things your parents did that made you sigh

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > things your parents did that made you sigh

lol but: Feb 24, 2007; body is a dinosaur; Slippery Tilde

picks mom is basically the character i do when i'm drinking highballs alone

# ¿ Sep 11, 2018 20:17

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 16:10

lol but: Feb 24, 2007; body is a dinosaur; Slippery Tilde

Runaktla posted:

- Dad convinced new wife to do hardcore gangbang gilf porn... of course. They have a website.

social anxiety issues so bad you get triggered by group sex scenarios even one step removed

# ¿ Sep 13, 2018 08:49

lol but: Feb 24, 2007; body is a dinosaur; Slippery Tilde

SleepySonata posted:

All our animals stress eat and it sucks.

i implore you mittens put down the kibble somehow i am powerless to stop you

# ¿ Sep 15, 2018 08:52

lol but: Feb 24, 2007; body is a dinosaur; Slippery Tilde

SleepySonata posted:

I laughed I did but just in case you are an actual retard

always a fair assumption wrt my personal self

# ¿ Sep 15, 2018 12:35

lol but: Feb 24, 2007; body is a dinosaur; Slippery Tilde

Antivehicular posted:

This post got slept on, but the image of a mom angrily yelling "POOP BALLS" is cracking me up and needs to be appreciated.

should be bam margera's mom for maximum efficacy

# ¿ Sep 15, 2018 20:09

lol but: Feb 24, 2007; body is a dinosaur; Slippery Tilde

ncumbered_by_idgits posted:

Yeah well I'm 45, spend 40 hours a week at a computer and the cloud is a complete loving mystery to me as well. Check mate my friend.

ever yahoo e-mailed a .docx to yourself for later retrieval? bitch, you're in the cloud

# ¿ Sep 15, 2018 23:03

lol but: Feb 24, 2007; body is a dinosaur; Slippery Tilde

Barudak posted:

I had to sign a contract in triplicate of things I would accomplish in highschool with me keeping one, my parents having one, and the third held in escrow in order to secure their help paying for college.

You may be thinking this would be academically focused or perhaps avoiding drug use but instead it was a contract to force me to try to become a popular kid at school. Among the things it required was having a minimum threshold of friends, being a member of so many activities, get varsity letter in a sport, a date to prom before the second week of senior year, and a curfew on fridays that I was not allowed to come home before 10pm.

did you conquer the labors set before you?

# ¿ Sep 19, 2018 00:10

lol but: Feb 24, 2007; body is a dinosaur; Slippery Tilde

Barudak posted:

To answer your question: I powered through prom throwing up ever 15-30 minutes due to a fever with a person I point blank told on day one of school if they didnt go to prom with me I couldnt go to college.

a messed up situation but that dude sounds solid as gently caress

# ¿ Sep 19, 2018 00:19

lol but: Feb 24, 2007; body is a dinosaur; Slippery Tilde

i had supportive to indifferent parents and am a massive failure so i think maybe those psycho's did you right? of course i know at least one of the two of you was born rich and i come from lumpenprole stock so that also must be considered

# ¿ Sep 19, 2018 00:32

lol but: Feb 24, 2007; body is a dinosaur; Slippery Tilde

Barudak posted:

The first book my parents ever read to me was Das Kapital so I rebelled against them by becoming a petite bougeousie.

the illicit thrill of a healthy 401k

# ¿ Sep 19, 2018 00:48

lol but: Feb 24, 2007; body is a dinosaur; Slippery Tilde

at the very least shoot men instead of rats pick we actually deserve it

# ¿ Sep 19, 2018 01:07

lol but: Feb 24, 2007; body is a dinosaur; Slippery Tilde

Saki posted:

Main thing my parents do that make me sigh is get older and more frail. My mother has a big surgery soon and I'm extremely nervous she's never been quite right since the big C a year or so ago. I worry about them all the time.

thankfully i'm a raging alcoholic and so with a little luck i will never have to bury my excellent mom

# ¿ Sep 25, 2018 09:37

lol but: Feb 24, 2007; body is a dinosaur; Slippery Tilde

Zane posted:

my mom always asks me to give her "a bite from that icecream/hamburger/pizza" and then TAKES A HUGE CHOMP FROM IT.

begrudging the woman who whelped you a burg bite, a shameful son

# ¿ Sep 28, 2018 07:34

lol but: Feb 24, 2007; body is a dinosaur; Slippery Tilde

FullLeatherJacket posted:

my father is a profound idiot and possible autist

- once bought some ridiculous top-spec alienware gaming PC that made a boot noise like an apache taking off because he wanted to work from home and couldn't accept any less for his work writing things in word and drawing bitmap images

- bought a 70-inch wall-mounted flatscreen tv which he uses almost exclusively to watch youtube videos of david icke lectures and 70s music videos, also for sleeping in front of

- as an adjunct to points 1 and 2, would very rarely take us as children to the (nearest driveable) beach where he would refuse to spend any money and would walk small children for miles to various eateries before looking at the menu, deciding it was too expensive and continuing on. after deciding that pizza hut pricing was just too much of a stretch to contemplate taking his family inside, would go to a supermarket and force my mother to make us all sandwiches in the car. always announced on the way home that he wasn't going to "bother doing this again" as everyone was miserable and tired and clearly ungrateful for his efforts.

- is all of the worst kinds of vegan simultaneously, will email you vegan woo at 2 in the morning claiming that veganism cures all diseases, even though he has had several of those diseases for the entire length of his veganism

- believes that steve jobs was a saviour and prophet, and will present steve jobs using a vegan diet to cure his cancer as proof, in spite of clear evidence that a vegan diet did not, in fact, cure steve jobs of cancer

- somehow got talked into going on a cruise by my mother, and spent apparently the entire time lecturing the staff about veganism and complaining, among other things, that they'd left dairy chocolates on the pillows when they arrived

- will randomly wander the house bellowing for my mother at the top of his voice, and if she responds, will ask her to make him a drink. as part of this process, will repeatedly pass through the kitchen in order to see that my mother is not, in fact, hiding there

- ostensibly refuses to eat any food that is not a scalding flavourless mush, leading to my mother having a cooking process that literally involves taking food directly from the oven, plating it, and then slamming it in the microwave for four minutes

I also have an exciting story of why I have no graduation photos from my degree, which is to say that after the part I was directly involved in my father just got up and wandered off as he clearly had something more interesting to do (it turns out that this was to go to an antique shop he saw earlier and couldn't stop at because I was so rudely insisting on actually attending my loving graduation). Helping my mother search the city in full academic dress was another great and exciting memory to add to the list of reasons why I now just inform them of any major events or milestones in my life approximately twelve months after they physically occur.

You don't need your father's approval. Visit him from time to time and be polite as he clearly has brainworms, but his opinion of you is nothing in the large scheme of the poo poo hellworld we live in. You are valuable as a person and if he doesn't see it it is his loss.

# ¿ Oct 8, 2018 22:45

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 16:10

lol but: Feb 24, 2007; body is a dinosaur; Slippery Tilde

my father recently told me nobody could possibly like me they're just pretending as some kind of funny joke, why do you ask?

# ¿ Oct 8, 2018 22:49

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > things your parents did that made you sigh