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lets go swimming
Sep 6, 2012

EAT THE CHEESE, NICHOLSON!


Yes, it's that time of year again. The nights are drawing in, the wind and rain is picking up where it left off before the Indian Summer, and we're all going to be screaming at our screens as some shitlord who 'tells it like it is' dictates to their team that 'guys I know what a cloche is, it's what you drain tea leaves in, innit?'

Sralan is back on Wednesdays with his trusty sidekicks, Karren Brady and Claude Littner as we work our way up to Christmas.

Yup

As always, enjoy some bingo to make it more enjoyable palatable.

Let's have a look at this year's selection of ringpieces

Alex Finn - 21, IT analyst

Pros:
Will do anything to get to the top as long as it's 'within laws'
Cons:
Will go outwith laws if he doesn't get found out
Cheatin bastard

Camilla Ainsworth - 22, nut milk brand owner

Pros:
Made a nut pun in her video
Cons:
She's loud and an extremist so she'll get to the interviews or go by week 3

Daniel Elahi - 28, lifestyle brand owner

Pros:
Philanthropist
Cons:
He's absolutely not a philanthropist

David Alden - 32, tax advisor

Pros:
Sideline as a mobile DJ
Reminds me of :swoon:Tom:swoon:
Cons:
Says his Ts like Ds, what a dwad

Frank Brooks - 27, senior marketing manager

Pros:
Pushes boundaries with his humour so will definitely start a fight by making a sexist joke
Cons:
Sang Take That in his video
Smells like success i.e. he wears Lynx

Jackie Fast - 34, sponsorship consultant

Pros:
Her blurb isn't full of business bullshit buzzphrases
Seems to be aware of her shortcomings
Cons:
Thrifty, cheap so will inevitably gently caress some people off by arguing over price

Jasmine Kundra - 34, learning and development manager

Pros:
Will say sorry if she's wrong to diffuse a situation
Cons:
Ahahahhaa no she won't
Spells entrepreneur A-L-A-N S-U-G-A-R which is wrong

Kayode Damali - 26, professional speaker

Pros:
His name means 'he brings us joy'
Made the fun guy/fungi joke, I like it
Likes his mum
Cons:
Used his tinder profile as a selling point

Khadija Kalifa - 28, eco-cleaning company owner

Pros:
I don't completely dislike her but I'm struggling to find something to say
Cons:
Called her children 'beasts'
Private school and private healthcare. Up against the wall.

Kurran Pooni - 22, law graduate

Pros:
Looks a bit like Gaius Baltar
Cons:
Wear a loving suit in your video, Jesus Christ
Most punchable
Prick

Rick Monk - 33, quality controller

Pros:
Nah, he's a bellend
Cons:
Will definitely bully everybody

Sabrina Stocker - 22, tennis events company owner

Pros:
Doesn't think before talking
Cons:
Doesn't think before talking
Christ she's irritating
Calls a rollercoaster a 'rolleycoaster'
One of those pricks who will dance anywhere

Sarah Ann Magson - 37, solicitor

Pros:
Owns a nursery furniture business alongside being a lawyer
She's got piercings that aren't just in her ear, how 21st century
Cons:
Do solicitors lay down the law, or is it sheriffs and judges that do that?

Sarah Byrne - 29, children's acting academy owner

Pros:
May be quite good tbh
Cons:
Loud

Sian Gabbidon - 25, swimwear brand owner

Pros:
Competent???
Cons:
Generic business person, whatever

Tom Bunday - 28, tree surgery firm owner

Pros:
Absoulte unit
Cons:
Struggled at school, now successful, so will bring this up in the boardroom and Sralan will get angry at him
Brought up death at the end for some reason, thanks lad

First episode is Wednesday the 3rd October at 9pm on BBC One. It's the buying task and they've been flown to Malta to shout at the locals in order to get sea salt as cheaply as possible. You're Fired is on after but I don't watch it so :shrug:

How do you make a Maltese Cross? Send 16 business twats to negotiate poorly with him.

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Bape Culture
Sep 13, 2006



Looking forward to this.

Pissflaps
Oct 20, 2002

by VideoGames


Looking forward to getting angry about this.

Pissflaps
Oct 20, 2002

by VideoGames


I think that Frank will walk in week one.

Skeletome
Feb 4, 2011




Tom bundays face is making me laugh, it's like a deflated bagpipe

eating only apples
Dec 12, 2009

Shall we dance?


Tom looks like he's been mirrored down the middle

Bape Culture
Sep 13, 2006



Hes a big symmetrical lad

Pissflaps
Oct 20, 2002

by VideoGames


Same on both sides mother fucker

Binary Logic
Dec 28, 2000

Wash Your Hands


Fun Shoe

The pose of everyone makes me look forward to Sralan taking them down.

"lifestyle brand owner'
'professional speaker'
'sponsorship consultant'

Oh this is going to be a fun season.

Binary Logic fucked around with this message at 19:17 on Sep 29, 2018

Khablam
Mar 29, 2012



2008,2014,2015,2017,2018
2019,2020,2021,2022,2023
2024,2025,2026,2027,2028


Copied my thread title from 2 years ago but at least I didn't need to make my own.

Welcome back Apprentice-watching losers!

Pissflaps
Oct 20, 2002

by VideoGames


Turns out I know someone who knows the Lawyer from teesside.

lets go swimming
Sep 6, 2012

EAT THE CHEESE, NICHOLSON!


Khablam posted:

Copied my thread title from 2 years ago but at least I didn't need to make my own.

Welcome back Apprentice-watching losers!

Lazily copying a previous idea in a half-arsed manner is the way to progress in business :colbert:

:siren: 1 hour warning

crispix
Mar 28, 2015

just search my post history for "diarrhea princess"

Ah I'll probably have to watch this now there's a thread. All the honky fellas have stupid haircuts.

crispix
Mar 28, 2015

just search my post history for "diarrhea princess"

I really hope the eco cleaning company turns out to be a domestic cleaning business that's ripped off the tips from Kim and Aggie's How Clean Is Your House? so using all vinegar and that instead of bleach.

I do hope they made Rick and Tom wear very different suits or whatever because how the gently caress else am I going to tell them apart :/

crispix fucked around with this message at 19:48 on Oct 3, 2018

Khablam
Mar 29, 2012



2008,2014,2015,2017,2018
2019,2020,2021,2022,2023
2024,2025,2026,2027,2028


Ready to get slightly angry but mostly just disappointed.

lets go swimming
Sep 6, 2012

EAT THE CHEESE, NICHOLSON!


Khablam posted:

Ready to get slightly angry but mostly just disappointed.

Khablam
Mar 29, 2012



2008,2014,2015,2017,2018
2019,2020,2021,2022,2023
2024,2025,2026,2027,2028


2 of the worst full Windsors I've seen in that room already.

lets go swimming
Sep 6, 2012

EAT THE CHEESE, NICHOLSON!


"No strings attached 250,000." "The terms and conditions are..."

Sralan ya dick

e: lol nut enthusiast

Khablam
Mar 29, 2012



2008,2014,2015,2017,2018
2019,2020,2021,2022,2023
2024,2025,2026,2027,2028


Sarah should not speak jesus

Staggy
Mar 20, 2008

Said little bitch, you can't fuck with me if you wanted to
These expensive
These is red bottoms
These is bloody shoes



Every year I forget how painful the "jokes" are.

crispix
Mar 28, 2015

just search my post history for "diarrhea princess"

Every year without fail they choose a viz magazine caricature of a northern lass

crispix
Mar 28, 2015

just search my post history for "diarrhea princess"

Going to spend this series waiting for Number Six to sashay through the door and start cavorting with that long haired chap.

lets go swimming
Sep 6, 2012

EAT THE CHEESE, NICHOLSON!


Phoning the tourist board is actually a good idea, I'm no used to these in this programme

crispix
Mar 28, 2015

just search my post history for "diarrhea princess"

How much y'all want to bet Sugar makes a joke about ghonella sounding like an STD :laugh:

Muppetjedi
Mar 17, 2010


I dont think sabrina has said a single thing yet

lets go swimming
Sep 6, 2012

EAT THE CHEESE, NICHOLSON!


Not reallypaying attention, how did Sarah make that wee argument a class thing

crispix
Mar 28, 2015

just search my post history for "diarrhea princess"

Did Sugar just ask a woman who was shaking her head why she was nodding her head?

lets go swimming
Sep 6, 2012

EAT THE CHEESE, NICHOLSON!


Fuckin hell Jackie inside voice

lets go swimming
Sep 6, 2012

EAT THE CHEESE, NICHOLSON!


Almost a double in week one, phwoar

Khablam
Mar 29, 2012



2008,2014,2015,2017,2018
2019,2020,2021,2022,2023
2024,2025,2026,2027,2028


Khablam posted:

Sarah should not speak jesus
Oh thank god.

Taear
Nov 26, 2004

Ask me about the shitty opinions I have about Paradox games!


I am so surprised that they got rid of the loud annoying person right off the bat, normally they keep them in for "good TV". Shocking!

ass cobra
May 28, 2004



had to get a new vpn to watch on iplayer, this season better have some top shelf morons

Pissflaps
Oct 20, 2002

by VideoGames


Worst contestants ever.

Binary Logic
Dec 28, 2000

Wash Your Hands


Fun Shoe

Lord Sugar: An octopus, with a 40 inch hose, is a piece of diving equipment. It's somethiing to help people breathe underwater. But you bought an actual real live octopus
Daniel: Well, it was dead

Lord Sugar: It might've been dead by the time you finished measuring its tentacles. Tarran what about you, what'd you do?
Tarran:(slowly) I approached a local fisherman, asked him where we could acquire an octopus...

Lord Sugar: What'd you ask, What's got 8 legs, and is useless? Could've said , your sub-team.

:boom:

Taear
Nov 26, 2004

Ask me about the shitty opinions I have about Paradox games!


Binary Logic posted:

Lord Sugar: An octopus, with a 40 inch hose, is a piece of diving equipment. It's somethiing to help people breathe underwater. But you bought an actual real live octopus
Daniel: Well, it was dead

I really enjoyed his baffled look when they all laughed and looked at him there.

Binary Logic
Dec 28, 2000

Wash Your Hands


Fun Shoe

Taear posted:

I really enjoyed his baffled look when they all laughed and looked at him there.

Karen had a great line too when Coyote (Kayode) couldn't pronounce one of the items and after trying a few times she scolded him with a blistering,
"Let's try to get it right for Lord Sugar".

eating only apples
Dec 12, 2009

Shall we dance?


Honestly thought Sarah was going to miraculously escape firing week after week until maybe week 8, like that type usually does. Horrible lady.

I like Khadija and she's pretty :shobon:

Bape Culture
Sep 13, 2006



Binary Logic posted:

Karen had a great line too when Coyote (Kayode) couldn't pronounce one of the items and after trying a few times she scolded him with a blistering,
"Let's try to get it right for Lord Sugar".

Shes a daft cow and a criminal.

Pissflaps
Oct 20, 2002

by VideoGames


Bape Culture posted:

Shes a daft cow and a criminal.

What crimes has she done?

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Bape Culture
Sep 13, 2006



Pissflaps posted:

What crimes has she done?

false accounting and conspiracy to defraud

And literally everything to do with the shitshow that is London stadium/West Ham situation that literally takes money from our pockets

Just a baddie

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