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Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?




____________________________

Raw Results:
  • A recap aired of Heyman risking being fired last week unless he could produce Brock Lesnar in the ring, and Lesnar destroying Angle and then manhandling Heyman.
  • Kurt and Corbin came to the ring to discuss what happened. Roman Reigns came out and harassed Corbin for doing nothing to protect Kurt, and claimed if he'd been there he would have protected him. Roman insisted that Kurt not suspend Brock and delay his next title shot, and Kurt said the match was happening and he wanted Roman to win.
  • Corbin told Kurt he was being unprofessional and made excuses to Roman as to why he didn't fight Brock. He trash-talked Kurt for being nothing but a glorified matchmaker, so Kurt immediately made a match between Corbin and Roman.
  • Corbin cheapshotted Roman to start the match. He had long stretches of dominance and the match went through two commercial breaks. Roman finally got the upper hand and Corbin tried to bail, but Balor came down the ramp and distracted him, allowing Roman to hit the Superman Punch on the outside, get Corbin into the ring and pin him. The crowd seemed really into Roman during this match.
  • Balor got into the ring, dropkicked Corbin and then hit him with the Coup de Grace.
  • Seth Rollins spoke with Kurt Angle backstage about Drew or Dolph constantly assisting each other to his detriment. Kurt's answer was to let Seth tag with somebody tonight against both, which doesn't actually address the issue in any way. Seth seemed happy regardless.
  • Bobby Roode (eventually) beat Mojo Rawley in a singles match, even if it looked like he rolled off of Mojo a little earlier than the 3 count. They immediately cut to the back where Elias was managing his own camera crew.
  • Elias came out for his concert. He talked trash about Jacksonville and his own documentary crew he'd hired to film him. Bobby Lashley came out and beat him up, making the documentary crew come back to film him hitting a vertical suplex.
  • Michael Cole informed the audience at home that Ambrose was still out injured and would not be Seth Rollins partner. Tyler Breeze offered Seth his assistance (Crossfit Breezus as their team name) but Seth took Roman up on his offer to be his partner instead.
  • Rezar from the Authors of Pain defeated Titus O'Neill in a singles match.
  • Kevin Owens interviewed Jinder Mahal on a platform set up beside the stage, talking all over Jinder to brag about beating Strowman in a cage match. The platform got tipped over by BRAUN, though the bump that Owens and Jinder took didn't look particularly impressive.
  • Jinder Mahal defeated BRAUN by DQ when Owens tried to steal the MITB briefcase, BRAUN took him out but then hit Jinder with the briefcase.
  • Corbin passed his phone to Kurt Angle for ANOTHER message from Stephanie McMahon.
  • A video package for Lesnar/Reigns had Reigns claim that Brock had only REALLY beaten him once, since Seth interfered in their first Wrestlemania match and he "technically" should have won the cage match at Greatest Royal Rumble. He said with Lesnar aiming to go to UFC, Reigns HAD to win.
  • Baron Corbin and Kurt Angle informed Roman that once again in the interests of preserving the Summerslam Main Event, Reigns couldn't compete tonight. If he did, he would forfeit the Summerslam match. Seth said he would be okay and Reigns punched Corbin in the ribs after asking him how his ribs felt.
  • Finn Balor and Baron Corbin will fight AGAIN at Summerslam.
  • Seth fought Dolph and Drew by himself (the crowd chanted for Ambrose) and then got pinned after a superkick by Dolph.
  • The B Team vs. The Revival ended in a Double DQ when The Deleters of Worlds appeared and attacked Scott Dawson and Bo Dallas simultaneously.
  • Paul Heyman was interviewed by Renee Young about his relationship with Brock Lesnar. Heyman was freaked out, saying Brock had broken off all contact and he had no idea what was going on. He didn't know who if anyone he would manage if he couldn't do it for Brock, but also warned that Roman Reigns wouldn't stand a chance against Brock in his current state.
  • Sarah Logan and Liv Morgan defeated Sasha Banks and Bayley after a distraction by a hooded figure, who ended up being a returning Ruby Riott.
  • The B Team will defend their tag titles next week on Raw in a triple threat against The Deleters of Worlds AND The Revival.
  • Alexa Bliss took over a pre-match interview by Charly Caruso with Alicia Fox, to talk up how Alicia was unappreciated. They showed footage of Alicia getting the jump on Ronda last week.
  • Ronda Rousey showed up with Natalya for the main event and very quickly tapped Alicia out despite repeated attempts by Alexa Bliss to distract her. Nattie and Ronda hugged after the match and Alexa tried to jump her, but Ronda fought her off, then got on the mic and warned her that no matter what Alexa tried or how tight she held onto the belt, it would be Ronda's at Summerslam.
____________________________

Smackdown Results:
  • Randy Orton opened the show and did a promo about how he was going to be more violent than ever because he didn't get the respect he deserved, and he was going to destroy all the crowd's fan-favorites, just like he did to Jeff Hardy.
  • Backstage, Charlotte and Becky both insisted to each other they were cool with the Summerslam triple threat and would be able to work together as a tag team tonight.
  • Carmella was on commentary for Charlotte/Becky vs. The IIconics. The IIconics did a promo before the match mocking Becky for always being in Charlotte's shadow.
  • Charlotte and Becky defeated the IIconics, though Becky was less than thrilled that Charlotte blind-tagged in to lock in the Figure 8 and get the submission win. Post-match, the two presented a united front to argue with Carmella.
  • The New Day took over their own interview, sending Renee away so Kofi could put on a blonde wig and interview them as "Kramer King".
  • The Miz, in a pre-taped segment on the set of Miz and Mrs, accepted Daniel Bryan's challenge for a match at Summerslam.
  • Becky reminded Charlotte backstage that even though they won a tag match tonight, at Summerslam it is every woman for herself.
  • AJ Styles answered Samoa Joe's promo for last year, admitting that he had made some family sacrifices to get and retain the title, but everything he did was for them. He warned Joe that talking about his family had put him into AJ's bad books, and not only would Joe not walk out of Summerslam with the title, he would be lucky to walk out at all.
  • Samoa Joe was watching the interview backstage and laughed at the threat.
  • Rusev told Lana backstage that she was right last week, and this week he would be in his corner. They accepted an apology from Aiden English but warned him he couldn't join them at ringside.
  • Zelina defeated Lana again following a distraction when Aiden English rushed out to help Rusev who was being attacked by Andrade "Cien" Almas. English was furious with himself, but Rusev looked even more furious.
  • Shinsuke was interviewed backstage by Renee where he claimed he couldn't defend the US Title at Summerslam against Jeff Hardy since he'd been "erased" by Orton. When Renee said Orton hadn't meant that literally, he rolled his eyes and explained he understood metaphors.
  • R-Truth (with Tye Dillinger) approached to challenge Shinsuke to a Summerslam match, saying he would earn it by pinning... Carmella! As Tye explained it didn't work that way, Shinsuke mocked Truth in Japanese and left. Truth was horrified, and decided he was instead challenging Shinsuke TONIGHT.
  • Byron Saxton was in-ring to interview Miz (on the Titantron on location on the Miz and Mrs set) about Daniel Bryan, but Miz would only take about Miz and Mrs (and also pronounced gif "jif" ). He finally got to talking about Daniel and got all fired up claiming he had carried Daniel all this way... and then Bryan appeared out of nowhere and started beating the poo poo out of him. Security tried to haul Bryan off but he fought them off too, only for Miz to just LAUNCH a vase of flowers at him and knock him down before escaping.
  • Shinsuke Nakamura defeated R-Truth, though Truth put up a good fight and had the crowd largely behind him.
  • The Bludgeon Brothers destroyed a couple of jobbers.
  • The New Day (Kofi and BIG E) defeated The Bar in a really good, long and fun match, and will now face The Bludgeon Brothers at Summerslam for the Tag Team Titles. The match ended with BIG E trapped in a crossface but powering up to his feet and lifting Cesaro off the mat, throwing him onto his shoulder and letting Kofi (who blind tagged) hit the Midnight Hour.

Jerusalem fucked around with this message at Aug 8, 2018 around 01:59

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jesus WEP
Oct 17, 2004



Fun Shoe

Raw sounds like it was hella dull

Kirios
Jan 25, 2010

All rise for the AL

M. V. P.


jesus WEP posted:

WWE sounds like it was hella dull

Defiance Industries
Jul 22, 2010

I've hacked into the most secret government and corporate secrets.



jesus WEP posted:

Raw sounds like it was hella dull

Except the Heyman interview, which was amazing

Draxion
Jun 9, 2013


Everyone left the thread halfway through to watch Better Call Saul and quite frankly Heyman should have been in that tonight instead of Raw.

oldpainless
Oct 30, 2009



Kurt Angle doesn't seem to be very good at his job

VJeff
Jun 2, 2011

#HEKNOWS
#SCOOPS
#IGNOREMYPOSTS


Roman Reigns is gonna feud with Baron Corbin at some point this year and boy oh boy after tonight, aren't you just salivating at the thought of those matches and promos?

jesus WEP posted:

Raw sounds like it was hella dull

Heyman cut the promo of his life, besides that it was loving dire.

Heyman is just loving incredible, he's getting this horrible storyline over completely on his own. I can't believe they were having this dude cut the same promo over and over for four years to the point that people actually started getting sick of him.

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

Jeremy Corbyn has been made the subject of an official complaint to the Labour party over his suggestion in 2013 that some British Zionists do not understand 'English irony'.

Are you offended?

Why not put in a complaint?




B TEAM B TEAM GO GO GO

e:

Rarity fucked around with this message at Aug 7, 2018 around 06:38

Vaah
Dec 25, 2008






The new B Team theme sounds like one of those Hot Dad tracks

Strawberry Panda
Nov 4, 2007

Breakfast Defecting, Slow Dick Touching, Root Beer Barreling SwagVP


Draxion posted:

Everyone left the thread halfway through to watch Better Call Saul and quite frankly Heyman should have been in that tonight instead of Raw.

Can't wait to get home and watch it.

BrigadierSensible
Feb 16, 2012

Don't get my name wrong,
If you want to touch me there.

This has been happening for a while, but am I right to say that it feels like they have completely neutered both Matt Hardy and Bray Wyatt by putting them together?

I understand what they were trying for. Put the two spooky/wacky guys together, and let them bounce their spookiness/wackiness off each other.

But in practice what I think they have done is take two guys with gimmicks that were different and interesting, (although it could be argued very strongly that Bray was extremely stale), and blanded them down to WWE-style so that they are now just another team.

I fear them inevitably doing this with the B-Team. Coz I am a huge fan of both Bo and Curtis, and am really enjoying their gormless enthusiasm gimmick. How long before whichever writer/booker gets bored of them and they once more get shunted down and off TV.

MotU
Mar 6, 2007

If you're gonna do it, do it with ~*~Axefaire~*~


im glad ruby riott is back with her family

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?


I was pretty excited for the Deleters of Worlds but I should have known that WWE wouldn't understand it or figure that they could do whatever they wanted with the booking and then just have them appear on the tron/teleport to the ring and the fans would just forget about their losses or gently caress-ups.

They've basically turned their lovely booking of Bray into the same lovely booking but for the tag team.

ChuckDeNomolos
Jan 10, 2013

"For god's sake, man! Can you hear that? I know it seems like crying, and you always have crying in your head, but can you hear that?"


BrigadierSensible posted:

I fear them inevitably doing this with the B-Team. Coz I am a huge fan of both Bo and Curtis, and am really enjoying their gormless enthusiasm gimmick. How long before whichever writer/booker gets bored of them and they once more get shunted down and off TV.

the b team are the new slater and rhyno and will probably fail to even reach such highs as the interview segment from slater's trailer, and i think this might be the highest profile moment of either's career.

rovert
Jun 10, 2013

ATTENTION HOTLINE FANS!

There is hot news circulating about your favorite or most hated promotion or wrestler, but because of the sensitivity of these scoops I can't talk about them here on Something Awful.

To get the low down exclusive, call my hotline now!


Alicia Fox's WWE career here on out will be interesting. Whether she was just brought back to job to Ronda. Also, another heel Ruby Riot is back.

Abroham Lincoln
Sep 19, 2011

Note to self: This one's the good one


rovert posted:

Alicia Fox's WWE career here on out will be interesting. Whether she was just brought back to job to Ronda. Also, another heel Ruby Riot is back.

It seems like her spot was made for Mickie and she was just a last minute injury replacement, so my guess is “still criminally underused.”

CobiWann
Oct 21, 2009

There are lost episodes of course. Stories that were commissioned but never made. Or made but misfiled, post broadcast. Sheer incompetence, of course.

Last night was spent watching Friday the 13th Part 3 with my stepdaughter and discussing the concept of the “Final Girl” as well as whether or not there were any movies with a “Final Boy.”

I completely forgot to tape RAW. I feel no remorse after reading the recap.

CobiWann fucked around with this message at Aug 7, 2018 around 08:56

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


CobiWann posted:

Last night was spent watching Friday the 13th Part 3 with my stepdaughter and discussing the concept of the “Final Girl” as well as whether or not there were any movies with a “Final Boy.”

I completely forgot to tape RAW. I feel no remorse after reading the recap.

Nightmare on elm street 2

RealFoxy
May 11, 2011

King of the Pirates?


Feels like I've been watching the same RAW for the past 5 weeks somehow. Vince getting a blank check somehow lead to RAW taking even less risks than it was before.

e: It's been like this for like 4 months actually

CobiWann
Oct 21, 2009

There are lost episodes of course. Stories that were commissioned but never made. Or made but misfiled, post broadcast. Sheer incompetence, of course.

reignofevil posted:

Nightmare on elm street 2

That one came up, also Fright Night, original and remake, The Burning, and The Faculty.

Also Society but the last 15 minutes of that movie are one big nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooope.

Chinston Wurchill
Jun 27, 2010

It's not that kind of test.

Abroham Lincoln posted:

It seems like her spot was made for Mickie and she was just a last minute injury replacement, so my guess is “still criminally underused.”

Didn't she miss the Not Moolah Battle Royal because of an argument with Ronda's husband? Unfortunate way for her to go out after that.

Aphrodite
Jun 27, 2006



Abroham Lincoln posted:

It seems like her spot was made for Mickie and she was just a last minute injury replacement, so my guess is “still criminally underused.”

Alicia is real bad, if anything she's overused.

tweet my meat
Oct 2, 2013


Actually she's good

Mr. Carlisle
Jul 14, 2007



The Raw experience:

Long boring segment setting up a match you don't care about
Rest hold, cut to commercial
Back from commercial, long rest hold
Go to new commercial
We're back, and yeah - rest hold
Ring post spot
Diving to the outside spot
Finally a pinfall, thank merciful god
Repeat

The promo setting up the Rousey match and everything that followed was hilariously bad

Davros1
Jul 19, 2007

You've got to admit, you are kind of implausible

CobiWann posted:

Last night was spent watching Friday the 13th Part 3 with my stepdaughter and discussing the concept of the “Final Girl” as well as whether or not there were any movies with a “Final Boy.”

I completely forgot to tape RAW. I feel no remorse after reading the recap.

You could say Tommy Jarvis from Friday's 4, 5, & 6 are a final boy

CobiWann
Oct 21, 2009

There are lost episodes of course. Stories that were commissioned but never made. Or made but misfiled, post broadcast. Sheer incompetence, of course.

Davros1 posted:

You could say Tommy Jarvis from Friday's 4, 5, & 6 are a final boy

First person who came to my mind...but we're watching those this weekend and I didn't want to spoil the surprise! I keep telling her we don't need to watch the fifth one but she insists.

Watched some RAW highlights...all I took away from RAW is Roman Reigns is a dickish bully.

Raskolnikov38
Mar 3, 2007

We were somehwere around Manila when the drugs began to take hold


at this rate I think I’ll just skip summerslam, I’ll probably need those six hours for unit planning anyway

bartok
May 10, 2006

hey!
hey!
it's me kane!
hello!


That hour long break they took in the middle of Raw for Better Call Saul was the highlight of the show for me.

DangerDummy!
Jul 6, 2009


CobiWann posted:

First person who came to my mind...but we're watching those this weekend and I didn't want to spoil the surprise! I keep telling her we don't need to watch the fifth one but she insists.

How old is your step daughter? My 10 year old knows I'm a big fan of the franchise and wants to check them out, but I feel like I should wait at least another year or two. She's seen and enjoyed a bit of Supernatural, and loves Stranger Things.

And you should absolutely watch Friday the 13th V: Roy's Revenge. It completely undercuts how good the rest of the first 6 are, but it's dumb as hell and super funny, and it starts the weird time paradox in the series.

DangerDummy! fucked around with this message at Aug 7, 2018 around 14:00

D.N. Nation
Feb 1, 2012



VJeff posted:

Roman Reigns is gonna feud with Baron Corbin at some point this year and boy oh boy after tonight, aren't you just salivating at the thought of those matches and promos?

Corbin's not even that bad, but hoo boy does a long match with plenty of rest holds against The Big Dog® not play to his strengths whatsoever.

Klauser
Feb 24, 2006
You got a dick with that problem!?!

Corbin is cool but I find his current ring gear off-putting.

Veryslightlymad
Jun 3, 2007

Somehow, even more irritating than I look.

Klauser posted:

Corbin is cool but I find his current ring gear off-putting.

I love it, and I want him to painstakingly remove some excellent cufflinks before a match.

jesus WEP
Oct 17, 2004



Fun Shoe

Veryslightlymad posted:

I love it, and I want him to painstakingly remove some excellent cufflinks before a match.
just give him the full naito entrance

DLC Inc
Jun 1, 2011

Tyger Tyger, burning bright,
In the Direct of the night;
What immortal hand or eye,
Could frame the joy of Sakurai?

it's 2018 and dolph ziggler is the loving IC champion and we're seeing Roman v. Brock for the 7th or 8th time

Soul Glo
Aug 27, 2003

Just let it shine through


DLC Inc posted:

it's 2018 and dolph ziggler is the loving IC champion and we're seeing Roman v. Brock for the 7th or 8th time

yeah but people are admitting dolph/mcintyre is fine and apparently people were cheering roman last night?

so vince will win by attrition i guess

boar guy
Jan 25, 2007


two thoughts on RAW:

1. was there ever less of a pop for a match ending than ziggler pinning rollins. i have always like ziggler's in ring style but hes just a heat vacuum. should have been born 20 years earlier
2. not a single one of us deserves paul heyman

VJeff
Jun 2, 2011

#HEKNOWS
#SCOOPS
#IGNOREMYPOSTS


Soul Glo posted:

yeah but people are admitting dolph/mcintyre is fine and apparently people were cheering roman last night?

so vince will win by attrition i guess

Last night was in Jacksonville. We'll see how Roman gets cheered outside his home state.

Wazzu
Feb 28, 2008

Are you sure I'm winning the Rumble? That does'nt seem right.....

CobiWann posted:

First person who came to my mind...but we're watching those this weekend and I didn't want to spoil the surprise! I keep telling her we don't need to watch the fifth one but she insists.

Watched some RAW highlights...all I took away from RAW is Roman Reigns is a dickish bully.

Wikipedia posted:

Aside from its gore, the film has also become known for its explicit nudity and sex scene,[2] as well as frequent drug use. Peter Bracke's book Crystal Lake Memories: The Complete History of Friday the 13th details that behind the scenes, the production was plagued with hardcore drug use.

Watching all the horror films with a 13 year old sounds like a weird experience.

Wazzu fucked around with this message at Aug 7, 2018 around 15:17

tweet my meat
Oct 2, 2013


It's like they keep putting a staple gun labelled "roman reigns" against my bare rear end cheeks without pulling the trigger every week for multiple years until I'm begging them to just pull the trigger and staple my bare rear end live at summerslam on the wwe network.

I don't even hate roman, I'm just desperate for him to stop chasing the title and for the title to not be on brock.

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CobiWann
Oct 21, 2009

There are lost episodes of course. Stories that were commissioned but never made. Or made but misfiled, post broadcast. Sheer incompetence, of course.

DangerDummy! posted:

How old is your step daughter? My 10 year old knows I'm a big fan of the franchise and wants to check them out, but I feel like I should wait at least another year or two. She's seen and enjoyed a bit of Supernatural, and loves Stranger Things.

And you should absolutely watch Friday the 13th V: Roy's Revenge. It completely undercuts how good the rest of the first 6 are, but it's dumb as hell and super funny, and it starts the weird time paradox in the series.

She's 13, and it's really only been since March that she's dipped her toe into horror movies. It also helps that she's the one telling ME to cover my eyes during a nude scene. Our movie watching sessions tend to devolve into MST3K style stuff, save the latter half of Halloween when she was absolutely glued to the screen.

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