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She was pretty normal outside of the being emotionally abusive and writing rape fantasies in her "novel."
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Oct 18, 2018 00:19
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its all nice on rice posted:She was pretty normal outside of the being emotionally abusive and writing rape fantasies in her "novel." Was she the raper or the rapee
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Oct 18, 2018 00:24
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Burt Sexual posted:So did you send her a link or something? I sent her a Wikipedia article and she accused me of writing it myself to make her look stupid. With her it was really more about being right though so she was NEVER going to accept she said something stupid even though she did all the time. I was running my own software development business at the time and we had this conversation: Her: Why are you paying tax? You know you don’t have to pay tax if you own a business. Me: yeah you do. You always have to pay tax. Her: my brother owns a plumbing business and he doesn’t pay tax Me: what he probably means is he gets paid cash in hand and doesn’t always declare it. He definitely pays some tax otherwise he’s going to land himself in serious trouble. Her: *angrily* are you trying to say my brother is dodgy!? You don’t know anything. You’re wasting money that we could use to go on a holiday by paying tax. Stop paying it Me: 
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Oct 18, 2018 00:25
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Yea idiot why aren't you committing tax fraud
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Oct 18, 2018 00:27
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haljordan posted:Yea idiot why aren't you committing tax fraud I think it could quite fairly be argued that I am the true idiot in all of these stories for not getting out sooner.
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Oct 18, 2018 00:31
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She did this weird thing where she'd put other guy's dicks in her mouth
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Oct 18, 2018 00:36
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haljordan posted:Was she the raper or the rapee Can't think of any instance in there where she was the raper. That was almost 10 years ago, though, and she's still an "aspiring novelist," so things might have changed.
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Oct 18, 2018 00:38
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wanted a new laptop, so she drove to Nevada to bury her old one in the desert
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Oct 18, 2018 00:38
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After dating me for 2 years, Went back to her abusive husband she had divorced.
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Oct 18, 2018 00:43
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Burt Sexual posted:After dating me for 2 years, Went back to her abusive husband she had divorced. lmao
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Oct 18, 2018 00:46
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Burt Sexual posted:After dating me for 2 years, Went back to her abusive husband she had divorced. Had an ex do that too but after only 4 months. 2 years seems a lot crazier.
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Oct 18, 2018 00:48
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BloodRed posted:lmao IKR. I must’ve really sucked in bed or something. She had two more kids with him I heard years later. She had one when we were dating. Weird and sad. E I was like 23 at the time so it probably worked out for the best.
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Oct 18, 2018 00:49
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Dated a girl who didn't know you could go back to the buffet as much as you want. She just thought you got one shot at the line and that was it. Went to a Chinese buffet and she treated every dish under that sneeze guard like it was the trap at the beginning of Indiana Jones.
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Oct 18, 2018 00:50
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Burt Sexual posted:After dating me for 2 years, Went back to her abusive husband she had divorced. You must gently caress badly. Edit: drat beat by the same joker/jokie. Weird
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Oct 18, 2018 00:50
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Bombadilillo posted:You must gently caress badly. I...was...learning.
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Oct 18, 2018 00:51
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Forget that, she clearly wanted you to tune her up
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Oct 18, 2018 00:55
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Chrs Gry posted:I was once at a tapas bar with some friends and she texted asking what I was up to. I told her “I’m at a tapas place” and she went flip and asked how I could just so casually say that and that I was a piece of poo poo and stuff. I was like “uh wtf?” and just got on with my night. i had a similar experience with one of my exes after we'd broken up. we remained friends, and about 6 months later i was basically in a crunch time with work and i was drinking a lot of san pelligrinos in an attempt to feel something while not impairing myself. so every time she texted me asking what i was doing i replied 'working and drinking a san peg' with clockwork regularity. her texts got more and more worried about my 'drinking', as she put it, and i said "don't worry about it, it's water." she showed up at my house a week later ready to stage an intervention, visual aid of the dangers of drinking on a laptop and everything, because she had interpreted me as saying it was water as it FIGURATIVELY being water - like, 3.2% beer or something. she knew i was drinking a good handful of them a day so she remained concerned. she was incredibly embarrassed when i got her a bottle and said, "no, girl, you don't understand. this is literally water." she took me to hibachi to apologize and i felt we were more than square because i got to tease her about it the whole time. we remain friends, she is v cool.
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Oct 18, 2018 01:02
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Chrs Gry posted:I was once at a tapas bar with some friends and she texted asking what I was up to. I told her “I’m at a tapas place” and she went flip and asked how I could just so casually say that and that I was a piece of poo poo and stuff. I was like “uh wtf?” and just got on with my night. Are you sure she didn't think you said topless bar?
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Oct 18, 2018 01:12
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Didn't want to have anal. That's why she's the ex.
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Oct 18, 2018 01:15
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karma_coma posted:She wanted me to tell her "nice things" as we were falling asleep EVERYNIGHT. Hey I also had a hot ex who wanted this Chrs Gry posted:I was once at a tapas bar with some friends and she texted asking what I was up to. I told her “I’m at a tapas place” and she went flip and asked how I could just so casually say that and that I was a piece of poo poo and stuff. I was like “uh wtf?” and just got on with my night. She's right about the cats and dogs though
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Oct 18, 2018 01:17
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GORILLA BASTARD posted:Didn't want to have anal. That's why she's the ex. I hope you’ve found your pegging dreamboat.
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Oct 18, 2018 01:19
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Burt Sexual posted:I hope you’ve found your pegging dreamboat. Thank you. Hope springs eternal.
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Oct 18, 2018 01:21
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My Linux Rig posted:pretty sure she got probated today too Lmbo
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Oct 18, 2018 01:23
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The last dude I dated before embracing full time lesbianism put his dick in a toaster oven for reasons that boiled down to "I wanted to see if it would warm it up". I feel fairly confident now that he might actually have been trying to gently caress it but at the time my incredibly dumb self shrugged it off as a drunk dare. He also couldn't cook pasta and liked making salads of pickles, canned corn, iceberg lettuce, and olives smothered in ranch. The truly weird one was me for sticking it out for 4 years before coming to terms with sexuality. Especially after the toaster dick.
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Oct 18, 2018 01:25
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Tulalip Tulips posted:The last dude I dated before embracing full time lesbianism put his dick in a toaster oven for reasons that boiled down to "I wanted to see if it would warm it up". I feel fairly confident now that he might actually have been trying to gently caress it but at the time my incredibly dumb self shrugged it off as a drunk dare. Ever since that incident you should have teased him by calling it the Depraved Little Toaster
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Oct 18, 2018 01:30
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Burt Sexual posted:I hope you’ve found your pegging dreamboat. If you say "pegging" three times, you summon Jose to the thread.
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Oct 18, 2018 01:33
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Tulalip Tulips posted:The last dude I dated before embracing full time lesbianism put his dick in a toaster oven for reasons that boiled down to "I wanted to see if it would warm it up". I feel fairly confident now that he might actually have been trying to gently caress it but at the time my incredibly dumb self shrugged it off as a drunk dare. i'm pretty sure i'm impotent after the day i figured out how to run the microwave with the door open
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Oct 18, 2018 01:34
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Tulalip Tulips posted:The last dude I dated before embracing full time lesbianism[...] All I can picture now is you getting called to the head lesbians office as she tells you she loves the temp work youve done and they want to offer you a full time role on their factory floor.
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Oct 18, 2018 01:35
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Rad-daddio posted:If you say "pegging" three times, you summon Jose to the thread. Pegging
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Oct 18, 2018 01:38
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New Chuck Tingle novel: Cucked by a Toaster Oven until I was Gay
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Oct 18, 2018 01:39
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Devils Affricate posted:Ever since that incident you should have teased him by calling it the Depraved Little Toaster 
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Oct 18, 2018 01:44
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Slammed his dick in a window while sleepwalking.
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Oct 18, 2018 01:52
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While walking through the park in October, my ex decides that she has even more evidence that I don't care about her: She baked me a cherry pie for Christmas, and I didn't eat it. It took me a bit to remember what she was talking about as it had happened over 10 months ago, but I finally did. I reminded her that not only had we had like 3 dinners that day, not only did we eat the pie the next day, but I had actually eaten a small bit of the pie that day! She agreed with all of this, but none of this mattered to her, I obviously didn't care about her. (In retrospect, I'm not sure even how much of the pie-making was her doing anyway.) This was a pattern though. Move in together and spend all my time with her - don't care about her. Bring her lunches at work, abandon my plans to see Comiket and my friend in Tokyo (the ONE thing I said I wanted to do when I came, even though SHE *insisted* that I have list of things that I want to do when I visited) so that we can see her parents AGAIN, eat every meal together, sleep every night together - still don't care about her. While walking her to the doctor and holding hands - great time to bring up how I don't care about her! There was never any way to prove that I liked her, she somehow knew more about how I felt than I did. I wanted to play some game together and she suggested Pokemon. One day I casually told her that Latios and Latias aren't very good legendary Pokemon because they don't even have legends, which I think is a pretty fair argument, but this caused her to flip out and ignore me for several days (ignoring being something she absolutely despised and thought no one should ever do  ), despite up until then not caring even the slightest bit about these two particular Pokemon. Apparently it had to do with some people like them or something, but I don't get it.I eventually flew to her country to see her for the Summer, and we went back to the town we met in to visit some people, and I brought her with to meet some of my co-workers. They were joking about how poor it must be for her to be dating me, and another one later joked that I was a playboy. She then stopped talking to me and instead of meeting the people she wanted to see, we just waited on a bench at her school. Eventually she told me that she couldn't understand jokes and thought they were telling the truth for some reason and couldn't be reasoned with. She ended up walking off and taking the bus back to our apartment, but since I didn't know what bus we were taking or anything and she wasn't responding to me anymore, I was trapped in the other city. I finally made my way back, but she initially refused to let me in to get my stuff. We had to have her friend mediate, fortunately (?) he was coming over the same day as this, and he basically said, "Wtf would you do that?" to her. One night I seemingly managed to convince her I cared about her, then the next morning she flipped back around and went out and bought alcohol and some kind of medication for something and starting mixing them. I realized she's a goner, and I had to buy an emergency flight back and stay with a friend until I could find a new place. She Skyped me a few months later, but when she started acting like an idiot again, I finally broke down and swore at her, and that was the end of it. She also yelled at me for choosing the wrong things for breakfast, but then later yelled at me for not leading the relationship more by choosing what to have for breakfast by asking her what she wanted to eat. I always find that crazy girls also have crazy ideas and hangups about sex, so I'm not sure where the stereotype comes from. Regular girls too. Probably also men. Anyway, this particular girl was afraid to touch her own vagina. I told her it didn't make sense that me touching it was fine, but not her, but it still took a long time for her to accept that it's her body, she can do what she wants with it. When she eventually did, she enjoyed it, but then the next day claimed she couldn't look at her parents anymore out of shame and was furious at what I had made her do. She eventually got over it at least though. My next ex was also pretty insane, but I feel like I've already written too much.
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Oct 18, 2018 02:10
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haljordan posted:i'm pretty sure i'm impotent after the day i figured out how to run the microwave with the door open Heat radiation isn't the same thing as superpower radiation.
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Oct 18, 2018 02:12
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Shadow0 posted:While walking through the park in October, my ex decides that she has even more evidence that I don't care about her: She baked me a cherry pie for Christmas, and I didn't eat it. It took me a bit to remember what she was talking about as it had happened over 10 months ago, but I finally did. I reminded her that not only had we had like 3 dinners that day, not only did we eat the pie the next day, but I had actually eaten a small bit of the pie that day! She agreed with all of this, but none of this mattered to her, I obviously didn't care about her. (In retrospect, I'm not sure even how much of the pie-making was her doing anyway.) No please go on.
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Oct 18, 2018 02:19
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Burt Sexual posted:No please go on. I can't tell if this is sincere.  I'm really bad at filtering stories down to just what's actually interesting or important and end up with  a lot.
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Oct 18, 2018 02:36
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Shadow0 posted:I always find that crazy girls also have crazy ideas and hangups about sex, so I'm not sure where the stereotype comes from. Regular girls too. Probably also men. I dated a crazy lady in her mid-twenties who was a virgin, however, she had been in a threesome. She only sucked dick in the threesome. I took her virginity, and all the sex with her was weird. She was a sneeze fetishist, so I had to force myself to sneeze dozens of times at the end of sex in order for her to orgasm. Now anytime someone is bashful about their weird sex thing, I just tell them that I used to date a sneeze fetishist. It makes them feel better.
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Oct 18, 2018 02:38
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Should've dropped him the moment they admitted to liking peterson.
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Oct 18, 2018 02:39
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Shadow0 posted:I can't tell if this is sincere. I enjoyed your story, I’d love to hear more
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Oct 18, 2018 02:46
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Tip posted:I took her virginity, and all the sex with her was weird. She was a sneeze fetishist, so I had to force myself to sneeze dozens of times at the end of sex in order for her to orgasm. Sounds like you were a hell of a good sport. I'm gonna call you Sergeant Pepper.
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Oct 18, 2018 02:47
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