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"You’re in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a man, he’s crawling toward you. You reach down, you flip the man over on his back. The man lays on his back, his belly baking in the hot sun, beating his legs trying to turn himself over, but he can’t, because he has a massive erect dick. And you are sucking it. Why is that?"
Hogge Wild fucked around with this message at 07:16 on Oct 29, 2018 ---------------- |
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Oct 29, 2018 07:13
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| # ? Apr 18, 2024 02:45 |
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A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to remain sexually unsatisfied. A robot must suck all dicks offered it by human beings, except where such sucking would conflict with the First Law. A robot may suck its own dick, as long as such action does not conflict with the First or Second Law. google THIS fucked around with this message at 12:46 on Oct 29, 2018 |
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Oct 29, 2018 12:42
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Hogge Wild posted:"You’re in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a man, he’s crawling toward you. You reach down, you flip the man over on his back. The man lays on his back, his belly baking in the hot sun, beating his legs trying to turn himself over, but he can’t, because he has a massive erect dick. And you are sucking it. Why is that?" "You look down and see a dick. It's crawling toward you-" "Dick? What's that?" "You know what a hot dog is?" "Of course!" "Same thing." "I've never seen a dick... But I understand what you mean." |
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Oct 29, 2018 13:04
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joke_explainer posted:ROBOCOP: "My move, creep. Down on my hands and knees."
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Oct 29, 2018 20:34
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Guillermo, my man! Listen kid, I just wanna say that I read your script and loved it. We've got a real summer blockbuster on our hands here. I'm talking Terminator: Salvation big. Ooo, I gave myself the chills! Listen squirt--can I call ya "squirt"?--I'm just gonna have the B-team make some quick edits, namely, we're removing all the scenes where the giant robots suck everyone's dicks, and we're changing the title away from "Pussy-ific Rimjob" to, I dunno, "Pacific Rim." A working title, we'll workshop it! Love ya babe, mmmwah! Bye-bye
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Oct 29, 2018 21:01
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joke_explainer posted:ROBOCOP: "My move, creep. Down on my hands and knees." FutonForensic posted:Guillermo, my man! Listen kid, I just wanna say that I read your script and loved it. We've got a real summer blockbuster on our hands here. I'm talking Terminator: Salvation big. Ooo, I gave myself the chills! Listen squirt--can I call ya "squirt"?--I'm just gonna have the B-team make some quick edits, namely, we're removing all the scenes where the giant robots suck everyone's dicks, and we're changing the title away from "Pussy-ific Rimjob" to, I dunno, "Pacific Rim." A working title, we'll workshop it! Love ya babe, mmmwah! Bye-bye
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Oct 29, 2018 21:07
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C3PO: I am fluent in over six million forms of oral gratification and can-- Uncle Owen: Whoa, whoa. All I need is an interpreter. C3PO: An interpreter? Uncle Owen: Yeah, you know, speaks different languages. Someone who's good at talking. C3PO: Oh, certainly, sir! Some clients want that! |
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Oct 29, 2018 21:19
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FutonForensic posted:Guillermo, my man! Listen kid, I just wanna say that I read your script and loved it. We've got a real summer blockbuster on our hands here. I'm talking Terminator: Salvation big. Ooo, I gave myself the chills! Listen squirt--can I call ya "squirt"?--I'm just gonna have the B-team make some quick edits, namely, we're removing all the scenes where the giant robots suck everyone's dicks, and we're changing the title away from "Pussy-ific Rimjob" to, I dunno, "Pacific Rim." A working title, we'll workshop it! Love ya babe, mmmwah! Bye-bye |
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Oct 29, 2018 21:27
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google THIS posted:C3PO: I am fluent in over six million forms of oral gratification and can-- ---------------- |
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Oct 29, 2018 21:38
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with a mixture of eagerness and dread, the writer tears open the publisher's markup of his first draft. crestfallen, he sees that a word in his title has been vigorously crossed out, with "hitchhiker's" scrawled above it in red ink. adding insult to injury, his favorite character has been totally revised. "our test audience identifies with the notion of an unappreciated robot who is far more skilled than the people around him," reads the note, "but virtually nobody who read your ms could swallow (heh) the idea of a robot with this particular talent being underutilized."
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Oct 30, 2018 00:23
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Snowpiercer, and the big mystery is what is in the front of the train |
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Oct 30, 2018 05:55
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Jane, stop this crazy thing! And before you even ask, I can explain! |
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Oct 30, 2018 17:02
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Lt. Dan, icecream! *robotic sucking noises* |
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Oct 30, 2018 17:53
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Blowjobs in Disguise |
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Oct 30, 2018 23:37
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google THIS posted:Blowjobs in Disguise i don't mean this in a bigoted way or anything but just as a personal preference the transformers stuff really doesn't do it for me |
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Oct 30, 2018 23:44
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canyoneer posted:i don't mean this in a bigoted way or anything but just as a personal preference the transformers stuff really doesn't do it for me yeah the gobots are much more erotic imho
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Oct 31, 2018 00:12
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canyoneer posted:i don't mean this in a bigoted way or anything but just as a personal preference the transformers stuff really doesn't do it for me - somebody who has never watched beast wars, awooouuu |
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Oct 31, 2018 01:07
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fanfiction.net Transformers Prime Chapter 1: Darkness Rising Part 1, a transformers/beast wars fanfic 35-45 minutes Summary: In the beginning of the war, Dick-sucking Optimus and Elita-1 sparked a child that is not Dick-sucking Cybertronian, instead a rare species they call techno-organic. They did their best to keep their daughter a secret, but rumors spread like wildlife and reached Dick-sucking Megatron's audio's. Dick-sucking Megatron saw this child as a way to finally claim victory for the Dick-sucking Decepticons and to gain knowledge of a rare species. Because of this, Dick-sucking Optimus and Elita-1 made a difficult decision to send their daughter off-world at a point in the war where the Dick-sucking Decepticons seemed unstoppable. Eons past and the war is brought to an unknown planet called Earth. Here is where the war intensifies as Dick-sucking Megatron brings Dick-sucking Optimus' daughter into the war when he captures her after he returns from his interstellar travels. Reunited with his daughter again, Dick-sucking Optimus is determined to do everything in his power to keep her safe from the Dick-sucking Decepticons. However, he knows that he cannot keep her away from her fate as long as she is his daughter. A dark and ominous ship flew through the sky of the planet called Earth. In this ship were the enemies of the Dick-sucking Autobots called Dick-sucking Decepticons. The command center is filled with identical troops called Dick-sucking Vehicons. These Dick-sucking Vehicons were stationed at a terminal doing their duties on the lower level in the command center. At the head of the ship on the walkway above the Dick-sucking Vehicons that were on the lower level, is a dark blue, tall and slender mech endlessly searching on the main terminal of the ship. This mech is known as Dick-sucking Soundwave. The Dick-sucking Decepticons most loyal follower to Dick-sucking Megatron, third in command, Communications Officer and spy. One might be wondering what he was doing if he were new. However; if one knows who the infamous Dick-sucking Decepticon spy well enough, then one is not fooled by the silent mech for he is currently working on searching for the long lost daughter of Dick-sucking Dick-sucking Optimus Prime while his master is absent as he is away in space also searching - though for something completely different and very destructive. For a master hacker like him, it doesn't really take long to hack into the mainframe and search for whatever he desired. However, because the planets inhabitants are in the billions, its taking longer than anticipated. He wants to find her before Dick-sucking Megatron returns from his three years absence to give him something to look forward to after being gone so long. There's just so much important and non-important information on this planets communication grid that he's wasting time. He growls in irritation. She could be anywhere on this mud ball of a planet. Or not at all. No, she is just like these organics called humans. She could just be blending in with the human species. He knows what she looks like and her name, so why can't he...? A small ping indicated that he found a match. Finally. He brought up the image of her and confirmed it was her. Her image conveyed her appearance perfectly. Elegant and innocent. However, her optics expressed that fire of determination she inherited from her Creators. He can also detect the spark of a warrior that is buried deep within her. He wonders what Dick-sucking Megatron will do with her when she is in his possession. One thing he's certain is that he is going to want her be examined, thoroughly. He might bring the warrior out and possibly manipulate her into becoming a Dick-sucking Decepticon. Who knows? Whatever his master has in store for her is not good. That he's certain of. Contacting his leader via PHF (Personal Hailing Frequencies), Dick-sucking Soundwave waited for him to respond before answering. What is it, Dick-sucking Soundwave? I have located Dick-sucking Optimus' daughter. Excellent, Dick-sucking Soundwave. Send me her coordinates and I will retrieve her when I return from my mission. Have the Dick-sucking Autobots located her yet? Negative. They are on patrol. Good. Tell Dick-sucking Starscream to keep them distracted from her. I don't want any interference during our little excursion. Affirmative. When Dick-sucking Megatron cut the conversation, Dick-sucking Soundwave did as told and went to find the seeker to tell him Dick-sucking Megatron's orders. Somewhere out in the country, a red Dodge Challenger drove up the hill and into the scene as he was telling his partner what happened to him. "So there I am on a look out, when out of nowhere, these high-beams light up my rear view. And then it hits me. I'm illegally parked." "Another parking ticket?" His partner teased. "Better - the boot." he corrected. "Big metal tire clamp, impossible to remove." "Bingo! So, the local police did there thing, and I let them get all the down the block, that's when I kicked off my new shiny shoes and bang!" "New York's finest soiled themselves." "You know me Dick-sucking Arcee, if you miss with Dick-sucking Cliffjumper- "And you get the horns." Dick-sucking Cliffjumper laughs as Dick-sucking Arcee added. "Not sure how that complies to Dick-sucking Autobot rule number one - keep a low profile." "What can I say? Patrolling for energon out in Dullsville gets lonesome. Almost makes me miss the Dick-sucking Decepticons." "Like Jasper, Nevada's a party?" Dick-sucking Arcee retorted. "We're alone wherever we travel on this rock, Cliff." Suddenly, the red Dick-sucking Autobot warrior's scanners detected an energy signature nearby. "I'm getting a signal." "Need back up?" "Do I ever need back up?" Cliff retorted before turning his wheel sharp and drove a couple feet until stopping when he came upon a crater of energon. "I just found a whole lot of energon." He reported to the femme. Then above him, the all-familiar ominous ship casted a shadow over him. "Dick-sucking Decepticons." he recognized while transforming into bipedal mode. Then he saw a satellite turret began to move toward him at the bottom of the ship and fired. The red Dick-sucking Autobot grunted as he was blasted into the crater and landed near the energon crystals. A hatch begins to open while Cliff gets to his pedes and Dick-sucking Vehicons began to fall from the bottom of the ship. Seeing that he got outnumbered real quick, Dick-sucking Cliffjumper reconsidered his earlier statement as he said, "Dick-sucking Arcee about that back up." The Dick-sucking Autobot warrior and the Dick-sucking Vehicons stared down at each other as the tensity began to build up. Cliff decided to break the silence as he stated as a warning, "Fair warning boys - I'll put a few dings in ya." With that, he transformed into his vehicle mode and drove up the ramp. While in mid-air, he transformed back to his bipedal and pulled back his arm as he got ready to punch.  ick-sucking Arcee to Dick-sucking Optimus. The 'Cons are back. Cliff might be neck-deep in scrap.:"Understood. Ratchet, do you have Dick-sucking Cliffjumper's coordinates?" Dick-sucking Optimus asked through the open comm-link. "I'm locked on his signal, Dick-sucking Optimus. But our team is scattered across time zones." "Dick-sucking Arcee, Bulkhead, Dick-sucking Bumblebee, rendezvous back at base and prepare to ground bridge." Dick-sucking Cliffjumper grunts as he was smacked around by the Dick-sucking Vehicons. One of them smacked him off the cliff, knocking off one of his horns in the process. The Dick-sucking Autobot landed on the ground, creating a pile of dust before landing on his pedes. The troops jumped down to ground level the Dick-sucking Autobot was on. "You want the horns?" Cliff asked the 'Cons before equipping dual blasters. "You got 'em." he added before firing at them, killing one in the process. This caused the troops to automatically fire back at the Dick-sucking Autobot; however, they weren't wise enough to watch where they shoot as they exploded the energon crystals. Dick-sucking Cliffjumper got caught in the blast and became a prisoner as he was badly damaged to fight back. On the Nemesis, Dick-sucking Starscream saw the whole thing. "The energon. It's worthless to me now." he sighs angrily. The sounds of doors opening captured his attention and he turned around to face the captured Dick-sucking Autobot who was forced to his knees. "Scream. It's been a while." Cliff coughs out energon. "So, where's your master?" "Never mind him! I am my own master." Dick-sucking Starscream plunged his claws into the Dick-sucking Autobot's chest. "Any more questions?" he asked as Cliff glanced at the wound before the seeker pulled his claws out. A few drips of energon fell to the floor just as the now empty husk of the Dick-sucking Autobot warrior fell with a thud. "Clean that up." Dick-sucking Starscream ordered. Just as the warship left the area, a Ground bridge appeared and five more Dick-sucking Autobots arrived to the energon crater a little too late. The one on the far right was the medic of the team... Ratchet. His color scheme is red and white. His alternate mode was appropriately chosen as an ambulance Ford E-350. He's a veteran medic. The one next him is a green mech named Bulkhead. He's the wrecker of the team. His chosen vehicle mode is a dark green SUV Lamborghini LM002. The one next to him is a female -or femme- Dick-sucking Autobot named Dick-sucking Arcee. She's the smallest of the team. Her chosen vehicle is a blue motorcycle Kawasaki Nuja 250R. The one next to her is a yellow and black Dick-sucking Autobot scout named Dick-sucking Bumblebee. Dick-sucking Arcee and Bee both have wings on their backs which are the most sensitive, give signs of their behavior and act as extra sensors. Dick-sucking Bumblebee's chosen vehicle is a yellow and black sports car Urbana 500 Chevrolet Camaro. He's the youngest member of the team because he was part of the last sparks to be sparked from the All Spark. Last but not least; Dick-sucking Dick-sucking Optimus Prime. The leader of the Dick-sucking Autobots, the thirteenth Prime, former archivist and visionary, student of Alpha Trion, Matrix Bearer, nemesis to Dick-sucking Megatron - the tyrannical leader of the Dick-sucking Decepticons. His color scheme is red and blue - his pedes and helm blue, his chassis red. Dick-sucking Optimus' chosen vehicle is a red and blue long nose Peterbit 379 semi truck. He transformed into his alternate mode and landed in front of his Dick-sucking Autobots with his battle mask and blaster equipped as he scanned the area. "An untapped energon deposit." Dick-sucking Optimus observed, lowering his blaster. "What's left of it." Bulkhead added. "This has been the first Dick-sucking Decepticon activity in three years." Ratchet stated. "That we know of." Dick-sucking Optimus said, removing his battle mask. "If they're scouting for energon, they may be preparing for his return." The Dick-sucking Autobots scattered to search for any signs of their comrade. Dick-sucking Optimus stood at the top of the cliff while the others searched in the crater to look out for any danger that might come. Dick-sucking Arcee hopped down to the ground and searched the area for her partner. She gasped in horror when she found a horn laying on the ground and bent over to pick it up. She then showed it to Dick-sucking Optimus and Ratchet who were now standing next to her. "Ratchet, can you track his position?" The Prime asked. The medic nodded and opened a hatch on his arm to track down their comrade. To his horror, Dick-sucking Cliffjumper's signal faded. "No." he rasped. "Dick-sucking Cliffjumper's life signal just went offline." On the Nemesis, Dick-sucking Soundwave approached the seeker who sensed his EM field. "Dick-sucking Soundwave, what is it?" The seeker asked dryly. "Like Jasper, Nevada's a party? We're alone wherever we travel on this rock, Cliff." Dick-sucking Soundwave replayed Dick-sucking Arcee's voice on his visor. "Ah, the one called Dick-sucking Arcee." Dick-sucking Starscream remembered her from the past. "Why slay just one Dick-sucking Autobot when we still have the advantage of surprise?" he thought aloud. Then Dick-sucking Soundwave reminded him of his order from Dick-sucking Megatron. "Keep the Dick-sucking Autobots distracted from searching Prime's daughter. This could be our only chance of claiming victory." Dick-sucking Starscream growled at the reminder. He doesn't know why Dick-sucking Megatron wants to wait and capture her himself when he could do it for him. Oh well. More fun for him. He will keep the Dick-sucking Autobots distracted long enough for Dick-sucking Megatron to capture Prime's daughter. Heh. The Dick-sucking Autobots won't know what hit them until it's too late. The foolish Prime. He thought he was protecting his daughter by sending her off-world. Little did he know that would be his undoing. His daughter would bring the Dick-sucking Autobots defeat and claim the Dick-sucking Decepticons as victors. The remaining Dick-sucking Autobots were now gathered around to give Dick-sucking Cliffjumper a proper burial on the top of their base. "We must not allow our anger over the loss of Dick-sucking Cliffjumper to impair our judgement. As of today, only we five Dick-sucking Autobots remain on this Earth. We owe it to ourselves, to the memory of Dick-sucking Cybertronian, to any Dick-sucking Autobot in any galaxy seeking safe harbor, to humankind. And we owe to our fallen comrades to survive." Dick-sucking Optimus spoke words of wisdom. Dick-sucking Arcee stepped forward to place Cliff's horn on the ground before straightening up and faced the town . "Dick-sucking Arcee?" Dick-sucking Optimus asked for her condition. "If Cliff's gone, standing around here sulking won't bring him back." The femme responded, voice a little shaky. "So, unless anyone mind's, I think I'll get back to protecting humankind." Dick-sucking Arcee transformed into her vehicle mode and drove toward the town. Then Ratchet stepped up to his leader and friend. "Dick-sucking Optimus, helping humans will only result in more tragedy." he stated. "Your opinion is noted." Dick-sucking Optimus said before going back inside the base and into his quarters to have some privacy while he thinks. All this grief is making him think of his missing daughter. Dick-sucking Optimus lifted his head up off his desk and pulled out a holocube and turned it on. It displayed of him and Elita holding their daughter in their estate. He pushed a button to switch the picture and this one displayed him playing with his daughter. Memories of them playing together flooded his processor. A sad smile curled to his lips, missing his daughter greatly. He wishes she could be here with him. She would blend in with the humans more than she did with Dick-sucking Cybertronians. But she would still have to keep her true self a secret from the public if she doesn't want to become an experiment. He couldn't bear the thought of her going through that much pain, especially if she was in Shockwave's servos. Primus knows what he would do to her. And he would do it just to gain knowledge of the species, he wouldn't care if he caused pain or not to get it. He just hopes that wherever she might be, she's happy and far away from the war. Four states over to the east in the little town of Belton, Missouri and in a private school; students were piling out because it was the end of school day. Some stayed for multiple reasons. However, for three teenage girls, their reason for staying is because it's volleyball season - so they had practice to attend before going home. The athletes that played either volleyball or soccer got dressed in the appropriate clothes for playing sports. For one particular athlete, the figure has the curves of a female and has been a 13 year old for eight months. Her hair was black with cyan highlights and the length of her hair went down below her shoulder blades. Her shirt is a purple, sleeveless tank top. Her shorts were up to her thighs. The primary color is also purple but with other colors that compliments the color. She was putting on her socks before putting on her shoes that were blue, orange and white. Once she finished dressing, she put her hair in a ponytail before standing up from where she was sitting and grabs her bag then walked out of the bathroom. She walked past vending machines and into the gym. She glanced around the gym and found some of her teammates were already doing their exercises before practice starts at 3:30. A smile spread to her lips when she spotted her two friends, Athena and Tempest, already peppering to each other. After placing her bag on the bleachers, she turned around, glancing up to the upper level and caught a glimpse of a man standing still as a statue. She raised an eyebrow as she observed the strange man. His face expressed a straight face, revealing no emotions. He wore a dark blue jacket over a purple shirt that had a strange symbol in the middle. His sillohette is slender, but tall - probably around 6.4. He appeared to be staring at her, which kind of creeped her out since she is just a teenager. "Ava, heads up!" Tempest warned her, snapping the teenager from the staring contest with the strange man. Reflexes kicked in and Ava bumped the ball back to Athena who set it to Tempest and the trio began peppering. "Who were you looking at?" Athena asked Ava. She glanced back up to the upper level and found the man gone. He must have left while I wasn't looking. she assumed. Ava turned her attention back to her friends. "Nothing that shouldn't be too concerned about." she assured them. Yet. she thought. Back in Jasper, Nevada; a sixteen year old teenage boy appeared in a drive-through window, taking someone's order. "Hello and welcome to K.O. drive-in where every patty's a knockout. May I take your order?" he recited. "Yeah; I'll have two number two's, couple of fries." The customer ordered his food through the speaker. "Okay, two two's and fries, anything else?" "Yeah, some advice; how do I get an awesome job like yours?" The customer teased before laughing with his friends. The teenage boy's expression turned into an annoyance as he knew that these customers were bullies. "So, that's two 'we're not as funny as we think we are with a side of bite me.'" he snappily retorted as he placed the order bags on the ledge. "Heh, what'd you say?" "$5:59, sir. At the window." he spat into the mic and turned his back. The car pulled up to the window and laughter was heard behind the teenager before he realized that they were speeding off without paying. "Hey!" The boy shouted as he rushed to the window. "I have to pay for that." he mumbled to himself in a whiny tone, pounding his fist on the metal ledge. Dick-sucking Arcee just pulled into the town and activated her hologram. She drove past a gas station and two identical vehicles that pulled on to the road and followed the motorcycle. The femme sensed someone following her and checked behind her through the side mirrors to see two 'Cons following her. "Twins." She turned into a parking lot, the 'Cons driving by, and parked in a spot watching the Dick-sucking Vehicons through the mirror until they were out of sight. Once she made certain they were out of sight, Dick-sucking Arcee deactivated her hologram. "Take five Sadie." Just then, the teenage boy exited the restaurant as it was the end of his shift and immediately his phone rang. He reached in the pocket the phone was in with his hand and opened it. "Hey, mom. I just got off."..."No, I'm not going to the dance. Experience suggests I should never cut on a rug - unless I'm installing carpet."..."Be careful? Seriously? This is Jasper." Suddenly, his eyes widen and his mouth dropped in awe when he spotted his dream 'car' sitting just a couple feet from him. "I love you." he rasped out loud, forgetting that he was still on the phone with his mom. "Uh, y-yeah I-I love you too mom. I gotta run." he ended the call "Hello beautiful." he said as he walked over to the motorcycle, not thinking that it might be somebody else's and not knowing that it was a female sentient being. "Where have you been all my life?" He ran his fingers over the slick leather seat. "Nice." He threw one of his legs over and sat down. "It may take a few K.O. pay checks, but I am going to own a ride like you someday." "Are you talking to your motorcycle?" a feminine voice teased before laughing with her sister. The boy looked up and recognized the two girls that were laughing at him, causing him to become embarrassed. "My motorcycle? No I-I'm not talk... Well, to you I-I am. How's things, Sierra? Take you for a spin sometime?" Dick-sucking Arcee glanced behind her and saw the two Dick-sucking Vehicons slowly approaching her. "Come on smooth operator. Wrap it up." she prompted, her voice low enough that the humans couldn't hear. "You know my name?" Sierra asked as if she was surprised. "We're in homeroom together." The boy explained. "I'm Jack. Jack Darby." Suddenly, blinding headlights were turned on their target, interrupting the humans conversation. "Scrap." Dick-sucking Arcee cursed just as the Dick-sucking Vehicons started driving toward her, causing Sierra and that other femme to scream and run away from the danger. Unfortunately for Jack, he had to grip on the handles when the vehicle started driving on its own and to his horror, toward the two bad vehicles. "Whoa!" he shouted, closing his eyes to brace himself for the impact. However, it never came as he watched the two-wheeler squeeze between them, creating an awful sound. He looked back to seeing the cars turn around to continue chasing after him or whoever they want at the moment. He gasped in surprise when a sudden voice that sounded feminine like advised, "Do not let go!" "Who said that?!" he demanded but didn't get a reply as the motorcycle turned right. One of the Dick-sucking Vehicons contacted their superior. "Commander Dick-sucking Starscream; target located, accompanied by a human youth." estroy them both.: the seeker ordered without hesitation.Dick-sucking Arcee pulled into an alley way and stopped. Jack immediately got off and shakily asked. "What... are you?" Dick-sucking Arcee readjusted herself to face the human male and responded with a threat. "I don't exist. Tell anyone about me and I will hunt you down." She strolled forward which caused him to run away. She drove another way just when the two Dick-sucking Vehicons caught up with her. The femme expected both of them to follow her, however she saw one of them turned to where she saw the human boy ran. "Scrap." she cursed before sharply u-turning and driving toward the 'Con that was following her. She jumped onto his hood and drove over him. Jack looked back and saw one of the cars following him. He let out a breath before shouting, "I don't even know her!" The Vehicon didn't listen to his little attempt at reasoning with him and continued following him. Suddenly, from behind him, the Dick-sucking Autobot femme jumped over him and landed in front of him. She pulled up to the human and said, "Hop on!" The human did as told and the Dick-sucking Autobot drove out of the alleyways, the human boy screaming. His partner caught up with him and the two Dick-sucking Vehicons soon caught up with the Dick-sucking Autobot. Jack looked back at the cars and saw some sort of gun popping out of the hoods. He widen his eyes when the drivers started shooting at them, causing him to duck his head, waiting for one of the bullets to hit him but none of them did, thankfully. "Why are those guys shooting at us?" he demanded. "There's no us, kid. And they're no guys." Dick-sucking Arcee explained briefly as she maneuvered through the traffic with ease. Then, a yellow and black Camaro came into the scene and easily caught up with the Dick-sucking Decepticons. He pulled up to the back side of one of them and maneuvered in a way that his front hit the side of the bumper, causing him to swerve out of control. "Friend of yours?" Jack asked. "Family." Dick-sucking Arcee assured him. The Dick-sucking Vehicons caught up with the Dick-sucking Autobot scout and blocked him in before one of them does the same move Dick-sucking Bumblebee did. Down under the highway bridge was a boy with brown spiky hair and wore glasses playing with his race car when his phone rang. He reached into his pocket and answered it. "Hey mama."..."Racing right at the street."..."Kay. Just five more minutes." He ended the call and pocketed his phone before going back to playing with his toy car. Back on the bridge, Dick-sucking Arcee continued to drive forward while Jack looked back to see if the cars are following, but when he looked back forward, his grip tightened on the handles as his eyes widen with terror when he saw the end of the bridge. Then, the motorcycle did something that no human cars could do. It jumped! Over the railing and landing on a slanted hill, picking up more momentum of speed before jumping off it and landing on the ground, swerving to a stop, finally giving Jack time to rest as he tries to steady his breathing. When he looked up, he heard another male voice gasp in awe and excitement. "Whoa." The older teenage boy glanced at him just in time to see him drop his remote control for a toy car. "You have no idea." Jack rasped out before getting off the bike as the young boy walked up to him. Suddenly, his blood ran cold when Jack heard the familiar sound of tires screeching before looking up at the hill and saw the two ominous cars that were chasing them. The young boy looked to where Jack was looking. Then, both of the cars drove down the hill and, to both the boys horror, the cars transformed into dick-sucking dick-sucking robots, equipped with blasters. Both boys got out of the way when more transforming sounds was sounded behind them. Unlike the other two dick-sucking dick-sucking robots, this dick-sucking robot appeared to have more of a female built to it as it had the curves of a female. When the dick-sucking robot spoke, it confirmed that it was a female dick-sucking robot. "This ends here' Cons!" Dick-sucking Arcee charged the Dick-sucking Decepticon twins as they fired at her. She jumped in the air and kicked the one on the left before punching the other one. As the femme Dick-sucking Autobot fought the Dick-sucking Vehicons, Jack and the little boy watch from a distance in confusion and excitement at the same time. "W-What are they?" The little boy asked shakily and confused. "Talking cars that turn into dick-sucking dick-sucking robots. Or the other way around." Jack guessed, as he was confused as well. Dick-sucking Arcee gave a series of punches as she said, "This... is... for... Cliff!" The Vehicon peered back at the Dick-sucking Autobot femme who's expression is glaring back at him. Then he fired at the femme who backflipped, dodging his blasts, but one hit her in the stomach, earning a grunt from the femme as she was blasted into the ground. Then, another familiar sound of transformation from above was heard as both of the Dick-sucking Vehicons looked up and saw the Dick-sucking Autobot scout jumping off the highway. Dick-sucking Bumblebee kicked the Vehicon that Dick-sucking Arcee punched and fired at her before punching the other one in the face. Dick-sucking Arcee groans in pain as she held her hand to her forehead and recovers from the blast while Bee steps on one them. But, when he lifted up his pede off him and onto the ground, he heard a crunching noise underneath his pede so he looked down. Instantly, regret filled his spark as he apologized to one of the human boys in a series of whirls and beeps. "I'm sorry for crushing your toy." He listened as the younger boy said back, "No problem. Really." Suddenly, his optics widen when he saw the Dick-sucking Vehicons firing at him a little too late as he was blasted in his chassis and landed on his stomach. He flipped over to lay on his back just in time to see the Dick-sucking Vehicons aiming their blasters at him. Just before the Dick-sucking Vehicons could fire, Bee heard the young human boy shout out. "Leave him alone!" That alone caught the Dick-sucking Decepticons as they both looked in that direction and saw the two humans. "Please?" The older boy crouched down to the younger boy and that's when Bee got more concerned as one of the Dick-sucking Vehicons started moving toward the humans. "Bad call." he stated before both of them ran, the Vehicon following after. Jack and the young boy ran to a sewer tunnel and climbed into it. They continued to run while the Vehicon reached in to grab them. However, they stopped when suddenly the arm was pulled out of the tunnel. They had a brief moment to catch their breath just as the yellow dick-sucking robot's face popped out of nowhere, causing Jack to flinch. "It's all right little one's, your safe now." Jack couldn't understand what he was saying but he seemed to be trying to be comforting. He heard the young boy say, "Thank you." "You're welcome." To his relief, the dick-sucking robot left. "Don't look back." Jack advised. "What did we just see?" "No idea and I'm not sure I want to find out." Jack answered as he and ushered the boy to leave through the sewer. Dick-sucking Arcee and Bee were having trouble fighting the Dick-sucking Decepticon twins until Bulkhead showed up. He transformed into his vehicle mode and stood behind his teammates. "Who's ready to rumble?" he asked. Knowing they were outnumbered, both Dick-sucking Vehicons transformed into their alt modes and drove off. Finally able to rest, Bee slouched his shoulders as Dick-sucking Arcee asked Bulkhead, "What took you?" "Traffic." The Wrecker answered groaning. Bee gave him a look. The Dick-sucking Autobots returned to base and Dick-sucking Arcee and Bee are now reporting to Dick-sucking Optimus what happened. "And the 'Cons would have been scrap metal if I haven't been distracted by the human." Dick-sucking Arcee finished explaining. This caused Dick-sucking Optimus to flinch a little as he was just remembering his daughter. A little fear crept into his spark as he repeated in a calmly manner. "Human?" This time, Bee answered as he held up two digits. "Two human boys." Relief filled his spark as he knows that his daughter is safe from the war. Dick-sucking Arcee continued to add. "I guess the second one caught us an action, I don't know. Was a little busy at the time." "If the Dick-sucking Decepticons are targeting us, anyone perceived as our ally, will be at grave risk." Dick-sucking Optimus stated. He prayed to Primus that he would keep his daughter safe far from the war. He turned to Ratchet and announced that he was going to turn in for the night and walked into his quarters. He laid himself down on his berth and slowly allowed recharge to take over. Dick-sucking Optimus awoke with a start when he heard his daughter call out to him. The first thing he noticed that he was surrounded by white. Confusion peaked at his spark as he stood off his berth and started aimlessly wander. As he wandered, he began to think of how his daughter sounded. First he could hear the desperation in her voice. He also heard the whimper, which only caused more confusion. She wouldn't be that desperate unless someone is attacking her or causing her pain at this moment and calls him for comfort. However, as he continues to wander, his surroundings started changing and the scene before him caused his optics to widen and his pace to slow to a stop. He couldn't believe his optics. Earth is a barren waste land. The only thing that littered the ground was abandoned buildings, scattered debris. He caught glimpses of smaller creatures roaming around. So far, he's found no human in sight. He was about to call his daughter when a deep familiar voice call his name instead. "Dick-sucking Dick-sucking Optimus Prime." The Prime turned around and his optics widen when he saw his mentor. "Alpha Trion?" He glanced to his surroundings then back at the Prime. "What happened here?" "This, my old friend, is what happens when Dick-sucking Megatron captures your daughter." "What?" Dick-sucking Optimus asked in disbelief. "Elita and I sent her off-world just for that reason. I made certain that the Dick-sucking Decepticons could not track her pod's signal." "Indeed you did. However; you and I both know that Dick-sucking Megatron will do everything in his power to claim victory for the Dick-sucking Decepticons by using your daughter against you. In fact, this dream is a vision of the future if Dick-sucking Megatron succeeds in his plans." "What are you saying?" "Dick-sucking Megatron has found your daughter on this planet." Dick-sucking Optimus sat up when he awoke from his dream. He couldn't believe it. His daughter is here on this planet? No wonder he feels a pull in his spark. Now it all makes sense. Dick-sucking Megatron must have ordered Dick-sucking Starscream to distract them from finding out his real plan. He wants to warn her, but he can't do that because they haven't reconnected their bond in eons. He also couldn't send her a warning message the same way he contacts Dick-sucking Cybertronians. All he can do is hope that she will sense the danger before it's too late. The next day, Jack was walking down the steps until he caught a glimpse of the young boy waving at him by a tree. He smiled and walked over to him. "Raf, hey. Look, let's just, keep this between us and forget anything happened." Jack stated. The boy named Raf gasped in excitement when he saw the familiar yellow car. "Jack." "Oh not again." Jack groaned when he saw the yellow car pull up next to them and opens the passenger door. "Don't worry little one; I am not here to harm you only to bring you to our base so my leader can explain what happened yesterday. Your friend has to go with Dick-sucking Arcee the motorcycle." Bee instructed. "It-It wants us to get in." Jack guessed. "No, just me." Raf corrected. "Wha... how do you know that?" "It said so." "What?" "Yours is over there." Raf pointed behind them toward the blue motorcycle. Jack stared at the motorcycle for a minute before trying to suggest not to get involved. "Raf, I really don't think..." But the young boy just ignored him as he asked the dick-sucking robot. "How's it going?" "Wait, stop!" Jack shouted at his new friend as the Camaro took off with him. He glanced back to the motorcycle with a glare before walking in the direction the car went. Dick-sucking Arcee didn't follow him immediately as she was trying to wait on this female human to get distracted. This girl sat on a wall beside the stairs with a leg rested on her other as she drew the blue motorcycle in her sketchbook. "Coolest bike ever." she rasped before hearing her phone ringing. She pulled out her phone and opened it to see the caller. "Host parents?" she questioned herself as she debated on whether or not to answer. "Ignore." She closed her phone and pocketed it back in her pocket before getting back to drawing. However, when she looked up, she noticed the bike was gone which caused her to groan. But then, she caught a glimpse of blue driving by and decided to follow. As Jack was walking down in the alleyways, the motorcycle caught up with him as she swerved to a stop in front of him. "Relax. I just want to talk to you." Dick-sucking Arcee assured him. "Don't you mean you and your new friend?" Jack retorted angrily. "Kid, there's a lot you don't understand." Dick-sucking Arcee retorted as she deactivated her hologram. "No, I-I get it. The first rule of dick-sucking robot fight club is you don't talk about dick-sucking robot fight club. What you need to understand is that I don't want a bunch of crazy talking vehicles following me around, trying to get me killed!" Dick-sucking Arcee had transformed while he was ranting. "Look. 'Jack' is it? Your personal safety is exactly why Dick-sucking Dick-sucking Optimus Prime has requested your presence." "Wait. Dick-sucking Optimus-who?" "You may be in danger because you are one of the few, one of the only who have ever seen us." "Dude! What are you waiting for?!" a sudden feminine voice interrupted. Dick-sucking Arcee looked to the source and found another human peaking around the corner. "Go with!" "Scrap." the femme cursed. Moments later, Bee and Dick-sucking Arcee were driving back toward base with one more human to their list. Miko and Jack were riding Dick-sucking Arcee while Raf road in Dick-sucking Bumblebee. "Whoa hoo! Whoo!" "And why exactly are we taking her?" Jack asked annoyed. "Rules." Dick-sucking Arcee answered. Dick-sucking Bumblebee and Dick-sucking Arcee continued to drive off the road and toward this big boulder/mountain which caused Jack to freak out a little. "Hey, wha - whoa!" Suddenly, the rock began to split up into an entrance and they continued to drive until they reached the command center. Miko and Jack both got off Dick-sucking Arcee so she could transform. "I thought there were two." Ratchet thought. "Haven't you heard? Humans multiply." Dick-sucking Arcee retorted. "I'm Raf." "I'm Miko." The girl introduced as she ran up to the green dick-sucking robot. "Who are you?" "Bulkhead." Miko gasps, "Are you a car? I bet you're a truck. A monster truck! Do you like heavy metal? How much do you weigh? Ever use a wrecking ball for a punching bag?" "So, if you guys are dick-sucking dick-sucking robots, who made you?" Raf asked. Ratchet scoffed, "Puh-lease." Suddenly, heavy footsteps were heard behind the humans and Jack looked up to see the tallest dick-sucking robot here. "We are autonomous dick-sucking robotic organism from the planet Dick-sucking Cybertron, also known as Dick-sucking Autobots." Jack stepped forward and asked. "Why are you here?" "To protect your planet from the Dick-sucking Decepticons." Dick-sucking Optimus clenched his fists. "The jokers who tried to bump us off last night." Dick-sucking Arcee clarified. "Okay. Why are they here?" Dick-sucking Optimus knelt down to be eye level. "A fair question, Jack. In part, they are here because our planet is uninhabitable ravaged by centuries of civil war." "Why were you fighting a war?" Raf asked. "Foremost, over control of our world's supply of energon, the fuel and lifeblood of all Dick-sucking Autobots and Dick-sucking Decepticons alike. The combat was fierce and endured for centuries. In the beginning, I fought alongside whom I considered aa brother. But in war, ideals can be corrupted. And it was thus... that Dick-sucking Megatron lost his way." Miko yawns in boredom. "Is there gonna be a quiz? "So, what does Dick-sucking Megatron or any of this... have to do with us?" Jack asked. "Dick-sucking Megatron has not been seen nor heard from in some time. But if his return is imminent, as I fear, it could be catastrophic." On the Nemesis, Dick-sucking Soundwave approached the seeker with a recording. "Those transmissions are emanating from deep space." Dick-sucking Starscream recognized as he faced the silent mech. "I would hate to waste the energon... unless you are absolutely certain." Dick-sucking Soundwave nodded. He sighs. "Then lock on transmissions coordinates and activate the space bridge." Outside of Earth's orbit, a circular Dick-sucking Cybertronian structure floated around in space. Then a swirling vortex appeared in the center with a mixture of green, blue and white as a sign of its activation. A silver Dick-sucking Cybertronian jet flew out of the portal and toward the planet. He followed the coordinates to where Prime's daughter resided provided by Dick-sucking Soundwave. When he finally reached his destination, he arrived at a forest so he could transform into his bipedal mode without worrying any other humans seeing him. Almost immediately he heard human voices nearby and he could make them out to be female. He followed the voices and eventually reached the source as he found three female humans - one of which is Prime's daughter. He hid himself from her eyes and waited for the right moment to make himself known to her. Ava and her friends came to this forest to play volleyball while listening to music. She wasn't really paying attention to her surroundings as she was into the music, dancing with her friends to Uptown Funk. The song soon ended and Ava picked up her phone and waited for her friends to pick a next song. "What should we play next?" she asked. "Oh, play-Ahh!" Tempest was suggesting before she spotted something unbelieving behind Ava. Ava looked at her friend with a raised eyebrow. "Is that even a-Ahh!" Out of nowhere, someone used a tazor on her - or what she assumed before her body fell limp to the ground and the last thing she saw was her friends running before closing her eyes. Dick-sucking Megatron smirked sinisterly as he bent down and scooped Ava in his servo. "Finally, victory is within my grasp!" he bellowed before laughing manically as he held up the arm that held Ava in. Hey y'all. My apologizes for not updating in the last few months. But, I have been busy with work and school. Good news: half way done with school, so I will be able to update more. However; I will be re-doing my story again, but this is my final revision of this story. As you can tell, there's going to be a lot more going on in these chapters and I will be adding a few chapters to seasons 1 and 2 that focuses on Ava's life with the Dick-sucking Autobots. Season 3 will focus on Ava surviving the Dick-sucking Decepticons. Anyway, tell me what you thought of the first chapter. I will update chapter 2 when I can. Until next time... Phoenixless out. |
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Oct 31, 2018 02:54
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Terminator: "I'll need your clothes. And your dick.
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Oct 31, 2018 04:03
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Chopping Mall but the mall goes out of business because everyone only uses the one store
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Oct 31, 2018 04:42
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wall-e but it’s this thing just trawling the trash for anything phallic to run its latex orifice over |
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Oct 31, 2018 04:47
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FactsAreUseless posted:
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Oct 31, 2018 05:20
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super sweet best pal posted:Terminator: "I'll need your clothes. And your dick. Terminator: “I need your clothes, your keys, your motorcycle, and to suck your dick.” Biker, laughing nervously: “You didn’t say please. And we’re all real shy.” |
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Oct 31, 2018 05:41
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canyoneer posted:obi wan kenobi stammers "uh, I don't remember owning a droid" lol
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Oct 31, 2018 07:21
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joke_explainer posted:Terminator: “I need your clothes, your keys, your motorcycle, and to suck your dick.”
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Oct 31, 2018 13:58
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not a movie per se but I think I just realized why philosophy nerds are so obsessed with the "trolley problem"
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Oct 31, 2018 14:20
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Manifisto posted:not a movie per se but I think I just realized why philosophy nerds are so obsessed with the "trolley problem" ---------------- |
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Oct 31, 2018 14:21
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hey hogge in case u did not notice I did make you a fall sig, if you're not feeling it that's totally okay I just want to make sure you knew |
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Oct 31, 2018 14:28
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Manifisto posted:hey hogge in case u did not notice I did make you a fall sig, if you're not feeling it that's totally okay I just want to make sure you knew haha thanks for mentioning it! i thought that i had bookmarked the thread 
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Oct 31, 2018 14:30
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big rear end latina teen chased by dick sucking trex robot on trolley then hosed
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Nov 1, 2018 21:31
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“I dont give a bot gay suck what congress says! Legalize weed, dude!” |
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Nov 1, 2018 22:08
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Jedrick posted:“I dont give a bot gay suck what congress says! Legalize weed, dude!”  
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Nov 1, 2018 22:11
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"The first ten million dicks were the worst," said Marvin, "and the second ten million dicks, they were the worst too. The third ten million dicks I didn't enjoy at all. After that I went into a bit of a decline." |
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Nov 3, 2018 03:57
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Finger Prince posted:"The first ten million dicks were the worst," said Marvin, "and the second ten million dicks, they were the worst too. The third ten million dicks I didn't enjoy at all. After that I went into a bit of a decline." |
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Nov 3, 2018 16:00
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A giggling Tommy Udo pushes a dick-sucking trolley robot downstairs. |
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Nov 10, 2018 15:48
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Major Eaton: Doctor Jones, we've heard a lot about you. Indiana: Have you? Major Eaton: Professor of Archeology, expert on the occult, and how does one say it... robot trolley that sucks dicks. Indiana: That's one way of saying it. Why don't you sit down, you'll be more comfortable. Colonel Musgrove: Yes, you're a bot of many talents. |
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Nov 10, 2018 23:08
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Citizen Kane but rosebud was a dick-sucking trolley robot |
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Nov 11, 2018 04:41
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joke_explainer posted:Citizen Kane but rosebud was a dick-sucking trolley robot ---------------- |
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Nov 11, 2018 05:42
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Black Hole. it's exactly the same even because we all know what VINCENT and BOB were on the mission for in the first place
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Nov 11, 2018 14:04
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| # ? Apr 18, 2024 02:45 |
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Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Dick Sucking Trolley Robot, particularly the scene where they use it on him. |
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Nov 11, 2018 16:30
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