[Book] Name of Goods: The Book of C-SPAM

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > C-SPAM > [Book] Name of Goods: The Book of C-SPAM

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Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

needs more trucking; loving

# ¿ Sep 8, 2018 01:04

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 10:52

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

Just received my Sword of the Bastard Elf huge and beautiful book, finishing this sucker up and I'll buy a copy

Smythe posted:

ddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

oh yeah thanks for reminding me, also needs a lot more D's

# ¿ Sep 8, 2018 01:10

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

twoday posted:

don't hold your breath, there are only 16 pages so far

needs at least 40 more pages of dragons having sex with monster trucks

# ¿ Sep 8, 2018 01:15

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

Addamere posted:

at least some pages must be dedicated to sentai gif probes

this but the butt bouncing necro dancer gif cumshitter probed people with

# ¿ Sep 8, 2018 01:16

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

twoday posted:

I have been trying to make music and do other things that express that for years, and my music is fairly good but I feel that text is really the best way to do this.

Some earlier works:

That last one is painted over another painting (that is a copy of a painting by a famous artist that was made by an unknown art student) that was made in the 1890s

owns owns owns

# ¿ Sep 8, 2018 01:27

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

twoday posted:

So, this one I found in a second hand shop, it has velvet in the frame and I added the text. I bought it because I thought it was so supremely hosed up, crying girl head floating in black surrounded by soft velvet and gold. I wanted an explanation for its existence and I looked up "crying child painting" and apparently paintings of crying young boys were popular in England in the 70's, and they are said to be cursed. The reason for this is that they were all made in the same factory and were covered with some kind of lacquer that was fire-resistant. So whenever a house burnt down, the string holding up the painting (or the wall itself) would burn up and the painting would fall facedown on the ground, with the image of the crying child perfectly preserved. Firefighters kept finding these in burnt down houses and started getting freaked out, thinking the paintings were cursed and that the paintings themselves started the fire.

No idea why this one was made though, I don't live in England. It's creepy as gently caress and currently hanging on a wall in my attic.

Quote is from here:

https://twitter.com/HIDEO_KOJIMA_EN/status/376424398023962624

lol that owns

# ¿ Sep 8, 2018 02:14

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

Boosted also was notorious for not loving with the thread legends, but ruling the trump toxx thread with an iron fist and probating all for any perceived wrong think

He also said that the toxx didnt apply to him because he made the thread

Also fishmech was the best IK

# ¿ Sep 8, 2018 12:33

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

Sheng-Ji excluded, voted 5

# ¿ Sep 8, 2018 12:49

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

crazy cloud posted:

i have an actual good cspam AG who protects me from all legal or moderator trouble, like eric holder, not like that southern marble mouth binch jefferson

if I had to picture a ruler that was somehow simultaneously benevolent and yet thoughtlessly cruel, it would be Chester

# ¿ Sep 8, 2018 20:22

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

twoday posted:

I know, I'm thinking

I need like a keyword to work off of or something

#Basta

# ¿ Sep 24, 2018 20:43

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

if you do another fancy crest or something make it say IN VINO LMBO

# ¿ Sep 27, 2018 23:09

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

I think the simple fact that it mixes things up and is about something random and doesn't seek to explain itself is itself the reason it should be included

# ¿ Oct 3, 2018 03:22

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

twoday posted:

Alright, I'm back from my journey to the heart of darkness and have access to the book and my writing supplies again.

I want to record the events of the MAGAbomber in a fancy illuminated series of pages of text similar to what I did with the Orb (scroll up or check the table of contents at the OP), while it is still fresh in my memory, and might do that tomorrow. Anyone have any choice bits of text or images from that event still rattling around in their heads that I should include?

an illuminated manuscript of your ear vinegar maybe

# ¿ Oct 29, 2018 23:25

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

twoday posted:

This work is based upon Albrecht Durer's woodcut "Saint John Devouring the Book of the Apocalypse" and depicts Cesar Sayoc (the Magabomber) receiving personal instructions from Trump to make America great again in the form of a messaianic vision. Trump appears to Sayoc in the sky as a deific being made of light, straddling both water and land, standing upon legs made of pipe bombs, and pointing Sayoc towards an even brighter light, conveying unto him the message that would come to guide his actions: "Kanye Kanye Kanye Truml Trump Trump yea". A lone alligator sets the scene in the swamps of Southern Florida, whence a darkened path leads from Sayoc towards the ominous looming vision of New York, the home of Trump's sworn enemies at CNN.

owns owns owns

# ¿ Oct 31, 2018 02:40

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

twoday posted:

People like Bourdain inspire me to write this book and do all kinds of other poo poo that I wouldn't do if there weren't heroes out there that have taught me to go out and try the poo poo I want to do and see what happens.

Is he enough of a c spam figure to include? He's a part of the zeitgeist and was a notable figure in teaching Americans how to relate to the rest of the world but I'm not sure if he's exactly c spam.

It also turns out that I suck at keeping up with my plans for this book because there are just so many random events happening that I find inspiring for artwork that I can barely keep up with just those. I would do this all day if I could.

Bourdain is CSPAM as gently caress and powerfully missed

his Kissinger statements alone make him CSPAM worthy

# ¿ Nov 5, 2018 02:14

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

twoday posted:

That's some good material

This one calls for red ink

Bourdain was an incredible person, ya he had some eye rolling habits like dumping on foodies while preaching molecular gastronomy, but he was a very good dude and as someone who worked for a decade in the restaurant industry, his prose is fantastic to the point of being haunting

# ¿ Nov 5, 2018 02:21

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

twoday posted:

I love cooking and I love Bourdain

he's tied with Keith Floyd as #1

# ¿ Nov 5, 2018 02:26

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

Trum trem toom torm tremp
Truml Trump Trump Trump Trump trum toomp
Trum trem pmurt tp

# ¿ Nov 7, 2018 13:41

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

the california raisin crusader is what makes it

# ¿ Nov 21, 2018 06:17

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

Carth Dookie posted:

Use glitter.

This, but hair and flesh and blood

# ¿ Dec 4, 2018 04:32

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

I would like to reserve the one with the umlauts if it is not claimed. I will not be using PMs because I don't like using them on mobile and also to bump the thread

# ¿ Feb 2, 2019 23:30

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

about 3/4 of the way through God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater and it's already bucking against Cat's Cradle to become my favorite Vonnegut book

It should absolutely be required reading, along with Grapes of Wrath, for high schoolers lol

# ¿ Feb 12, 2019 19:11

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

twoday posted:

lol, I was thinking about this, the confused mail detective gathering them together and trying to figure out what happened.

One of them says something on the back of it similar to: �I was unable to locate the Dorbald Tundo you requested, so I apologize and in addition to sending you a Dumbo Topel I am also enclosing one additional Dirpal Trupop�

Yeah, I�m pretty sure I took the best prints from that batch, carefully packaged them, put them in the mailbox with inadequate postage, and mailed them directly to some giant shredder, and if that is the case I will send replacement prints from the original batch as well as a tarot card or something else to compensate for the loss of the original print.

But also just lol

Well we know at least one will be going to President of the United States Donald John Trump on his golden throne

# ¿ Feb 14, 2019 16:41

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

twoday posted:

We do? Why?

because if they send it to whoever is named on it in 50 years that's gonna be the only recognizable name

well, him, and some badlands warlord named Drepnald Turnip

# ¿ Feb 14, 2019 17:12

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

UrbicaMortis posted:

I'm reading Grapes of Wrath right now and it owns. I'll have to check out Rosewater next, though my fave Vonnegut book is Mother Night.

Mother Night is real good, think of it like Mother Night is the meat of Grape of Wrath whereas Rosewater are the communist asides

# ¿ Feb 14, 2019 17:41

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

twoday posted:

I also have not read it but the summary I just read seems pretty legit

quote:

Thus did a handful of rapacious citizens come to control all that was worth controlling in America. Thus was the savage and stupid and entirely inappropriate and unnecessary and humorless American class system created. Honest, industrious, peaceful citizens were classed as bloodsuckers, if they asked to be paid a living wage. And they saw that praise was reserved henceforth for those who devised means of getting paid enormously for committing crimes against which no laws had been passed. Thus the American dream turned belly up, turned green, bobbed to the scummy surface of cupidity unlimited, filled with gas, went bang in the noonday sun.

# ¿ Feb 14, 2019 20:44

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

HugeGrossBurrito posted:

So Im out in my yard working on some poo poo and my mailman comes up with an envelope laughing and I'm like what's so funny dude and he's like here's your mail H.G. Burrito.

man if only he'd known what was inside

# ¿ Feb 16, 2019 18:51

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

print came in today! no pic because it got all crunched up in the mailbox so I'm putting it under some magazines before I take it out

# ¿ Feb 20, 2019 04:55

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

twoday posted:

also where is that DOOM gangtag from, I want one

just slight pressure worked fine

the tag is from what I stole from Jose haha, it's from Frisky Dingo which is one of the most precient cartoons ever

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F6Ui_jQdSz0&t=43s

# ¿ Feb 20, 2019 06:21

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

If not them, then apartment mailboxes do

Mine flattened back out fine

# ¿ Feb 20, 2019 21:31

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

Bilirubin posted:

Ah. I put mine under the Collected Works of one WIlliam J. "Trump" Shakespeare

I put it under a couple copies of the Baffler I had sitting around because my coffee table is an unruly heap of socialist magazines and literature

# ¿ Feb 20, 2019 21:37

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

who got the President of the United States Donald John Trump one

# ¿ Feb 20, 2019 23:31

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

twoday posted:

Alright. I used the money selling the trump prints to buy more equipment. But I don't want to keep this printing operation going as a capitalist pyramid scheme, profiting off prints so I can make prints to profit off of prints. I also want to distribute art for free in between, because art belongs to everyone.

So, I will send a "remember sailor" print to whoever wants. If you want to send me the postage amount ($1.50)

I already sold one such print to Tastykake for :tenbux: so that person is hereby promised to receive a free copy of the next print that I will offer for sale (it's gonna be good).

I felt guilty making money off of CSPAM (even though it wasn't much), even if I was reinvesting it into art supplies. In this way I can alternate selling and giving out artwork, so that I can still generate money to pay for my production of artwork, while also giving out the artwork to random c spam browsers.

oh hell one send one of those my way

also lol capitalists don't create so don't worry you aren't among them in this venture, feel free to charge whatever you feel is commensurate to your labor

# ¿ Feb 24, 2019 05:32

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

twoday posted:

Some of these are a little messed up, and also I ran out of paper halfway through so I started printing on envelopes because I didn't want to waste the ink I mixed. If anyone has a preference for a yellow one let me know, otherwise the default will be white

envelope one for me, will be a pain to frame maybe but will look p cool

# ¿ Mar 1, 2019 20:02

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

twoday posted:

I was going to cut off the back of the envelope and the flap and make it normal paper size, are you saying that you want the full envelope to be preserved?

only if that's not too much of a pain to ship

# ¿ Mar 1, 2019 20:05