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Over There
Jun 28, 2013

by Azathoth
Goes into a Starbucks and orders a latte. Gives cashier $5 and gets 2 cent back extra in change.

Start to giggle, looking at the cashier "A surprise to be sure, but a welcome one"

Shyly runs out of the store while nobody pays any mind.

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Hairy Right Hook
Sep 9, 2001

Hee to the ho
*gets into fights*
STOP HOLDING ME BACK LIKE OBI WAN DID

coolskull
Nov 11, 2007

sitting alone in the dark bathroom frantically scrubbing, saying “now this is pod racing...”

Over There
Jun 28, 2013

by Azathoth
Get to work and theres a poll on the front page asking who is the best cat. Garfield was the clear winner.

Get an email from a coworker saying the poll is rigged, because her cat didn't win and send a bunch of cute pictures of her cat.

Reply: "This is outrageous, this is unfair"

She laughs and said haha yeah its outrageous!

Over There
Jun 28, 2013

by Azathoth
Get an email from my manager titled "For my ladies today" which has an inspirational meme talking about being yourself and being queen.

Reply: "Not just the women, but the men and children too."

No reply back.

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die
Nap Ghost
"Sir, can you please sign this bill of lading?"

"I will sign no treaty, Senator. My fate will be no different to that of our people."

Drunk Nerds
Jan 25, 2011

Just close your eyes
Fun Shoe
Important Job interview, the CEO asks me, "where do you see yourself in five years?"

MEEESA BE THE LAST PERSON YOU HEAR AT THE END OF RETURN OF THE JEDI!

Got the job :smug:

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die
Nap Ghost
*fireman wrenches open mangled car door with the Jaws of Life, I'm bleeding out inside*

'my god... what happened here?'

'Mesa cause one, two-y little bitty axadentes, huh? Yud say boom de gasser, den crashin der bosses heyblibber, den banished.'

Over There
Jun 28, 2013

by Azathoth
Coworker can't find email so he starts bitching. He says that he just cleared out his inbox but it should be in the deleted folder.

reply: "Impossible. The archives must be incomplete"

He says I'm right, it says that it hasn't finished indexing yet and thanks me.

Mooey Cow
Jan 27, 2018

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Pillbug
When a telemarketer calls my phone.

"You LOSE, general Marketer!!!"

*throws phone out the window*

a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010

LOVE LOVE SKELETON posted:

sitting alone in the dark bathroom frantically scrubbing, saying “now this is pod racing...”

Over There
Jun 28, 2013

by Azathoth
Answer every phone call "Hello There"

Marlboro for Cats
Apr 14, 2018

by FactsAreUseless
"I hate getting sand in my oval office." -- Anakin Skywalker

I Said No
May 21, 2007

jesus dude ur gonna kill someone with that av

Over There posted:

Goes into a Starbucks and orders a latte. Gives cashier $5 and gets 2 cent back extra in change.

Start to giggle, looking at the cashier "A surprise to be sure, but a welcome one"

Shyly runs out of the store while nobody pays any mind.

ironic

Over There
Jun 28, 2013

by Azathoth
Been in a relationship for about 3 years now. Just found out that they've been cheating on me for the past 2. Finally confront them with it.

"Its over, I have the high ground"

start crying.

a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010

Marlboro for Cats posted:

"I hate getting sand in my oval office." -- Anakin Skywalker
"I made menstrual blood cookies! I am not entirely happy with how they turned out, so I am going to experiment with some recipes throughout the rest of this month so I can try for something great next cycle. This recipe was far too floury."
-- Anakin Skywalker

Universe Master
Jun 20, 2005

Darn Fine Pie

Girlfriend wants to take the relationship further: "Did I ever tell you of the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise?"

Hell Yeah
Dec 25, 2012

Universe Master posted:

Girlfriend wants to take the relationship further: "Did I ever tell you of the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise?"

girlfriend: It's treason then.

Paladinus
Jan 11, 2014

heyHEYYYY!!!
A friend of a friend invites me to a party, and of course people start arguing about politics. When tensions are high, I proclaim, 'We must keep our faith in the Republic. The day we stop believing democracy can work is the day we lose it', and everyone claps.

Universe Master
Jun 20, 2005

Darn Fine Pie

Physics professor explaining about Schrodinger's cat

Me: "Only a sith deals in absolutes" :smug:

Over There
Jun 28, 2013

by Azathoth
Me thinking about posting this thread

"Don't try it"

Hell Yeah
Dec 25, 2012

me getting out of bed in the morning every single day

givepatajob
Apr 8, 2003

One finds that this is the best of all possible worlds.
Waiting for silence in the office...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHCyDxxXog4

Kuato
Feb 25, 2005

"I CAN'T BELIEVE I ATE THE WHOLE THING"
Buglord

Hell Yeah posted:

me getting out of bed in the morning every single day



:lol:

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015
Probation
Can't post for 10 years!
What if people start countering you back with spaceballs quotes? :thunk:

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015
Probation
Can't post for 10 years!

Over There posted:

Answer every phone call "Hello There"

“It’s, jammed!”

Cubone
May 26, 2011

Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.
5

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die
Nap Ghost
"Hey Mozi, can you bring the pizza to game night this time?"

"It is with great reluctance that I have agreed to this calling. I love democracy. I love the Republic. Once this crisis has abated, I will lay down the powers you have given me!"

ArbitraryC
Jan 28, 2009
Pick a number, any number
Pillbug

ClamdestineBoyster posted:

What if people start countering you back with spaceballs quotes? :thunk:
Copier jams

"gently caress! Even in the future nothing works."

Over There
Jun 28, 2013

by Azathoth

I love democracy

COMRADES
Apr 3, 2017

by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

Mozi posted:

*fireman wrenches open mangled car door with the Jaws of Life, I'm bleeding out inside*

'my god... what happened here?'

'Mesa cause one, two-y little bitty axadentes, huh? Yud say boom de gasser, den crashin der bosses heyblibber, den banished.'

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015
Probation
Can't post for 10 years!

ArbitraryC posted:

Copier jams

"gently caress! Even in the future nothing works."

*new employee walks up to the water cooler in a flannel shirt*

“He’s gone... plaid!” :smug:

ArchNemesis
Jun 27, 2007
College Slice
what's the matter colonel sandurz? chicken?

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014

How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

ArchNemesis posted:

what's the matter colonel sandurz? chicken?
shes gone from suck to blow!

Literally A Person
Jan 1, 1970

*super fat naked guy rides by on a bicycle*

BARF.

kalel
Jun 19, 2012

Me playing as Rome in civ 5 and conquering all the independent city states

"I have brought peace, freedom, justice, and security to my new Empire"

General Dog
Apr 26, 2008

Everybody's working for the weekend
*in wake of Charlottesville protest*

"There are heroes on both sides. Evil is everywhere."

Icochet
Mar 18, 2008

I have a very small TV. Don't make fun of it! Please don't shame it like that~

Grimey Drawer
Working in a music store: a guy comes in with his kid and wants to buy him a full drum kit. I look at the kid with contempt and say "Wesa give yousa una bongo. "

CelticPredator
Oct 11, 2013
🍀👽🆚🪖🏋

*quitting my job*

Time to abandon ship! Heh heh heh *cough cough wughh*

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kalel
Jun 19, 2012

Interviewing the latest candidate for a senior position, but he looks to be in his twenties

"I expected someone of your reputation to be a little... older."

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