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tote up a bags
Jun 8, 2006

die stoats die


the trap has to be thematic to the person getting the punishment, trust me the 7 (8?) saw movies spend like two hours total explaining how its not murder because there's some lovely link to the person getting punished

for the girl who spends too long on facebook, she's got to recite every friend she has or a book (made of razors) closes on her face. it's about facebook you see

tote up a bags fucked around with this message at Sep 14, 2018 around 13:53

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tote up a bags
Jun 8, 2006

die stoats die


for the guy who spends too long watching anime all day, he has to fight and win a court case in fluent japanese to defend himself from whacking it to underage girls, or less gently caress i dunno a sawblade shoots out + kills him

Robin Williams
Aug 11, 2018

Im Fuckin Dead


The person has to count tiny beads, like real tiny, hard to see.

Or beads so big they need a spaceship to travel around to count them.

Halser
Aug 24, 2016


five different people have to agree on a single flavor of pizza otherwise they all get shot in the face

tote up a bags
Jun 8, 2006

die stoats die


the members of metallica have to hum the bassline of every song on justice for all else they are crushed to death under a mountain of unsold copies of st anger

tote up a bags
Jun 8, 2006

die stoats die


dude at the gym who leaves the plates on the bar after he's finished his 1 squat / 12 mins of admiring self in mirror routine has to attend a crossfit session without walking out in disgust

a bone to pick
Sep 14, 2011



A trap designed for Kirk Johnson: at first he is told he must spread his rear end in a top hat for the internet wide enough that someone could fit their head in it in front of a camera. The camera is rigged though, designed to make his rear end in a top hat look as tiny as possible, so no matter how much he stretches it, it looks tiny on the video feed. This causes Kirk to spread his rear end in a top hat to the absolute limit, causing him to kill himself by doing what made him famous.

tote up a bags
Jun 8, 2006

die stoats die


a trap for don jr, he has to go to any store and buy an outfit that WOULDNT look better on a pig standing on its hind legs than it does on him, but if he fails he has to benchpress his dad

gey muckle mowser
Aug 5, 2003



the cashier at the grocery store has to bag all my items without squishing the bread or else I will write a strongly worded letter to their manager

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

I thought it was time you had a new av so typed in random picture and this is what came up


A fat nasty videogamer gets the poo poo kicked out of him by 3 dudes dressed like goombas. Just non stop street justice and curb stomping.

tote up a bags
Jun 8, 2006

die stoats die


gey muckle mowser posted:

the cashier at the grocery store has to bag all my items without squishing the bread or else I will write a strongly worded letter to their manager

this is ok but i think there has to be the risk of death or it's not spooky enough for saw. what race is the cashier and what state is this happening in

Songbearer
Jul 12, 2007


Fuck you say?


A man with hopes and dreams is forced into a committed marriage -- Am I right fellas?!

EorayMel
May 29, 2015

You got the fluffy kitty kitty!

The captive victim must fill up a jar to a certain level with his semen, but only via masturbating with jagged metal gloves.

TheMostFrench
Jul 12, 2009

Stop for me, it's the claw!



- Politicians who use twitter will be subject to some kind of The Birds-esque attack by a bunch of birds, because they are being tweeted at a lot. The birds are covered in syringes maybe?

- Users who do a bad job of poo poo posting are force fed a bunch of lovely food (and razorblades) and then anything that will cause them serious constipation and dehydration. As a result they will poo poo a solid post of poo poo which will slice open their colon so they can get the real goatse experience. It will be filmed and presented in a way that makes it seem ironic, and it will be remembered as a cinematic masterpiece.

- A retard masturbator who works from home is forced to get a job in porn, but their technique is misunderstood by the industry because the person can't help speaking to everyone like they are children. They are then labelled a paedophile and choose to end their own life but before they can something happens to their genitals, probably involving sharp stuff. They are rescued and end up in foster care, but lose self employment which is actually a greater punishment than death for them (they can't stop jacking it).

TheMostFrench fucked around with this message at Sep 14, 2018 around 14:10

tote up a bags
Jun 8, 2006

die stoats die


ann coulter wakes up to find herself over a pit of spikes, and all she must do to survive is read 10 headlines without intentionally taking the most devil's advocate position possible on any of them

a bone to pick
Sep 14, 2011



trap for jigsaw: he is given tickets to Louis CK's comedy cumback tour, or so he thinks. The tickets are actually for a Jeff Dunham show. When jigsaw arrives at the comedy club he is horrified to learn that he is not part of the audience, he's part of the act.

TheMostFrench
Jul 12, 2009

Stop for me, it's the claw!



gey muckle mowser posted:

the cashier at the grocery store has to bag all my items without squishing the bread or else I will write a strongly worded letter to their manager

tote up a bags posted:

this is ok but i think there has to be the risk of death or it's not spooky enough for saw. what race is the cashier and what state is this happening in

The manager is a giant guillotine powered by negative performance reviews.

Icochet
Mar 18, 2008



The guy who likes torture films is shot in the head without any torture.

tote up a bags
Jun 8, 2006

die stoats die


ben shapiro wakes up in a room and has just one hour to accurately measure his own height or he'll be sent to bed without any dinner

Nastyman
Jul 11, 2007

There they sit
at the foot of the mountain
Taking hits
of the sacred smoke
Fire rips at their lungs
Holy mountain take us away


A football helmet with a piston on it connected to a live dick and you have to suck the key out of the dick to get the helmet off (lol)

The twist at the end is that there is no key

friendbot2000
Apr 30, 2011



Nastyman posted:

A football helmet with a piston on it connected to a live dick and you have to suck the key out of the dick to get the helmet off (lol)

The twist at the end is that there is no key

This one is only for megachurch gay-haters though.

People who release revenge porn have to carve out exactly 1 pound of flesh with a dull blade

soy
Jul 7, 2003


A room with a door that can only be opened by farts.

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

I thought it was time you had a new av so typed in random picture and this is what came up


A Hitler cosplayer has to gouge out his eyes with a spork and find a way through a corridor of sharp dangerous things before his trapped lederhosen give him a death wedgie.

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

I thought it was time you had a new av so typed in random picture and this is what came up


Nastyman posted:

A football helmet with a piston on it connected to a live dick and you have to suck the key out of the dick to get the helmet off (lol)

The twist at the end is that there is no key

And instead of cummies, it's full of buckshot! You really have to go that extra step.

Gaunab
Feb 13, 2012



A trap that kicks a guy in the balls because he jacks off too much or something.

tote up a bags
Jun 8, 2006

die stoats die


friendbot2000 posted:

This one is only for megachurch gay-haters though.

People who release revenge porn have to carve out exactly 1 pound of flesh with a dull blade

this isn't specific enough to the crime

people who release revenge porn have to re-film the revenge porn but swap roles, a hulking dominate bulky man will be provided as needed

Bonaventure
Jun 23, 2005


Hello Deborah. How's the family? Anyhoo, I'd like to play a game.

Deborah. You spend all your lunch breaks eating loudly at your desk, even though everyone else is still there, trying to work. They have to smell your microwave lasagna. Have to listen to you chew and slurp it down. Have to listen to you scrape your fork violently against the plastic trying to get every last bit. Clearly you don't appreciate not having cancer -- which is my motivation, by the way, to make people appreciate not having cancer. I have cancer. Let me tell you, it blows.

At any rate, I'm going to force you to eat in the break room. I call it that, because in order to escape it, you have to break all your limbs so you can squeeze through all the barbed-wire tunnels I made. Also, when I said "force you to eat," I meant you're going to be eaten by man-eating rats. Technically, theoretically, you have a chance to survive, so this isn't murder. And if you do survive, you bet your keester that you'll have a new appreciation for not having cancer.

Catch you on the flip side, which is a room where you get one half of your body flipped onto the other half by a giant George Foreman Lean Mean Fat-Reducing Grilling Machine. If you make it that far, non-cancer-haver. Jigsaw out.

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

I thought it was time you had a new av so typed in random picture and this is what came up


A chronic masturbator has to jerk it non stop cuz if his hand goes slower than 40 miles an hour, his dong blows up!

tote up a bags
Jun 8, 2006

die stoats die


Bonaventure posted:

Hello Deborah. How's the family? Anyhoo, I'd like to play a game.

Deborah. You spend all your lunch breaks eating loudly at your desk, even though everyone else is still there, trying to work. They have to smell your microwave lasagna. Have to listen to you chew and slurp it down. Have to listen to you scrape your fork violently against the plastic trying to get every last bit. Clearly you don't appreciate not having cancer -- which is my motivation, by the way, to make people appreciate not having cancer. I have cancer. Let me tell you, it blows.

At any rate, I'm going to force you to eat in the break room. I call it that, because in order to escape it, you have to break all your limbs so you can squeeze through all the barbed-wire tunnels I made. Also, when I said "force you to eat," I meant you're going to be eaten by man-eating rats. Technically, theoretically, you have a chance to survive, so this isn't murder. And if you do survive, you bet your keester that you'll have a new appreciation for not having cancer.

Catch you on the flip side, which is a room where you get one half of your body flipped onto the other half by a giant George Foreman Lean Mean Fat-Reducing Grilling Machine. If you make it that far, non-cancer-haver. Jigsaw out.

Ok this is art, I loving heard it in his voice too

very stable genius
Sep 28, 2000
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one to Flavortown, and that has made all the difference.

Oven Wrangler

One where you have to jerk off to power jigsaws crystals

Bonzo
Mar 11, 2004



Fun Shoe

A married couple have 30 seconds to agree on where to eat but loose an appendage if either says, "Oh I don't care".

Icochet
Mar 18, 2008



Parents dining out with their children get 10 dollars added to their bill every time they try to lead their kids to say something smart in order to impress the other patrons.

Moon Atari
Dec 26, 2010




Nap Ghost

Fleshlight full of superglue. For anyone really. Jigsaw leaves it at the exit to all his other traps. Calls it his insurance policy.

TheMostFrench
Jul 12, 2009

Stop for me, it's the claw!



Colonel Cancer posted:

A chronic masturbator has to jerk it non stop cuz if his hand goes slower than 40 miles an hour, his dong blows up!

Saw 9: The Dick That Couldn't Slow Down.

WatermelonGun
May 7, 2009
SUCKING DICK FOR XENFORO MONEY


any goon who has ever posted in qcs for any reason has to type out the john galt speech from memory or the shotgun shells embedded in their desk chair blow their anuses into pieces.

Nigmaetcetera
Nov 17, 2004

Sorry guys, I'm just a donut.


A stoner has to smoke two ounces of chronic in under an hour, or be crushed by an actual enormous stone. The twist is that the stoner is me and I accomplish the feat easily and then smoke all of Jigsaw's medical herb that he needs for his cancer.

A guy has to eat a live baby for some convoluted reason that makes no sense and is stupid.

Quentin Tarantino has to make a critically acclaimed feature length film without any violence, swearing, or racial slurs, or Uma Thurman gets her feet chopped off.

Glenn Quebec
Oct 30, 2005


*in very jigsaw voice and also on a 11" CRT TV*

"Hello gamer. You have spent a lifetime wasting away the benefits of a stable home and middle class income on the frivolous pursuit of playing pointless video games. When there are so many suffering and struggling to make ends meet, why do you think you get to enjoy yourself without betterment?

Attached to your left ankle is an iron manacle that cannot be removed without a key which is conveniently locked behind a box. You'll notice that your leg is covered in honey. If you don't beat Battle Toads for the NES in two hours, this starving goat next to you will eat through your leg."

*Rapid zoom out to a bird's eye view as the gamer screams trying to pull his leg free, the goat bleats and the tune of Battle Toads take over.*

Icochet
Mar 18, 2008



The inventor of the Type A USB plug has to stick his dick into a round hole in the wall either in a normal standing position or doing a hand-stand. One is right, one is wrong. If he guesses wrong the dick is gone.

Bonzo
Mar 11, 2004



Fun Shoe

Loot crates

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Nooner
Mar 26, 2007

AN A+ POSTER (:

Uhh its like a horney guy and like hes gotts stop being horney other wise the saw guy is gonna shoot a laser right down his pee hole

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