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calling in sick at work because you're sick of Tara's bullshit Jewelery Party brochures piling up behind your aging Dell desktop still running Windows 2000 Enterprise Edition calling in sick because you had to donate your teeth to a child in a third world country |
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Dec 5, 2018 21:32
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calling your boss to tell them you can't come to work because you were in a horrible car. not an accident, just the car smells like your piano teacher's house, back when you were six, so you just can't deal and had the Lyft driver pull over and let you out at Dunkin because really gently caress work.
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Dec 5, 2018 21:33
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skipping work with the excuse that you can't come in because your grandma Mildred died for the eighth time in a month and you can't deal with this many deaths in a row.
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Dec 5, 2018 21:34
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ring ring. hello job? i've got a real bad case of Contagion. it's all scuffed and there's a crack in the corner. bluray edition. matt damon. yeah me too. bye bye
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Dec 5, 2018 21:48
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oh hi Sharon yeah I can't come in to work today because I caught a bad case of stealing things from Ikea instead of going to work, see you next Tuesday
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Dec 5, 2018 22:30
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hi tom I'm so glad you picked up; hey listen, buddy, I can't come make deliveries for you today because my dog ate an entire case of powerbars and hulked out and now he won't stop lifting my car so I guess I'm just stuck at home
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Dec 5, 2018 22:35
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Hi. I can't make it to work today. Car trouble. What kind of car trouble? Well, it was too much trouble to get in, start it up, and drive to work. |
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Dec 5, 2018 23:10
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Hi, I'd like to order a pizza for delivery. - Hugh? 4743 Anderson - We know where you live, you've been working here for 3 years.. Great, I'll have a large pepperoni mushroom with extra cheese, please |
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Dec 5, 2018 23:30
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Heeeellloooooooooooooooooooo.. I.. aaammmmm.. juuuuust. caaaaaalling.. toooo saaay IIIII caaaann noooot geeeeeet.. tooooooo... wwoooooork.. tooooooodaay. beeeeeeccaaaausee.. IIIIII.. aaaaamm.. oooooooon.. theeeeeee.. foooooooneee |
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Dec 5, 2018 23:38
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"Thanks for calling workplace" Hi workplace I'm dead |
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Dec 6, 2018 00:22
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Hi, it's been 3 hours and I haven't received my order - ... you're not coming in today, are you Hugh No, I ordered for delivery... nevermind, I'll just call Sal's |
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Dec 6, 2018 02:57
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MIKE: Hello, thank you for calling the Atlanta CDC virus research facility. STEVE: Yeah, Mike, this is Steve. I won't be able to make it to work. I've come down with that highly contagious form of anthrax we've been working on. MIKE: The one with a 99% mortality rate? STEVE: Yeah, that's the one. MIKE: Okay, I'll mark you down as a "maybe" for Jane's birthday lunch on Wednesday. |
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Dec 6, 2018 03:49
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Hi, work? I'm sick today. Really SICK Work: oh sorry to hear that, get well soon. See you in Monday *Click* Me: *shredding on a guitar while skateboarding* totally SICK |
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Dec 6, 2018 04:15
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alnilam posted:Me: *shredding on a guitar while skateboarding* totally SICK "Hi work, I can't come in today." "But you're here already, I can see you." "... I don't have a phone at home." |
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Dec 6, 2018 04:49
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"Hi work, I can't come in, I'm sick." "I believe you, but the office is sicker, so you have to come in." "No I'm sick more." "No we're sick more." "You hang up first." |
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Dec 6, 2018 04:50
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Hey, yeah, it's me. I'm not gonna make it in, sorry. What? No, I'm fine. It's just that my cat has curled up next to me and I don't want to disturb the animal that sleeps 18 hours a day.
With a gun for a lover and a shot for the pain inside |
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Dec 6, 2018 04:54
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Hi, family, I can't come home tonight, I'm sick. |
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Dec 6, 2018 05:04
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A mom talking through the baby monitor, "I'm really sick." She fakes a cough. "I won't be able to work on the dirty diaper project. I better just recover in front of the TV. Wine has antioxidants, right?" Space Taxi fucked around with this message at 05:48 on Dec 6, 2018 |
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Dec 6, 2018 05:37
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Hello Office, I cant come in today because I'm sick of work |
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Dec 6, 2018 08:40
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*calls in 5 hours after my shift was supposed to start* yeah I can't make it in today I seem to be displaced in time, I'm literally unable to tell you how long this will take |
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Dec 6, 2018 08:41
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quote != edit |
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Dec 6, 2018 08:42
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Had a friend who called into work because he was "having a vasectomy" lol
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Dec 6, 2018 10:38
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Hi work, my cat has the sniffles so I have to stay home. What do you mean that's not a good enough reason MY CAT IS SICK KAREN SHE NEEDS ME |
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Dec 6, 2018 23:15
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real talk, one time I called in sick to work because my old dog ate a lot of celery in the garden and I was panicked she would die but then she just had a lot of poop so I stayed home and petted her after a really really thorough bath and a vet trip
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Dec 6, 2018 23:19
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i can't come to work today, im communist |
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Dec 7, 2018 00:04
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I can't come in to work today, I'm buddhist, there is no I, and no I didn't already refer to myself as it twice, wait three times, in this sentence, gently caress you. |
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Dec 7, 2018 01:55
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"hey, i can't come in to work today, as motion is logically impossible" "youre fired zeno" |
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Dec 7, 2018 02:07
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"i'm sick and can't come in today" "hi sick and i can't come in today, i'm boss lol" |
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Dec 7, 2018 02:19
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This office is afraid of me...I have seen its true face. The cubicles are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their spreadsheets and reports will foam up about their waists and all the temps and managers will look up and shout "can you come in on Saturday?"... and I'll look down and whisper "No." |
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Dec 7, 2018 02:31
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Yeah, sorry, too much snow, can't risk it. Yeah, I know I work from home, but there's a big window in my office and can you imagine how bright that's going to be? |
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Dec 7, 2018 03:33
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Can I call my local mortician and tell them to call my work? He can come in for me for the rest of forever. |
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Dec 7, 2018 04:34
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Can't come in to work today, boss, I'm big and horny and on-line
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Dec 7, 2018 04:38
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Can't come in today, the internet told me there are horny women in my area and I'm scared. |
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Dec 7, 2018 05:02
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*ringring* Hello? - Hugh it's 9:30, are you coming in today? Baby, it's cold outside - That's no excuse, Hugh, everyone else is here But baby, it's cold outside - I can't believe you're pulling this crap after that pizza stunt yesterday Been hoping that you'd drop in |
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Dec 7, 2018 07:51
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roomforthetuna posted:Can't come in today, the internet told me there are horny women in my area and I'm scared.
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Dec 7, 2018 07:58
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hey boss just wanted to let you know i can't come to work today because i'm aligning my dog's chakras no, he's okay, his kundalini is a little overpowering though and he won't stop humping the couch pillows so i'm realigning them so he stops with the big dick pillow energy
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Dec 7, 2018 10:47
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Hi, can't come in today - sick. You should see the porn I browse on the internet. It always has to have animals. You really don't want me to come in. |
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Dec 7, 2018 13:12
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Sorry boss, I can't come in today. Why? Well, let me tell you. I will break into your thoughts With what's written on my heart I will BRRREEEEEEEEAAAAA--hello? |
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Dec 7, 2018 13:40
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hello head job man i can't come in to work, why? must speak in haiku |
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Dec 7, 2018 15:50
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Hi, Goblin King, I am coming to work today because I don't find the idea of speaking only lies depressing at all. |
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Dec 7, 2018 16:27
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