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Fabulousity
Dec 29, 2008

Number One I order you to take a number two.

I always figured the producers were shelling out cash to keep access to the couples, maybe even going so far as to offer cash only if they kept poo poo as ridiculous as possible. Despite that and all the camera editing there probably are some real nuggets of mind-bending stupidity in most of these stories.

One trope that has recurred a few times is the male herpy derp from the 'Murikan heartland picking up a typically younger girl from another culture that doesn't have crazy puritanical ideas about sexuality. The inevitable conversion that always happens is the guy dancing around trying to ask the girl if she's a virgin or not with The Implication being that she's a dirty whore slut if she says anything other than, "Yes". It's almost always funny except that one time it was the nice girl from South Africa and the American guy's whole creepazoid family got in on the overt sex police routine with her. I hope she ended up okay and that the family didn't turn her life into some Binding of Issac recreation :ohdear:

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Fabulousity
Dec 29, 2008

Number One I order you to take a number two.

Burt Sexual posted:

This thread would improve with more pictures.

I think this is a summary of the Colt and whoever one?

Fabulousity
Dec 29, 2008

Number One I order you to take a number two.

Sponge Baathist posted:

here's the pic he took of his mangled dick


and here's his jerkoff video


Both fall in line with :nms: more than :nws:. You've been warned but that won't stop anyone.



it looks like a burned polish sausage

Was expecting Goatse.

Didn't get Goatse.

Would've preferred Goatse.

Fabulousity
Dec 29, 2008

Number One I order you to take a number two.

Panfilo posted:

Do any of the Americans bother to learn the language of their fiance? Seems like there's this naive assumption that the foreign partner will magically assimilate into American culture and the American partner will never have to change.

I've heard one of the reasons guys go to the Phillipines to get wives is because a lot of women there kind of fetishize rich white guys and they're willing to put up with a lot more for a chance to have that kind of life. The coworkers I have that are married to women like this are all middle aged guys with multiple divorces under their belt.

The idea of poor in America is the idea of rich in the Philippines. Your middle-aged coworkers all have broken dicks that need viagra but refuse to take it and just go after the Filipinos because there is a high chance they'll put up with their rope-pushing idiocy for a few years and then... Well, the whole premise of the show is to take all of the dumb Amercan's money. When it's done successfully it sure as poo poo won't be on this dumb show.

Fabulousity
Dec 29, 2008

Number One I order you to take a number two.

The after season special where the 20 year old guy from Tunisia and the broke 40 year old lady from the rust belt got into an argument that ended with him telling her to seek medical attention for vaginal odor on national television is still the peak cringe for this show.

Fabulousity
Dec 29, 2008

Number One I order you to take a number two.

Burt Sexual posted:

Gonna be real honest, I’m surprised this show has this following on SA. I mean whatever but I’d not expect goons to watch this.

As goons' median age slides into the mid-thirties the, "My wife got me into this" is the new "My Canadian girlfriend, you wouldn't know her"

That said my wife is also responsible for any knowledge I have of this show about a dumpster fire fueled by human suffering, apparently 25% of which is quasi-legal sex trafficking.

Fabulousity
Dec 29, 2008

Number One I order you to take a number two.

Demon Of The Fall posted:

My wife also got me into this trash. Also Teen Mom, 600 Pound Life, that Amish show, and loads of other garbage but awesome tv.

Mine watches this, 600 pound life, and sometimes that My Big Fat Life girl. I only remember the last one because the girl's best friend is very goony. Not really in the bespectacled eggplant in an anime t-shirt with a mildew-like neck beard type but the cargo-shorts/button down wearing brute who is friend-zoned so hard he's sitting inside a crater in the DMZ contemplating game theory.

Fabulousity
Dec 29, 2008

Number One I order you to take a number two.


I think there was a worse clip with the panel setup where he literally told her to go see a doctor and every other couple is totally horrified. When the other noted scumbags started to turn on the guy en masse he walked off set.

forbidden dialectics posted:

I dunno, The Family Chantal getting into a loving fistfight with Pedro and them him karate kicking a bowl of pretzels or whatever off of the kitchen table was pretty goddamn cringe. Especially when The Mother Chantal is holding up part of Pedro's underage prostitute sister's weave and looking directly into the camera screaming "YO SOY ES MOOUY MALO. PEDRO ES MOOUY MALO!!"

Yeah that whole thing was bad too. Pedro was a flaming jackass but she was dumb for putting up with him and her family were a bunch of trolls who I figured were just trying to chase him off. I dunno if they were after their own dumb TLC show.

I don't think I really paid attention to any of this until the whole Jim Bob Duggar thing at which point I started to mock my wife for watching that show. Looks like she and TLC won in the end. ...But I also got her to watch and love all of Happy! and look forward to season two so I guess there's that small ray of sunshine.

Fabulousity fucked around with this message at 03:22 on Jan 3, 2019

Fabulousity
Dec 29, 2008

Number One I order you to take a number two.

Celery Face posted:

That young obese blond chick was so dumb. The Moroccan guy was so obviously not into her it was embarrassing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PR2v1FB99jU

My wife just informed me that she cheated on him between their first and subsequent visits.

Makes her wheeziness and trying to impose her garbage culture and morality on others even funnier/more depressing during the Tunisia scenes.

Fabulousity
Dec 29, 2008

Number One I order you to take a number two.

Demon Of The Fall posted:

drat, lots of Kalani hate. I will not hear these slanders on my future ex-wife.

This kind of talk got Jose a moderatorship for better or for worse.

Fabulousity
Dec 29, 2008

Number One I order you to take a number two.

Can we not turn this into a "Who would you import?" thread especially since most of ya'll are watching this poo poo because of your wives?

Fabulousity
Dec 29, 2008

Number One I order you to take a number two.

Demon Of The Fall posted:

Ashley has been clear she does the show only for the paycheck, so yeah everything with them is basically a farce.

I can't find it now but earlier in the thread someone said they only get paid a pittance for doing the show. Like in the hundreds of dollars range? It was low enough that you'd have to be a total attention craving sociopath to agree to airing out your dirty laundry in the worst ways possible on national TV.

I would hope they've negotiated more pay for these follow up shows. :ohdear:

Fabulousity
Dec 29, 2008

Number One I order you to take a number two.

WhyteRyce posted:

Chantel is a dumb or terrible person I can't decide which

Your avatar holds the answer to this.

Fabulousity
Dec 29, 2008

Number One I order you to take a number two.

Demon Of The Fall posted:

Producer: Is Azan working or doing anything at all in Morocco?

Nicole: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

*sends him more money*

Is there any proof that Azan ever went to South Korea or did he just take the money and sit around in Marrakesh and tell Nicole that SK customs turned him away before she could catch her own flight there?

Fabulousity
Dec 29, 2008

Number One I order you to take a number two.

Three Olives posted:

Does Nicole have an intellectual disability? I'm not sure she could survive on her own, like, have a full time job, pay her bills, etc.

Once Azan finishes squeezing blood from the rock and bolts I'm sure she'll have no trouble gloming onto Florida Man and making some sort of living off of his crazy weekly shenanigans.

Fabulousity
Dec 29, 2008

Number One I order you to take a number two.

Good Soldier Svejk posted:

Just catching up with the second half of the new show and apparently Paul and his mother collectively cannot make the $26k a year to sponsor his wife

I don't know where he lives but that seems like... destitute.

Somewhere in Kentucky.

lol @ the tacticool bullet proof baby carrier thing.

Fabulousity
Dec 29, 2008

Number One I order you to take a number two.

Ritznit posted:

Firstly, I mean she's not wrong, and secondly, is the Mormon dude Alan 2.0? Do I have to be scared?

Fabulousity fucked around with this message at 03:58 on Jun 10, 2019

Fabulousity
Dec 29, 2008

Number One I order you to take a number two.

Jr. posted:

Hahahahahahahahaha Paul being a terrorist and running into the woods again

The way he runs both times I imagine the voice of Zoidberg going "Whoop whoop whoop!" as he Yatta!-dances off into the woods.

Fabulousity
Dec 29, 2008

Number One I order you to take a number two.

Demon Of The Fall posted:

Ashley calling the cops on Jay was a big :stonk: from me considering her warning when he first moved there about police interactions with young black males in her predominantly white town. she has gone from somewhat sympathetic to a head-spinning heel turn

At the same time though Jay's inability to draw a cause and effect line from having sex with a stripper in a barber shop restroom to Ashley telling him to gently caress off is pretty :psyboom: I'm not advocating that he gets slaughtered by cop, but did he really think he was going to be able to stay there even if he was relegated to the couch?

The episode last week where he was trying to explain to her what happened and presented it in the spirit of, "If a chick wanted to suck your dick how could you not take her up on that?" and then him almost being surprised that she didn't respond with, "Oh, okay. I guess you're right" was like he was channeling Archer. It was surreal.

Fabulousity
Dec 29, 2008

Number One I order you to take a number two.

i was gonna say the producers ought to let Pedro speak in Spanish full time so he can articulate himself better, I mean he's already subtitled. But then I thought that would force us to endure Chantal doing her East coast version of Peggy Hill thing with the Spanish language and no one should have to listen to more of that than they have to.

Philthy posted:

Man this show. That chick moving to India is nuts. And those guys in UAE or whatever are all "She will learn to behave! Or she will pay!" and I'm like... yeahhhhh... The Morman dude going to South America and the chick is so passive, you already know she's done with him and she just isn't saying it to his face. I felt SO bad for him.

For the Mormon guy even the girl's family is like, "He left everything behind to move here for you? That's some heavy 'I love you' poo poo, you should probably take it seriously." and she's all, "Maybe, I guess."

Fabulousity
Dec 29, 2008

Number One I order you to take a number two.

tater_salad posted:

OMG I'm watching the 90 day fiance the other way.. and WTF this paul dude is loving crazy how the gently caress did he get on this show.

I dunno but it sure is fun watching him run into the jungle like this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MawR-tA61dM&t=26s

Fabulousity fucked around with this message at 18:44 on Jul 12, 2019

Fabulousity
Dec 29, 2008

Number One I order you to take a number two.

Imagine being so goony you bungle the presentation on a magic card trick to the point people accuse you of performing black magic. I thought Evelyn was gonna take this Mormon guy to the cleaners but now I suspect he'll end up supremely owning her unintentionally in the manner of Mr. Bean or Inspector Clouseau.

Fabulousity
Dec 29, 2008

Number One I order you to take a number two.

Rhopunzel posted:

I haven't watched much of Pedro and Chantal besides the karate kicking incident but that entire exchange with Colt was pretty condemning. They were having a conversation, he got a tiny bit sarcastic and her response was to immediately attack him with a barbed statement and then act like a martyr when he told her to shut the gently caress up.

Coltee is an rear end in a top hat but yeah Chantal really invited that one and wasn't at all prepared for any return fire. It's hard to tell because the cuts are so quick but after she lobbed that comment for a brief moment you see Pedro recoiling in horror/surprise and possibly about to admonish her. Then Colt fires back and Pedro shifts again, shoulders drop, as he half heartedly prepares to "defend" his wife. It's a lovely routine he's had to get used to during Chantal's interactions with his family.

Momma Chantal's failed monologue at 0.125 words per second trying to connect the Issac Newton myth of gravity discovery to inherited personal character was, uh, very Trumpian? The lady has the brain worms just like Prez Two Scoops.

Good Soldier Svejk posted:

Again, relocating your little son to South Africa away from his friends and family and then letting his surrogate dad tell him about child trafficking on the first day there seems like bad parenting

Haven't seen the newest episode but in earlier ones I did joke to the wife that there's a chance the gambling addict will pawn off the kid to settle debts. If what you described happened then :tinfoil:

Fabulousity
Dec 29, 2008

Number One I order you to take a number two.

Donovan Trip posted:

hes a dreamboat

maybe dreamyacht in that pic

Garbage barge with Cap'n Debbie at the helm. There be a green card buried somewhere in the heap, have at it ladies!

Fabulousity
Dec 29, 2008

Number One I order you to take a number two.

Martinpale posted:

You know who should be happy that the "nah, don't worry about the civil war. Or the rights of women. Or the fact that it's loving Syria, and i'm a young american girl" fuckwit is on this show now? Darcy, because she suddenly isn't the most insufferable person being shown. Only by a little. But hey, support your local hospital and play this fun drinking game...take a shot every time Darcy mentions Jessie. Chug from the bottle every time she says anything about being engaged.

TLC R&D have succeeded in fusing Nickel and Darcy into Avery.

What has science done?!

Fabulousity
Dec 29, 2008

Number One I order you to take a number two.

WhyteRyce posted:

Would you want to meet someone that has gone 7 hours without brushing their teeth

He dresses like a Griffendor so my only guess is that he's altruistically looking out for Darcy otherwise if a professor catches her with plaque it's gonna be -5 points from Slytherin.

Fabulousity
Dec 29, 2008

Number One I order you to take a number two.

WhyteRyce posted:

My favorite online fan theory is that she accused Aladdin of being a two pump chump to fend off other women.

But micro penis Coltee still had fan girls so whatever

Tiny wangs, broken wangs, and two-pump-chumpies are what fuels patriarchal societal structures in general. If Aladdin is into Wahhabism or gets driven into it by her dildo purchase then we, as TLC viewers, and her, as a dork, are in for a ride.

Fabulousity
Dec 29, 2008

Number One I order you to take a number two.

WhyteRyce posted:

Winter and River are not unusual names too, somehow the oldest got stuck with the worst name?

Also drat it I thought Thomas and River were not bad guys at the dude ranch. Either the dude ranch and Pedro's infectious happiness being around horses made all the difference or Mama Chantel is the poison of the family

River!
Winter!
CeAir!
Thomas!

With your powers combined I am...

The Mama Chantel!

(singing)
Mama Chantel, es muy malo,
Gonna cover Pedro with her vómito,
She's our narcissism magnified,
And she's fighting on her own side!

Mama Chantel, the antihero,
Gonna take the ratings down to zero,
Gonna tear the family all asunder,
So all the TLC cash she can plunder!

(Family chanting)
We're Family Chantel,
You can watch us too!
'Cause whoring on TV Mama makes us do!
Being a giant bitch makes for pay,
Here's what nasty Mama has to say:

"THERE'S... A... THEORY... OF... GRAVITY..."

Fabulousity
Dec 29, 2008

Number One I order you to take a number two.

WhyteRyce posted:

I was legit wondering while watching that part if someone getting stoned is what shuts down this show.

Is Avery still going to Syria? If so that could still be in the cards. Although the stones may be artillery shells or barrel bombs.

Fabulousity
Dec 29, 2008

Number One I order you to take a number two.

Fleta Mcgurn posted:

I feel like I've said this before and really meant it, and also that dude looks greasy as gently caress.

Whenever he's on camera I keep expecting Zied to suddenly exhale a huge cloud of vape mist from nowhere and start extolling the virtues of Bit Coin before rolling into a rant about men's rights.

Fabulousity
Dec 29, 2008

Number One I order you to take a number two.

Angela is like a live action Early Cuyler.

Fabulousity
Dec 29, 2008

Number One I order you to take a number two.

This. loving. Show.

After the Coltie/Whoever and "I WANT MY SEX"/Your downstairs is stank train wreck from like six years ago this show has been out of my life and I am happier for it. Now it has shown up on HBO Max and my wife is watching it and as a result I sort of am too.

I LOVE YOU CHIIIICKEEEENNN!

Fabulousity
Dec 29, 2008

Number One I order you to take a number two.

When this stupid season started I was so excited that we had an <American> with a <Vietnamese> because my wife is second generation Vietnamese and I was hoping she'd tell me when we get a, "YOUR SOUL IS UGLY!" moment like we got with Ed back when. She reports to me that Riley v Rose is quite boring but rest assured they are both complete loving assholes.

Bad season. Did not like.

Angela is still a flaming trash can of a human.

Fabulousity
Dec 29, 2008

Number One I order you to take a number two.

It looked like the whole time Ed had the iMichael stick he kept it pointed at himself. Poor Michael hearing all this screaming but all he can see is Ed sitting like a barnacle on a bench.

Fabulousity
Dec 29, 2008

Number One I order you to take a number two.

piss explosion posted:

Yeah I'm wondering how badly the producers creamed their pants when he told them he's having his Latina GF move in with him and his hoarder mum who lives in the closet.

Also it was pretty great how Gino insisted his apartment was not filthy - cut to immediate multiple camera shots showing the filth. "Why are we zooming this camera in the toilet bowl? Oh no reason just testing the Zoom"

It was funny when Gino wiped his hand on the wooden headboard and was like, "Look! No dust! Clean!" while he sat on a mattress of unspecified age that by mass has got to be 60% dander and dust mites.

Fabulousity
Dec 29, 2008

Number One I order you to take a number two.

Having your own bathroom is "bougie" poo poo according to Rob. So if you wanna be cool his setup is the only choice.

Fabulousity
Dec 29, 2008

Number One I order you to take a number two.

Colteeee was bad but I think Mom-in-a-closet-Runescape-player-airing-sexual-frustrations-out-to-public-wait-staff-in-front-of-Runescape-friends-in-real-life guy is probably more serial-killer-y and more classically goony at the end of the day.

You can't see it but that guy has a spectral printer on his shoulders and he will never, ever be rid of it.

Fabulousity
Dec 29, 2008

Number One I order you to take a number two.

HungryMedusa posted:

Yeah this one is circulating today of Darce in her wedding dress:



Paying the seamstress to port you and your dress from Unreal Engine 5 to the Quake 2 engine is an interesting choice.

Fabulousity
Dec 29, 2008

Number One I order you to take a number two.

Chantelle gazing out upon the Aegean Sea ruminating on the nature of romance with all the depth of a Snapple cap filled with ditch water. It feels like every time she says something in an interview clip it boils down to nothing more than, "What if thing is a thing? But then again if it isn't that thing it sure wouldn't be that thing."

Also just lol Rob.

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Fabulousity
Dec 29, 2008

Number One I order you to take a number two.

The producers should have given Geno a Starbucks gift card and made him slither off for an hour. The resulting cataclysmic fight upon his return and learning Jasmine financed a high interest loan on a ten thousand dollar dress is a missed opportunity.

Also yikes at Clayton setting the relationship on fire and trying to push it off a cliff over that bachelorette party stripper. He should probably just marry his RuneScape bestie anyway.

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