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I live in one of those historic New England towns where the standard decoration is to just put LED candles in each window. Ten minutes and done. It’s one of the very few aspects of living here that actually owns.
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Nov 27, 2018 12:04
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 01:15 |
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DamnCanadian posted:I live in one of those historic New England towns where the standard decoration is to just put LED candles in each window. Ten minutes and done. It’s one of the very few aspects of living here that actually owns. That's a really good idea, I'll have to try it. I'm afraid my dumb loving cats are going to tear them down though. I guess that's what duct tape is for, right? Who am I kidding, my rear end is going up the ladder this weekend.
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Nov 29, 2018 21:18
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dudeness posted:You're gonna get a letter from your Home OwO'wner's Association, they tend to notice things like this. you're banned
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Nov 29, 2018 21:27
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*Falls off ladder while hanging lights...hits head on rock...knocked unconscious for 8 minutes...$750 ambulance ride to hospital* This may or may not have actually happened to me.
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Nov 29, 2018 22:02
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Buys a remote controlled scrolling marquee sign. While programming it, discovers that the remote is on the same frequency as 2 of my neighbors doorbells.
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Nov 29, 2018 22:37
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*eyes squarely fall onto the holly bushes, eternally sharp as Nature wills* This year, I will not be stabbed repeatedly until I just give up and throw them on. *is stabbed repeatedly until I just give up and throw them around it and long for all holly to burn*
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Nov 29, 2018 22:51
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*"accidentally" tangles lights in the shape of a noose* *thinks, "what the hell? I'm up here anyway."*
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Nov 29, 2018 22:52
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*sets up ladder next to the neighbor's house right when I know those hot young newlyweds are likely to be fuckin'*
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Nov 29, 2018 22:54
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Oscar Wild posted:*"accidentally" tangles lights in the shape of a noose* *family thinks dad had some auto-erotic asphyxiation fetish and is deeply ashamed*
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Nov 29, 2018 22:56
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Man poor old David Carradine.
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Nov 30, 2018 08:25
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Jay_Zombie posted:Buys a remote controlled scrolling marquee sign. While programming it, discovers that the remote is on the same frequency as 2 of my neighbors doorbells. Lmfao
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Nov 30, 2018 08:42
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Tells the wife and kids he’s running down to hardware store for spare bulbs. Heads to the bank. Drains all the bank accounts. Runs away with a twenty one year old stripper. Never looks back.
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Nov 30, 2018 11:11
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The wife and kids are at her sister's, giving me a whole long weekend to hang these lights. They're gonna be blown away! It's so peaceful up here on the roof. I wonder if I could just hang out here for a little bit, take a little nap. Let's just stretch out here and.... huh? What was.... Oh no, oh no my heart. I think I'm having a heart attack. JESUS MARY AND JOSEPH SOMEBODY HELP ME! *dies on the roof, wife comes home 4 days later and finds corpse devoured by various birds of prey and vermin*
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Nov 30, 2018 14:36
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*Successfully hangs lights with minimal difficulty* Looks good.
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Nov 30, 2018 15:50
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The Bible posted:*Successfully hangs lights with minimal difficulty* *forgets to turn on lights until December 30th*
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Nov 30, 2018 17:47
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Oscar Wild posted:*forgets to turn on lights until December 30th* *is also a huge moron that doesn't know timers exist*
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Nov 30, 2018 17:56
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bradzilla posted:*is also a huge moron that doesn't know timers exist* Goddamnit Martha! I'm not going to home depot again today.
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Nov 30, 2018 18:03
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I hired some goddamn company to put these shits up.
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Dec 1, 2018 01:08
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Vato posted:I hired some goddamn company to put these shits up. *pays $500 out of biweekly $8000 paycheck*
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Dec 1, 2018 01:52
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iammeandsoareyou posted:Tells the wife and kids he’s running down to hardware store for spare bulbs. Heads to the bank. Drains all the bank accounts. Runs away with a twenty one year old stripper. Never looks back. Dont doxx me.
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Dec 11, 2018 22:28
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I hung up some lights and WHAT A PRODUCTION. No one helped me...again! So they got what they got. It's fine. I had to climb...whatever. Lights are up. I unplugged them to save energy and so everyone can sleep. You're welcome. eta: I actually did this sorry for ruining your SANTY CLAWS delusion. Awww, c'mere. You know I didn't mean it. Don't touch that! GO TO BED!
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Dec 13, 2018 07:22
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Spends 3 hours putting up lights, feeling a real sense of accomplishment. Looks great, I can't wait to admire it when it gets nice in dark. Wait, the family demands we get in the SUV and drive over an hour away to see the entire "Santa Claus Lane" subdivision where over 100 houses have done up their McMansions in millions of dollars in lights, instead. Wife insists we can look at my lights when we get home. She smugly says, "Saving the best for last." No honey... That light is the light I'll see when the angels come and take me.
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Dec 13, 2018 08:00
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JediTalentAgent posted:Spends 3 hours putting up lights, feeling a real sense of accomplishment. Looks great, I can't wait to admire it when it gets nice in dark. That's it, folks. Pack it in.
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Dec 13, 2018 08:04
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Spends days putting up lights for the annual town house decorating contest. Feels good about his chances this year. Watches judges pull up and barely even stop long enough to see the lights change color before leaving. Is pissed.
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Dec 13, 2018 17:05
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"Well hey there neighbor, yeah... yeah I'm putting the lights up. Yeah, it's a bit late but maybe you noticed that a tree fell on our roof? So you know.... Christmas lights weren't really a priority for us this year. Yeah. No insurance covered it but you know how that stuff goes, it took a few weeks for the check to get sent, plus we had to schedule a contractor, and with the holidays.... yeah, it's been stressful. What's that? No I don't hate Christmas. Yeah you probably haven't seen me at church because we're not really a churchgoing family, we do our own thing. No we're not Satanists, haha. No seriously, we're not. No that's a star of David in the window, not a pentagram. My wife's Jewish."
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Dec 13, 2018 17:32
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A Fancy Hat posted:"Well hey there neighbor, yeah... yeah I'm putting the lights up. Yeah, it's a bit late but maybe you noticed that a tree fell on our roof? So you know.... Christmas lights weren't really a priority for us this year. Yeah. No insurance covered it but you know how that stuff goes, it took a few weeks for the check to get sent, plus we had to schedule a contractor, and with the holidays.... yeah, it's been stressful. Is this what it's like to live in the flyover states?
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Dec 13, 2018 18:13
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Kids accidentally flip the garage switch that the timer is hooked to EVERY MOTHER loving DAY resulting in the Christmas lights only being on from 7 AM to noon until you climb up on a ladder to fix it.
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Dec 13, 2018 20:05
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*No I don't want to buy some drat paper bags of sand with candles in them.* *Get off my lawn.*
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Dec 13, 2018 20:34
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Cat Army
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"Oh God my back, oh no it's locked up. Darla??? DARLA!!!!!! DAR WHERE THE gently caress ARE YOU? AAGHGHHHH SOMEBODY CALL THE loving AMBULANCE I CAN'T MOVE"
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Dec 13, 2018 20:36
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bird with big dick posted:Kids accidentally flip the garage switch that the timer is hooked to EVERY MOTHER loving DAY resulting in the Christmas lights only being on from 7 AM to noon until you climb up on a ladder to fix it. *blames kids for extremely retarded decision to put timer on the roof*
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Dec 13, 2018 20:43
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This is horseshit. We live in a region that never gets colder than 50degrees and any freak snow we get lasts less than 20 minutes on the ground. Us having lights on our house are like having tits on a rattlesnake, absolutely useless!
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Dec 13, 2018 20:51
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From peak of roof, sees flatbed truck with "asset recovery" logo on door back into his driveway. Moves gingerly over to ladder, takes 3 attempts to get foot on top rung. ---3 minutes later--- WHAT DO YOU MEAN the loan on the Grand Cherokee hasn't been paid in 4 months?!?
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Dec 13, 2018 21:19
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Unironically one of the neat things about my house is that it has outlets built into the underside of the eaves so I can string lights without needing a ton of cords and crap, and their controlled by switch from in the house. It owns. Well. It would own if I put lights up.
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Dec 13, 2018 21:50
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A Fancy Hat posted:I've thought about hitting him with a tire iron, you know that? lmao
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Dec 13, 2018 22:00
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JediTalentAgent posted:Doesn't even want to put these up. All we need is a wreath on the door, a bow on the lamp post. better start building the cuck shack baby
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Dec 13, 2018 22:46
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Don't fuckin' tell me when I can and cannot use a goddamn ladder, I've had more beers in my life than you've had hot soup. No don't...don't...*sigh* please stop crying.
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Dec 13, 2018 23:12
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 "Hold the ladder, I said HOLD ONTO IT Jenny get over here your sister's useless. No, stop, Gladys tell your daughter to stop trying to smack ants with my good hammer JEEZ LOUISE FRANCINE I SAID HOLD THE FUCKIN LADDER NOT KICK IT OVER I'M TWENTY FEET UP HERE"*Totters over, grabs gutter for support pulling it loose and shunting the rotten contents directly into jacket* "Aw christ more poo poo I gotta take care of I TOLD YOU TO HOLD THE FUCKEN LADDER. Francine! FRANCINE where are you going, I can't do this all myself! Jenny, stop eating crayons for 5 minutes and get me down here"  "Yes hello police? Yes it's my neighbor again. Yeah the Christmas lights like last year. No, he's on a stepstool he's like 2 feet off the ground right now. No I don't think he has children it's just 3 large breasted rubber mannequins in wheelchairs outside. Yes I have repeatedly asked him not to play with them in the front yard. Yes it's every year like this can you talk to him? My dogs are terrified by the commotion. *pets taxidermied dogs *
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Dec 14, 2018 00:14
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Panfilo posted:
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Dec 14, 2018 00:23
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Panfilo posted:
 I don't like this remake of Collection Completed from Tales from the Crypt.
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Dec 14, 2018 01:29
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 01:15 |
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*under his breath Come on you cunting fucker, piece of loving poo poo, rear end loving oval office, ow, my fucken hand.. F U C K, poo poo fucken cuuuuuuunt. *click, click... clickclickclickclickclick For fucks sake... loving coooooooommmmmeee onnnnnnn, gently caress me *click, clickclickclick Jesus loving oval office loving rear end fuuuuuuuuck *smack, click, smack smack, click click. loving cooooooomeooooon... loving fucken gently caress piss gently caress. “Honey did you want me to turn it on down here at the wall?” .........
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Dec 17, 2018 07:30
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