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Hagrunt threw another piece of flesh at the Face Eating Leopard, which stood uncomfortably and menacingly close while facing the gathered children outside Hogbert's in the courtyard. "Now the thing about the Face Eating Leopard, children" Hagrunt said, throwing another chunk of bloody meat at the creature "is that they love to eat faces. So you gotta steer clear of this one, or it'll eat the face right offa yuh!" Just then, Professor McGonorrhea walked out into the courtyard, clearly dismayed and upset at the spectacle. "Hagrunt!" she yelled, startling the Face Eating Leopard who suddenly turned and snarled at her. "What on EARTH are you doing with all these children and their tender faces with this foul beast in their midst?" she continued, berating him for his foolishness. He was so turned on by that. He started to sweat now, thinking about the leather (and spellbound) hairbrush she kept in her study, next to their private collection of "toys". Calling out to the leopard, he tried to get it's attention so he could herd it back into the cage. The leopard had turned around again, though and was staring menacingly through slitted eyes at all the tender, fresh faces that peered at him. It started to crouch low, and moved slowly toward the closest one... "Expecto Patron!" shouted Professor McGonnorhea, and in a brilliant flash of light, the leopard was in the cage, safely locked away and she had a bottle of Patron in her hand. She had of course expected that. "Hagrunt, you will report to my private chambers, immediately!" she shouted, waving the bottle of tequila in his direction in a very suggestive manner. "And wear that cologne I like! And use a hairbrush to BRUSH YOUR HAIR!" Hagrunt dismissed the children, the discomfort on his face very noticeable on his face. The children, glad to still have THEIR faces, quickly obliged his orders to go back to Hogbert's because they genuinely thought he was in trouble. Hagrunt WAS in trouble, just not the kind the children thought he was in. Hagrunt limped his way back to his home, hardly able to think straight, his erection hindering his every footstep. She had used their safeword in public! He had never heard her use it outside her private quarters before. "Hairbrush" he whispered, absently rubbing his still tender buttocks from their last encounter. He soon arrived to his house and got himself ready for his meeting with the Professor. He cleaned himself up and ran a shaking hand through his hair as he did as she ordered and brushed his thick mane of hair. It was going to be a marvelous evening! It was once thought that a Face Eating Leopard brought luck to those whose faces were never eaten by them. He whistled to himself as he stepped out into the night toward Hogbert's... https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Oct 19, 2018 18:36
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"oi i'm a fuckin wizard henbry" "ok hagbag" "no lookit me ya right lil oval office- im a fookin wizerd and its my bleedin birfday innit" "yeah that's why i made u this cake" "well ya hosed it to shite and dint spell hagbag right, henby popper, gently caress u" this is when hengry knew he would become a wizard so he could magic hegbegs awful loving face into a butt or something |
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Oct 19, 2018 19:16
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Hogbert was surrounded by enormous spiders, an animal which many people are afraid of. He started vigorously wanking in order to ward off the spiders, which were tiny. One of the spiders bit him. Luckily, none of the spiders bit him. The spiders, if this novel is adapted into a film, should be voiced by Julian Glover. It was a medium day. The setting was outside.
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Oct 19, 2018 20:27
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Pallblart's |
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Oct 19, 2018 21:18
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Dolby the House Music Elf |
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Oct 19, 2018 21:21
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Emory Grep Arntur Ibble Bogswallow Lane |
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Oct 20, 2018 04:27
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cda posted:Emory Grep 
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Oct 20, 2018 06:38
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John Jacob Jingleheimer Snape
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Oct 20, 2018 06:59
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74. WIZARD BON-BONS the old wise mumbledumb was picking magical dingleberries out of his beard and collecting them in his sanctum jars when hogbert, covered in blood, collapsed on the floor "hogbert m'boy", the ancient wizard beamed, "you are the bravest and so TEN thousand points for gambleshanks!" horbert was still "oh poo poo youre dead, dangit, gently caress" mummeldumb panicked for only a wizard instant before remembering, "of course! the perfect cure is in my beard!" arcane turfclingers are known to revive the recently dead and so he whisked away for his funnel and |
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Oct 20, 2018 07:14
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Oct 20, 2018 20:50
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"I call it a Homplux, Hogbert," said Dabelskiver. "It's a phylactery," said Hogbert. "No, it's a Homplux! It's a new thing, which I invented! It was my idea!" |
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Oct 20, 2018 21:53
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Dabelskiver and the 5-Hour Wait at the Patent Office |
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Oct 20, 2018 23:56
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Dampledon is the dumb dad of Hoodwinks, always trying to invent things in his garage, but he just gets high and eats Cockney's Roachy Crumble. |
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Oct 21, 2018 00:45
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Professor Candylunch Fairywhispers Crunge the Munge Krappo the laundry goblin Liminal Toughbrain Evilwort Poisonshit Magic Greg ive never read a john kerry book but this is what i imagine the names are like |
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Oct 21, 2018 00:55
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"Romp I swear to god if you make that magical realm joke one more time I will give you a Glasgow smile," cried Geraniums. |
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Oct 21, 2018 01:25
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"Master has given Dumpy a sock! Dumpy is…oh…oh dear God what is that…what have you been doing with...Bloody hell, Hogbert, even Dumpy doesn't want to be free badly enough to accept this sock!" |
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Oct 21, 2018 01:59
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"Oi m8 I'm dyin" said Dampoldman. "Cuz you only went and drank the Homplux innit" said Professor Wesleus Snipes "Right dumb it was too" said Dunkonkobe "Right m8" "I'm still dyin" "Righto then" Hidden beneath the Unseeable Umbrella, Hogbert sighed. |
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Oct 24, 2018 00:49
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Nearly Headless Dick, The Ghost Who Looks Just Like You Think He Does |
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Oct 24, 2018 09:35
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Oct 24, 2018 19:54
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Harnold Potmer sighed as he drew his katana |
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Oct 24, 2018 19:59
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 07:53 |
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Hogbert blinked and looked around. There were six other Hogberts staring back at him. All of his friends had magically become his exact likeness. "Finally," he said as he started to disrobe, "we can get started." |
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Oct 29, 2018 15:25
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