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Dog Jones posted:either way, women arent exactly gonna be lining up around the corner to hook up with a jerk off slave... even in the time of jesus, jerk off slaves were held in low regard as mates. I really think you are going to want to join the NFL, or take on some other profession of violence, if you want to enjoy a suck. I’d like a jerk off slave, where do you find those
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Oct 11, 2018 22:16
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| # ? Apr 19, 2024 00:10 |
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Tolkien minority posted:I’d like a jerk off slave, where do you find those Sit on your left hand until it becomes numb
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Oct 11, 2018 22:17
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jerking it with ur off hand makes it almost impossible to get the right rhythm going
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Oct 11, 2018 22:19
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i lived with three wonderful, attractive women for many years and almost every male friend that ever came over was like, "dude, have you scored with any of them?" i never even tried, but i happily attended all of their weddings and i feel very strongly that living with them made me a better person and enabled me to be in the wonderful relationship that i'm in now (which is about to enter its eleventh year). and, yeah, girls are raw as hell when it comes to talking about sex and periods and stuff
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Oct 11, 2018 22:24
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Rutibex posted:80% of people in my profession are women. I have lots of women friends, but it's a little frustrating some times because I'm single and I want them to suck my dick instead of tell me about their day. lol being a rare guy in a woman heavy workplace is extremely favorable for hooking up to you, unless you're like really grody
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Oct 11, 2018 22:24
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it's a lot like having dude friends except they actually put effort into maintaining the relationship and are okay with doing emotional labor as long as its reciprocated it's v. nice and i recommend it op
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Oct 11, 2018 22:29
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funkybottoms posted:i lived with three wonderful, attractive women for many years and almost every male friend that ever came over was like, "dude, have you scored with any of them?" i never even tried, but i happily attended all of their weddings and i feel very strongly that living with them made me a better person and enabled me to be in the wonderful relationship that i'm in now (which is about to enter its eleventh year). Quoting this post because I love it... and because hopefully it will make it more likely for other goons to read it and absorb its message.
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Oct 11, 2018 22:52
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Dog Jones posted:OP: duhhh me have a question about friends and sex..... who I should ask? OOOOO I know Ill ask the goons of Something Awful Forums!!!! [clapping excitedly like retard] Guuuhhhhb oh and after that Ill email Elliot Roger for some tips on how to eat pussy. Hopefully by then the tazmanian devil thats tearing my cock to shreds will be done and it can help me finish my phonics homework I'm sorry this thread is better than anything you've done on/offline. If you want to talk about it I'm right here.
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Oct 11, 2018 23:06
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You can be talking on the phone with them and put the phone down for a minute if you need to do something and when you pick it up they're still talking and haven't noticed, which is nice. Also they tell you pretty candid and sometimes hilarious poo poo about their sex lives.
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Oct 11, 2018 23:47
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gently caress. Any guy who says things like “toxic masculinity” unironically and actually wants to talk about emotions with his friends is a limp-wristed babby piece of poo poo with a small dick and I’d gladly gently caress his day up and then cuck his wife with my magnum dong and gently caress I’m so loving lonely oh my god
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Oct 12, 2018 02:43
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a peck of pickled peckers posted:gently caress. Any guy who says things like “toxic masculinity” unironically and actually wants to talk about emotions with his friends is a limp-wristed babby piece of poo poo with a small dick and I’d gladly gently caress his day up and then cuck his wife with my magnum dong and gently caress I’m so loving lonely oh my god 
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Oct 12, 2018 02:49
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Dog Jones posted:Quoting this post because I love it... and because hopefully it will make it more likely for other goons to read it and absorb its message. Highly unlikely
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Oct 12, 2018 03:19
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a peck of pickled peckers posted:gently caress. Any guy who says things like “toxic masculinity” unironically and actually wants to talk about emotions with his friends is a limp-wristed babby piece of poo poo with a small dick and I’d gladly gently caress his day up and then cuck his wife with my magnum dong and gently caress I’m so loving lonely oh my god if you cuck his wife doesnt that mean you are loving the husband?
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Oct 12, 2018 04:04
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Devils Affricate posted:how are things these days over at the dick sucking factory just working here until something bigger comes along
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Oct 12, 2018 04:18
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Lol at not being able to discuss things with your male friends. Female friends are awesome don't get me wrong just like, you don't need to be so woke that you end up conforming to the same stereotypes you hate.
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Oct 12, 2018 04:34
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ArbitraryC posted:Lol at not being able to discuss things with your male friends. For real, it doesnt matter who the person is. Talking to everyone about everything has given tons of great perspectives about life.
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Oct 12, 2018 05:10
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funkybottoms posted:i lived with three wonderful, attractive women for many years and almost every male friend that ever came over was like, "dude, have you scored with any of them?" i never even tried, but i happily attended all of their weddings and i feel very strongly that living with them made me a better person and enabled me to be in the wonderful relationship that i'm in now (which is about to enter its eleventh year). The worst part of girls talking about their junk is how they always think I think it's gross
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Oct 12, 2018 09:26
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I’ve always got along with women better than men, but since getting married I’ve had to realize some things and tone it down. Like for example I had to accept that a lot of the ways I interacted with women friends was extremely flirtatious and constantly playing with sexual tension and boundaries, I would flirt rather automatically without even realizing that I was doing it, Now I am in a fully committed monogamous marriage , I’ve had to pull back from many of my women friends and I realized how much I constantly sexualized things. I am still able to have friendships with women, but I have to be extremely careful about my boundaries and not letting things slip into these automatic patterns of behavior. So unfortunately I can’t maintain friendships with women who I had any sexual encounter with in the past and I have to be very careful in the way I allow myself to behave around women, which means going extra steps to prevent things from ever happening way in advance. At this point, I’m not even comfortable giving women rides in my car for example or drinking alcohol around women unless my wife is there with me. I’d rather be extra overly careful and cautious than be tempted into sin
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Oct 12, 2018 11:21
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Commie NedFlanders posted:I’ve always got along with women better than men, but since getting married I’ve had to realize some things and tone it down. Like for example I had to accept that a lot of the ways I interacted with women friends was extremely flirtatious and constantly playing with sexual tension and boundaries, I would flirt rather automatically without even realizing that I was doing it, How is Mother these days?
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Oct 12, 2018 13:48
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I've had sex *counts on fingers* twice 
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Oct 12, 2018 14:07
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Commie NedFlanders posted:I’ve always got along with women better than men, but since getting married I’ve had to realize some things and tone it down. Like for example I had to accept that a lot of the ways I interacted with women friends was extremely flirtatious and constantly playing with sexual tension and boundaries, I would flirt rather automatically without even realizing that I was doing it, Jesus Christ, man.
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Oct 12, 2018 14:36
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Commie NedFlanders posted:I’ve always got along with women better than men, but since getting married I’ve had to realize some things and tone it down. Like for example I had to accept that a lot of the ways I interacted with women friends was extremely flirtatious and constantly playing with sexual tension and boundaries, I would flirt rather automatically without even realizing that I was doing it, lmao
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Oct 12, 2018 14:41
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Lol if you haven't been inside all your female friends
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Oct 12, 2018 14:50
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Commie NedFlanders posted:I’ve always got along with women better than men, but since getting married I’ve had to realize some things and tone it down. Like for example I had to accept that a lot of the ways I interacted with women friends was extremely flirtatious and constantly playing with sexual tension and boundaries, I would flirt rather automatically without even realizing that I was doing it, You need to open the relationship immediately.
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Oct 12, 2018 14:59
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This thread is a goldmine. lmao
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Oct 12, 2018 15:01
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All of my good friends have been female. I find myself only wanting to chat with good-looking women and having absolutely no interest in anybody else. EN suggested that I was thinking with my dick, which is fair and I'd pork all of them. Whatever the reason is, that instinct possesses me to a terrifying extent. It's my starting point for any social interaction, and I've found myself not being able to have a meaningful friendship with any other kind of people. I just can't find it in my heart to care about anybody else. I've see male comics talk about how women don't know men are disgusting pigs controlled entirely by their dicks. My first response is sheepish laughter and my second is crippling fear that it is true to a crippling extent.
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Oct 12, 2018 15:16
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*thinking harder than ever before* wait...all those female friends who asked me to help relax their bodies for their boyfriends ... were just using me for sex?
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Oct 12, 2018 15:18
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Commie NedFlanders posted:I’ve always got along with women better than men, but since getting married I’ve had to realize some things and tone it down. Like for example I had to accept that a lot of the ways I interacted with women friends was extremely flirtatious and constantly playing with sexual tension and boundaries, I would flirt rather automatically without even realizing that I was doing it,  I just married someone who understood my proclivity toward flirting 
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Oct 12, 2018 15:55
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When I was 26 I got dumped by my GF of 2 years at a big music festival and bumped into my old best friend, a woman, whom I hadn’t talked to in about that long. We’d been single and she blew me for my birthday and after that I tried to keep hooking up with her and she told me I was being clingy and disrespectful so she stopped talking to me. So imagine my surprise when she sees me at 5 in the morning, out of my mind with grief, and asks if I want to come in her tent and talk about it. We were loving in under 5 minutes and afterwards we exchanged “I love you...AS A FRIENDS” with each other and I set out to put my life back together. A month later I called her to touch base and thank her for being there for me. She told me she was happy we’d reconnected, she also really needed a friend that night and hoped we could stay in touch and be friends again... but she’s also been living with her boyfriend of 6 months for a while and definitely cheated on him with me and any time I come over I have to pretend it didn’t happen. She is honestly probably still my best friend like 4 years later to this day. What I’m saying is that women are just as horny and hosed up as men and pretending otherwise is dumb.
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Oct 12, 2018 16:13
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If you aren't an attractive woman men will literally not notice you or at worst they will abuse you, given you are at the bottom of the social order. Despite what they may say, it still revolves around their dick. 1/5 of men are capable of seeing beyond (which probably is highly condtional, and they will still choose men over you) but you have to test the fruit to determine who those 1/5 are.
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Oct 12, 2018 16:42
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i like that posted:If you aren't an attractive woman men will literally not notice you or at worst they will abuse you so basically treated the same as a man?
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Oct 12, 2018 16:51
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Rutibex posted:so basically treated the same as a man? Lmao men are the default and always seen and treated as humans. You're not public property and whatever you do is interpreted in a way that respects your intelligence and agency. This thread has lots of men saying they only talk to women they find attractive, and hope these friendships turn to sex. Women can befriend men they are not attracted to. Men will be befriend men they aren't attracted to. I hope you get it, Rutibex. i like that fucked around with this message at 17:09 on Oct 12, 2018 |
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Oct 12, 2018 17:06
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men are bad
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Oct 12, 2018 18:07
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extra row of teeth posted:I’m a decently attractive female with all male-dominated nerdy hobbies, so I keep randomly picking up male friends. Unfortunately Nice Guy syndrome is real and I’ve learned to watch for the warning signs and back off if a guy suddenly wants to be super best friends out of nowhere. It’s never innocent and platonic, it always turns into some Stardew Valley poo poo where they think if they are nice enough to you your heart rating will max out and you’ll bang them. Dog Jones posted:Quoting this post because I love it... and because hopefully it will make it more likely for other goons to read it and absorb its message.
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Oct 12, 2018 18:37
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idk the chance a person is a poor conversationalist/crazy/rude is pretty equal. ive always been imaginatively vulgar in my regular speech. however i realized now as an adult, i find some men take me talking about sex (even in a non-personal way) as a sign Im like dtf or something? Cant i just ask you what you imagine when you see the phrase 'cock carousel'? how am I not supposed to talk about dicks? men rule the world and all they do is think with their dicks. In language we say, a building is erected (like a dick), in robots we have createdrobots that kick soccer balls and are used for ejaculating in. Why does a man make money or take care of himself. To own a place to get laid and to look good to get laid. In biology, the male's goal is to hump and ejaculate. but ive scaled that back.
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Oct 12, 2018 19:20
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extra row of teeth posted:I’m a decently attractive female with all male-dominated nerdy hobbies, so I keep randomly picking up male friends. Unfortunately Nice Guy syndrome is real and I’ve learned to watch for the warning signs and back off if a guy suddenly wants to be super best friends out of nowhere. It’s never innocent and platonic, it always turns into some Stardew Valley poo poo where they think if they are nice enough to you your heart rating will max out and you’ll bang them.
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Oct 12, 2018 19:32
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Idk, you constantly get gifts to raise your affection as a stardew valley NPC, which can include valuable gems
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Oct 12, 2018 19:34
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Edgar Allan Pwned posted:
This is pretty true, I think. So many things I’ve learned to do have been—on some level—for the purpose of attracting female attention. Working out, picking up instruments, etc. The irony is that all of these activities have made me way more male friends over the years, which is alright with me too 
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Oct 12, 2018 19:41
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SpazmasterX posted:Idk, you constantly get gifts to raise your affection as a stardew valley NPC, which can include valuable gems if someone gave me a diamond the size of my head on my birthday i would defiantly be very appreciative
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Oct 12, 2018 19:43
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The loop is now full circle and the friend zone exists primarily for “woke” dudes to virtue signal to feminists that they RESPEK WIMMIN and know DA FWEND ZONE isn’t real and if you wanted we could get together to discuss inviolating the patriarchy at my house later, maybe over a box of wine and some Xanax?
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Oct 12, 2018 19:47
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