Non-Monogamy / Polyamory / Open Relationships

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Non-Monogamy / Polyamory / Open Relationships

DoctorGonzo: Jul 25, 2016; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Non-monogamy

So in the last couple of years I feel like I've seen more and more mainstream focus on non-monogamy and all its different flavors. There's a Netflix series called "Explained" that devotes an entire episode to monogamy and how it's constructed and enforced in society. Watching the episode, you get the sense that traditional marriage exists mostly as a way to ensure the lineage of property, regardless of the actual humans in the marriage - but we enforce monogamy in a pretty insane way. If you're in a relationship for 10 years and you cheat once, you've irreparably destroyed the relationship forever. That's hosed up! It feels like the way we look at mainstream relationships enforces a lot of awful, toxic jealousy and impossible ideals.

what are your opinions on this phenomenom=??

# ? Sep 24, 2018 00:23

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# ? Apr 24, 2024 13:18

Putty: Mar 21, 2013; HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS

every man on earth is married to each other and are kissing right now

# ? Sep 24, 2018 00:25

DoctorGonzo: Jul 25, 2016; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

but what about the women? or you are using man as the entire human race? please respond

# ? Sep 24, 2018 00:28

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

Phenomenon?? I know you can't hear me sarcastically scoffing right now but I am, soooooooooooooooooooooooo

People were poly for years before catholocism ruined everything, thats right, back in the days of tribal civilisations when people died of syphalus at the age of twelve, thats the time period I'm romanticising. Monogomy is really more of a 'new' thing and its completely ridiculous, thats why, take it from me as someone whose mouth looks exactly like my rear end in a top hat, if you mock poly relationships than you're an rear end in a top hat!!

# ? Sep 24, 2018 00:33

Putty: Mar 21, 2013; HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS

all the men on the planet earth are naked and oiled up and tounge punching each others sweaty coclate starfishes with thier rough cat tounges at this very moment

# ? Sep 24, 2018 00:36

DoctorGonzo: Jul 25, 2016; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

i would never could do poly

# ? Sep 24, 2018 00:39

Sophy Wackles: Dec 17, 2000; > access main security grid
access: PERMISSION DENIED.

All then men are forming a circle jerk that will circle the entire globe!

# ? Sep 24, 2018 00:42

The Dennis System: Aug 4, 2014; Nothing in Jurassic World is natural, we have always filled gaps in the genome with the DNA of other animals. And if the genetic code was pure, many of them would look quite different. But you didn't ask for reality, you asked for more teeth.

DoctorGonzo posted:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Non-monogamy

So in the last couple of years I feel like I've seen more and more mainstream focus on non-monogamy and all its different flavors. There's a Netflix series called "Explained" that devotes an entire episode to monogamy and how it's constructed and enforced in society. Watching the episode, you get the sense that traditional marriage exists mostly as a way to ensure the lineage of property, regardless of the actual humans in the marriage - but we enforce monogamy in a pretty insane way. If you're in a relationship for 10 years and you cheat once, you've irreparably destroyed the relationship forever. That's hosed up! It feels like the way we look at mainstream relationships enforces a lot of awful, toxic jealousy and impossible ideals.

what are your opinions on this phenomenom=??

That episode of Explained was poo poo (which isn't surprising because it's a Vox production). Most of the people they interviewed weren't qualified to talk about the subject and were just spouting off a bunch of bs because they were trying to push their ideology.

# ? Sep 24, 2018 00:46

Metaline: Aug 20, 2003

I have a husband and a boyfriend for like 3 and a half years now and it rules.

# ? Sep 24, 2018 00:48

By popular demand: Jul 17, 2007; IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!

Pawn 17 posted:

All then men are forming a circle jerk that will circle the entire globe!

Wouldn't a Man Train work better?

# ? Sep 24, 2018 00:51

cardiacarrest123: Apr 10, 2016

DoctorGonzo posted:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Non-monogamy

So in the last couple of years I feel like I've seen more and more mainstream focus on non-monogamy and all its different flavors. There's a Netflix series called "Explained" that devotes an entire episode to monogamy and how it's constructed and enforced in society. Watching the episode, you get the sense that traditional marriage exists mostly as a way to ensure the lineage of property, regardless of the actual humans in the marriage - but we enforce monogamy in a pretty insane way. If you're in a relationship for 10 years and you cheat once, you've irreparably destroyed the relationship forever. That's hosed up! It feels like the way we look at mainstream relationships enforces a lot of awful, toxic jealousy and impossible ideals.

what are your opinions on this phenomenom=??

Faithfulness is not an impossible ideal you're just a weak piece of poo poo hth

# ? Sep 24, 2018 00:51

Linux Pirate: Apr 21, 2012

I'd never want to be in one, but it's cool if other people do.

that is my hot, controversial take on it.

# ? Sep 24, 2018 00:52

KakerMix: Apr 8, 2004; 8.2 M.P.G.

I couldn't see myself doing anything but monogamy although I'm not sure that's because of society pressures as I grew up or because goddamn can you imagine having two wives?
We'd die of starvation as we go back and forth about what we want to have for dinner.

Basically:

Linux Pirate posted:

I'd never want to be in one, but it's cool if other people do.

that is my hot, controversial take on it.

# ? Sep 24, 2018 00:53

Putty: Mar 21, 2013; HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS

every man on earth is forming pairs and sucking each other weiners 69 style

they all gather on a large mountain and cartwheel off while 69ing much like their ancestors did with cheese wheels before the extinction of cows

# ? Sep 24, 2018 00:53

Arrhythmia: Jul 22, 2011

Putty posted:

every man on earth is forming pairs and sucking each other weiners 69 style

they all gather on a large mountain and cartwheel off while 69ing much like their ancestors did with cheese wheels before the extinction of cows

Why did no one invite me to this?

# ? Sep 24, 2018 00:54

lol but: Feb 24, 2007; body is a dinosaur; Slippery Tilde

so would the pre-modern natural law polytopes smell better or worse than their modern variants?

# ? Sep 24, 2018 00:54

Jose Mengelez: Sep 11, 2001; by Azathoth

Putty posted:

all the men on the planet earth are naked and oiled up and tounge punching each others sweaty coclate starfishes with thier rough cat tounges at this very moment

get a tongue scraper dude.

# ? Sep 24, 2018 00:54

By popular demand: Jul 17, 2007; IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!

Putty posted:

every man on earth is forming pairs and sucking each other weiners 69 style

they all gather on a large mountain and cartwheel off while 69ing much like their ancestors did with cheese wheels before the extinction of cows

Too unstable my friend. It has to be a colossal Man Train.

# ? Sep 24, 2018 00:56

Putty: Mar 21, 2013; HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS

the brady bunch, but they are all men, they are all naked, and are all having sex

# ? Sep 24, 2018 00:56

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

It's nice when my wife's boyfriend takes care of her on the weekend so I can just browse the forums in peace amiright guys

# ? Sep 24, 2018 00:57

By popular demand: Jul 17, 2007; IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!

Everybody must get gay. It's the only way.

# ? Sep 24, 2018 00:58

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

ah nice i've been waiting for this thread!

New to this, worried i made the wrong decision.

quote:

Hi guys,

I've recently been reading here a lot to try and consolidate my thoughts.

Some backstory, i struggle very much with anxiety issues and am clinically depressed, so please remember that when reading what i tell you, as i feel these contribute to a lot of this. I was in a relationship at the begging of last year, and i found unhappy with just one partner, i expressed the idea of being open and it didn't happen, we broke up.

I have been in the single market for a while, until last month i met a girl who was talking about being open to Polyamory and wanting that, we had loads in common and hit it off so well.

We were fine, up until little things bothered me. (this is where i feel my concerns started)

One night, we celebrated our relationship. She told me she loved me, we fell for each other, and i haven't felt like this about someone in a long time, so i treated her. An expensive dinner and an evening together. I got upset because right at the end of the night, just before we were about to get to bed, i saw her messaging to her friend saying, don't worry i am in an open relationship so we can still gently caress when we see each other. That really got to me... Maybe i just wanted us to enjoy our evening together without tinder, or other people messaging her. But i didn't express that, so how should she have known. I had a bit of an anxious panic that night, and i think that contributed to the next incident.

Then later that week, we kind of had a bit of a lack of libido on her part, wasn't interested in sex for a couple of days and said it a few times over. 3 days into this, a guy she slept with (which she had a really amazing time with and wanted to do it again) messaged her out the blue. All of a sudden her libido was back... This also really got to me. I felt inadequate and like she just didn't want me. This scared me and i thought maybe i wasn't good enough for her, even though she tells me regularly.

This week, we went out on the piss together, was awesome. Had a great night, up until some guy took her fancy. Now i'm so open to her seeing other people and getting to know people, i guess i just don't wanna be there when its happening?
He was interested in her, he was respectful of me and even asked my permission. I couldn't say no, but i hated it, he walked us to our taxi and was so nice to her, i was walking behind them a lot and felt like a spare part in my own relationship.

We had an argument after that, and she doesn't think i'm open to poly. Now i'm questioning if i am...

I try to tell her i'm just enjoying you right now, and not really thinking about who i want to gently caress or date right now, i want to build our relationship and get some grounding. She says in her mind we are grounded and that isn't what she wants.

I also think i am envious of the attention. It seems she could literally pick up her phone and have a choice of anyone within an hour or go out that night and find someone. Where as for me it just doesn't work like that, it takes effort and not a lot of people are interested in me. Maybe that's a huge part in it.

But the idea of having to control and dictate what she does makes me physically sick, it makes me feel horrible and like she doesn't deserve this.

She recently said we should try being monogam-ish for a while, Open ourselves up but with very specific people we both know and trust, which i was fine with. (this was yesterday) but today she gets a text from some guy who she also really wants to sleep with again, and shes asking me if its okay, and i don't have it in me to say what i want to so, which is. Not really. Am i wrong in all this?

Is she right? Is this not for me?

My ideal would be i want more time with her and focus on us right now, whereas i feel we would lose something if we started off with new relationships within a month, i have a lot of fears and anxiety and i'm terrified that maybe i'm holding on because i don't want to lose this one. Or maybe i'm just taking it slower than she is and envious of the attention she is getting?

Your thoughts, questions and messages would be so appreciated and i'm having a really tough time.

Thank you for taking the time to read, it really means a lot to me.

Polyamory has brought out the absolute worst in me

quote:

It�s been a lovely week, and I realized that I am the problem. Before exploring polyamory I was a secure, confident person. After we started our poly journey and we both put ourselves out into the world, poo poo started to change. My wife had two people instantly and I�m still struggling to get even the smallest thing going. In turn, all compersion I had had been lost and replaced with tons of insecurities about being not nearly as great as I thought I was, being unwanted and unloveable.

I want to make sure I say that my wife has been amazing in this and asked today if we should just call it quits. I�m struggling with that, too, because it would mean that I would make the decision to go back to monogamy because I was too insecure to be happy for her success because I wasn�t having any.

This all leads to a spiraling effect of basically trying harder and harder only to appear more and more desperate and then, obviously, not being successful in finding anything. I feel like I�m trying to desperately to �catch up� to her that I�m starting to do stupid poo poo.

I�m starting to put pressure on relationships that used to be fine as they were and I�m beginning to have more bad days than good. All in all, this is the worst version of me.

I don�t know how this happened exactly, but it�s a miserable time and I know I need to fix it. I feel like the only thing I can do is to stop trying to date and focus on being a regular person again. Somewhere during this process I forgot how to be interesting, and it�s a turn off, for me included.

Really thought I was going to be better at this.

Want to walk away from my primary, due to a new toxic addition

quote:

So I feel like I have not been respected in my relationship with my fiance lately. In fact, I feel like walking away entirely. At first, becoming open helped us tremendously with communication, honesty etc. Since he's been seeing a new lady, things have took a turn, drastically. This whole week I have been struggling with insecurity when he goes to her place (she lives down the road). He leaves and then doesn't come back when he says he will or leaves when there are still plenty of things left to do like dinner, kids homework, feed/change baby, baths, bed time etc. and is gone far too long. I'm ok with him going over there but I'm not ok with being stuck with all the responsibilities. I realize now that my jealousy wasn't bc of her, it was the lack of needs being met by my partner causing my insecurity. So that's problem number 1. Problem number 2, he's putting pressure on me to want to be romantically involved with her too. I like her, she likes me, that's not the issue, it's the fact that shes an alcoholic/anorexic (problem number 3) and has literally no control over her drinking whatsoever that is telling me to run for the hills! I go over her house in the morning with the baby and take her bottles (which are half gone by 10am). I take her back to my house and put her to bed. I feel like a baby sitter. I already have 4 children! I don't think I have the mental capacity to be romantically involved with someone who needs this much help right now. I've told him a few times that while I don't think he should even be pursuing her, I understand he can't help that he likes her so I think only he should be in a relationship with her that doesn't include me. I have taken a backseat on myself this week and it got to me, by Thursday I was a raging mess. Then Friday, I had an opportunity to be with friends for the evening, he snapped at me bc he was too tired to watch the baby, he did apologize and let me go but I'm not happy with his reaction, I'm hurt and I think for good reason. He doesn't want to let this possible relationship/triad go and in turn now our relationship is becoming toxic. I feel like the only solution is to walk away from them both. I'm hurt that I feel so strongly about this but he doesn't listen to my concerns and anything I say to her doesn't matter bc she's usually drunk.

I was going to post this to a secret forum on FB but I feel like i need more anonymity

# ? Sep 24, 2018 01:04

Putty: Mar 21, 2013; HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS

Little Timmy (27) and his baby brother Mike (19) stumble upon their father's old picture book. Within it lies strange remnants of the past... a photo?

Their father holding the hand of a very small man, half the size of a normal person. Next to him is another man with very long hair, smoother skin, and a strange outfit. In his hands lies a man even smaller than the other one.

# ? Sep 24, 2018 01:10

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Rutibex posted:

ah nice i've been waiting for this thread!

New to this, worried i made the wrong decision.

Polyamory has brought out the absolute worst in me

Want to walk away from my primary, due to a new toxic addition

These are all p funny but the first one really tickled me because you constantly see poly people say it's not something that takes away their attention from their partners it's just they have so much love to give out and here she is literally picking up dudes on her nights out with him.

# ? Sep 24, 2018 01:17

Burt Sexual: Jan 26, 2006; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS; Switchblade Switcharoo

DoctorGonzo posted:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Non-monogamy

So in the last couple of years I feel like I've seen more and more mainstream focus on non-monogamy and all its different flavors. There's a Netflix series called "Explained" that devotes an entire episode to monogamy and how it's constructed and enforced in society. Watching the episode, you get the sense that traditional marriage exists mostly as a way to ensure the lineage of property, regardless of the actual humans in the marriage - but we enforce monogamy in a pretty insane way. If you're in a relationship for 10 years and you cheat once, you've irreparably destroyed the relationship forever. That's hosed up! It feels like the way we look at mainstream relationships enforces a lot of awful, toxic jealousy and impossible ideals.

what are your opinions on this phenomenom=??

Don�t cheat on your wife again op. She�ll leave you.

# ? Sep 24, 2018 01:19

Putty: Mar 21, 2013; HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS

A very large concrete structure, phallus shaped, pearl white, and sticky. The Manistry of Truth (Manitrue) towers above all men. Within lies thousands of men destroying copies of Playboy in a gigantic fiery pit. They jerk off into the flames to seal away the embers of the past in an impenetrable shell of semen.

# ? Sep 24, 2018 01:20

DoctorGonzo: Jul 25, 2016; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

i got a new word for the poly people, ITS CALLED BEING SINGLE you loving idiots

# ? Sep 24, 2018 01:20

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Being poly doesn't mean I love my partners any less!

*Ditches them to go flirt with other people at the bar*

# ? Sep 24, 2018 01:21

vandalism: Aug 4, 2003

Let's keep the rimworld thread in the rimworld thread.

# ? Sep 24, 2018 01:25

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

Sure it might LOOK like I have a crippling fear of commitment and that this poly thing is just a way for me to devalue our relationship to a more managable form but the truth is I just have so much love to give and I'm definitely not doing this just because my priorities have been all hosed up by a lifetime of the media telling me I need a relationship to be happy.

# ? Sep 24, 2018 01:26

Jose Mengelez: Sep 11, 2001; by Azathoth

polyamorous relationships = tired

polymorphous relationships = wired

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D9wOiPBVJSI

# ? Sep 24, 2018 01:38

coolskull: Nov 11, 2007

i need to absorb as much love as i can now to live off of when i go into hermitage.

# ? Sep 24, 2018 01:40

KakerMix: Apr 8, 2004; 8.2 M.P.G.

I still don't get why people are so quick to wear a label

# ? Sep 24, 2018 01:44

Salty Josh: Jul 13, 2016; Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.; Nap Ghost

I think... if you're gonna talk your girlfriend into a threesome, then you need to let her do her thing as well. In other words, don't be a hypocrite.

Also, it is healthy to see a significant other get mashed by someone else as you harden yourself to the thought of them cheating on you. You basically get over it, and it allows for more freedom of thought within yourself or less insecurity.

That way she can never use that against you, ie killing the hostages before they have a chance to use them against you.

# ? Sep 24, 2018 01:45

Jose Mengelez: Sep 11, 2001; by Azathoth

KakerMix posted:

I still don't get why people are so quick to wear a label

tell it to my $3000 dollar gucci shirt you broke rear end basic bitch.

# ? Sep 24, 2018 01:54

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

KakerMix posted:

I still don't get why people are so quick to wear a label

you can't be an oppressed group if you don't label yourself

# ? Sep 24, 2018 01:56

OMFG FURRY: Jul 10, 2006; [snarky comment]

KakerMix posted:

I still don't get why people are so quick to wear a label

BPD

or something about modern life making people feel more isolated and alone and, desperate for any sense of belonging, cling to any label that feels suitable until another op piece about someone elses wonderful life reminds them of all the happiness they don't have, and gosh darnit, don't they deserve happiness too???

# ? Sep 24, 2018 01:56

Jose Mengelez: Sep 11, 2001; by Azathoth

Salty Josh posted:

I think... if you're gonna talk your girlfriend into a threesome, then you need to let her do her thing as well. In other words, don't be a hypocrite.

Also, it is healthy to see a significant other get mashed by someone else as you harden yourself to the thought of them cheating on you. You basically get over it, and it allows for more freedom of thought within yourself or less insecurity.

That way she can never use that against you, ie killing the hostages before they have a chance to use them against you.

so basically millenial polycucks are significantly dumber than their 1970's car key exchanging swinger parents lol

# ? Sep 24, 2018 01:57

Putty: Mar 21, 2013; HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS

All the men on the planet are given labels. Titles such as "top" or "bottom" or "likes penises" are brandished on the sticky namtag of every person on their left bicep. This simplifies matters in the world of men who are all married kissing and having butt sex.

# ? Sep 24, 2018 01:59

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# ? Apr 24, 2024 13:18

Sophy Wackles: Dec 17, 2000; > access main security grid
access: PERMISSION DENIED.

By popular demand posted:

Wouldn't a Man Train work better?

We already did the global man train last year. This year is all about the circle jerk.

# ? Sep 24, 2018 01:59

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