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Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?




____________________________

Raw Results:
  • Michael Cole welcomed Renee Young as a fulltime member of the commentary team, replacing Coach who will now be relegated to PPV pre-shows.
  • BRAUN! Drew and Dolph came to the ring with a group of the heels who assaulted The Shield last week, and they replayed the beatdown. BRAUN! said Roman was a coward, and Ziggler said the other heels had made a stand against bullying. Drew promised he and Dolph would destroy The B Team again this week, and BRAUN! assured him that would be nothing compared to what he did to Roman in the Hell in a Cell.
  • The Shield came in through the crowd, Dean with a duffle bag full of weapons, and they cleared the ring and left BRAUN! Drew and Dolph glowering on the ramp.
  • The Riott Squad (presumably) had wrecked up Brie Bell'a dressing room.
  • The Shield were arguing with the New Orleans Police while Baron Corbin reminded them that this was a good way to get arrested. Rollins calmed them all down and walked them out, with Roman staring down an officer.
  • Nikki Bella defeated Ruby Riott, with Brie curtailing the interference attempts by the rest of the Riott Squad.
  • The Big how did a Connor's Cure segment with a group of sick kids, getting the crowd to give them all applause.
  • A video played to remind us that everybody now wanted to see HBK vs. Undertaker far more than they did HHH vs. Undertaker.
  • Drake Maverick, not wearing a vest this week, hyped up the destructive capabilities of The Authors of Pain.
  • The Authors of Pain demolished a couple of local jobbers (much to Renee's dismay) in just over a minute.
  • Triple H passed the police as he came to the ring to do a promo about how Undertaker was now only a reputation, and his last truly great matches had been against HBK and himself and he blamed them for taking so much out of him that he'd lost to Brock and then Roman at Wrestlemania.
  • Drew and Dolph defeated The B Team via cheating to retain their Raw Tag Team Titles. Afterwards, Ambrose and Rollins jumped them and beat up on them until they managed to escape.
  • Baron Corbin was reading Rollins and Ambrose the riot act about their interference and warned them this was a good way to get arrested again. Rollins pointed out that their arrest last week was due to somebody filing a false police report, and Corbin insisted that wasn't him. Ambrose called in a local sheriff who was prepared to arrest Corbin until he frantically agreed to do a deal with Seth.
  • Outside, Ambrose discussed speeding tickets with the sheriff, saying speed limits should be "suggested speeds", then Seth came out delight and told Ambrose that things were going their way and they would no longer be pressing charges.
  • Kevin Owens brutalized Tyler Breeze with a Powerbomb onto the apron. He grabbed a mic and explained that he was glad to quit two weeks ago, but acting manager Baron Corbin had called him and done him a deal where he no longer was held accountable for any of his actions in the ring. So his murder of Breeze was just "doing his job", and his attack on The Shield last week wasn't a favor to anybody but him just "doing his job." He called out Bobby Lashley, saying Lashley was responsible for Sami Zayn being out injured, and Owens intended to make him pay for it over and over again.
  • Bobby Roode and Chad Gable defeated The Ascension in a tag match. Gable blind tagged in to start the match, surprising Roode, but they worked well together and celebrated happily after their victory.
  • Ziggler was furious that The Shield were still in the building. Corbin showed up and told them he had good news... they'd be defending their tag team titles against Seth and Dean at Hell in a Cell! He claimed his reason was because it was his first PPV in charge and he wanted the best possible match, and assured BRAUN! that Stephanie wanted him as the new Universal Champion. BRAUN! said he was going big dog hunting.
  • Ronda Rousey and Natalya Neidhart defeated Alexa Bliss and Mickie James in a tag match. Thanks to some trickery, Alexa was able to finally do damage to Ronda for the first time in her WWE career, but Ronda recovered and submitted Mickie James much to the crowd's delight.
  • Elias was complaining about his catering backstage when BRAUN! showed up menacing members of the crew demanding to know where Roman Reigns was.
  • Ronda was getting her ribs checked backstage but gave a seething interview promising Alexa that even on her worst day, she was still the best.
  • Elias did a concert in ring until Mick Foley showed up to note that Elias was talented but lacked sincerity. Foley looked like he had lost a lot of weight but too quickly, with his hair dyed it was kinda offputting. Elias told him he was the future, Foley said maybe his time really was past, but there was still something for him in the present, and he would be the special guest referee at Hell in a Cell between BRAUN! and Roman. Elias told him to go backstage and stop wasting his time, and Foley revealed that Stephanie had offered him a chance to exercise GM Authority one last time by making one match this evening. Foley's choice was for Elias to face Finn Balor.
  • BRAUN! was still storming around backstage demanding Roman.
  • Balor defeated Elias was rollup. Renee was delighted and Cole (in a fun way) admonished her to be unbiased.
  • Lio Rush was talking a mile a minute hyping up Bobby Lashley as he attempted to workout. Lashley seemed to accept the idea of having Rush as a manager/hype man.
  • BRAUN! stopped Charley Caruso backstage from doing an interview, calmly (for him) demanding to know where Roman was. Charley suggested he go to the ring so Roman could find him.
  • The Undertaker will return to Raw next week to answer Triple H's claims.
  • BRAUN! came out demanding Roman come out... and he didn't. BRAUN! said Roman was a coward, but at Hell in a Cell there was nowhere to hide, nobody to help him, and even if Mick Foley got in his way as Special Ref, BRAUN! would destroy him too.
  • Roman's music played and he came out and climbed onto the commentary table and motioned to BRAUN! to come get him. They started fighting on the entrance platform and back to the announce table, the crowd just kind of watching without making much noice till Roman hit a Samoan Drop from the table through the stage, which perked them up a little.
  • Roman got back up and strutted off with the belt, turning back to pose with it to a quiet mixture of cheers and boos as BRAUN! was left laying.
____________________________

Smackdown Results:
  • The show opened with the ring bell tolling 11 times to mark the anniversary of 9/11 (never forget).
  • Jeff Hardy came out and did a promo about how demons are all around us, but he's happy to go to Hell (in a Cell) and take Randy Orton with him.
  • Jeff Hardy won by DQ against Shinsuke Nakamura, after he was setting up for the Swanton Bomb but got crotched on the ropes by Randy Orton who then tried to beat him up with a steel chair, only for Jeff to turn the tables, beat him with it and then hit the Twist of Fate and Swanton Bomb on Orton.
  • The Miz and Maryse did a backstage interview making GBS threads all over Brie and Bryan, saying that the two had only married because they couldn't find anybody else, unlike Miz and Maryse who were soulmates.
  • AJ was featured in a pre-taped promo sitting on the steps next to the ring earlier in the day. He discussed how Joe has used their past to aim at AJ's weakpoints, but AJ similarly knew Joe's weakpoints and would target them.
  • They replayed Charlotte and Becky's interview from the previous week where both called the other delusional. In the present, Charlotte was interviewed and talked up how she is naturally competitive, but Becky only talks the talk.
  • Charlotte defeated Sonya Deville (with Mandy at ringside) by Submission. As Charlotte left, a black-haired fan at ringside leveled her, then pulled off the wig and glasses to reveal it was Becky. She put the Disarmer on Charlotte momentarily, then stalked off. She looked like a total badass.
  • Samoa Joe presented storytime, showing a bound storybook called Night Night by Samoa Joe, a rhyming story about the villain AJ Styles and the hero Samoa Joe. Joe absolutely made this work where it would have flopped with anybody else.
  • Backstage, badass Becky told the interviewer she'd promised to break Charlotte's arm, but she was going to wait till AFTER she won the title to do it.
  • New Day came out with their own announce table, and played a video of Kofi KingstonKramer Kingston doing a story on The Bar.
  • Rusev Day defeated The Bar to become the number one contenders for The New Day's Tag Team Titles. English got taken out by a Brogue Kick but that gave Rusev the opening he needed to finish off Sheamus. Lana was loving stoked at ringside, and New Day seemed excited too.
  • Andrade "Cien" Almas defeated R-Truth thanks to an unwitting distraction by Carmella after she hauled Zelina out of the ring for doing a dual-Tranquilo pose with Almas.
  • Asuka was being interviewed backstage about helping Naomi against the IIconics last week, but Naomi took over the interview and eventually got through to her that she wanted to team up with her.
  • Maryse kept avoiding fighting Brie in their main event, so Brie got on the mic and called Maryse a coward. Miz lost his mind and declared that she didn't deserve this match and neither did the city, and they were leaving.
  • Brie hauled Maryse back to the ring and quickly got her into the Yes Lock, so Miz hauled Brie out of the ring which caused a DQ. Bryan jumped Miz and started to beat the poo poo out of him but an attempted move on Miz hit Brie instead. As Bryan checked on Brie, Miz jumped him from behind and threw him into the steps, and Maryse beat up on Brie.
  • Maryse dragged Brie into the ring but Brie turned the tables, and she got in Miz's face. Maryse attacked her from behind again, but Brie got the upper hand and then Bryan recovered, got his hands on Miz, and when Miz tried to escape Brie punched him and then Bryan knocked him out of the ring.
  • Bryan and Brie celebrated in the ring as Miz and Maryse cheesed it up the ramp.

Jerusalem fucked around with this message at Sep 12, 2018 around 02:00

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Erebus
Jul 13, 2001

Okay... Keep your head, Steve boy...


I haven't watched Raw for a while I wonder how it's been

Raw:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZUcpVmEHuk

Raskolnikov38
Mar 3, 2007

We were somewhere around Manila when the drugs began to take hold



oh my god this was the go-home show

Mr. Carlisle
Jul 14, 2007



quote:

Michael Cole welcomed Renee Young as a fulltime member of the commentary team, replacing Coach who will now be relegated to PPV pre-shows.

Why?

What good could that possibly do? He's always been bad and he isn't going to get any better.

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?


Mr. Carlisle posted:

Why?

What good could that possibly do? He's always been bad and he isn't going to get any better.

Now nobody will have to watch him, since nobody watches the pre-shows I guess

DarkstarIV
Apr 6, 2010

Ms. Money


Just a reminder, but Braun's heat/momentum/aura were completely destroyed in order to try and get Roman over. He's pretty much dead after Sunday if he doesn't win.

Raskolnikov38
Mar 3, 2007

We were somewhere around Manila when the drugs began to take hold



DarkstarIV posted:

Just a reminder, but Braun's heat/momentum/aura were completely destroyed in order to try and get Roman over. He's pretty much dead after Sunday if he doesn't win.

sunday? he's dead now

Raskolnikov38
Mar 3, 2007

We were somewhere around Manila when the drugs began to take hold



anyhow triple h saying undertaker over and over in a desperate attempt to elicit any spark of life from the crowd was the best summation of modern wwe ever

Mr. Carlisle
Jul 14, 2007



Jerusalem posted:

Now nobody will have to watch him, since nobody watches the pre-shows I guess

Oh poo poo my brain skipped over the pre-show bit of that and was just thinking PPVs.

Still - there are probably half a dozen or more people on payroll that could do it much better even on the pre-show.

Dimebags Brain
Feb 18, 2013





Remember when Roman got make-a-wish cancer children booed?

Golden Bee
Dec 24, 2009

I came here to chew bubblegum and quote 'They Live', and I'm... at an impasse.


Three cheers for the big how! Canít wait to see those kids on NXT in a few years.

fatherofmustard
May 15, 2018


Hopefully Foley doesn't take any bumps at HIAC.

Golden Bee
Dec 24, 2009

I came here to chew bubblegum and quote 'They Live', and I'm... at an impasse.


Iíd love a tagteam of silent rage and the quiet storm. They come down without entrance music and de-mic the ring.

The_Rob
Feb 1, 2007

musicals are garbage


Was raw bad again?

uncurable mlady
Jan 13, 2008

get meow dis wack-ass
crystal prison









Pillbug

The_Rob posted:

Was raw bad again?

honest to god I think there was maybe like 20 minutes or so of wrestling over 3 hours

Do it ironically
Jul 13, 2010


fatherofmustard posted:

Hopefully Foley doesn't take any bumps at HIAC.

he was at my local indie a couple months back I went and he looked loving awful he could barely walk.

TV Zombie
Sep 6, 2011

Once you Whee-in, You can't Whee-out


Dinosaur Gum

Is this one of the first times we've seen Lio in a while? He had matches in 205 recently right?

The_Rob
Feb 1, 2007

musicals are garbage


uncurable mlady posted:

honest to god I think there was maybe like 20 minutes or so of wrestling over 3 hours

How the gently caress does that even make sense.

VJeff
Jun 2, 2011

#HEKNOWS
#SCOOPS
#IGNOREMYPOSTS


Wow, they're gonna go all the way and just kill Braun, huh.

Mr. Carlisle
Jul 14, 2007



uncurable mlady posted:

honest to god I think there was maybe like 20 minutes or so of wrestling over 3 hours

They're so close to the goal why stop now

Three hour shows, zero wrestling here we come

Professor Funk
Aug 4, 2008

SAVE_US.SD14


I was watching the Jets mollywhop the Lions, which was glorious

It seems like Raw was bad

The_Rob
Feb 1, 2007

musicals are garbage


Mr. Carlisle posted:

They're so close to the goal why stop now

Three hour shows, zero wrestling here we come

The funny thing though is that Being the Elite is the best current weekly wrestling show and there is zero wrestling on it.

MassRafTer
May 26, 2001

Fundamentals as sound as the WNBA


The_Rob posted:

The funny thing though is that Being the Elite is the best current weekly wrestling show and there is zero wrestling on it.

Sorry it is Arena Puebla.

The_Rob
Feb 1, 2007

musicals are garbage


MassRafTer posted:

Sorry it is Arena Puebla.

Yeah, actually.

DeepDickPizza
Oct 11, 2012

It's me, It's me, It's DDP!!


The_Rob posted:

Was raw bad again?

Sometimes people exaggerate how bad Raw was to be humorous. Without any exaggeration, this was one of the worst Raws of the year in a terrible year of Raws. The Ronda match was the only thing that could even be considered "worthwhile" and if you hate her like I do, then this show was completely joyless and without merit.

Smackdown should be good, though.

Intruder
Mar 5, 2003

Onward to pie!


The whole using the police to blackmail each other thing was ridiculous as hell

GrimGypsy
Mar 27, 2007



my only memories of this show were Foley cutting a good promo and the Corbin/Rollins/Ambrose segment seeming especially badly written/spoken

KungFu Grip
Jun 18, 2008

HUSS
HUSS
HUSS


the only good thing from raw was that the police sheriff's last name was also Ambrose and WWE didnt even loving do anything with it when him and Dean were talking.

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?


Foley did a good promo and Ronda is really loving over, and in the case of the latter it's really nice seeing how the crowd is just fully and totally behind her and absolutely buy her as an asskicker.

Raskolnikov38
Mar 3, 2007

We were somewhere around Manila when the drugs began to take hold



DeepDickPizza posted:

Sometimes people exaggerate how bad Raw was to be humorous. Without any exaggeration, this was one of the worst Raws of the year in a terrible year of Raws.

this is said every week and it is true every week

Raskolnikov38
Mar 3, 2007

We were somewhere around Manila when the drugs began to take hold



GrimGypsy posted:

my only memories of this show were Foley cutting a good promo and the Corbin/Rollins/Ambrose segment seeming especially badly written/spoken

also louisiana hasn't used the napoleonic code since we bought it

DarkstarIV
Apr 6, 2010

Ms. Money


DeepDickPizza posted:

Smackdown should be good, though.

Oh sweet summer child. I would set your expectations near the very bottom. An R-Truth vs Andrade match was set for tomorrow, Charlotte vs Sonya is announced, The Bar vs Rusev Day, and the main event is Brie Bella vs Maryse.

So no, it likely won't be good.

fatherofmustard
May 15, 2018


DarkstarIV posted:

Oh sweet summer child. I would set your expectations near the very bottom. An R-Truth vs Andrade match was set for tomorrow, Charlotte vs Sonya is announced, The Bar vs Rusev Day, and the main event is Brie Bella vs Maryse.

So no, it likely won't be good.

R-Truth is good.

SatoshiMiwa
May 6, 2007



I see watching the Jets destroy the Lions was the good choice huh

Suplex Liberace
Jan 18, 2012



Is Foley actually the ref at HIAC? That sounds bad.

Tweak
Jul 28, 2003
Quick! Report this post! For some reason it always works out in your favor!

Suplex Liberace posted:

HIAC? That sounds bad.

bartok
May 10, 2006

hey!
hey!
it's me kane!
hello!


When was the last genuinely good Raw?

Raskolnikov38
Mar 3, 2007

We were somewhere around Manila when the drugs began to take hold



bartok posted:

When was the last genuinely good Raw?

2017 at least

Tokamak
Dec 22, 2004

Fusion Burgin Reactor


DeepDickPizza posted:

Sometimes people exaggerate how bad Raw was to be humorous. Without any exaggeration, this was one of the worst Raws of the year in a terrible year of Raws. The Ronda match was the only thing that could even be considered "worthwhile" and if you hate her like I do, then this show was completely joyless and without merit.

The summary reads like they forgot there was still a RAW before HIAC, so they hastily copied segments from the last few shows and pasted them into a new show schedule.

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Raskolnikov38
Mar 3, 2007

We were somewhere around Manila when the drugs began to take hold



strowman filliping a truck was January 16th so no good raw's since then

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