- Cubone
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Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.
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I can't tell you where your friend is, but nobody "goes missing" in Butcher's Lament. outsiders come into town, they'll find nothing but the heartache they brought in with them. you have no friends here. so why don't you turn around back the way you came, stranger?
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Sep 2, 2018 20:42
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Apr 25, 2024 07:16
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- kuskus
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What do you mean "backpacker", whyoncha c'mon in and sit down and have some of my peach moonshine. Forget all this crazy talk, where'd you sayuze from? Look it's too dark to be looking for ghosts 'n goblins out there I've got a bed made up right here. Just scrubbed 'er down with corn elixir, should be totally free of all of those mites. Hey where are you going!
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Sep 2, 2018 21:24
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- drilldo squirt
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a beautiful, soft meat sack
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Listen, as the only good people in this world I'm incredibly offended you would accuse one of us of murdering that lady and her two sons who wouldn't agree with us that black people are evil.
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Sep 2, 2018 22:10
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- flavor.flv
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I got a letter from the government the other day
opened it, read it
it said they was bitches
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Oh, I seen your boy. Good kid, strong back, my youngest daughter took a real shine to him. She was awful disappointed when he turned her down. Real shame, that, could have used some new blood in the family.
Well, you folks are welcome to search all around here, I'll just ask you to steer clear of the barn. We just got some new lifestock in, and the thing's got a real mean streak, bit my hand when I tried to feed it. Don't worry, we'll break it eventually.
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Sep 2, 2018 23:03
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- Robot Made of Meat
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People 'round these parts pretty much keep themselves to themselves, if you know what I' sayin'.
I mean, if some nosy outsider with a fancy, big-city pack on their back were to come snoopin' around where they don't have no business snoopin', well . . . that's all I'm sayin'.
Thanks to Manifisto for the sig!
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Sep 3, 2018 03:48
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- roomforthetuna
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I don't need to know anything about virii! My CUSTOM PROGRAM keeps me protected! It's not like they'll try to come in through the Internet or something!
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I saw a guy like you describe... [looks over shoulder at a nearby old man]
I meant to say, I never saw a guy like you describe.
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Sep 3, 2018 04:26
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- Robot Made of Meat
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"Missing" is kind of a strong word, if you catch my meaning. I mean, I haven't seen my cousin Earl since the last wheat ritual. Does that mean he's "missing?" Is my uncle Burl "missing" just because he stopped showing up for church in 1953?
Heck, I haven't played checkers with my brother Merle this whole week. I'm not going to go hollering to the police that he's "missing" just because aunt Pearl found his thigh bone nailed to the shed door, am I?
Thanks to Manifisto for the sig!
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Sep 3, 2018 05:09
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- dads friend steve
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Well "cursed" feels like kind of a strong word for it... Town has been hit with a streak a bad luck tho. First the Patterson boy got caught in the reaper and then the Wilson twins drowned when the grain silo bust loose. But I think I remember seeing a fella like the one you're describing headed towards the trailhead by the ol Indian burial ground. If you hurry you can probably catch up with em
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Sep 3, 2018 06:16
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- Moon Atari
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I don't know nuthin' 'bout no backpacker gone missin'. Ain't never even heard of such a thing as cannibalizing outsiders to appease our gods...an' such.
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Sep 3, 2018 08:38
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- Android Blues
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*rolls boiled sweet from one side of mouth to the other pensively* Jacob's Hollow? not since old herb duchamp passed on has a soul set foot in that accursed town. your friend wouldn't have gone there, lessen she was a big fuckin dumbus possibly seeking to get you into a narrative type scenario, but not a long one, maybe 2 hours, so you can die at the end and the audience won't feel cheated
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Sep 3, 2018 12:59
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- Android Blues
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i queered the narrative by making the backpacker a she. question your assumptiosn. women can own backpacks. i dont but some can
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Sep 3, 2018 12:59
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- Luvcow
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One day nearer spring
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a woman with a sensible purse and several oversized suitcases who was hiking the Appalachian trail? high heels and lots of makeup? pretty little blonde thing about yay high? nah haven't seen her round here...
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Sep 3, 2018 13:51
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- alnilam
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You know some other folks asked me the same thing yesterday. Two folks, nicely dressed, about yay high, both real pretty, lady with red hair, man had a trenchcoat and kept goin on about ahh whaddayacallem, aliems and whatnot? Friends of yours?
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Sep 3, 2018 14:27
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- alnilam
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i queered the narrative by making the backpacker a she. question your assumptiosn. women can own backpacks. i dont but some can
powerful
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Sep 3, 2018 14:32
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- Android Blues
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your friend? ayup we seen 'im. we kilt him, none too gently. we made sausages out of his insides and used his skin and bones for musical instruments that feature in our satanic ritua . . . wait a minute, did you say he was a backpacker? nope, haven't seen no backpackers around here, sorry.
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Sep 3, 2018 14:33
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- Fredrik1
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Gopherslayer
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You there, yes you! I saw you walking around here asking questions you shouldn't be asking, we don't take kindly to strangers asking too many nosy questions and staying around might prove dangerous to your health if you catch my drift.
*disappears into a dark alley*
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Sep 3, 2018 14:39
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- Android Blues
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*Sitting at the counter at the only diner in town, taking a sip of coffee, staring straight forward*
*Pretends to ignore your entire story about your missing friend despite being directly spoken to, keeps staring forward, takes another sip of coffee*
*cracking up at the bar out of focus with the rest of the guys about how Janus is an absolute ledge, what a madman. im also recording with my phone for our pranks channel*
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Sep 4, 2018 11:13
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- Android Blues
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occasionally you hear an unearthly ululating howl or see a phosphorescent orb drift past the lens in "epic livestock prank MUST WATCH - GONE SEXUAL!" but no one involved with the filming seems to have noticed
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Sep 4, 2018 11:15
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- wearing a lampshade
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Well, I'll tells ya what I done tell yer friends... there's reception out in them woods, it's true. But it's the devil's reception. There's no towers out here, not for miles. All your calls come out as some kinda static, with a haunting reggae comin through the other line. The data don't work none either - try to use it, you'll just see a picture of a man stretchin his own... well it ain't pretty.
Some say the signal comes from the old Jameson plot, as - accordin' to some - he recycled old cellphones for a while... some say those old phones became something else. A nokia-king, some say. Far from smart, but damned deadly. Might account fer the signal, in any case. But none has seen old man Jameson online since 2015, an' his post count ain't gone up since the day. If anything... it's gone down some.
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Sep 4, 2018 14:53
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- Farecoal
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There he go
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No, I haven’t seen your friend, and I can see the suspicion in your eyes! I take offense to that! Just because our little town is named Cannibalville and was founded by cannibals and an unusually high amount of people disappear in this area doesn’t mean anything!
Listen, I’m real sorry I got mad there. Just sensitive about my hometown, y’know. Why don’t I make it up to you? Y’all can come over for dinner tonight. The missus and I will be happy to put a little meat on yer bones...
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Sep 4, 2018 14:54
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- Twenty Four
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Well, I'll tells ya what I done tell yer friends... there's reception out in them woods, it's true. But it's the devil's reception. There's no towers out here, not for miles. All your calls come out as some kinda static, with a haunting reggae comin through the other line. The data don't work none either - try to use it, you'll just see a picture of a man stretchin his own... well it ain't pretty.
Some say the signal comes from the old Jameson plot, as - accordin' to some - he recycled old cellphones for a while... some say those old phones became something else. A nokia-king, some say. Far from smart, but damned deadly. Might account fer the signal, in any case. But none has seen old man Jameson online since 2015, an' his post count ain't gone up since the day. If anything... it's gone down some.
dang!
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Sep 4, 2018 16:17
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- krampster2
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I just wanna start by saying that the things you hear about me have not been proved in a court of law. I cannot confirm or deny those allegations.
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Sep 4, 2018 17:07
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- kalel
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Looking for your friend you say? Well, a lotta queer folk been making their way 'round these parts... probably on account of our annual LGBTQ Pride parade. Our community takes diversity and inclusivity very seriously, mhm.
What's that? Your friend was organizing a protest to the parade? I see... might've gone to visit the historic Old Joe's Butchery down in the valley. Yes sir, lotta history down in the valley...
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Sep 5, 2018 17:12
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- Dungeon Ecology
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*quickly pockets shredded Jansport logo*
*whistles suspiciously*
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Sep 5, 2018 19:50
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- Cubone
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Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.
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backpacker's friend: raar blah blah trump blah bloo comic sans is overrated waah waah burritos taste bad and weed sucks blah blah I hate being chill and I hate reggae raar blee bloo emptyquoting is stupid waaa blah blah
yobber [eyes narrowing]: you're not from around here, are you
lol
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Sep 5, 2018 20:37
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- Fredrik1
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Gopherslayer
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Oh you are looking for your friend.. Yes we all remember him and of course we will help you look for him.. for sure.
But you must be very tired, why don't you stay here for a couple of days, we have a warm bed, a bath and enough food that you'll never go hungry and then in a few days after the great feast we will help you look for sure!
*person wearing the same backpack as your friend*
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Sep 6, 2018 13:03
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- kalel
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Sorry, I don't know anyone called "Explore-adora." But if it helps, take this map.
Where'd I get a talking map you ask? You could say I... swiped it
...f-from the, uh, local tourism help center.
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Sep 6, 2018 15:59
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- kuskus
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*looks at you, hears your question*
*chews for a long time*
*leans to the side and spits out possibly a hard particle, possibly nothing at all*
*sucks teeth*
*rolls eyes toward the lean-to's roof*
"That sounds like work, I ain't workin' for free."
*keeps chewing*
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Sep 6, 2018 21:48
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- Fiend
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I for one am hoping for the safe return of the backpacker and her companions.
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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!
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Sep 7, 2018 08:23
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- Starshark
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You're backpacking friend? Oh you mean like the guy we lynched and gutted last week? Well we buried him in the swa- hang on a sec, getting a text message... "Ixnay on the urdermay..." Oh, ha ha! You thought I was for real, didn't ya? I was just funnin' ya...
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Sep 7, 2018 08:39
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Apr 25, 2024 07:16
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Sep 2, 2018 20:42
