This is how I love guys to text and act

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > This is how I love guys to text and act

Gatekeeper: Aug 3, 2003; He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

if only there were a way to sing ice cream into existence

all i can do is make dogs and coyotes howl furiously

im afraid my singing might do the same to a lady or gent

but if ice cream fell from my.mouth like angel poo poo i bet people would get in love with me

# ¿ Jul 27, 2018 21:04

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# ¿ Apr 28, 2024 12:25

Gatekeeper: Aug 3, 2003; He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

i have learned that it can be helpful that my mom is a licensed cosmetician and can get products on the super cheap at the beauty supply store because a lot of people especially cute people love when i bring them presents with silly names like bumble & bumble

i always feel cool struttin into the beauty supply store with mom as she flashes her license like how they do at the costco and im like "hey toots, im with her, now could you please show me what makes people pretty??"

beauty products plus good fast food just makes sense and its obvious that most of you really need to grow up and admit that asking your mom for help is cool

# ¿ Jul 27, 2018 22:39

Gatekeeper: Aug 3, 2003; He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

Rad-daddio posted:

If you could feed me baby bird-style with your magic ice cream, I'd deliver your enemies' heads at your feet.

i used to do this with my dog and i miss doing it a lot

just horfing up ice cream and bloogaaaw! out it would come into his waiting jaws

# ¿ Jul 27, 2018 22:41

Gatekeeper: Aug 3, 2003; He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

Play posted:

Barf

yes this exactly

:smallbarf:

# ¿ Jul 27, 2018 22:41

Gatekeeper: Aug 3, 2003; He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

Skylark is good if my admittedly spotty from shock treatment memory serves so maybe learn manners?? and then girls will like you????

# ¿ Jul 27, 2018 22:52

Gatekeeper: Aug 3, 2003; He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

Skylark posted:

^^^ This guy is winning.. He understands beauty preoducts + snacks are amazing thoughtful gifts. Combine it with cuddling and its perfect 😍

cuddling is literally sleeping while you're awake whilst embracing a nice warm cutiepie

its super cool, as they say in france where love was invented

# ¿ Jul 27, 2018 23:21

Gatekeeper: Aug 3, 2003; He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

i like tiny kisses in and around the face

hugs no longer than three seconds unless it's cuddling time and then i insist they wear their CPAP mask for their apnea

obviously the mask makes kisses difficult but most ppl are bad at hugging and kissing together and should focus one at a time

# ¿ Jul 28, 2018 01:21

Gatekeeper: Aug 3, 2003; He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

Skylark posted:

Lmao well hopefuly you got some gifts/food/drinks/coin out of him atleast. Thats what guys like that are for tbh

yeah and when you dumped him i hope you kept his CPAP machine because girl they are priiiiiiiiicy!

# ¿ Jul 28, 2018 01:22

Gatekeeper: Aug 3, 2003; He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

Pro PRC Laowai posted:

Girl you know those aren’t making up for his baby dick

He might as well cut the drat thing off, it’s not doing him or anyone else any good

Dr drew said your skilled nimble fingies can replace even the best veiny weiners and he's a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist

# ¿ Jul 28, 2018 01:27

Gatekeeper: Aug 3, 2003; He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

adDICKtion medicine specialist lmao

# ¿ Jul 28, 2018 01:28

Gatekeeper: Aug 3, 2003; He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

Lacey posted:

yeah but maybe microdick guy was too busy worrying about about his dressed-up clit to really put in the effort

insecure fedora guy =/= competent lesbian

wisdom fam

# ¿ Jul 28, 2018 01:42

Gatekeeper: Aug 3, 2003; He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

Skylark posted:

I like guys who play videogames

if i learn to play videogames will i become more desirable to the men and women im keen on? i honestly hate videogames and im a much bigger fan of watching TV shows and pretending im controlling the characters and yelling when they do things i told them not to do

do suitors like this?

# ¿ Jul 28, 2018 03:57

Gatekeeper: Aug 3, 2003; He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

i loved hannibal because i kept telling him to eat ppl and he did it which was good

i hated the office because dwight never tried to suck his own dick right there in the office

# ¿ Jul 28, 2018 03:58

Gatekeeper: Aug 3, 2003; He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

Jim Long-un posted:

Oh babey, the way you move your hand and head in opposite directions while you give blow jobs doesn't feel weird and horrible at all, i really love your lack of co-ordination as it reminds me of how infantile you are: how little society expects of you mentally and how you're considered valuable for how you look rather than how you act, why can't i be gay? why can't i stomach loving a men's asses? what cruel punishment from a negligent god is this life?

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

jfc is this what my posts look like to everyone else??

edit: not the weird toxic attitude but the general crazy

# ¿ Jul 28, 2018 05:54

Gatekeeper: Aug 3, 2003; He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

spinderella posted:

Yes?

i have a drs note at least

# ¿ Jul 28, 2018 06:33

Gatekeeper: Aug 3, 2003; He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

blarzgh posted:

I took a poo poo in the guest bathroom instead of the master bathroom so my wife didn't have to smell it when she went to bed who says romance is dead?

ive noticed that when i smoke a cig whilst making GBS threads the combined odor reminds me of my dad when i was little and i don't want to put anyone through that so :same:

# ¿ Jul 28, 2018 06:42

Gatekeeper: Aug 3, 2003; He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

i always say "hey babe you in the mood for some italian??" and when they say yes i take out my penis and wave it around like il salsiccioto

but i follow it up with actual dinner so they don't think im gross or childish

# ¿ Jul 28, 2018 07:40

Gatekeeper: Aug 3, 2003; He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

Skylark posted:

Im not even inside of that range of sizes.

i believe your bones also are hollow to allow for flight? pls correct me if im telling tales out of school here

# ¿ Jul 28, 2018 19:39

Gatekeeper: Aug 3, 2003; He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

i usually go with puttana or puttana schifosa or faccia brutta or even faccia puttana because italian is a romantic language

# ¿ Jul 28, 2018 19:58

Gatekeeper: Aug 3, 2003; He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

i did tricks on my partners here in arizona bc they don't know how to speak italian which is cool bc in NYC ppl hit me for calling them pussyface

# ¿ Jul 28, 2018 20:00

Gatekeeper: Aug 3, 2003; He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

Cosmik Slop posted:

I snivel at my gf using stilted "sensitive" language until she texts me back and/or lets me see her nipple

ive found that whatever makes them happy sets me free
they thank me for being there for them
whatever keeps them in my arms y'know

# ¿ Jul 28, 2018 21:01

Gatekeeper: Aug 3, 2003; He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

spinderella posted:

Sweetheart and sweetie too.

theyre good, and realtalk i usually fall back on "sugar" which frankly sounds p cute with my heavy NY accent

although honestly in any long-term relationship i've ever had, we end up coming up with dorky nicknames for each other

it just sorta happens after a certain point and there's no conscious awareness of doing it

# ¿ Jul 29, 2018 02:39

Gatekeeper: Aug 3, 2003; He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

like one lady called me jazzy, it evolved from Al Jazeera because her mom worked at the pentagon and she claimed i was DEF on a govt watchlist for browsing Al Jazeera's English language website

i called her stinkerbell

# ¿ Jul 29, 2018 02:40

Gatekeeper: Aug 3, 2003; He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

timp posted:

My fiancée and I both call each other Babers

# ¿ Jul 29, 2018 03:07

Gatekeeper: Aug 3, 2003; He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

like from the tsa for flying? no i just cut my hair and wear suits when I fly instead of birkenstocks and hemp stuff and they stopped pulling me out of the line for "random" searches, now they just wave me through like the good adult man i'm pretending to be

# ¿ Jul 29, 2018 04:52

Gatekeeper: Aug 3, 2003; He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

i try to make it go up inside my body like a snail into its shell just to prank em

# ¿ Jul 29, 2018 04:59

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# ¿ Apr 28, 2024 12:25

Gatekeeper: Aug 3, 2003; He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

RFC2324 posted:

twist it around so it looks like a pig tail

tie something metal to it, like a soda can, and when the screener sees your stretched weiner and the metal detector starts beepbooping be like "whoopsies! total brain fart" and reach up into your pant leg from the bottom and grab the soda

# ¿ Jul 29, 2018 05:09

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > This is how I love guys to text and act