you go to interviews that don't entail 8 hours of intensive technical exams and interrogation.
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Jul 17, 2018 00:58
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BloodRed posted:no this is ground up foreskin stemcells rubbed onto rich womens faces not an old man cumming on ur face in an alleyway Gross! I’ll stick with cum tyvm
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Jul 17, 2018 00:58
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Why would so,some with a degree from a prestigious un I want a job at J.C. Penney? Huh fella?
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Jul 17, 2018 01:11
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Burt Sexual posted:Why would so,some with a degree from a prestigious un I want a job at J.C. Penney? Huh fella? It's the latest wheeze, argal. Bunky Watson got a job as a manager in the menswear argal department at a Sears. Really livened up the internal competition thing they have by tossing firecrackers into the heavy appliances department. Argal.
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Jul 17, 2018 01:17
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