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*back literally sore for 3 weeks afterward for some reason
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Nov 25, 2018 23:29
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Stupid cheap plastic. Snapped one thing in two places with my baby Huey dummy strength
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Nov 25, 2018 23:43
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-Buys white lights so I can leave them up all year without them weathering like painted bulbs-
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Nov 25, 2018 23:56
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bradzilla posted:These suburban dad threads are always so good. So many sad and bitter middle aged goons. Incel sour grapes
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Nov 26, 2018 00:28
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After installing 500ft of lights, I get the to very end to discover I'm 30 feet short of finishing the roof properly. Drive to 3 different home improvement stores in 2 different cities looking for an exact match to the bulbs I bought. No luck. I try a different brand, they're all made in China on the same assembly line anyway. No... No... They're just a shade off. Just a shade... No... IT's fine it's... I'm leaving work early tomorrow to drive to the Home Depot in Franklin. I know it's 2 hours away, but their website says they have them in stock and I don't have time to order them online for home delivery because if they send us the wrong ones we're back to square one, anyway!
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Nov 26, 2018 01:07
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Charles Bukowski posted:-Buys white lights so I can leave them up all year without them weathering like painted bulbs- Hello fellow "I overpainted the preLED era clear christmas bulbs" goon. I hope you didn't make the same mistake I did by using spraypaint cans instead of paint brushes on the bulbs.
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Nov 26, 2018 01:11
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* hangs 20 strings before checking they work * gently caress
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Nov 26, 2018 01:18
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*pays Ramirez down the street fifteen hundred to do it*
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Nov 26, 2018 01:26
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is accidentally hanging yourself a thing with xmas lights? I didn't see any on google but have to imagine it's common even if sometimes it's "accidentally"
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Nov 26, 2018 01:27
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500 good dogs posted:is accidentally hanging yourself a thing with xmas lights? I didn't see any on google but have to imagine it's common Head first off the roof caused from "light headedness" is the optimal Google search
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Nov 26, 2018 01:29
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JediTalentAgent posted:After installing 500ft of lights, I get the to very end to discover I'm 30 feet short of finishing the roof properly. Drive to 3 different home improvement stores in 2 different cities looking for an exact match to the bulbs I bought. No luck. I try a different brand, they're all made in China on the same assembly line anyway. Oh God this is me.
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Nov 26, 2018 05:48
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dudeness posted:You're gonna get a letter from your Home OwO'wner's Association, they tend to notice things like this. Probably not in this case IYKWIM.
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Nov 26, 2018 05:50
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*Someone in the neighborhood paired the outdoor lights with the built-in bluetooth speakers to their phone or something and are using them to blare neo-Nazi speeches when I'm not home.
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Nov 26, 2018 06:04
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dudeness posted:*never took the Christmas lights from last year down so now I don't have to do anything* This guy is living in year 3000 over here.
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Nov 26, 2018 06:38
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*Throws a fit when the 4ft tall plastic, faded, light-up Santa my dad bought in 1986 disintegrates in my hands as I'm trying to replace the bulb while I'm on the roof. After the rage subsides, I sit with vacant thoughts up there for about 30 minutes as I start thinking of Jack Nicholson in The Shining and find myself laughing hysterically at every memory of that movie as the snow starts to fall.
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Nov 26, 2018 06:49
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JediTalentAgent posted:*Someone in the neighborhood paired the outdoor lights with the built-in bluetooth speakers to their phone or something and are using them to blare neo-Nazi speeches when I'm not home. Thanks for the suggestion.
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Nov 26, 2018 08:51
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*Did up a Die Hard-themed Christmas display outside my home. The police and the internet forced me to take it down as it was seen as offensive, disturbing and threatening.
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Nov 26, 2018 09:40
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*outlines 5/8s of the roof with mixed strings of warm white and cool white LED icicle lights*
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Nov 26, 2018 10:42
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Nov 26, 2018 12:27
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We still have a string up from like 4 years ago. maybe more I can't remember
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Nov 26, 2018 13:01
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*has no problems putting up lights, likes doing it*
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Nov 26, 2018 14:00
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bradzilla posted:*has no problems putting up lights, likes doing it, is insane*
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Nov 26, 2018 14:02
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*Drinks on roof, enjoying hours of peace + quiet after it only took 20 minutes to hang the lights. Complain about sore back once I get down and take nap. (back not really sore)*
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Nov 26, 2018 14:04
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loving hell, Pauline. Where's me AC power converter? This loving house! gently caress off, Pauline!
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Nov 26, 2018 14:04
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bradzilla posted:These suburban dad threads are always so good. So many sad and bitter middle aged goons. i had easily the most insane christmas light dad growing up but didn't want to type it all out just to get owned by bradzilla
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Nov 26, 2018 14:04
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Hey Autumn, babe, can you toss me up the duct tape? Autumn? AUTUMN???? Jesus Christ where did my wife go? *slowly climbs down tree while making exaggerated "Woah!" noises* WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU? Oh, you're got bored and went inside? Did you think... did you MAYBE think you should have told me? I was stuck in the tree and I needed the loving DUCT TAPE to make sure that last string of lights stayed on the tree. So MAYBE, just MAYBE it would have been nice to know you were still alive out there! Jesus, Mary, and Joseph if it was up to me I wouldn't put a loving THING out for Christmas, but noooooo. We live in a loving society here where my wife just has to have a pretty house for Christmas. Well you know what? Do it yourself. I'm loving done, hail Satan, that's my thing now. Maybe I'll go hang a pentagram, how's that? Doot doot doot hail Satan and all his stuff, that's what I'm doing this year instead of hanging Christmas lights. Because I already know your sister is just going to BOMBARD us with pictures of her giant house and all those lights. How'd she get that house again, huh? Oh yeah, she loving spread her legs for some moldy old rich bastard. Jesus Christ I wish I could do that, I really do. I'd do it, too, I'd do it right now. If some rich man will have me, I'm here, I swear to God just take me right now. Oh God honey I'm sorry, you know I love you. Don't.... please don't pack up the suitcase again. Please please please. Oh poo poo I think the kids are home, oh my God please don't let them see the suitcase, please babe PLEASE.
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Nov 26, 2018 14:13
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Oh look, children, the whole strand just went out. Fifty bulbs, one goes out, takes the rest out with it. Kids, sometimes I feel like this family is a string of Christmas lights
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Nov 26, 2018 14:15
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*pulls out scrap of paper with "design plans" for the lights hastily scribbled* Thank God I did this last year, this was the smartest move I've ever made. So this circle is the Santa... wait. Wait wait wait. The circle is the extension cord with 3 outlets? Why did I make that a circle? Oh wait, I see.... yeah, I put a little 3 in there. Okay so circles are extension cords. What's that triangle mean? Why didn't I make a legend here? Wait a minute, is this the tree or the light post? Oh my god that loving square is the driveway, not the house. Oh my God I completely hosed up. This piece of poo poo paper, the goddamn kids must have scribbled all over it.
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Nov 26, 2018 14:50
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*is neighbor kid* "Mister why do you have a fat butt?"
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Nov 26, 2018 15:17
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just pretend this post is every joke from Christmas vacation *looks up* ah poo poo, beaten!!
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Nov 26, 2018 16:11
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extra stout posted:i had easily the most insane christmas light dad growing up but didn't want to type it all out just to get owned by bradzilla I used to work with a guy who looked like the clown from that Rob zombie movie and had the temper of a piss drunk Scotsman. He would take a week off before Thanksgiving to hang the 9000 strands of lights all over his house so it was visible from space. He is the inspiration for this thread.
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Nov 26, 2018 16:48
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Alan Smithee posted:*is neighbor kid* *farts in kid's face* Kid's hair is blown back by the force of the fart
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Nov 26, 2018 16:50
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I swear Margaret, one of these days I'll hang myself with these damned lights, and see how you like that! *Slips and falls from the roof, ends up quadriplegic*
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Nov 26, 2018 16:51
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crispix posted:I wear my special doin stuff cargo pants and jacket with all pockets on like John Goodman's in Big Lebowski and kneepads and steel capped boots and I enjoy having the opportunity to use my electronic-powered staple gun that makes a very fetching whizzing noise and I secretly pretend that I am riveting a space-ship of some kind in a futuristic setting This is my favorite thing to do!
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Nov 26, 2018 17:07
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Alan Smithee posted:*is neighbor kid* Well son, sometimes people make mistakes in life, okay? Sometimes people decide to.... well, they decide to do something stupid in college. And maybe they don't get to finish college because they have to get married now. And then they end up working at their Father in Law's car dealership instead of getting that degree in accounting. And maybe that car salesman works really hard, but he realizes that his father in law is basically just giving his daughter an allowance through that salesman's salary, so the salesman starts drinking a lot to deal with that. And then that kid? That kid who was born because GOD FORBID you put a child up for an abortion in 1992, that kid turns out to be a pretty big fuckup. Sorry kid, you've heard that word before, don't lie to me. So that kid, that ruined his old man's life? He's still living at home. He's 26 and he's in that window right there! Because ol' Grampa spoils the poo poo out of him, just like his old lady! And dear ol' Daddy, who hosed up because he wanted his dick to tickle a little more, he's basically an indentured servant! You know what that is? It means that I have to drop everything to take care of my father in law, because he's convinced I'm a complete fuckup as a father and husband! And he's probably right! Because I'm too loving scared to quit a job I hate! And maybe I drink a little too much to deal with that, and maybe I stress eat a bit, too. You'd do it too, if your 85 year old father-in-law was around you almost every hour of every day. Always judging, always "tut-tutting" every little thing I do. I've thought about hitting him with a tire iron, you know that? Some people dream about winning the lottery, I loving dream about murdering my father in law and being free. I'd be fine with rotting in jail, really I would. But I doubt any jury in the world would convict me when I told them the circumstances. You know what Thanksgiving was like, kid? My fat loving wife, who hates me, just sat on her rear end and complained about everything. My father-in-law spit out the food I made and said it was disgusting. Then he flashed that big loving wallet and took everyone out to some fancy restaurant. He made me come, too. Everybody had a great time, oh they sure did! Except for me, because I just knew this was going to be a topic of conversation for months to come. So forgive me, PLEASE, for having a fat butt? Because Christ knows I haven't earned a piece of cake every once in a blue moon.
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Nov 26, 2018 17:17
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*opens bin full of hastily packed and heavily tangled lights* "what kind of idiot put these away like this?!"
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Nov 27, 2018 04:41
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I don't bother much with Christmas lights but I do all the heavy lifting putting out my parents' 50 year old nativity scene every year. This year, I went to shift Mary over a few inches in the creche and, well, her head popped like a brittle plastic melon. Try explaining that one to your 71 year-old, very Catholic mother. "Mom, I, uh, decapitated Mary." Better than last year, when my dad's utter lack of understanding wrt basic electricity resulted in me getting zapped by the damned star that had shorted out to its metal post. "NO DAD, YOU CAN'T JUST WRAP A COMPLETELY DRY ROTTED WIRE IN ELECTRICAL TAPE AND CALL IT A DAY!"
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Nov 27, 2018 06:25
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goddam MILLENIALS
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Nov 27, 2018 06:29
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Im the apo’stroph’e in dad’s
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Nov 27, 2018 07:00
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*eyes neighborhood kids as they ride by on their bikes with suspicion, mumbles under breath*
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Nov 27, 2018 07:56
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