let's get down to business

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > let's get down to business

barfdog

alright lads, it's time to get down to brass tacks. we've got a feature rich innovation surface here so i'd appreciate it if you joined me in stir-frying some thoughts in my strategy wok so we can reach synergy on this issue.

circle around with me next week and we'll touch base on this. as always, my door is open.

# ? Jul 27, 2018 09:32

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# ? Apr 20, 2024 03:03

barfdog

listen, dave, i'm not willing to land my helicopter on this project, so you need to get some bodies in that boardroom, because if we're going to participate in this gold rush, we need to be the guys selling picks and shovels - understood?

https://i.imgur.com/FLpAnfS.mp4

# ? Jul 27, 2018 09:38

barfdog

karen, i've had enough of this, if you can't ride two ponies at the same time then you don't bloody belong in the circus

https://i.imgur.com/FLpAnfS.mp4

# ? Jul 27, 2018 09:45

Starshark

I've put up the sign 'spitballing in session' so all ideas are on the table. Just one rule: no politicians or prima donnas.

# ? Jul 27, 2018 10:19

barfdog

Starshark posted:

I've put up the sign 'spitballing in session' so all ideas are on the table. Just one rule: no politicians or prima donnas.

agreed, we've already got too many chiefs and not enough indians. let's just strategize here with some high collaborative synergy, alright lads?

https://i.imgur.com/FLpAnfS.mp4

# ? Jul 27, 2018 10:25

Manifisto

as the grasshopper said to the ant, in effect, those who cannot contextualize their paradigms are doomed to defeat them. let's hop back on that donkey!

# ? Jul 27, 2018 14:26

Luvcow: One day nearer spring

lets just make sure we don't end up with a 10 pound sausage stuffed into a squirrel scrotum like last time.

# ? Jul 27, 2018 14:30

Manifisto

Luvcow posted:

lets just make sure we don't end up with a 10 pound sausage stuffed into a squirrel scrotum like last time.

you must admit it was one of our more memorable company picnics

# ? Jul 27, 2018 14:32

barfdog

Manifisto posted:

you must admit it was one of our more memorable company picnics

hah, much like the time jerry ballsed up the barbeque, quite literally, the bloody moron

https://i.imgur.com/FLpAnfS.mp4

# ? Jul 27, 2018 14:35

Manifisto

minidisc terrorism posted:

hah, much like the time jerry ballsed up the barbeque, quite literally, the bloody moron

truck nutz were a huge hit, who could have suspected that bbq nutz would fail so spectacularly?

# ? Jul 27, 2018 14:38

Luvcow: One day nearer spring

i just want to make sure we really dingo that baby and have absolutely no grease on the pole when this thing goes down, its gotta be like sandpaper on silk for us to reach optimal social media saturation

# ? Jul 27, 2018 14:38

barfdog

look, we've got the chalk outline, but there's no corpse for CSI to do their forensics. do you see where i'm going with this, kent? you're sawing off the branch you're sitting on here.

https://i.imgur.com/FLpAnfS.mp4

# ? Jul 27, 2018 14:39

barfdog

Luvcow posted:

i just want to make sure we really dingo that baby and have absolutely no grease on the pole when this thing goes down, its gotta be like sandpaper on silk for us to reach optimal social media saturation

lmbo

https://i.imgur.com/FLpAnfS.mp4

# ? Jul 27, 2018 14:39

barfdog

come, team, let us go truffling in the forest of knowledge!

https://i.imgur.com/FLpAnfS.mp4

# ? Jul 27, 2018 14:41

Dungeon Ecology

i loving strut into the conference room with a boombox over my should and a drop that chrome beast on the table. i pop the tape deck open, close up shot of a tape labeled [TPS Report Summer '18] sliding into place as I close the deck and press the play button down. the shareholders look at me apprehensively...

"karen, hold my calls for the next hour" i say into the Cisco-brand conference triangle, and i proceed to get the gently caress down to business

# ? Jul 27, 2018 18:46

artoke

Welcome to the weekly huddle. The topic this week is: How can we leverage our global business systems to synergize with the growing needs of our locally integrated solutions engine? Remember, there are no wrong answers here, folks. Just be sure to be thinking outside of the box with a focus on our corporate strategy and be sure to independently collaborate within your department while also keeping an eye towards our synergistic business approach to maximize profits while minimizing downtime. Our recently compiled data driven report matrix indicates that we can eke out 7% more profitability by really coming together in an individualized team based restructuring event designed to lower overhead and boost interconnectedness by maintaining each individual's sense of corporate connectivity while *checks watch*

Oh, I have another meeting. Remember people, bring your A game next huddle. I expect low-impact solutions to high-cost issues in my inbox by tomorrow morning. I will leave you with a parting thought:

There is no I in synergy, but there is a yes.

# ? Jul 27, 2018 19:50

alnilam

[me playing with the autocomplete / predictive word thing on my phone] synergy to the city and product sales moving forward and product sales moving forward on social media to engage the other side of the box

my boss: wow, great points alnilam, I'll compile a list of action items and send them out to the team

# ? Jul 27, 2018 20:08

Macnult

buy low...
[finger guns]
sell high

# ? Jul 27, 2018 20:19

barfdog

Macnult posted:

buy low...
[finger guns]
sell high

https://i.imgur.com/FLpAnfS.mp4

# ? Jul 27, 2018 22:14

barfdog

Alright Yobbers, welcome to the quarterly meeting for BYOB Corp, we've got some excellent news - our sales growth is up due to the synergistic relationship growing like a bloody beanstalk between our sales teams. And we've been planting those magic beans in new sales sectors, including Europe - specifically France. Parlez vous Francais? *salespeople laugh hysterically* Haha, anyway - I think I hear a train, guys. Now let's climb aboard and ride it all the way to profit central.

https://i.imgur.com/FLpAnfS.mp4

# ? Jul 27, 2018 22:22

Farecoal: There he go

Have we considered leveraging our online brand presence? I really think we should leverage it. Like, uh, *beginning to sweat" LEVERAGE it you know?

# ? Jul 29, 2018 13:17

google THIS

I hear you, Dave, I hear your point. But what if�and this is going to sound highly unorthodox, but bear with me here�what if we didn't defeat the Huns?

# ? Jul 29, 2018 19:49

barfdog

google THIS posted:

I hear you, Dave, I hear your point. But what if�and this is going to sound highly unorthodox, but bear with me here�what if we didn't defeat the Huns?

All I'm saying is, think of what we can do with the horse, without the Trojans involved. Just think about it for a second. We could make great strides, Jerry.

https://i.imgur.com/FLpAnfS.mp4

# ? Jul 29, 2018 20:13

Luvcow: One day nearer spring

listen people this is a cutting edge, paradigm shifting idea. where we're going we wont need wheels, we won't need horses or camels or hell, even wings. if we can stick this landing we will be literally walking through walls in ways that icarus and sisyphus would never have dreamed of.

# ? Jul 29, 2018 20:49

wearing a lampshade

Maximize your minimum input into exponential output, so the entirety of the organization can exceed our optimal synergistic flow - when you finish the pot, brew another.

# ? Jul 29, 2018 21:42

Dick Bastardly: Muttley is SKYNET!!!

Let's funnel all of our creative energy, linking, interfacing with each other. Then let's bake a cake. An energy cake, full of innovation. If you can think it, you can bake it. $1000 a share.

Awesome winter sig by Symbolic, love it!

Lovely sig by the masterful Matoi Ryuko, thanks!

# ? Jul 29, 2018 23:14

Robot Made of Meat

OK, I'm really feeling positive about how we're leveraging our brand in order to grow our business model to facilitate expanding our . . synergistic . . umm . . paradigm?

All right. I'm just going to come right out and say it. I have no loving idea what we do. Anybody?

Thanks to Manifisto for the sig!

# ? Jul 30, 2018 01:54

Macnult

Welcome to the LinkedIn group! If you check the group description you�ll see we�re all using whatsapp to make communication easier. We realize that phones can be distracting (VERY bad for business!), so in the WhatsApp group you�ll find a shared link to the company�s private Skype chat. However, the company wants us to try a more updated platform. Keep an eye out for a Skype notification - It�ll be a link for you to join Slack. Then, we can finally get down to business!

# ? Jul 30, 2018 04:45

barfdog

i want you all to be LEADERS. i want you to take the initiative to make those moonshots. i want you to bring out the big guns, the big ideas. turn those distant goals into daily behaviours! be that dealer in innovation and hope that your peers look for, and lead!

but remember who the loving boss is around here and get back to work.

https://i.imgur.com/FLpAnfS.mp4

# ? Jul 30, 2018 06:20

Twenty Four

streamlining

# ? Jul 30, 2018 09:47

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

I straighten my tie in the mirror and exhale.

I jab a finger at parallel me and say, "Let's get down to business."

I snap, shoot the double guns, and say, "Let's get down to biz-nazz."

I smile, bob one arm in front of me and the other behind me, and say, "Let's work like an Egyptian."

"Ugh, I'm gonna get fired."

# ? Jul 30, 2018 13:10

Twenty Four

If you are in a meeting and someone mentions "spitballing", you are wasting a huge opportunity if you don't start shooting actual spitballs at your coworkers and blow it off as "Look, I'm just spitballing here".

# ? Jul 30, 2018 13:20

barfdog

look, lads, we need to maximise our throughput here, butter both sides of the bread, if you will.

https://i.imgur.com/FLpAnfS.mp4

# ? Jul 30, 2018 13:21

shame on an IGA

jerry can you mute your mic

# ? Jul 31, 2018 00:39

Ferdinand the Bull

Hey everyone this is jared. He is gonna be joining us in our morning scrums, lets all welcome him.
Jared is from our office out in London, hes a relationship coordinator. Hes got a couple real great ideas to help us achieve synergy and up our velocity.
Thanks everypne and keep up the good work! We rule!

# ? Jul 31, 2018 04:43