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Pontificating Ass
Aug 2, 2002

What Doth Life?
I got a jury summons form in the mail, do you guys think this is the best way to get out of it? Has anyone tried something like this before?

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TheReverend
Jun 21, 2005

No. Show up. When questioned find an earnest opportunity to say "jury nullification".

You'll lose a day but not multiple days.

jimmyjams
Jan 10, 2001


King Kong of Megadongs
Gobblin' them mega schlongs
Makin' sure they mega long
Stroke' 'em if they mega strong
https://twitter.com/dasharez0ne/status/1042478459551920130?s=19

Roberto_Silencio
Mar 9, 2004

lets start advertising and make us some real money
da mf sharez0ne

curlys gold
Jan 17, 2018

tell them that objective truth is unattainable but go barefoot to really sell it

CPL593H
Oct 28, 2009

I know what you did last summer, and frankly I am displeased.
The classic way to get booted from jury duty was to say something racist during the selection process but Nazis are really in right now so you'd probably just be on the fast track to putting away some black guy for the rest of his life for jaywalking or some poo poo. Maybe poo poo your pants or something.

Arrhythmia
Jul 22, 2011
Do your civic duty OP.

i like that
May 22, 2016

by FactsAreUseless
nvm

olives black
Nov 24, 2017


LENIN.
STILL.
WON'T.
FUCK.
ME.

TheReverend posted:

No. Show up. When questioned find an earnest opportunity to say "jury nullification".

You'll lose a day but not multiple days.

alternatively, be as conservative-looking as possible to get OKed by the prosecutor and if you get assigned to a case with bullshit charges then do some actual jury nullification :getin:

Korthal
May 26, 2011

A new law is passed that everything you said during your juror selection is made public to all your employers. What's your plan now?

Cough Drop The Beat
Jan 22, 2012

by Lowtax
Tell the judge that your dad was a cop and he taught you growing up that criminals are always guilty. Then give him the finger and call him a fuckman.

Away all Goats
Jul 5, 2005

Goose's rebellion

Just tell them you're racist

WatermelonGun
May 7, 2009
i was a juror on a horrifying child abuse case. dude beat his infant son to the point of blindness and mental retardation.

that’s all i wanted to post.

Schweinhund
Oct 23, 2004

:derp:   :kayak:                                     

WatermelonGun posted:

i was a juror on a horrifying child abuse case. dude beat his infant son to the point of blindness and mental retardation.

that’s all i wanted to post.

well if you're ok with abortion you should be ok with that too.

WatermelonGun
May 7, 2009
he was about ten months old and his eyes went two different ways his dad beat him. a doctor testified that he was more that likely gonna have the mind of a one year old for the rest of his life.

really rewarding experience. america is good

roomforthetuna
Mar 22, 2005

I don't need to know anything about virii! My CUSTOM PROGRAM keeps me protected! It's not like they'll try to come in through the Internet or something!

WatermelonGun posted:

he was about ten months old and his eyes went two different ways his dad beat him. a doctor testified that he was more that likely gonna have the mind of a one year old for the rest of his life.
But what about the son's mind?

curlys gold
Jan 17, 2018

WatermelonGun posted:

he was about ten months old and his eyes went two different ways his dad beat him. a doctor testified that he was more that likely gonna be of two minds the rest of his life.

Gaunab
Feb 13, 2012
LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL
Just yell "smoke weed everyday!" when you enter the courtroom

Dr. Gojo Shioji
Apr 22, 2004

TheReverend posted:

No. Show up. When questioned find an earnest opportunity to say "jury nullification".

You'll lose a day but not multiple days.

I wish there was a way to let them know ahead of time so you don't need to actually go down to the courthouse. "I believe every human law and regulation is an infringement on the rights granted by nature, and I will vote "not guilty" regardless of crime, circumstances, or evidence and be protected in doing so by the concept of jury nullification. Do I still have to show up?" I guess they'd probably still make you come down just to spite you.

haljordan
Oct 22, 2004

the corpse of god is love.






What's worse:
Being judged by people too dumb to get out of jury duty or being judged by people who WANT to be on a jury

haljordan
Oct 22, 2004

the corpse of god is love.






Also loving lmao if you go to trial with a public defender

stump collector
May 28, 2007
Sovereign citizen antics until a cop shows up then scream stolen valor. You will be missed op

Pontificating Ass
Aug 2, 2002

What Doth Life?
Right now I'm planning on just checking the boxes that say "this is a financial hardship" and that "I'm mentally disabled," then not bothering showing up.

haljordan
Oct 22, 2004

the corpse of god is love.






Honestly you should go. It's always interesting/terrifying to see the criminal justice system in "action"

i like that
May 22, 2016

by FactsAreUseless
The disabled thing I worry about because they can use it against you in the future (like when detainees were tortured at guantanomo so bad, they became psychotic and the psychosis was used against them to say they were not credible or competent sufficiently to have believable claims). Just like when people are depressed and suicidal because of bad things that happened to them sometimes due to the government, and then they are used for convenient ends and murdered off during cover ups and the cause of death is listed as suicide.

What I'm saying is leave the country immediately.

Pontificating Ass
Aug 2, 2002

What Doth Life?

i like that posted:

The disabled thing I worry about because they can use it against you in the future
I thought maybe in the future if I wanted to become a gun owner, then I wouldn't be able because I said I was disabled on a jury summons form.

But then I would just get a gun illegally haha there are plenty to go around

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015
Probation
Can't post for 10 years!

i like that posted:

The disabled thing I worry about because they can use it against you in the future (like when detainees were tortured at guantanomo so bad, they became psychotic and the psychosis was used against them to say they were not credible or competent sufficiently to have believable claims). Just like when people are depressed and suicidal because of bad things that happened to them sometimes due to the government, and then they are used for convenient ends and murdered off during cover ups and the cause of death is listed as suicide.

What I'm saying is leave the country immediately.

Yeah but what’s really funny is when the government fucks up trying to murder you about 10,000 times and it’s just become a rolling joke that people just sort of do a shallow dry laugh to anymore.

Alien Sex Manual
Dec 14, 2010

is not a sandwich

I tried to get out of jury duty with the financial hardship/mental health caveats. It didn’t work despite having documentation. Thankfully I didn’t get called to drive an hour and a half for up to a month or whatever it is that they can hold you to for federal cases.

Pennywise the Frown
May 10, 2010

Upset Trowel
I've never been called to jury duty but I'd be an excellent juror.

I'd hold everything to my basic human principles and the rights of every man and they shall not be infringed regardless of the law.

I would not get selected.

edit: I guess if they looked at my mental health record they might toss me immediately. But hey, HIPPA laws. heh

dee eight
Dec 18, 2002

The Spirit
of Maynard

:catdrugs:
I got jury duty a couple times. It was worth the effort because actual justice was done.

The first one we the jury found a land developer guilty of being a lying shitheel and fined him $5000.

The last one we found an old broke retired dude not guilty of some bullshit minor thing and saved him from a big rear end fine.

extra stout
Feb 24, 2005

ISILDUR's ERR

haljordan posted:

Also loving lmao if you go to trial with a public defender

they always let you down which is why i always defend myself in court

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDdwCYUdNfc

Pontificating Ass
Aug 2, 2002

What Doth Life?
Who's law? Your law or my law, joker.

Gridlocked
Aug 2, 2014

MR. STUPID MORON
WITH AN UGLY FACE
AND A BIG BUTT
AND HIS BUTT SMELLS
AND HE LIKES TO KISS
HIS OWN BUTT
by Roger Hargreaves

Sintax posted:

Right now I'm planning on just checking the boxes that say "this is a financial hardship" and that "I'm mentally disabled," then not bothering showing up.

That's a catch 22 though mate. If you tick yes I'm mentally disabled they will retort with "you can answer these forms though"

DogonCrook
Apr 24, 2016

I think my 20 years as hurricane chaser might be a little relevant ive been through more hurricanws than moat shiitty newscasters
Check all the boxes, check boxes that arent even there

extra stout
Feb 24, 2005

ISILDUR's ERR

Gridlocked posted:

That's a catch 22 though mate. If you tick yes I'm mentally disabled they will retort with "you can answer these forms though"

if he's got down syndrome it's actually called a catch 21

Blazing Ownager
Jun 2, 2007

by FactsAreUseless

Sintax posted:

I got a jury summons form in the mail, do you guys think this is the best way to get out of it? Has anyone tried something like this before?

You have to show up. But here's my 'never ever get picked' guidelines:

- Wear an old shirt for a week every night and don't wash it. If it has some questionable slogan, graphic violence or something on it that they can't overtly get mad at you for, all the better
- Wear a necklace, keychain, or something with a little gun or knife on it on it. They hate that.
- Absolutely, positively gently caress up your hair and leave it like that. Run some grease in it and part it wrong.
- If you get called into the jury room, cough and clear your nose a lot and don't cover it
- Loudly whisper to the jurors about how you can't wait to "get some son of a bitch thrown in jail" in the courtroom

I've never gotten selected so I've never had to break out the -really- extreme options but I'm happy with the 100% rate at which I get to go home.

Also can I say 'jury of your peers' actually means 'Jury of people too loving stupid to get out of jury duty' so God help you if you commit a crime.

Blazing Ownager fucked around with this message at 09:41 on Oct 17, 2018

artichoke
Sep 29, 2003

delirium tremens and caffeine
Gravy Boat 2k
I was madame foreperson a few years ago and the public defender was sexaay. He did a really good job too so it was too bad his client was guilty. That's my jury duty story.

Pontificating Ass
Aug 2, 2002

What Doth Life?

Blazing Ownager posted:

- Wear an old shirt for a week every night and don't wash it. If it has some questionable slogan, graphic violence or something on it that they can't overtly get mad at you for, all the better
What if I wear this but cover up half of the bad word with a button-down shirt

https://younggodrecords.com/products/swans-you-loving-people-shirt

Jose
Jul 24, 2007

Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer
you should do it because it might be a non-violent drug charge that someone shouldn't be convicted for

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Jose
Jul 24, 2007

Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

Blazing Ownager posted:

You have to show up. But here's my 'never ever get picked' guidelines:

- Wear an old shirt for a week every night and don't wash it. If it has some questionable slogan, graphic violence or something on it that they can't overtly get mad at you for, all the better
- Wear a necklace, keychain, or something with a little gun or knife on it on it. They hate that.
- Absolutely, positively gently caress up your hair and leave it like that. Run some grease in it and part it wrong.
- If you get called into the jury room, cough and clear your nose a lot and don't cover it
- Loudly whisper to the jurors about how you can't wait to "get some son of a bitch thrown in jail" in the courtroom

I've never gotten selected so I've never had to break out the -really- extreme options but I'm happy with the 100% rate at which I get to go home.

Also can I say 'jury of your peers' actually means 'Jury of people too loving stupid to get out of jury duty' so God help you if you commit a crime.

i thought you were't going to post in gbs any more lol

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