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Comrade Blyatlov
Aug 4, 2007


should have picked four fingers







I tried playing long war but it was way too complicated for me
So with the launch of the free DLC I'm going to have a crack at it blind.
So die for the free world. Sign up today with your desired first name, last name and call sign.
I won't write up every mission but will post regular status updates.

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Victor Vermis
Dec 21, 2004


WOKE UP IN THE DESERT AGAIN


Victor "Vicky" Vermis

I wanna be a snek lady with tig ol biddies.

Kawasaki Nun
Jul 16, 2001

by Reene


Michael "Teflon" Flynn

Riot Carol Danvers
Jul 30, 2004

It's super dumb, but I can't stop myself. This is just kind of how I do things.


Four "The" Mare

The Rat
Aug 29, 2004

You will find no one to help you here. Beth DuClare has been dissected and placed in cryonic storage.



The Rat

let the system decide my nickname and then post it here for the laughs

redneck nazgul
Apr 25, 2013

61st Jager Infantry Brigade
"Guess why we're called 'Jagers' and not 'Strelki'"




The Rat posted:

The Rat

let the system decide my nickname and then post it here for the laughs

same

name: redneck nazgul

Syrian Lannister
Aug 25, 2007

Oh, did I kill him too?
I've been a very busy little man.




Sugartime Jones

Let’s go tried and true Dick Hurtz. Let the man decide my handle

Barcley
Jan 26, 2004

---



Soiled Meat

Sign me up as Barc 'General' Lee

Viva Miriya
Jan 9, 2007



TF "A" Bitch

M_Gargantua
Oct 16, 2006

STOMP'N ON INTO THE POWERLINES



Exciting Lemon

Just M_Gargantua again I guess because i'm anti-creativity

ElMaligno
Dec 31, 2004

Be Gay!
Do Crime!



El "Anime" Maligno

Jaguars!
Jul 31, 2012




Beatrix "Screaming Eagle" Potter

Comrade Blyatlov
Aug 4, 2007


should have picked four fingers







Operation Night Witch:


The operation came off almost without a hitch. Michael Flynn caught a shot to the torso, but manfully shrugged it off and cut down two sectoids.
An excellent effort and well-deserved promotions all around.

Mare and Flynn work together particularly well as a team, and have developed a special bond.

Comrade Blyatlov
Aug 4, 2007


should have picked four fingers







Operation Lost and Abandoned:

XCOM deployed two smaller squads on this one. Mare and Vermis met with Outrider

While Wade and Ratte rendezvoused with Pratal Mox.

Things went south. One of the Chosen showed up to party, a yooge lost swarm appeared, and things got messy very quickly.
Pratal Mox never made it to the Avenger, Wade took some hits, but every soldier present fought hard and earnt a promotion.

Congratulations to Mare and Vermis on earning the first Sergeant ranks (the nicknames were autogenerated, I've updated them to what was requested.)

Flikken
Oct 22, 2009

10,363 snaps and not a playoff win to show for it


Flikken "of sadness"

pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008

Ba-dam ba-DUMMMMMM


Lando “The Bark Knight” Howlrissian has had ENOUGH of the alien hordes and hereby enlists in Two Finger’s Slavic Crime Navy SEALs.

McNally
Sep 12, 2007

Ask me about Proposition 305


Do you like muskets?


Firstname "McNally" Lastname

Flikken
Oct 22, 2009

10,363 snaps and not a playoff win to show for it


McNally posted:

Firstname "McNally" Lastname

Finger guns need worked in there

ElMaligno
Dec 31, 2004

Be Gay!
Do Crime!



pantslesswithwolves posted:

Lando “The Bark Knight” Howlrissian has had ENOUGH of the alien hordes and hereby enlists in Two Finger’s Slavic Crime Navy SEALs.

Having "navy seals" and crimes is a lil redundant in there.

Comrade Blyatlov
Aug 4, 2007


should have picked four fingers







Flikken posted:

Flikken "of sadness"

yeah flikken this needs updating, need a first name, last name, and nickname. i can leave the default last name if you prefer i guess

Flikken posted:

Finger guns need worked in there

also i may abuse my privilege to ignore what mcnally requested and use fingerguns as the nickname

Comrade Blyatlov fucked around with this message at 15:21 on Oct 18, 2018

Flikken
Oct 22, 2009

10,363 snaps and not a playoff win to show for it


TF CURES GENERATOR posted:

yeah flikken this needs updating, need a first name, last name, and nickname. i can leave the default last name if you prefer i guess


also i may abuse my privilege to ignore what mcnally requested and use fingerguns as the nickname

drat, it was a play on "Factory of Sadness"

Comrade Blyatlov
Aug 4, 2007


should have picked four fingers







Flikken "of" sadness?

Comrade Blyatlov
Aug 4, 2007


should have picked four fingers







pantslesswithwolves posted:

Lando “The Bark Knight” Howlrissian has had ENOUGH of the alien hordes and hereby enlists in Two Finger’s Slavic Crime Navy SEALs.

Also I would like it to be known that Lando can sidestep the lengthy recruitment process and jump to the head of the queue in exchange for a picture of him looking suitably ferocious

EBB
Feb 15, 2005

What, Me Worry?


Karl "Red Scare" Marx

Redistributing minigun rounds all over the battlefield.

pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008

Ba-dam ba-DUMMMMMM


TF CURES GENERATOR posted:

Also I would like it to be known that Lando can sidestep the lengthy recruitment process and jump to the head of the queue in exchange for a picture of him looking suitably ferocious



Thinkin’ Bout Those Sectoids

Steezo
Jun 16, 2003
Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!




If you've got room for an angry, probably crazy heavy, Steezo. Because gently caress those xeno bastards. Make a March to Space. Like Atlanta, but with traitorous sum instead of that other traitorous sum.

Vincent Van Goatse
Nov 8, 2006

My "Not Vincent Price" T-shirt has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my shirt.




Smellrose

I'd like to be in as Vincent "Spread 'em" Van Goatse

Victor Vermis
Dec 21, 2004


WOKE UP IN THE DESERT AGAIN


I am really digging my snek-lady aesthetic.

And picking up Sergeant in like 1 month of service.

Because now I can have hard liquor in the fridge of my Space-Barracks.

Steezo
Jun 16, 2003
Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!




Victor Vermis posted:

I am really digging my snek-lady aesthetic.

Porn when?

Comrade Blyatlov
Aug 4, 2007


should have picked four fingers







I don't even know what a snek-lady is, the game auto-assigned the ski mask.

Comrade Blyatlov
Aug 4, 2007


should have picked four fingers







XCOM received a distress call from Gettysburg. A team was assembled and dispatched to save some civilians.

New reinforcements have recently landed, including our beloved Lando, bravely charging into battle first. The enemy deployed a large contingent of stun lancers, who barely used their lances at all and instead laid down a brutal crossfire. Sadly, Cpl. Wade took one to the face just as he got into sniping position.


The Avenger bar has now been renamed the Lemon Squeezer, in honour of the war's first sacrifice.

Shortly after, XCOM had an opportunity to raid a network uplink. The mission was a success though with a few wounded. All soldiers performed admirably, reflecting great credit both upon themselves and the XCOM fighting force.

Comrade Blyatlov fucked around with this message at 09:07 on Oct 21, 2018

Comrade Blyatlov
Aug 4, 2007


should have picked four fingers







After a long period of idleness (due to me working stupid hours) XCOM is back in business. Word was received of a train loaded with important supplies, so a strike force was dispatched to hit it hard.

The mission went extremely well, with only McNally getting hit, but for once, he didn't get McNally'd. Enjoy your recuperation time, buddy.
All other soldiers received promotions for their dedication, and a congratulations must be given to Four "The" Mare, who won the Golden Noose as our first Lieutenant.

Riot Carol Danvers
Jul 30, 2004

It's super dumb, but I can't stop myself. This is just kind of how I do things.


TF CURES GENERATOR posted:

After a long period of idleness (due to me working stupid hours) XCOM is back in business. Word was received of a train loaded with important supplies, so a strike force was dispatched to hit it hard.

The mission went extremely well, with only McNally getting hit, but for once, he didn't get McNally'd. Enjoy your recuperation time, buddy.
All other soldiers received promotions for their dedication, and a congratulations must be given to Four "The" Mare, who won the Golden Noose as our first Lieutenant.


Yeehaw, first on the chopping block. I made it through the whole playthrough last time so I think I'm gonna get gakked pretty soon

EBB
Feb 15, 2005

What, Me Worry?


Ravely wounded, McNally needs glow sticks and E stat

McNally
Sep 12, 2007

Ask me about Proposition 305


Do you like muskets?


EBB posted:

Ravely wounded, McNally needs glow sticks and E stat

The Cheat is grounded. We had that lightswitch installed for you so you could turn the lights on and off, not so you could throw lightswitch raves! Now let's go break open that glowstick and pour it into Homestar Runner's Mountain Dew. I heard they have to pump your stomach when you drink that stuff.

Syrian Lannister
Aug 25, 2007

Oh, did I kill him too?
I've been a very busy little man.




Sugartime Jones

Looks like both me and McNally are raved up....

Comrade Blyatlov
Aug 4, 2007


should have picked four fingers







The call went out that an operative needed rescuing. XCOM sent a squad led by The Bark Knight himself.



Things looked messy when this clown here showed up.



And it did get messy.



The Chosen took down Barc Lee with a sword swipe. Due to budget cutbacks and the general 'go gently caress yourself, die for XCOM' attitude of the leadership, no medkits were available and he bled to death on the floor. Smeper flo, rot in piss, etc

As evacuation became possible and everyone began running for the door, Beatrix got panicked by a Sectoid. Everyone else made it, and he made it within one step of escape when an overwatch shot took him down. Try dodging better, scrub.

Special mention goes to the incredible one-two punch from the Bark Knight and Vicky. Bark threw a nice ball for the Chosen, and Vicky followed up with a grenade, causing something outrageous like 22 damage between the two explosions. The Chosen hosed off just as fast as he/she/it showed up.

Teflon also won himself a yooge purple heart for surviving poo poo he had no business of surviving. He got shot, set on fire, and grabbed by a Viper all in one turn. Someone shot the Viper off him, he put the flames out, and claimed a couple of kills into the bargain. He spent all but the first turn of the mission on 2 health.

Comrade Blyatlov fucked around with this message at 20:24 on Oct 29, 2018

Comrade Blyatlov
Aug 4, 2007


should have picked four fingers







After much work behind the scenes, XCOM finally managed to track down the Skirmisher that got taken by the Chosen. Lando put his paw up again to lead the mission, and two operatives were chosen for their special skills.
Mare, because we need a good hacker, and Vicky because if poo poo goes wrong, we need to lay down a lot of fire, fast.


Things didn't quite go as planned.



The infiltration went smoothly. Mare got into position with Vicky covering him and Lando keeping an eye on the patrols, and then it all went horribly wrong. Mare took the time to gently caress around with the enemy's code to learn it better (and get a bonus 20 to his hacking skillz), and managed to alert every enemy in the complex to his position. He took four hits and the only reason he didn't get :mcnally: is because he used three out of his four medkits on himself. Vicky and Lando did a great job of gunning down the worst of the enemies and cleared the path to the extraction.

I wish to congratulate Mare on being the kind of officer who tries to get himself killed for his dumb mistakes instead of his men.

Comrade Blyatlov
Aug 4, 2007


should have picked four fingers







Please keep in mind that XCOM is always recruiting.

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Comrade Blyatlov
Aug 4, 2007


should have picked four fingers







The final mission of today was to protect some important gear that was set up by a contact.
Lando was asked to lead, but he reported that he was feeling a bit ruff after all the other missions he'd done. Rest well, Bark Knight, we will need you soon.

Due to the heavy casualties that have been inflicted recently, a relatively inexperienced young soldier was tapped to lead the squad into battle.
And proving that experience isn't everything, brought the squad home with only one casualty.

A well deserved congratulations to Cpl. Hurtz on his exemplary leadership. No bonus rank will be awarded, nor any danger pay, nor any reward of any kind, as we don't want substitutes thinking they are real soldiers. Acting Squad Leader you were, and Acting Squad Leader you will be again (but only if tapped.) Now go shine someone's boots, Corporal.

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