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Meeting starts 10 minutes late despite everyone being present because the leader decided to start chatting with someone about the Mets and this is NYC love da Mets baby
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Dec 14, 2018 15:07
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I'm the maintenance worker occupying the conference room next door and, through paper thin walls, direct a small crew of people to loudly bang on every surface, operate every power tool, and listen to an obscure radio station at high volume. Your internet will die sporadically and you will smell something burning.
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Dec 14, 2018 15:07
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Big Beef City posted:Inexplicably unable to open the WebEx meeting they themselves created loving webex functioning as intended...
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Dec 14, 2018 15:08
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*someone reeks of liqueur. everyone is too polite to mention it. everyone is also jealous*
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Dec 14, 2018 15:09
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*Has seizure from cursory glance into the projector lamp*
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Dec 14, 2018 15:10
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Papa Emeritus III posted:I'm the maintenance worker occupying the conference room next door and, through paper thin walls, direct a small crew of people to loudly bang on every surface, operate every power tool, and listen to an obscure radio station at high volume. Your internet will die sporadically and you will smell something burning. Anywhere at anytime in California there is a team of working dudes listening to ranchero music on a transistor radio. One of the dudes will be off working in another room away from the radio. This guy will be singing a Capella ranchero tunes.
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Dec 14, 2018 15:12
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Ok we had a record heatwave for the last few weeks and no real in-house solutions for dealing with its effects, therefore we are handing out these pear creamsicles to go with your hot coffee for this meeting.
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Dec 14, 2018 15:12
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Rad-daddio posted:loving webex functioning as intended... That bitch is poo poo. e: Not only should it not be operational on a large scale level; I literally shudder to think of what security loop-holes it may open up because of how vastly incompetent it is. Big Beef City fucked around with this message at 15:19 on Dec 14, 2018 |
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Dec 14, 2018 15:13
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Alright guys, you heard it. No cellphones, no eating at your desk. No pen & paper (Sorry guys, we really fought for it but lost!), No youtube videos. If we see it again, we're going to have to talk to HR to have you written up. Also we are going to push even more new tools on you and we don't have time to train you on how they work. If you need something printed, you will have to ask one of the leads for permission so they can do it for you. Look at the IKB if you have questions. Derrick, l-l-look at the--I said look at the IKB. Okay, so that's it for standup...anyone got any fun facts? (Dead silence) No? Alright, you all have a great day. Wicker Man fucked around with this message at 15:18 on Dec 14, 2018 |
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Dec 14, 2018 15:16
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Ahhhh sorry I'm late I got tied up in the hallway sorry sorry sorry
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Dec 14, 2018 15:18
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*makes passive-aggressive comments about everything said* *gets up to throw out coffee cup, crop dusts*
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Dec 14, 2018 15:18
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You can tell who actually has office experience in this thread. I'm sorry, friends.
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Dec 14, 2018 15:20
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"Frank, are you on the call?" "Hey buddy, how you been? How's the wife treating you?" "Good Frank, oh man... it is good to hear from you. Things are great here, how's White Plains treating you?" "Brother, I love it. My oldest daughter, she's in college now, doing great. The wife is doing her remodeling thing, you know how that goes." *continues for 25 minutes of the meeting* "Okay guys well we got a little off track here, that's partially my fault."
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Dec 14, 2018 15:22
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*pretends to be a team player during meeting* *immediately begins poo poo-talking about everything after the meeting ends*
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Dec 14, 2018 15:23
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Okay so results from last quar-[[FEEDBACK SOUND]]- IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO MUTE YOUR PHONE GET OFF THE CALL NOW.
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Dec 14, 2018 15:24
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welcome to the phone conferencing system! please wait for the leader to join or for an operator to assist you *drums on table to guitar music*
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Dec 14, 2018 15:24
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bradzilla posted:*pretends to be a team player during meeting* *Always kisses up to leads in chat*
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Dec 14, 2018 15:24
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Ok boys, new rule: no more band t-shirts to customer meetings. "Cannibal Corpse?" "Rotting Christ?" God damnit. And "Anal oval office", what the hell Ted seriously?
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Dec 14, 2018 15:36
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Once again, I really want to apologize for the packet I just handed out.... I uh.... I delegated some of it to our intern, and it looks like maybe she messed up a few of the data tables there. Yeah, I guess I should have checked this before I printed it out. Yup, that's on me, sir. Yeah, I suppose I should have checked. No I definitely gave her the correct data, I'm not sure what she did here. *fires intern that afternoon in a rage, then complains that everybody is so lazy around the office*
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Dec 14, 2018 15:37
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A Fancy Hat posted:"Frank, are you on the call?" gently caress do we work in the same office? “First of all has everyone met the new interns? Say hi guys.” *interns mumble hello with forced smiles, receive nothing but pure apathy in return* “Make sure you guys take good notes. You’re gonna run the next meeting ha ha ha!” *polite chuckles, interns unsure how to respond*
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Dec 14, 2018 15:40
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Sits there with the night shift hand over notes, feeling tension slowly rising as he figures out the reason there are so many surgeons at the morning meeting is that he's in the wrong office.. sitting at the far end of the room with no way to slip out and unable to interrupt the nurology specialist in order to leave. (True story)
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Dec 14, 2018 16:13
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*meeting is about what can management do to make your jobs easier* *literally nothing changes*
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Dec 14, 2018 16:14
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*comes into meeting one minute late* *sits awkwardly on heat register/windowsill since there aren’t any chairs left*
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Dec 14, 2018 16:14
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"Guys, we've brought in an efficiency expert to look at your roles in the company and see how we can help you do your job better. So I want to hear it, what headaches do you have in your daily job?" "Well, we get a lot of emails from sales after hours. And they get angry when we don't respond, so maybe have a cutoff of 4:30 pm for emails?" "Sorry but we can't do that, sales will NEVER go for that." "Okay. Well we also get a lot of emails on the weekend from 3rd party clients. So we come in Monday and there's a ton of backlog. Can we make sure people understand we don't work weekends?" "Sorry but no, that's part of our competitive advantage here." "Can we move signing the BOLs over to Freight Pay?" "Nope, they'll never go for that." "Okay great meeting, thanks!" *is laid off 4 months later because my department was "inefficient"*
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Dec 14, 2018 16:20
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The purpose of this meeting is to talk about why production is down this year. Going forward we’ll be having this meeting every Monday morning, all hands on deck. I’ve blocked off two hours on the Outlook invite, but we can go longer if needed. We really need to get to the bottom of this problem. I’ve also scheduled calls Tuesdays and Thursdays so we can really dig deep.
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Dec 14, 2018 16:23
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"So to end this. Does anyone have a contact for the Raleigh office?" "..." "..." "..." "Ok I'll try to look that up, has anyone talked to them in the last few weeks?" Bud: "I Think that might be Amy." Mark: "I thought that was Tony?" *5 minutes of discussion on who to contact*
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Dec 14, 2018 16:24
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*reads entire PowerPoint out loud verbatim*
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Dec 14, 2018 16:24
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poopnanners posted:*reads entire PowerPoint out loud verbatim* 
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Dec 14, 2018 16:27
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Can you guys see my screen? ...Hello?
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Dec 14, 2018 16:27
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bradzilla posted:*meeting is about what can management do to make your jobs easier* People who suggested changes are laid off next month. The fools.
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Dec 14, 2018 16:33
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Konar posted:Can you guys see my screen? *tries to mute mic to blast a really loud fart, doesn't mute in time*
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Dec 14, 2018 16:34
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*calls into a meeting from a satellite office* "Hi, Peeved, can you take minutes for this meeting?" *other office proceedes to only speak to the people in the room and not into the microphone rendering the conversation completely inaudible despite being asked multiple times* Also *places microphone next to a window when it's raining making a constant offbeat drumming sound for anyone in the conference call*
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Dec 14, 2018 16:53
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This whole thread has been v triggering. *sits through hour-long meeting that should have just been an e-mail*
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Dec 14, 2018 16:54
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*refuses to pay attention or think critically, even for a second* Yes, I have another question.
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Dec 14, 2018 17:02
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Batterypowered7 posted:This whole thread has been v triggering. Takes an hour long online training course with video and audio portions that the creator disabled the ability to fast forward or skip, followed by a test you need to pass with an 80%. Department meeting is a recap of the training course. Department head/manager gives a department meeting, asks if anyone has any questions and when nobody has any he leaves. Assistant Manager holds everyone behind then says 'I just want to piggyback on a few things', recaps meeting without any new information.
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Dec 14, 2018 17:04
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"We have that meeting next week with the FDA consultant, so we should set some time aside to plan what we want to discuss with them. Oh, we should have a meeting before that one to pregame the overall itinerary of the planning meeting before we have the meeting with the consultant." Two years ago, I was actually involved in a meeting about a meeting to plan for a meeting. Guess what came from all of that? Absolute gently caress all. The "FDA consultant" was some management guru/motivational speaker who once filed a couple of forms with the FDA. Our VP saw his low hourly rate and hired him sight unseen. About ten minutes into the actual meeting, and this buffoon is literally tieing balloon animals and talking about workplace motivation and the management team is visibly upset and hostile towards him.
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Dec 14, 2018 17:06
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Batterypowered7 posted:This whole thread has been v triggering. *after meeting ends* “Alright and I’ll go ahead and email everyone all the slides you just saw today!”
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Dec 14, 2018 17:10
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Tinfoil Papercut posted:*Looks at clock* This happened to me this morning. Uncanny.
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Dec 14, 2018 17:16
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Dec 14, 2018 17:21
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Dec 14, 2018 17:21
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