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*small child running up to me, showing his cat drawing* look i made a cat *me, staring at this so called cat drawing* this has no élan at all . .. it's PEDESTRIAN *child is confused and starts to cry* *me, holding up the kids drawing* everybody look at tommy's extremely pedestrian drawing of a cat, look at it and know this: it's BAD, it belongs in an iowa public library |
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Sep 30, 2018 20:13
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teacher gets super excited when a kid comes up with a bunch of directionless scribbles |
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Sep 30, 2018 20:34
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Parent: I heard you have a substitute teacher for art class this week. Did you show them your sponge painting of the dancing monkeys? Child: ..yes Parent: Did they like it? I thought it was really good. Child: It was good, if you’re into retinal junk and Sunday paintings. The worlds different now, everything’s different now. |
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Sep 30, 2018 21:27
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*teacher leaves simple art assignment for kids to do, artist throws it in trash* kids life isn't planned, isn't organized, and it isn't for fun. today we are going to do true art. i'm going to turn on the kiln, and we are going to draw straws. the one with the short straw will put their hand in the kiln. this represents how life can gently caress you over at anytime. the rest of you can do watercolors tho ---------------- |
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Sep 30, 2018 23:04
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Teacher enters the room, looks around, and checks the clock. "I see we're all on time, and in our correct seats. Have I taught you NOTHING?"
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Sep 30, 2018 23:29
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alright class time to hand in your serialized twelve-tone recorder quartet compositions |
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Oct 1, 2018 00:10
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teacher: the gently caress is this, a horse? tot: yes a horsey teacher: it sucks. total crap. tot: I mean, it's a . . . powitical awwegory teacher: holy poo poo it's brilliant
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Oct 1, 2018 00:58
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Manifisto posted:teacher: the gently caress is this, a horse? lmao ---------------- |
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Oct 1, 2018 01:09
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Manifisto posted:teacher: the gently caress is this, a horse? |
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Oct 1, 2018 01:35
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Manifisto posted:teacher: the gently caress is this, a horse? ferroque posted:alright class time to hand in your serialized twelve-tone recorder quartet compositions |
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Oct 1, 2018 03:45
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*refusing to take off sunglasses because i've been doing coke all night* *child is tugging on my shirt* mr. teacher what are we doing today? *letting out a long moan* we are going to EXIST *passes out* ---------------- |
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Oct 1, 2018 15:15
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art teacher: BRILLIANT! poorly done addition and subtraction on lined paper. such a biting commentary on the school system and, more importantly, society in general. look, children, look at this masterpiece and know that you will never do anything even half as good in your miserable lives. math teacher: is that a house? and a tree? some sort of primitive landscape? i've seen some creative math in my day, but this takes the cake. |
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Oct 1, 2018 15:43
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billy, I want you to stand in front of the class and tell everyone what you've drawn. "a......... a weinie" and why did you do that? "b-because I [sniffle] I thought it was funny" ...and in doing so, you have created a masterpiece. on the surface, a simple three-pronged set of curves in red crayon could be misconstrued as unchallenging, even orthodox, rote. but the non-uniformity of the testes, the comical bulge of the shaft, the color palette, everything suggests a deeper, concerted intent. you have singularly recontextualized the underpinning of the minimalist movement as entirely phallic. everyone, I want you to follow billy's example |
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Oct 1, 2018 17:18
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*second grader throws up a whole bowl of froot loops on his collage* teacher: "it's..... brilliant" *wipes tear from eye* |
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Oct 2, 2018 02:31
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[at dinner] “does it count as art if someone sits in time-out all day while the whole class watches?” |
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Oct 2, 2018 04:57
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Principal: You...(rubs temples)...you told them to put eggs in their what? (distant sirens) |
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Oct 2, 2018 13:24
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Not paying any attention to what the substitute art teacher says, because we all know that no matter what the assignment is, I'm just going to turn in another drawing of Trogdor.
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Oct 2, 2018 13:33
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Twenty Four posted:Not paying any attention to what the substitute art teacher says, because we all know that no matter what the assignment is, I'm just going to turn in another drawing of Trogdor. My god it's brilliant... the concept of burnination, the plight of the underclass... a perfect critique. capitalism is little different from feudalism, i see that now timmy |
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Oct 2, 2018 13:40
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The teacher looks down at the seating chart as they start calling names. Nobody is in their assigned seat. About five names in the children can no longer contain their laughter, they think they have pulled off a wonderful prank. Little do they know they are in for an hour long lecture on subverting expectations and the applications of that to the art world. |
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Oct 2, 2018 13:56
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ok class today we're going to lie on the floor and think about the oppressive constructs of art critics who didn't appreciate my latest work, "piss christmas," because they thought it was too "derivative" to just piss on a christmas tree
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Oct 2, 2018 17:08
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*group of children singing old mcdonald had a farm when I bang a ruler on a desk and demand they stop perpetuating such terribly formulaic drivel.* "It is time for Stockhausen" I have just finished retuning the class piano to follow a microtonal model instead of the barbaric west's ghastly 12 note system. I have also circuit bent a cactus. |
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Oct 3, 2018 04:32
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Can't figure out if i like the kid in the Bauhaus shirt or if I just want to snort percs with their parents'
crimes |
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Oct 3, 2018 16:27
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*bursting into the teachers lounge dressed as jack sparrow* WHERE HAS ALL THE RUM GONE
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Oct 7, 2018 15:40
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PHIZ KALIFA posted:Can't figure out if i like the kid in the Bauhaus shirt or if I just want to snort percs with their parents' i can't tell if this is the band or the art movement cuz no-one makes t-shirts for art movements |
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Oct 8, 2018 03:06
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Catboy Autonomist posted:i can't tell if this is the band or the art movement cuz no-one makes t-shirts for art movements Perhaps SOME people don't wear T-shirts for art movements.
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Oct 8, 2018 04:32
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i wear a large beige carpet sample with a hole cut through it as a representation of brutalism e: the plastic crosshatch underneath is painful and itchy and thats how i know its working |
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Oct 8, 2018 22:39
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substitute teacher wears different art movement tshirt every time |
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Oct 8, 2018 23:02
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the substitute teacher is chain smoking while chugging absinthe hes wearing his bohemian shirt |
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Oct 8, 2018 23:05
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my 3rd grade teacher is the nicest person i've ever known |
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Oct 8, 2018 23:32
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*respectfully squeezing elmers glue out on the floor for all the 3rd grade art teachers out there doin the most* |
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Oct 8, 2018 23:53
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wake up jimmy. this isn't naptime, it's 4'33" |
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Oct 9, 2018 17:36
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Nosfereefer posted:the substitute teacher is chain smoking while chugging absinthe lmao this sounds exactly like my old high school ap world history teacher. event went to those renneisance fairs |
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Oct 10, 2018 05:19
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Catboy Autonomist posted:i can't tell if this is the band or the art movement cuz no-one makes t-shirts for art movements the joy division wave pattern shirt but at the bottom it says BAUHAUS crimes |
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Oct 10, 2018 22:45
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PHIZ KALIFA posted:the joy division wave pattern shirt but at the bottom it says BAUHAUS 
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Oct 11, 2018 01:07
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Today we are going to draw what we want to be when we grow up. When you think about what you want to be, I want you to suffer through the realisation that your hopes and dreams are meaningless and mourn the deaths of the alternate lives which you kill with every decision. *Teacher screams "YOU ARE CONDEMNED TO BE FREE" then passes out* |
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Oct 13, 2018 01:53
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*person with clothing made of tinfoil and plastic wrap walks into class, begins spinning in circles slowly at first but gaining speed shouting BEEP BOOP in a very loud and monotonous voice* That, my dear children, is called beep boop. Learn something from it.
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Oct 14, 2018 04:24
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Awesome winter sig by Symbolic, love it!
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*Comes into room in an Uncle Sam costume yells, "welcome to social studies commies" and brutally beats to death the first brown child they can find while yelling about the domino effect. *
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Oct 14, 2018 06:28
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Drilldo pls |
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Oct 14, 2018 14:47
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*@mathclass* "you kids know bout the death of the artist, right? the received meaning fundamentally being different from the presented one and so on? *continues to rant about old episodes of big brother* |
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Oct 14, 2018 15:19
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| # ? Apr 16, 2024 05:21 |
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Now you'll notice in this episode of Sanford and Son that Lamont and Grady have found what appears to be a priceless antique within the junkyard. But that's only if you're watching the scenes and not in between the scenes. The real meaning is despair and enui. |
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Oct 14, 2018 23:55
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