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JebanyPedal posted:Without a gun present these funeral attendees will not fully understand the potential immediacy of death. All funerals should have at least one firearm present to garner maximum respect for the dead. Yes, but what if he just brought a crossbow instead? Same effect but a more surreal package.
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Aug 31, 2018 17:24
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JebanyPedal posted:Without a gun present these funeral attendees will not fully understand the potential immediacy of death. All funerals should have at least one firearm present to garner maximum respect for the dead. I'm a goon. Would a katana work?
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Aug 31, 2018 17:26
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I am deadly with the blade.
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Aug 31, 2018 17:26
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Literally A Person posted:I am deadly with the blade. Wear Oakley Sunglasses throughout the eulogy. Occasionally dab.
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Aug 31, 2018 17:27
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I was thinking maybe it would be fun to grab Jim's corpse for a couple days and have a huge party. We can put sunglasses on him and pretend that he is, in fact, still alive. Like that movie Citizen Kane
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Aug 31, 2018 17:52
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Literally A Person posted:I was thinking maybe it would be fun to grab Jim's corpse for a couple days and have a huge party. We can put sunglasses on him and pretend that he is, in fact, still alive. It was cool when he screamed rosebud and threw the dean into the pool
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Aug 31, 2018 17:57
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Literally A Person posted:I was thinking maybe it would be fun to grab Jim's corpse for a couple days and have a huge party. We can put sunglasses on him and pretend that he is, in fact, still alive. Take him to the zoo and place him in various animal enclosures.
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Aug 31, 2018 18:01
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HugeGrossBurrito posted:It was cool when he screamed rosebud and threw the dean into the pool Yeah, it being a sled was a real let down.
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Aug 31, 2018 18:31
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Play "Eulogy" by Tool and remind everyone that comes within earshot that we are living in a society.
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Aug 31, 2018 19:45
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Literally A Person posted:I am deadly with the blade. While you were busy dying, Jim, I was studying the blade.
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Aug 31, 2018 19:51
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Gay Weed Dad posted:Play "Eulogy" by Tool and remind everyone that comes within earshot that we are living in a society. Play an entire Tool album and then turn to your now peacefully slumbering audience with s smile and say, "Just like this Tool album, his life was nothing but a tedious drone that went on for too long."
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Aug 31, 2018 19:53
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This thread has lots of good dead guy jokes 
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Aug 31, 2018 20:05
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I'm glad he's dead, more air for me 
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Aug 31, 2018 20:42
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You can say a lot of things about Jim. He was husband, a father, and friend. Also, he dead.
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Aug 31, 2018 20:46
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I taught Jim a few tricks for today...Jim, stay! Ok, Jim, dont move. Jim, stop breathing.
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Aug 31, 2018 21:14
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*starts digging through Jim's pockets, whistling a jaunty tune*
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Aug 31, 2018 21:15
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Aug 31, 2018 21:58
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Literally A Person posted:I am deadly with the blade. How... Uh. How did Jim die, just as an aside?
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Sep 1, 2018 03:11
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Oscar Wild posted:I taught Jim a few tricks for today...Jim, stay!
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Sep 2, 2018 05:16
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play "opiate" by tool and ask for a few moments alone with the body while you're unbuttoning your shirt
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Sep 2, 2018 07:41
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Why the long faces everyone? Did somebody die? But seriously, my friend always wanted a funeral where all his loved ones gathered around his casket to remember him. I don't know what you losers are doing here though, he's gonna be rolling over in his grave.
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Sep 2, 2018 07:48
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Fake a heart attack and with your last ounce of strength hand the undertaker a self-made "2-for-1" coupon and try to crawl into Jim's coffin.
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Sep 2, 2018 07:52
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Ask the deceased a question. Pause, and when you don't get a response ask it louder and louder until you are yelling at a dead man. Then giggle, and say "Gosh, I plum forgot he's dead."
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Sep 2, 2018 09:28
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Knowing Jim over the the last 7 years has enriched my life in what I consider to be an immeasurable fashion. The IRS on the other hand ...
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Sep 2, 2018 12:23
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now he's/she's up there [point up] with [real dead relatives] uncle bob and aunt Joe and all of them... up there on pedophile hill, where they bury all the pedophiles [hold for laugh]
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Sep 2, 2018 14:23
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I guess he’ll never be the HEAD of a major corporation!
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Sep 2, 2018 19:06
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reignofevil posted:Something that is very hard to do could be rigorous but you could also easily spin that into a rigor mortis joke. What a coincidence, that was Jim's favorite TV show
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Sep 2, 2018 21:34
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A joke that helps them appreciate the deceased more? Tell them your life story.
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Sep 4, 2018 21:10
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Go on at length about the time me and Jim went south of the border to pick up some prostitutes while his wife and kids were out visiting her parents. Start with, "Real funny story..."
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Sep 4, 2018 21:21
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Literally A Person posted:Go on at length about the time me and Jim went south of the border to pick up some prostitutes while his wife and kids were out visiting her parents. Jim was much loved, mostly by ladies of the night, who he would regale with long meandering yarns and greasy hundred dollar bills.
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Sep 4, 2018 21:30
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In life, Jim got laid and lied his rear end off. Now, he is being laid to rest and lying his rear end in a coffin
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Sep 4, 2018 21:34
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SciFiDownBeat posted:In life, Jim got laid and lied his rear end off. Now, he is being laid to rest and lying his rear end in a coffin Person sitting in the pews: "AW SNAP, Jim! He loving got you, man!"
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Sep 4, 2018 21:45
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Play "Forty-six and 2" and threaten to punch anyone to talks during the good part
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Sep 5, 2018 01:18
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Just make a nice funny reference about those who are in attendance. Like, "Well, you know what [DECEASED] would say if he saw [NAME]," etc.
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Sep 5, 2018 01:22
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Gay Weed Dad posted:Play "Forty-six and 2" and threaten to punch anyone to talks during the good part
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Sep 5, 2018 01:32
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Begin a slideshow of Jim's life. Casually exit while the bereaved weep over remembrance of their fallen loved one. Bar the doors. Burn the venue to the ground. Hilarious!
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Sep 5, 2018 02:42
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turn left hillary!! noo posted:I don't know, what about using some double entendre, like referencing "stiff" as meaning corpse, but also as meaning erect penis. like joke about the departed "working stiff"?
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Sep 5, 2018 02:48
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He came, he saw, and he came again
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Sep 5, 2018 03:12
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 17:06 |
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vMiEFyTuuh8
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Sep 5, 2018 03:32
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