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Nefarious 2.0 posted:i'm a woman We'll wait for your e-mail after the meeting containing all the things you didn't voice during it.
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Jan 14, 2019 04:05
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Spent thirty minutes in the bathroom avoiding a sprint planning meeting only to come back to find out this poo poo is scheduled for TWO loving HOURS.
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Jan 14, 2019 17:07
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How do people like this even look their children in the eyes
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Jan 14, 2019 17:11
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Sjs00 posted:How do people like this even look their children in the eyes Office workers have evolved/devolved way past needing eyes, so their kids don't have any. Little translucent creatures, no bigger than your thumb.
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Jan 14, 2019 19:43
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Icochet posted:Office workers have evolved/devolved way past needing eyes, so their kids don't have any. Little translucent creatures, no bigger than your thumb. A most satisfying answer I'll need a full report on my desk by the end of the
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Jan 14, 2019 19:50
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Willias posted:Okay guys, this meeting is to sign off on this document that was sent out to you a week and a half ago. I asked for any input to make sure that the document is correct, and no one sent me any emails back, so this should be a quick meeting! 
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Jan 14, 2019 20:04
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Just got done installing the new hardware in your conference rooms. Now Management will know who has entered the room, how long they were there, who participated in the meeting, and the average mood of everyone in the meeting. This is now live on video conferencing as well. Next quarter it will be implemented on your workstation so that management can get a "workplace happiness" report.
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Jan 14, 2019 20:15
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JEEVES420 posted:Just got done installing the new hardware in your conference rooms. Now Management will know who has entered the room, how long they were there, who participated in the meeting, and the average mood of everyone in the meeting. This is now live on video conferencing as well. Next quarter it will be implemented on your workstation so that management can get a "workplace happiness" report. *If you don't hit your Workplace Happiness rating quota, it's a disciplinary
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Jan 14, 2019 20:21
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Songbearer posted:*If you don't hit your Workplace Happiness rating quota, it's a disciplinary Can you come down to HR's office? "Song, it has come to our attention that you are lowering our workplace average causing a drop in the 'Best companies to work for' on Linkedin. We are going to have to let you go, here is 1 weeks severance pay if you sign this non compete (to include any and all remotely related industries). Thanks and remember to smile as you are packing your things."
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Jan 14, 2019 20:27
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Wicker Man posted::Tries to play it cool while trying not to side glance secretary's jahoobies: :stares directly at co-workers tits and zones out for entire meeting:
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Jan 14, 2019 20:34
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Lincoln posted::stares directly at co-workers tits and zones out for entire meeting:
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Jan 14, 2019 20:37
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Sits in a 3 hour meeting about equality and being inclusive to minorities that basically amounts to management justifying hiring people from outside the company for the major new division opening up. Instead of internally like they have been saying for 8 months. At the obligatory 'are there any questions' phase that no one is suppose to ask questions in, someone points out that *enter how they are of the target minority HR is looking to hire* and wants to know why he was passed up for promotion as a minority. Management and HR have no idea what to do and are furiously typing on their phones while saying hold on and then quickly ending the meeting.
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Jan 14, 2019 21:21
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Jan 14, 2019 22:54
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*zones out during meeting and fantasizes about getting a job where I work with my hands and put in a long hard day’s work, get injured on the job, collect scant disability benefits, get addicted to opioids, OD on fentanyl, and only get found when neighbors start complaining about the smell*
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Jan 14, 2019 23:02
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Hi Joe, Larry, Ravi, and Raj, since you're all here getting coffee let's stand and discuss what we did over the weekend. no need to find a room or sit at one of the many empty tables - right here in front of the cream and sugar is fine.
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Jan 14, 2019 23:38
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lizardman posted:
I think we work for the same company!
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Jan 15, 2019 00:22
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tuyop posted:I think we work for the same company! My God, they still haven't learned?!
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Jan 15, 2019 00:29
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Kwosge posted:Sits in a 3 hour meeting about equality and being inclusive to minorities that basically amounts to management justifying hiring people from outside the company for the major new division opening up. Instead of internally like they have been saying for 8 months. If this is exactly how it went down it's hosed up (and hilarious) and multiple levels.
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Jan 15, 2019 00:32
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SciFiDownBeat posted:Yeah, let's table that
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Jan 15, 2019 00:43
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value add opportunity
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Jan 15, 2019 00:43
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Close friend of mine worked for a company for 15 years and literally built their database from the ground up. Company gets bought out and new boss schedules a meeting with the higher ups and asks what programs and apps they use. Colleague names my friend's database and this guy literally says "Oh, THAT! That program is garbage! Never use that!" To a proprietary, in-house program that only this company has ever used. So dude instantly looks like a complete moron. Tells my friend that they need to invest in whatever hot program of the year was available at the time and asks if they can modify it to do all the stuff the current system can do. Friend tells them it could take years to work out all the bugs and kinks out of it and it'd really be better to try and add whatever they wanted to the current system. Dude ain't having it. This goes back and forth for a few months. Shocker of shockers, they lay off my friend during a downsize a few months later. Say they don't need them because everything runs fine without them. The rest of the team can handle it. Stereotypical "what do we pay you for if everything is running smoothly" bs. Skip to two years later and my friend is checking the job section and sees that their position is still available. Decides to apply for their old job for shits and giggles. Dude at interview loses his poo poo when he finds out that this person sitting in front of them is the person who designed the system they work with. Says that whoever fired my friend was a complete moron(and apparently no longer with the company) and they want her back ASAP because no one has been able to do her job effectively ever since she left. Pay raise included to sweeten the deal. Happy ending right? A year and a half later, my friend has to go on disability due to serious health problems. But oops, all the years she worked before being laid off don't count so she only gets the kind of coverage any other person who's worked for 12 months gets. Not the package she would have gotten had she never been laid off.
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Jan 15, 2019 00:50
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Jan 15, 2019 00:58
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lizardman posted:If this is exactly how it went down it's hosed up (and hilarious) and multiple levels.
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Jan 15, 2019 01:00
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I have had that exact poo poo happen to me except it was in a chain of restaurants run by my extended family. My cousin who I consider my older brother was showing me how to calculate labor one day and showed me how it goes up by about 1.5% when he adds in my hourly rate after all the other employees and after a busyish lunch. "drat bro you're expensive!" He joked. I loving no called the next day gently caress you dude you're paying me ten a loving hour
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Jan 15, 2019 01:23
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In my case it was the result of an acquisition where half the company was new management and wanted their own guys. When the old management heard about what happened they lost their poo poo and scrambled to get me to not quit. I was one of three people on this product development team and the only one left who knew how it worked, and we had already sold the product to several big customers. It was a poo poo show and one of my big regrets in life was taking the big raise and not quitting for maximum gently caress you impact.
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Jan 15, 2019 01:41
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Tin Can Hit Man posted:Close friend of mine worked for a company for 15 years and literally built their database from the ground up. Why she didn't negotiate retaining her previous years of seniority? They gave her a raise you'd think that they would've given that too...
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Jan 15, 2019 14:27
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*i shouldnt have go for drinks with that lady *i shouldnt have had sex with that lady after the meeting *hey what are you doing on friday?
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Jan 15, 2019 19:12
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Reign Of Pain posted:Why she didn't negotiate retaining her previous years of seniority? They gave her a raise you'd think that they would've given that too... I honestly don't know. I never dug too deep as it was kind of a sore spot for her. Though a part of me suspects she simply neglected to do it, or assumed that'd be the case, because when it happened I remember her being pretty blindsided by it.
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Jan 15, 2019 19:35
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"Horus, we are going to transition you into a new role in a different department, and move your current roles and responsibilities onto the teams you currently work with. Let's have a meeting to plan out your daily tasks". *Proceeds to have meeting where all the poo poo I do and all the teams I interact with are mapped out, watch as my team leader and manager get increasingly more nervous as they realize the amount of work they'll be dumping on other teams* *Other teams FLIP THE gently caress OUT and basically say "that's a no from me dog, don't give a gently caress what you say" to doing the work, putting the company's ISO cert at risk* "Horus your transfer is delayed until further notice"
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Jan 15, 2019 19:39
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DoctorGonzo posted:*i shouldnt have go for drinks with that lady Let's get completos
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Jan 15, 2019 22:41
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MA-Horus posted:"Horus, we are going to transition you into a new role in a different department, and move your current roles and responsibilities onto the teams you currently work with. Let's have a meeting to plan out your daily tasks". Your transfer to a other company is delayed only as long as you're willing for it to be delayed.
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Jan 16, 2019 14:57
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Batterypowered7 posted:Your transfer to a other company is delayed only as long as you're willing for it to be delayed. Trust me friend, my resume is polished. I'm waiting another 9 months or so until I have the requirements to write for some certs and then we'll see.
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Jan 16, 2019 14:59
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I loving hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate our loving dumbass business partners. That is all.
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Jan 16, 2019 16:04
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*knows to use right arrow to advance Powerpoint slide* *Cannot fathom using left arrow to go back* "Oh, whoops wrong side, how do I go back haha" *Clicks mouse button, slide advances further" *Nervously shakes mouse, right clicks but doesn't see 'previous slide' option, eventually hits ESC to close presentation and go back to previous slide before restarting* *Does this every couple months*
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Jan 16, 2019 19:29
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*plugs projector cable into laptop, desktop immediately appears on the wall* "Uh, it worked. On the first try." *there's an uncomfortable silence* "I'm... scared. Is there another room we can use?" *everyone flees to the next room.* *plugs cable. A "No signal" text appears on the wall* "Oh thank god." *starts wiggling cable and trying to find Windows' display settings*
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Jan 16, 2019 19:50
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I just spent an hour and a half meeting about our company's growth plan for the next three years yesterday I and couldn't have given less of a gently caress. Thankfully I got a seat in the back corner so I could just lean up against the walls and pretend I was paying attention.
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Jan 16, 2019 20:19
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Batterypowered7 posted:I loving hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate ha... I'll have to stop you right here, sorry. We have a meeting this Thursday, you can add this to the agenda, and we'll discuss this with everyone, okay? I just don't want anyone miss on your feedback. Sounds like it's important.
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Jan 16, 2019 20:53
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Infidel Castro posted:I just spent an hour and a half meeting about our company's growth plan for the next three years yesterday I and couldn't have given less of a gently caress. Thankfully I got a seat in the back corner so I could just lean up against the walls and pretend I was paying attention. I didn’t know I had a coworker in this thread
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Jan 16, 2019 21:28
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Infidel Castro posted:I just spent an hour and a half meeting about our company's growth plan for the next three years yesterday I and couldn't have given less of a gently caress. Thankfully I got a seat in the back corner so I could just lean up against the walls and pretend I was paying attention. You got off light, we did this last week and it took SEVEN HOURS. For a "department" of four people.
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Jan 16, 2019 21:29
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DlbrL1H1ngs
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Jan 16, 2019 22:29
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