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We all have weird family members, sometimes whole branches of them. Sometimes we're the weird family members. And sometimes weird poo poo just happens to otherwise normal families. My cousin, about a decade ago, decided to go completely off the grid and live on his own as some kind of survivalist. Unfortunately, he's always been a huge screwup without an ounce of common sense. He had inherited a cabin from his grandfather and moved out there. No water, no electricity, no heat. He told his immediate family that he'd been training for this and was 100% prepared to survive on his own. He drove his car up the cabin (in case of emergencies he said) and cut off all contact. 9 days later he was caught rummaging in the dumpster of a Pizza Hut about 5 miles away from his lovely cabin. He had taken a bunch of dry cereal and veggies up to the cabin, and that was ALL he had to eat. He had no luck hunting or fishing or even foraging for vegetables or fruit. After the cops shooed him off from the Pizza Hut he ended up driving to his Mom's house, moving back in, and that's where he still lives to this day. He still talks about how amazing the time was and how it opened his mind to "the real world". He gloats about how nobody else in the family could have survived like he did, and that he proved he was the alpha male of the family.
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Aug 13, 2018 16:54
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 03:47 |
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My uncle worked at a paper factory and they had these giant tanks of molten wood pulp and one day there was an accident where it exploded and he died
Ein cooler Typ fucked around with this message at 20:36 on Aug 13, 2018 |
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Aug 13, 2018 17:07
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drat, Henry David Thoreau is your cousin?
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Aug 13, 2018 17:55
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A cousin was staying with my parents while he was getting back on his feet after a divorce. We were the same age at the time, 30's and he was pretty cool and very outgoing. He was big on synth/trance music and had all the software to make really good beats. He confided in me that he was really in deep love with this younger girl and couldn't get over her. My dad kicked him out after it appeared he wasn't going to get a job and he eventually moved back to Missouri. Later turns out he was arrested for having sex with the underaged 16 y/o step-daughter of his Ex and was sent to the State Pen for a few years.
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Aug 13, 2018 17:56
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My family has an extensive amount of home videos and there's one from the 70s where it's my aunt's birthday and my grandma has this huge beehive hairdo and is wearing what I can only describe as a mad max thunderdome bikini like it was normal clothes. I have never seen anything else like it, it was like metallic gold and silver and it looked like she was supposed to be in some sort of cheesy low budget sci-fi movie as a sex droid
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Aug 13, 2018 19:02
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My grandmother on my mom's side was almost one of Ed Gein's victims. She was living in Marshfield, WI, at the time. Plainfield, WI, was just up the road and was Ed's home. She was walking home alone one day when she said an older guy in a beat up pickup truck started following her slowly for a while. After a bit, he rolled down the window and asked if she needed a ride. She said no and that she was almost home. He kept insisting and she kept saying no. She eventually got spooked, started running, lost him by making a quick turn he couldn't make, and snuck in the back door of her house. She said she closed all the curtains and peeked out the front for a while. She said he kept circling the block slowly a few times before he disappeared. It was just a few days later that he was all over the news. She immediately recognized his truck and remembered him as the guy who tried to get her into it. She said she hid in her bedroom and cried and cried, knowing she was one wrong decision away from probably being a skinned corpse hanging in his shed that day.
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Aug 13, 2018 20:34
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Catastrophe posted:My grandmother on my mom's side was almost one of Ed Gein's victims. She was living in Marshfield, WI, at the time. Plainfield, WI, was just up the road and was Ed's home. She was walking home alone one day when she said an older guy in a beat up pickup truck started following her slowly for a while. After a bit, he rolled down the window and asked if she needed a ride. She said no and that she was almost home. He kept insisting and she kept saying no. She eventually got spooked, started running, lost him by making a quick turn he couldn't make, and snuck in the back door of her house. She said she closed all the curtains and peeked out the front for a while. She said he kept circling the block slowly a few times before he disappeared. It was just a few days later that he was all over the news. She immediately recognized his truck and remembered him as the guy who tried to get her into it. She said she hid in her bedroom and cried and cried, knowing she was one wrong decision away from probably being a skinned corpse hanging in his shed that day. why didn't she call the cops the day it happened? if you see something, say something
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Aug 13, 2018 20:36
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Ein cooler Typ posted:why didn't she call the cops the day it happened? Ed Gein killed in the mid 40s-early 50s in a town with barely any police force and less than 300 people at the time. If they couldnt solve the crimes by then I doubt they're gonna do something about some dude driving around creepily
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Aug 13, 2018 20:39
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My mom used to drink a lot of coffee with creamers and sugar and smoke a half pack a day. She quit smoking and then gained a lot of weight, she's lost a lot of it over the last few years and she's down to a cup of black coffee a day. Good for her I say
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Aug 13, 2018 20:55
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My dad and some of his friends once did a drug run from Columbia to Miami in a sailboat. They anchored in a bay and these Colombian dudes rowed a whole bunch of big bales of weed out to their boat in dugout canoes. On the way to Miami they found these two Jamaican guys drifting in a rowboat in the middle of nowhere, dehydrated. They saved these guys lives and brought them to Miami. Not sure how it all went down but their sailboat got boarded and my dad and his friends all got busted and thrown into American jail for drug smuggling. They were in for a few years then got deported back to Canada and told never to return
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Aug 13, 2018 21:10
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My grandmother broke a man out of prison.
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Aug 13, 2018 21:37
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My grandpa had to deal with the DMV listing him as a female on his license. He had to get a doctor's note saying he was male. While at the DMV he offered to drop trou and prove he was male. Same grandpa got in trouble with the cops for driving around knocking over mail boxes. All he had to do was go say sorry to the people whose mailboxes got knocked over.
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Aug 14, 2018 08:44
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An uncle of mine had to be evicted from his daughter's house after her mom died. He was so gross and worthless that all the indoor smoking he did had built up a cake of brown filth on an oscillating fan he used. My mom threw it out while trying to help and he brought it back in and was like DON'T gently caress WITH MY poo poo. During this time he was found drunk as hell, laying down on the lawn with a pillow he had for some reason. When asked "where's the booze" he was like "I dunno what you're talking about I'm not drunk" but then they moved the pillow and he had a bottle of Jack Daniels under there.
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Aug 14, 2018 09:15
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My grandmother on my father's side was a horrific bitch that used to call the police with anonymous tips that my mom was hiding drugs up my rear end. My dad was a deadbeat, absent methhead, so we generally had little contact with her. Shortly after she kicked it, some of the less awful people on that side got in contact with me, now an adult, with some odd info. It seems everything about her; name, social security number, known history, was totally fabricated. Nothing is known by anyone regarding her true identity. My dad or her husband probably knew something, but both are dead.
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Aug 14, 2018 11:06
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My dad's side is lousy with rosicrucians
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Aug 14, 2018 12:44
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When my dad was in high school he and some friends drove up to what they thought was an abandoned house, planning to break in and smoke and drink. When they got there my dad flashed the headlights of his car to scare away any animals or hobos living inside. From the 2nd floor of the house, he saw somebody move and point a flashlight at the car, which they started flashing back in a pattern. My dad flashed his headlights back, at this point thinking they found some crazy homeless guy. The flashlight flashed back again, in another obvious pattern. One of my dad's friends stating freaking out and told him that this was a system the mob used to coordinate money drops, at which point my dad peeled outta there. A car drove out of the bushes (it must have been within a few feet of my dad's car, but they never saw it before this) and followed them for a few miles, then turned its headlights off and disappeared.
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Aug 14, 2018 13:30
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A woman on my mother's side of the family was a hoarder. She was probably my great-aunt or something like that, maybe sister to my grandmother. Anyway, she had this ridiculously narrow, long house in Toronto and when she died about 5 years ago my aunt (my mom's sister) and my uncle went over to help clean out the house and figure out how to dispose of it and anything else of value that might be there. Spoiler: no, there was nothing. And the house itself was in terrible shape (as well as being a terrible shape - like 20 feet wide!) so the property was sold to a developer. Presumably there are condos there now. Typical hoarder: piles and piles of old newspapers. Long-rotten food filling every available space in the kitchen. No clear space except narrow pathways from bedroom to bathroom and to the front door. This woman hadn't left the house for several weeks before she went to the hospital to die. Among the other people who showed up to help were a couple of brothers, I *think* the dead woman's sons but possibly her nephews via another sister of my grandmother. Anyway, these two guys are the black sheep of the family, with a long list of hosed up stories that mostly end with arrests or simply damage to property / people. There was a large claw-foot bathtub in the basement, a leftover from some long-forgotten round of renovations. These two fuckups decided it must be worth a few bucks so they went downstairs to get it out. The stairs had a landing and a corner most of the way down, about 4 or 5 steps up from the (unfinished, dirt) basement floor. The tub was too long and awkward to easily get around that corner, so they broke off the bottom steps and hauled that thing up the straight line to the surface. Before they took an axe to the lower stairs, they removed NOTHING else from the basement, so my uncle spent a couple of days awkwardly ferrying all sorts of poo poo to the broken end of the stairs for my aunt to carry the rest of the way up. Later, one of those fuckups' wives got drunk and passed out in a weird position on the kitchen floor, blocking blood circulation to her arm; it had to be amputated because she cut off the blood supply for so long. Not long later, she died of some kind of drug/alcohol related misadventure which I have not heard the details about. I heard this story not very long ago, and I was quite relieved. You know the old saying about "There's an rear end in a top hat in every meeting. If you can't figure out who is the rear end in a top hat in the room, it's you"? I figure it applies to families, too - I was worried *I* was the weird fuckup until I heard this story. The rest of my family, especially on my mother's side, are exceptionally decent and lucky people.
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Aug 14, 2018 17:44
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My grandma on my dad’s side used to drink beer out of a crazy straw and she lit herself on fire and burned to death trying to make tea
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Aug 14, 2018 21:10
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My step-mothers brother is a jacked up steroid using douche who tells me he got kicked out of planet fitness for complaining about them not having heavy enough weights for him. And he tells stories about playing baseball in his high school P.E. class. "When the coach gave me the wink, I knew what to do....I smacked that ball over the fence..." it doesn't help that he talks in a thick country accent.
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Aug 14, 2018 22:01
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My aunt got a huge settlement from the military after claiming she was raped by a fellow service member. Whether the rape actually occurred is dubious, at best. She spent all the money on pills and heroin. She eventually got so hard up for cash that she robbed a feed store (basically a convenience store) WHILE WEARING FLIP FLOPS AND A SUN DRESS. She did the whole "pointed finger in the pocket" (but because it was a sun dress, it was really just a fold of dresscloth) imitating a gun thing. The cops picked her up 10 minutes later just walking down the road 3 blocks away like nothing had happened. Her son (who otherwise is a nice kid) just almost killed himself via alcohol poisoning. He's still in the ICU 
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Aug 14, 2018 22:09
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My great-great grandparents on my father's side were very likely involved in some manner of organized crime. We're still unclear on what they did exactly -- and always will be, as my great aunt took it to her grave because she "could get somebody in trouble," despite everyone involved being long dead. All we really know is that there's few other logical explanations for a bowling alley doing that well during the Great Depression. That same great aunt had an extreme distrust of banks, which led to my uncle having to dig up jars full of money from her backyard when she sold her house. He's pretty sure he got all of them, but for all we know there may be another ten thousand dollars buried in a backyard somewhere. The total in the jars he did manage to collect was in excess of fifty thousand. My mother also has a theory that this great aunt also only married her husband because he was part of the organization, and the marriage may never have been consummated, but that's more speculation than anything. It wouldn't surprise me, though.
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Aug 14, 2018 22:47
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On a lighter note, when I was a kid me, my sister, and my two cousins were hanging out in my grandmas front yard and my youngest cousin (who was probably like 6) said “Look at me, I’m speed racer!!” And ran like two feet before tripping over the lines holding down the badminton net and smashing his face into the ground. We were all laughing hyseterically while he was crying. He’s like 26 now and his nickname is still “Speed Racer”
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Aug 14, 2018 22:53
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My Uncle killed himself by drinking a can of varnish. It was a horrible end, but he had a beautiful finish.
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Aug 15, 2018 02:34
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im 33. my great grandfather was born in 1870, my great-great was born in 1815, and my great-great-great predated the american revolution by a year thats why im waiting to become a lecherous old man before its kid time
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Aug 15, 2018 03:36
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Say Nothing posted:My Uncle killed himself by drinking a can of varnish. It was a horrible end, but he had a beautiful finish. *Slow clap*
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Aug 15, 2018 04:20
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Two women in my family are half-sisters and cousins. Everybody jumps to some incest thing, but nah, one of my great uncles married and had a kid, and got killed in the battle of the Bulge. Meanwhile his older brother’s wife dropped dead while he was deployed. So he shacked up with his brother’s widow.
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Aug 15, 2018 04:42
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My maternal grandfather smuggled enough gold out of India during WWII that he never had to work again when he was 25 and stationed at an Army supply warehouse. He got busted trying to jack and Australian's non-regulation hat and blanket, and sent to man a never-used emergency supply depot in the Aleutian Islands in Alaska for the remainder of the war. My paternal grandfather was an Army aerial taxi pilot for VIPs in Africa, and he flew a tiny two-seater plane. He cut a hole in the floorboard so he could drop grenades on enemy patrols they might happen to fly over, and did this often. At one point, he pulled a heavy-caliber machine gun out of a scrapyard, and mounted it under one of his wings pointed straight down, with a cable-trigger jury-rigged into the cockpit. The only time he tried to use it, he lost control of the plane momentarily, and almost spun out. Unfortunately, he had a passenger at the time, and when he landed he was dressed down, forced to detach the machine gun, and had his access to all weapons except his service pistol revoked. So he just shot at dudes with that, instead. He was also a sociopath, and when I was 4, I watched him beat a man to the floor of a diner with a ketchup bottle.
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Aug 15, 2018 04:46
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I went to our first and only family reunion when I was a teenager and I hated it because all my similar aged cousins got out of going except me. The family rented an entire park or something for the day so I spent most of it wandering around killing time and eating food. I ended up bonding to one long lost cousin/uncle, and we talked about photography and PC building. I think his name was Leon? He was a legitimately cool dude and it was nice to know that someone in our yokel family enjoyed something other than drinking around a bonfire blasting spanish love music. Months later we have to go to a funeral for a kid. During the rosary at the chapel, I get the suspicion that I'm missing out on something. People are sad, but theres this overwhelming sense of bitterness and anger. Friends and extended family go up to the podium and give speeches about the boy, but you can tell pretty large details are being omitted. Given the kids age, around 13 or 14, maybe it was a suicide? I didn't figure it out until my parents told me in the car later. Turns out the kid was Leon's son. But why wasn't Leon there? There were two funerals that day, the other being Leons which had occurred before we arrived. Just as I'm piecing that together, I think "But Leon is married? Where's his wife in all this?" She's in the hospital, recovering from gunshot wounds and just barely grasping that her husband shot her, killed her son, and then killed himself. buglord fucked around with this message at 04:51 on Aug 15, 2018 |
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Aug 15, 2018 04:49
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I was posted at MCAS Iwakuni Japan, almost every morning I would go to a busy diner nearby to eat breakfast. Usually I was with other Marines I worked with, but this one Saturday I was alone. A very pretty girl walked in, so pretty that I am afraid I was staring at her. I was single and very interested. I had never seen her in there before, and like I said, I was regular enough that the staff knew me. Because I hadn’t seen her, I assumed she was a visitor, or new to the area. She was across the room at the door waiting to be seated, when the people at the table next to me called out – they knew her! She came over and spoke with them for several minutes. She was close enough that I could see she wore no wedding ring. Soon, she was seated at the table on the other side of me! I knew I should talk to her, I wanted to talk to her, and I couldn’t talk to her, she was that pretty. Now, I mention this only because it seems meaningful, and you’ll see why. She was Japanese. Anyway, I sat and read my paper, drank coffee, snuck glances at her, and eventually she got up and left. I kicked myself for not speaking. I got up and left, went about my business. That afternoon I went to the local mall, to a bookstore that also catered to Americans/the base that served coffee and deserts, and started looking at books about synchronicity. Close by I happened to see the book “Satori in Paris” by Jack Kerouac. “Satori” is a Buddhist word, of Asian origin. I picked it up, because I knew that Satori was somehow connected with synchronicity. I had to go get a dictionary to look up the exact meaning, and the definition that I found was more or less “sudden enlightenment”. As I looked up, that same Japanese girl walked into the bookstore. We've been married for over 15 years.
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Aug 15, 2018 05:55
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Obsidianheart posted:He got busted trying to jack Isn’t that how it’s supposed to work??
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Aug 15, 2018 11:03
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curlys gold posted:im 33. my great grandfather was born in 1870, my great-great was born in 1815, and my great-great-great predated the american revolution by a year I'm assuming your grandfather was born to a sixty y/o man? Obsidianheart posted:My maternal grandfather smuggled enough gold out of India during WWII that he never had to work again when he was 25 and stationed at an Army supply warehouse. He got busted trying to jack and Australian's non-regulation hat and blanket, and sent to man a never-used emergency supply depot in the Aleutian Islands in Alaska for the remainder of the war. Sounds exactly like Milo Minderbinder. Neutrino fucked around with this message at 13:42 on Aug 15, 2018 |
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Aug 15, 2018 13:36
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My Aunt is a horrendous bitch. My cousin who is about 14 years older than me got knocked up in the early 90s and my aunt talked her into a abortion. This messed her up especially watching my other cousin start a family while she remained single. About 9 years ago my cousin got pregnant again (antibiotics messed up her birth control pills) and she asked my mom what to do. My mom told her that either she could have the baby or not, my mom would support her no matter what. My cousin decided that she would have it and keep it because she still had nightmares over the baby she gave up. So my mom helped her get ready and they decided not to tell my aunt. Eventually my cousin told her and she went balstic, the fact that the father was a black man didn't help. When my cousin was 8 months pregnant my aunt came over to her house with a bottle of wine. She tried to convince her to get a late term abortion. My Aunt had found a doctor in Atlanta who would do the procedure. She tried to convince my cousin that my second cousin would never be accepted by the white or black communities. Thankfully my cousin refused. We found out about the late term abortion thing about a month ago at the last family reunion. My cousin and second cousin are doing fine.
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Aug 15, 2018 14:17
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My dad is from Selma and was a young man when the Civil Rights protests were going on. I always thought he was in the Mediterranean in the Navy and the time but nope, after seeing Selma he was like "Oh I remember those protests, we went out to watch them, it was all very safe, a good time was had by all"
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Aug 15, 2018 14:24
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I have a cousin who is a pretty cool dude and has had some interesting experiences. He was apparently living in Yellowstone National Park for a while. Like, in the forest. He left when the rangers got wind of someone living out there and started searching for him. He lives in Michigan now with his girlfriend in a tiny house which was originally a playhouse for his sister’s kid. They have a small farm where they grow and sell organic produce. They live a very minimalist lifestyle (hence their house) but seem to be really happy.
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Aug 15, 2018 14:28
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thesargefiles posted:I have a cousin who is a pretty cool dude and has had some interesting experiences. but does he have wifi in yellowstone and his tiny house in michigan?
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Aug 15, 2018 14:29
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Ein cooler Typ posted:but does he have wifi in yellowstone and his tiny house in michigan? Not sure. I know he has a smartphone so...yes?
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Aug 15, 2018 15:55
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I am related ( on my mothers side) to a dude who was a prominent phrenologist and racial biologist in the 30's. So, uhh, sorry about that everyone
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Aug 15, 2018 16:03
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My grandma almost definitely killed my grandfather but we don't really talk about it. He wanted to give his inheritance to the church and cut us all out for various reasons which she strongly disagreed with, but before he wrote the will he mysteriously died. He was in poor health so there wasn't really an investigation, but it was kind of obvious to us since she was in charge of his food and medication, and the money involved was pretty substantial.
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Aug 15, 2018 16:26
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No idea if this is true other than my uncle vouched for it. My dad was born in 1920 in rural southwest Iowa. When he was a teenager the local KKK burned a cross in their yard and their neighbor's yard because my grandfather and the neighbor refused to join the Klan. Dad says a couple days later grandpa, dad, both his brothers and the neighbor saddled up their horses, took their rifles and went to town. Dad and his brothers were told to stand watch outside while grandpa and the neighbor rode their horses through the front door of the barn where the Klan meeting was taking place and proceeded to let the horses tear the hell out of things, knocking over tables and pushing people around. Told them if you motherfuckers ever burn another cross around here it will be the end of every one of you. I hope to God that story is true.
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Aug 15, 2018 16:51
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my grandfather apparently really did run away from home as a child and joined the circus. since this was during the depression, he did so to make money to send home.
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Aug 15, 2018 17:15
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