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Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?




____________________________

Crown Jewel Results:
  • WWE going through with this show was disgusting.
  • Shinsuke Nakamura (C) defeated Rusev on the pre-show to retain the US Championship.
  • They never once mentioned the words "Saudi Arabia" on the entire broadcast.
  • Rey Mysterio defeated Randy Orton in the Quarterfinal of the World Cup to Determine the Best in the World.
  • The Miz defeated Jeff Hardy in the Quarterfinal of the World Cup to Determine the Best in the World.
  • Seth Rollins defeated Bobby Lashley in the Quarterfinal of the World Cup to Determine the Best in the World.
  • Dolph Ziggler defeated Kurt Angle in the Quarterfinal of the World Cup to Determine the Best in the World.
  • The Bar (C) defeated The New Day (Kofi and BIG E) to retain the Raw Tag Team Titles.
  • The Miz defeated Rey Mysterio in the Semifinals of the World Cup to Determine the Best in the World.
  • Dolph Ziggler defeated Seth Rollins in the Semifinals of the World Cup to Determine the Best in the World.
  • AJ Styles (C) defeated Samoa Joe to retain the WWE Championship.
  • Brock Lesnar defeated BRAUN! with 5 F5s in a row (including one to the outside) following Corbin attacking BRAUN! with the title belt, to win the vacant WWE Universal Championship.
  • The Miz (who beat Jeff Hardy and Rey Mysterio on the same night) got injured after attacking Dolph Ziggler (who beat Kurt Angle and Seth Rollins on the same night) and the match was going to be forfeited, until an alternate stepped in and the World Cup To Determine the Best in the World determined that the best in the world was Shane McMahon, the 48-year-old non-wrestler who didn't beat anybody else in any match on this night or any other night of the tournament.
  • DX (Triple H and a returning HBK) defeated The Brothers of Destruction (Undertaker and Kane) in the main event of the evening.
  • WWE going through with this show was disgusting.
____________________________

Raw Results:
  • Raw is coming from Manchester Arena in England tonight. It was a taped show.
  • Acting General Manager Baron Corbin came to the ring with the entrance ramp crammed full of the Raw roster, to discuss Survivor Series. He named himself and Alexa Bliss the non-wrestling captains of the men's and women's teams for Raw. Corbin added Dolph Ziggler, Drew MacIntyre and BRAUN! to the men's team, saying that BRAUN! should consider what happened at Crown Jewel a lesson to be learned from.
  • Alexa Bliss announced that Nattie, Bayley and Sasha would face the Riott Squad in a 6-woman tag to determine who would make the women's team. Before that match could start, however, Kurt Angle showed up.
  • Angle said he was fired up by Crown Jewel to wrestle again, and challenged Corbin to a match to determine the Team Captain. Corbin tried to wave him off but the crowd got to him and he agreed to the match. When Angle left, Corbin cut off his music only for the crowd to continue to happily sing,"YOU SUCK!" at him.
  • BRAUN! arrived and bowled through the security guards, chased Corbin up the ramp, fought through the men's roster who broke out into a brawl amongst themselves as BRAUN! stormed backstage still after Corbin. Backstage, he told a hapless stagehand to tell Corbin that once BRAUN! found him, he was going to,"Get these hands."
  • Nattie explained backstage that they were guaranteed to win because she was going to wear her late father's sunglasses (or should that be Chekov's sunglasses?) for luck.
  • After an incredibly long match where Bayley spent most of it as the face-in-peril, Nattie got tagged in to run wild, only to be as shocked as everybody else when who'd a thunk it, the Riott Squad broke her late father's sunglasses! Sasha and Bayley attempted to console Nattie outside the ring, while the Riott Squad watched from the entrance ramp and the crowd loudly counted to 10 even though there didn't seem to be any official result to the match.
  • BRAUN! menaced some poor sap in a toilet stall while trying to find Baron Corbin.
  • Apollo Crews defeated Jinder Mahal in a nothing singles-match, which the commentators pushed as a big deal since Jinder is a former Champion.
  • Seth Rollins came out and talked first about how Brock Lesnar regaining the Universal Championship is a slap in the face to Roman Reigns (the crowd were very supportive of Roman), and it was no surprise that once again Brock wasn't bothering to show up to Raw. He noted Dean Ambrose was there but he wasn't going to call him out because he knew he wouldn't have anything to say. He couldn't reasonably defend both his IC title AND the Raw Tag Titles all by himself so he had no choice but t-
  • Baron Corbin (with security barricading the doors behind him) appeared on the Titantron and told Seth that he believed Seth COULD defend the tag titles, and in fact he would do so right now... against the Authors of Pain!
  • The Authors of Pain eventually defeated Seth to become the new Raw Tag Team Champions, though Seth put up a hell of a fight first and the crowd got fully behind him.
  • Dean Ambrose showed up to scattered boos and asked Seth if he still wanted to know why he turned on him. Seth looked up for an answer and Dean hit him with the Dirty Deeds DDT then walked away. Renee on commentary said that Dean refuses to even answer her when she asks him what is going on. The crowd chanted for Rollins as he struggled to get back to his feet after the beating he took.
  • Corbin was interviewed backstage where he insisted he wasn't afraid of BRAUN! even though he had security barricading up a storage room. Corbin gasped as he realized that maybe doing a live interview from inside the building wasn't the best way to stay on the down-low (and blamed the interviewer) and then BRAUN! burst in and beat up Security, dragging one who was clutching to his foot as he continued after the fleeing Corbin.
  • Dolph Ziggler came out to complain that there was a conspiracy that had prevented him from winning the World Cup to Determine the Best in the World, but he was cut off by Elias who came out to a big pop which got even bigger when he played the opening chord go Seven Nation Army and the crowd sang along with,"Walk with Elias!" and he promised to reform Oasis. Ziggler demanded he come down and fight and Elias was happy to accept.
  • A video package for the Lucha House Party was followed by The Revival doing a pre-taped promo about how they were going to send them back to 205 Live.
  • Elias won a long, drawn out back and forth match against Ziggler. The crowd stuck with the entirety of the match, which was probably largely better and felt more important than any of the tournament matches from the World Cup to Determine the Best in the World.
  • Kurt Angle was interviewed backstage about his match with Corbin, and insisted that while Corbin was dangerous, Angle knew his weaknesses and how to beat him.
  • Ronda came to the ring and did a promo talking up how cool Becky Lynch is (correct!) before reminding everybody that this doesn't change the fact that Ronda is gonna beat her. She made specific references to Becky's own personal history and contrasted it with herself, and claimed Becky's new attitude wouldn't be enough to overcome that. Becky may be the man, but Ronda is the baddest bitch on the planet.
  • Nia Jax showed up and told Ronda that she's fully behind her winning at Survivor Series... but once she does, Nia will be there waiting for her.
  • Ember Moon came out for a match with Nia, they cut to a video package about Stephanie McMahon giving young girls an inspirational message, then cut back to Ember getting into the ring for the match... and went to commercial break.
  • Nia Jax defeated Ember Moon in a not-particularly great match. Then Tamina showed up and hit Ember with a Samoan Drop and then a Boston Crab. Nia began dropping elbows on Ember, then she and Tamina hugged.
  • Finn Balor was interviewed backstage about the assault he suffered from Bobby Lashley and Lio Rush last week.
  • Corbin was interviewed backstage again about being a terrified coward as he tried to get into a car to fle. He insisted he just had forgotten he had an appointment, but he had an excellent alternate to face Kurt Angle tonight: Drew MacIntyre. BRAUN! arrived on the scene and Corbin jumped into the car which sped off, leaving a frustrated BRAUN! behind staring at his hands.
  • Lashley defeated Finn Balor in a singles match, thanks to the frequent interference of Lio Rush. Balor seemed to have it won but got caught up in attacking Rush and Lashley was able to grab him in midair, slam him into the barricades, then back into the ring to pin him.
  • Drew MacIntyre's music played and he stormed to the ring as Lashley held his ground. Drew got in his face and Lio Rush quickly convinced Lashley to back down, to boos from the crowd. Drew helped Balor to his feet, then hit him with the Claymore Kick.
  • Drew and Kurt went at it in a really good match, which hit a good storyline point where Drew managed to escape an Angle Slam after 4 rolling Germans and hit the Claymore Kick. Drew could have pinned Kurt but instead took his time to taunt him, to the point Kurt looked like he was going to cry, before telling Kurt he was an embarassment to himself and his family... at which point Kurt flipped the switch to insanity mode and threw on the Ankle Lock.
  • Drew was able to power out and hit a great looking delayed Angle Slam on Kurt himself. Drew went back to taunting Kurt, throwing on the Ankle Lock until Angle had no choice but to tap out. The commentators kept selling that Kurt put up a great effort, but that Drew had potentially ended Kurt's career in humiliating fashion.
____________________________

Smackdown Results:
  • Despite, or perhaps because of, a very small crowd (roughly 5000), Shane McMahon was audibly booed after being announced by Paige as having been determined as best in the world at the World Cup Tournament to determine the best in the world.
  • The commentators had a mixture of mocking and endorsing Shane's last minute replacement of the Miz, while Paige talked Shane up as a face and the crowd continued to boo him. Shane got a mic and admitted that he was NOT the best in the world, then talked about Survivor Series as the ONE time a year that Raw and Smackdown go head-to-head, which is demonstrably false.
  • The crowd finally started (loudly) cheering when Daniel Bryan was announced as the captain of Team Smackdown. Miz interupted and insisted that he be the Team Captain, and also that the World Cup to Determine the Best in the World trophy should be 2/3rds his. Shane and Paige decided to make Bryan and Miz co-captains of Team Smackdown. After the break, Shane explained backstage to Miz and Bryan that he knows they don't get along but they do bring the best out in each other.
  • Miz made his first pick: Shane McMahon. Shane told Miz not to suck up to him, but Bryan said he thought it was a good idea (that's a sign of brain damage ) and Shane accepted.
  • The Usos defeated The New Day (Kofi and BIG E) in a tag match. It was a good match, though far from the best these two have had, but was notable for a loving crazy spear through the middle ropes by BIG E.
  • The Usos did a promo afterwards about how they and The New Day are what makes the Smackdown Tag Division, and they invited the New Day to join them in the Smackdown Tag Team for Survivor Series.
  • Miz was talking on the phone backstage about Marine 6 and tried to figure out which talkshow would want to interview him, and discovered they only wanted to talk to Becky. Daniel Bryan showed up and said his pick for his team was Rey Mysterio. Miz was unconvinced, but agreed to accept Rey if he impressed in a match against Andrade "Cien" Almas tonight. Bryan then suggested they both make a final pick and the two would fight to see who gets the spot. Miz agreed and they both smiled happily at each other, then got weirded out at being on the same page and quickly went their separate ways.
  • Becky came out and did a pretty cool promo about Ronda Rousey, saying that she wasn't handpicked/trained from a young age like Ronda but that just made her scratching, clawing fight to get to the top anyway all the more impressive. She demanded somebody come out to fight her and the answer came from Sanity.... who introduced Nikki Cross!
  • Becky defeated Nikki Cross by submission, making Nikki tap to the Disarmer. Not a great debut for Nikki but she held her own okay against the Women's Champion.
  • Bryan told Miz his pick for final member of Team Smackdown: Jeff Hardy. Miz agreed this was a good choice, but his was better (he was right): Samoa Joe.
  • Shinsuke Nakamura did a pre-taping promo about how tough Seth Rollins' life has been the last few weeks, but promising to make him forget all that at Survivor Series by applying his knee to Seth's face. How nice of him!
  • Rey Mysterio beat Andrade "Cien" Almas in a good if not spectacular match. While celebrated post-match, he got hit by an RKO-outta-nowhere by Randy Orton. Backstage, Bryan asked Miz if he sent out Orton, but Miz said he'd been hit by the RKO too and didn't want anything to do with Orton. He joked he hadn't watched the match, then agreed to Mysterio being on Team Smackdown, but warned Bryan to not let his emotions get the best of him, especially in regards to Samoa Joe.
  • AJ Styles did a pre-taping promo pointing out that he won the title to start his current reign in Manchester, England which is where today's show is happening. His reward for holding the title all this time is to face Brock Lesnar for the second time at Survivor Series, and he promises to win the match this time. Stealing Paul Heyman's line, he said this wasn't a prediction but a spoiler.
  • Paige introduced the Smackdown Women's Team: Carmella, Naomi, Sonya Deville, Asuka and Charlotte Flair. However Charlotte did not arrive, instead Mandy Rose came out to ask why Sonya was picked over her when she eliminated Sonya from the Battle Royal at Evolution. She went down the women on the team and insulted them all, until going too far with Naomi who laid her out. The two sides got broken up, and Mandy seemed infuriated that Sonya stopped her fighting and stormed out in a huff.
  • The Miz and Daniel Bryan were on guest commentary during Jeff Hardy and Samoa Joe, arguing over which was a better team leader (Bryan complaining that all Miz does is keep people beneath him and Joe won't put up with that, Miz saying his leadership style is effective and has won Survivor Series matches before) but both talking up their respective picks.
  • Jeff Hardy hit the Swanton Bomb but Joe got his knees up, locked in the Coquina Clutch and made Jeff tap out. The Men's Smackdown Team is Daniel Bryan, Miz, Shane McMahon, Rey Mysterio and Samoa Joe.
  • Joe got in Bryan's face and Bryan lost it, attacking Joe and putting him in the Yes Lock. Miz tried to pull Bryan off of Joe and Bryan beat the poo poo out of him. Shane McMahon ran down to stop Bryan and Bryan hip-tossed him, then stormed out of the ring leaving three of his team members gaping at him from the ring.

Jerusalem fucked around with this message at Nov 13, 2018 around 01:00

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Chris James 2
Aug 9, 2012

plz remember that it was ~ME~ who told you that everything you like is actually really not good, because I knew all along.


lol finn balor

DarkstarIV
Apr 6, 2010

Ms. Money


Just a reminder that Nia and Tamina are the two worst female wrestlers on the main roster in every way and I fear they are going to legitimately hurt someone.

Abroham Lincoln
Sep 19, 2011

Note to self: This one's the good one


finn balolr

Raskolnikov38
Mar 3, 2007

We were somewhere around Manila when the drugs began to take hold



fire nia and tamina and give finn his release to go somewhere that doesn't suck rear end

SatoshiMiwa
May 6, 2007



Sure setting up that potential invasion angle if Kenny and the Bucks get blinded by the cash yup

Chinston Wurchill
Jun 27, 2010

It's not that kind of test.

Chris James 2 posted:

lol finn balor

Finn should really just take the Nathan Jones way out at this point.

Professor Funk
Aug 4, 2008

SAVE_US.SD14


finn balor is dead

but drew mcintyre is very much alive, and that owns

Raskolnikov38
Mar 3, 2007

We were somewhere around Manila when the drugs began to take hold



boy that ember moon is a good worker and the fans really seem to like her. lets have her get squashed by the two wrestlers least deserving of being in the ring

Ad by Khad
Jul 25, 2007
Internet Appreciation

I still can't believe Rosita made it to WWE

Please don't let the gigantic clumsy women injure her anymore

Gatts
Jan 2, 2001

Goodnight Moon


Nap Ghost

From what I've seen, I think if they put serious good poo poo behind it, Drew can carry WWE. He's drat good now.

Midnightghoul
Oct 1, 2003

COME ON DON'T BE SCURRED

Gatts posted:

From what I've seen, I think if they put serious good poo poo behind it, Drew can carry WWE. He's drat good now.

He's not from around here

SalTheBard
Jan 26, 2005

Somebody call Totoro

When did this Nia Jax / Zelina Vega thing happen?

Raskolnikov38
Mar 3, 2007

We were somewhere around Manila when the drugs began to take hold



evolution's battle royal

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?


I really dug that main event match and am actually intrigued at the notion of Kurt Angle having to face up to the fact that maybe time has passed him by (which hopefully results in him actually discovering fresh energy and regaining his mojo). Plus, of course, Drew was in the main event, looked like a million loving bucks and even though I'd like him as a top face, he makes a fantastic heel.

Best of all, maybe they're starting the process of him and Ziggler drifting apart to mainly do their own thing, if this show is any indication (beyond the Survivor Series teams, obviously).

Not a great episode of Raw, but hell yeah Drew and hell yeah Ronda vs Becky.

Evil Canadian
Sep 10, 2000

No one man should have all that Psycho-Power.



Chinston Wurchill posted:

Finn should really just take the Nathan Jones way out at this point.

armed robbery?

ijii
Mar 17, 2007
I'M APPARENTLY GAY AND MY POSTING SUCKS.


I think this Raw was okay.

Curious to see any blow back from Drew being a dick to both Lashley and Balor. I'm happy that with Tamina buddying up with Nia Jax means no more stupid stare downs. I'm guessing those two will be Alexa Bliss' first two picks for women's Raw Survivor team.

Seth Rollins kicking rear end in the ring as always, put up a good fight against AOP. Can't say that I dig the Dean and Seth feud, but maybe it'll eventually be interesting.

I'm glad Elias pinned Ziggler. Seems like that this was Elias' longest singles match. Hopefully Elias will start competing for some titles and poo poo because crowds are really behind him.

Braun doing his normal shtick and just running after people running away from him, I got nothing against that.

Ronda definitely showing why she's #1 in the women's division, I like both her and Becky Lynch and don't want to see either of them lose

jesus WEP
Oct 17, 2004



Fun Shoe

Reminder that while Tamina is a horrible worker who is a constant danger to herself and others, it wasnít her fault that Nia threw Vega at her completely out of position

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004

Delicious and Nutritious



Fun Shoe

So we're seeing Prince Devitt back in NJPW by next year, right?

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

Jeremy Corbyn has been made the subject of an official complaint to the Labour party over his suggestion in 2013 that some British Zionists do not understand 'English irony'.

Are you offended?

Why not put in a complaint?




WWE is uncool and bad but I'm still so drat hype for Ronda/Becky

No Irish Need Imply
Nov 30, 2008


Jerusalem posted:

Kurt Angle having to face up to the fact that maybe time has passed him by (which hopefully results in him actually discovering fresh energy and regaining his mojo).
Kurt Angle Ultra Instinct

Cornwind Evil
Dec 14, 2004


Man, what a pair of glitches. First Kurt's AI spazzes out completely, seems to return for him to do a finish, then shuts down again, and then somehow Drew got four stocks despite not doing anywhere near enough moves to have gotten that many.

Shima Honnou
Dec 1, 2010

The Once And Future King Of Detroit





College Slice

Considering that I didn't watch raw or read the spoilers but I have a pretty good idea what all happened on it, and the fact that they're desperate enough in their little job posting about "but not required" I'm actually considering applying to that garbage script writer job lmao

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?


Next week on Raw is just Kurt Angle eating a bunch of Arbys, dejectedly, in an empty airplane hangar.

While he cries.

Abroham Lincoln
Sep 19, 2011

Note to self: This one's the good one


Gonz posted:

Next week on Raw is just Kurt Angle eating a bunch of Arbys, dejectedly, in an empty airplane hangar.

While he cries.

In the distance, the UK crowd will count to 10.

Shinjobi
Jul 10, 2008



Gravy Boat 2k

Shima Honnou posted:

Considering that I didn't watch raw or read the spoilers but I have a pretty good idea what all happened on it, and the fact that they're desperate enough in their little job posting about "but not required" I'm actually considering applying to that garbage script writer job lmao

Let's do it

DukeofCA
Aug 17, 2011

I am shocked and appalled.

So they jobbed Braun out to Brock and are now trying to make him look like an unstoppable monster again.

CobiWann
Oct 21, 2009

There are lost episodes of course. Stories that were commissioned but never made. Or made but misfiled, post broadcast. Sheer incompetence, of course.

Oasis forever!

Maybe it was just me, but did commentary ever refer to Akam and Rezar as "The Authors of Pain?" I swear the entire match they were called "AoP," even during their introduction and when being announced as new champs.

I wouldn't put it past Vince to be like "AUTHORS IMPLY BOOKS, BOOKS IMPLY SMARTS, BEING SMART IS STUPID, YOUR AWESOME NAME IS NOW THREE MEANINGLESS LETTERS!"

CobiWann fucked around with this message at Nov 6, 2018 around 12:44

Chris James 2
Aug 9, 2012

plz remember that it was ~ME~ who told you that everything you like is actually really not good, because I knew all along.


They didn't have last names to lose, so they just lost the full team name to compensate

Davros1
Jul 19, 2007

You've got to admit, you are kind of implausible

I mean, their names are already a play on Occam's Razor, how much worse is Authors of Pain

Professor Funk
Aug 4, 2008

SAVE_US.SD14


Liquid Communism posted:

So we're seeing Prince Devitt back in NJPW by next year, right?

I hope he was one of the people NJPW reportedly offered big money to to return to Japan.

Raskolnikov38
Mar 3, 2007

We were somewhere around Manila when the drugs began to take hold



DukeofCA posted:

So they jobbed Braun out to Brock and are now trying to make him look like an unstoppable monster again.

drew, he became the Braun to Braunís Braun

jesus WEP
Oct 17, 2004



Fun Shoe

Didnít watch Raw but it sounds absolutely horrible

Wazzu
Feb 28, 2008

Are you sure I'm winning the Rumble? That does'nt seem right.....

ijii posted:

Curious to see any blow back from Drew being a dick to both Lashley and Balor. I'm happy that with Tamina buddying up with Nia Jax means no more stupid stare downs. I'm guessing those two will be Alexa Bliss' first two picks for women's Raw Survivor team.

Braun doing his normal shtick and just running after people running away from him, I got nothing against that.

God, they would have Nia and Alexa team up, wouldn't they.

Is Braun face turning? So soon after the last turn?

Saint Freak
Apr 15, 2007



I died on fleek, and so am cursed to roam the Earth forever, eternally on fleek...


Buglord

Last night instead of watching I played the new Overwatch toon - Cowboy Lady. She's okay I guess. She'll be instalocked forever though cause people wanna gently caress her, just like Widowmaker and Reinhardt.

Shima Honnou
Dec 1, 2010

The Once And Future King Of Detroit





College Slice

It's a good thing nobody wants to gently caress Symmetra so I can always have my autistic laser waifu.

Raskolnikov38
Mar 3, 2007

We were somewhere around Manila when the drugs began to take hold



Wazzu posted:

Is Braun face turning? So soon after the last turn?

yes because vince set him up as the backup plan a year ago and drat everything that's happened in the past year to make braun cold

Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.

Raskolnikov38 posted:

yes because vince set him up as the backup plan a year ago and drat everything that's happened in the past year to make braun cold

Also because Braun is the new Big Show.

pressedbunny
May 31, 2007

I joined the #RXT REVOLUTION~!

he knows...


I get the impression Braun is thought of internally the same way Bray Wyatt is, that they both get enough of a consistent reaction that it doesn't matter if they lose a bunch, their alignments change at random, or if their stories go nowhere. They're there to fill whatever role is required to make The Real Star look good.

Shima Honnou posted:

It's a good thing nobody wants to gently caress Symmetra so I can always have my autistic laser waifu.
I was at a comic-con a few weeks back and felt really bad for a Symmetra cosplayer in an Overwatch group; everyone with a camera was surrounding a plain and simple zero suit D.Va and Tracer, and totally ignoring Symmetra, who had clearly put in far more work. She had LEDs and everything. People have got no taste.

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Endless Mike
Aug 13, 2003

Get running
Start pumping your bunions, I'm coming
I'm the dumbest, who flamethrow your function to Funyons
Flame your crew quicker than Trump fucks his youngest
Now face the flame fuckers your fame and fate's done with


https://twitter.com/MrBrandonStroud...829691874492418

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