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Riot Carol Danvers
Jul 30, 2004

It's super dumb, but I can't stop myself. This is just kind of how I do things.


pantslesswithwolves posted:


BRING HIM HOME WITH THE HEAD OF THE ONE WHO TOOK HIM

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Comrade Blyatlov
Aug 4, 2007


should have picked four fingers







COMMUNICATION BEGINS 0810 05/11/2038

HIGH VALUE TARGET LOCATED

INFILTRATION AND CAPTURE MISSION

TIER 1 ASSET AVAILABLE

DEPLOY SQUAD IMMEDIATELY

PRIORITY ONE = BRING HOME ASSET

SQUAD EXPENDABLE

ALL OTHER PRIORITIES RESCINDED

COMMUNICATION ENDS

XCOM received this message from the highest levels. The word is that the Council Spokesman sent this one down himself.

A team of fearless badasses was assembled and given strict instruction.


They murdered all in their path, including a Sectopod, kicked the door open, grabbed the package and got out.

The package?


Are you a bad enough dude to rescue Lando Howlrissian? Yes. Yes, we are.

pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008

Ba-dam ba-DUMMMMMM



You have the thanks of a grateful nation and one very good boy!

Riot Carol Danvers
Jul 30, 2004

It's super dumb, but I can't stop myself. This is just kind of how I do things.


I'm proud to have been a part of the mission to save that good boy

o7

Comrade Blyatlov
Aug 4, 2007


should have picked four fingers







WAR CRIME SYNDICAT posted:

I'm proud to have been a part of the mission to save that good boy

o7

You were the one that unlocked the door. God bless.

Syrian Lannister
Aug 25, 2007

Oh, did I kill him too?
I've been a very busy little man.




Sugartime Jones

WAR CRIME SYNDICAT posted:

I'm proud to have been a part of the mission to save that good boy

o7

Terrible Robot
Jul 2, 2010

FRIED CHICKEN


Slippery Tilde

WAR CRIME SYNDICAT posted:

I'm proud to have been a part of the mission to save that good boy

o7

Comrade Blyatlov
Aug 4, 2007


should have picked four fingers







With the Bark Knight back on deck, the decision was handed down to hit another one of the ADVENT facilities.
The Bark Knight of course jumped at the chance to assault the base, and a team was assembled behind his leadership.

Not long after arrival, this fine gentleman showed up, prompting a howl of rage from Lando.


Lando led a furious assault on him, opening with a stick to the face:


Lining up for a vicious volley of shots:


And taking him down. In one of those neat gameplay-lore tie ins, Lando finished him with the Banish skill. Which as you may know, has your soldier keep firing until their ammo is depleted or the target is dead. Seems pretty appropriate for a good boy who got taken away by the bad man. Bad man indeed.


Also, congratulations to Mare. He's actually been the first to every new rank in the game so far, so all of the golden nooses belong to him. All loving nobles must loving hang, pal.

EBB
Feb 15, 2005

What, Me Worry?


lol look at the punk predator wanna be white your teeth god drat

Comrade Blyatlov
Aug 4, 2007


should have picked four fingers







Field report filed by L. Howlrissian

BAD MAN TOOK ME

FRIENDS SAVED ME

HELP FRIENDS CHASE BAD MAN

ATTACK BAD MAN

BAD MAN DIE

LANDO WIN

TREATS?

Report filed by Col. Four "The" Mare on Operation Ghost Hawk
November 5, 2038, 1837 hrs.
Operation Ghost Hawk was set up for the final assault on the Chosen Warlock's headquarters. We were unsure what we would find, so a special squad was organised, the Devastating Offensive Guys, or DOGs for short.
In attendance were Little "Judgment" Max, King "T-Bone" Louis, Big "Montster" Monty, Yoko "Yellow Ball" Pupper, Lando "Bark Knight" Howlrissian, and myself, in the squad leader role.
Expecting a tough fight, extra medkits were made available to all soldiers.


Entry was made into the outer fortress. Resistance was determined, but the DOGs are the best of the best. Several injuries were taken on the assault, and the DOGs paused to regroup. Bionic Ocular Nanomedikit Equipment (BONEs) were handed out to all DOGs to be sure they were ready to fight, and their 'teeth sharp', so to speak.


Once all BONEs were gone, the squad made entry into the inner sanctum. Resistance was only nominal with a couple of unprepared guards, but then the real battle began.
The DOGs took up positions surrounding a strange structure, and the Warlock made his entrance.


He attempted to distract our good boys with a Brain Aneurysm Lenticular Laser (BALL)


But if he had paid any attention to the callsigns of our DOGs, he would have known only yellow balls will work.
The fight was brutal, but short, and our good DOGs fought like dogs, refusing to give any ground whatsoever, and raining down blow after blow upon first the Warlock, then his sarcophagus, then him again.
Lando took the forefront of the battle, ignoring cover to continue firing upon the Warlock.
He has never spoken about what he endured during his capture, but from the fury and total disregard for his own safety, it can't have been good.


The end for the Warlock came when Lando emptied his clip into him, baying like a hound of hell.
XCOM had sworn vengeance for Lando's capture, but when the time came, none could stop Lando from extracting his own personal vengeance.


It is true. DOGs are everywhere, and they are all very, very good boys.


The Warlock was turned to stone as the life left his body. And that, as they say, was that.
The DOG squad returned to the Avenger, to lick their wounds and toast the destruction of one of the Chosen.


Good boys one and all.

This soldier recommends an award of Tremendous Reinforcement of Excellent Activity Today (TREAT) to Lando in particular, but all good DOGs.

Comrade Blyatlov
Aug 4, 2007


should have picked four fingers







In news surprising precisely no one (except maybe in how long it took to happen, McNally just got McNally'd.

I think we must be due a big update.

So because I wanted Lando to get his revenge on the Warlock first, I didn't stop the Assassin from attacking the Avenger. As a result, of a total platoon of 22, only 5 are currently combat ready, and only two of those aren't exhausted.

Things, shall we say, could be better.

So the Assassin launched her/his/its attack on the Avenger, everyone deployed to fight, everyone got injured and has to deal with the VA, except this guy.



He's laughing at you all from Valhalla. Dead veterans don't need benefits, etc.

HEROES FOR ALL TIME
Rk. Barc Lee - cut down by the Chosen Assassin and lack of funds for healthcare. Dead veterans don't need benefits, indeed.
Rk. Ariana Moletta - gunned down by an ADVENT soldier on the first mission. Lacked heart.
Cpl. Beatrix Potter - was panicked by a Sectoid and gunned down while running to the EVAC point.
Cpl. Two Finger - killed by an improbable crit while in a superior firing position with full cover.
Cpt. Michael "Teflon" Flynn. Unfortunately, he wasn't as non-stick as he thought.
Sq. El Maligno. Died as he lived, very anime-sexually.
Asp. SMDFTB 420-69. Cut down by a hail of gunfire during a mission which went very, very wrong.
Lt. Firstname "Fingerguns" McNally. Got McNally'd, to no one's great surprise.
Sgt. B-Rock "Islamic" Shock. Gunned down by a turret on his first mission. One mission, one kill, one death.
Cpt. Victor "Vicky" Vermis. Murdered by an Archon during a very sideways base destruction mission.


For a laugh, I'm going to include their current statuses, just to show you how thin on the ground my forces are right now. Commander difficulty is noticeably harder than Normal :thunk:

Colonels
Four "The" Mare - Specialist - Wounded, 7 days
King "T-Bone" Louis - Grenadier - Wounded, 5 days
Little "Judgment" Max - Specialist - Wounded, 1 day
Jelly "Joy" Bean - Sharpshooter - Tired, 1 day

Majors
Der "Gator" Ratte - Ranger - Wounded, 3 days
TF "A" Bitch - Ranger - Wounded, 9 days
Lando "Bark Knight" Howlrissian - Reaper - Wounded, 6 days
Terrible "VOLVO SORRY" Robot - Templar - Wounded, 3 days
Declan "Steezo" Ryan - Sharpshooter - Wounded, 2 days
Robert "Three Stick" Mueller - Skirmisher - Wounded, 8 days
"Enginah" - Ranger - Covert Action, 5 days
Yoko "Yellow Ball" Pupper - Sharpshooter - Wounded, 10 days

Captains
Nope.

Lieutenants
Karl "Red Scare" Marx - Specialist - Wounded, 8 days
Dick "Tiny" Hurtz - Grenadier - Wounded, 6 days
Flikken "Seabreeze" Sadness - Grenadier - Wounded, 5 days
Big "Montster" Monty - Specialist - Tired, 7 days

Sergeants
Redneck "Vandal" Nazgul - Ranger - Wounded, 10 days
Wood "Woody" Chip - Grenadier - Wounded, 13 days

Corporals
Nope.

Squaddies
M Gargantua - Sharpshooter - Covert Action, 5 days
Vincent Van Goatse - Specialist
NFN Madurai - Sharpshooter

Rookies

SPARK Units
None left.

PSI Operatives
Acolyte Gertrud Braun - Training, 6 days

So you see, one more serious hit, and XCOM is pretty much done for. Yikes.

Steezo
Jun 16, 2003
Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!




That is a lot of wounded. The med bay must be covered in dick art by now...

FrozenVent
May 1, 2009

The Boeing 737-200QC is the undisputed workhorse of the skies.

Steezo posted:

That is a lot of wounded. The med bay must be covered in dick art ripped toy stuffing by now...

Comrade Blyatlov
Aug 4, 2007


should have picked four fingers







After a long period of idleness, XCOM stood up a squad to take down the Chosen Assassin.
The team was named the Gloriously Overreactive Outstandingly Dangerous Devastating Offensive Guys.
This was an evolution of the previous Devastating Offensive Guys.
The GOOD DOGs assembled, and now please refer to the report filed by Col. "Judgment" Max


BAD SMELL. CHASE BAD SMELL.


BAD PEOPLE. KILL BAD PEOPLE.


FIND NEW PLACE. WORSE SMELL.


THE WORST PERSON.



FRIEND MONTY THREW SPLODY BALL


DOGS RULE, BAD PEOPLE DROOL

Victor Vermis
Dec 21, 2004


WOKE UP IN THE DESERT AGAIN


This thread really went downhill after Vicki ate poo poo.

Bring back Bicki

BRIANG BACK VICKI

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FrozenVent
May 1, 2009

The Boeing 737-200QC is the undisputed workhorse of the skies.

Thatís nice and all but did you find the YELLOW BALL?????

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