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so so far i am 430 pages in. my thoughts are - the old testament could benefit from a harsher editor eg chronicles 2 was just poo poo from earlier with slightly more detail about the allocation of musicians - so far this reads like the exploits of a tribal people and their patron war god i am not feeling spiritually moved as of this instance - both god and the jewish people are coming across as petty and spiteful ie: the jews bitch about having to eat manna all the time and god responds with "oh really? well then you can eat quail until you are loving sick of eating quail also BTW half of you are dying of plague i have decided just now" - after the 3rd time god throws a strop and moses has to talk him down from killing everybody I kind of start feeling like his people are just asking for it - god hatches (to my heathen eyes) unnecessarily labyrinthine schemes such as raining plague after plague upon egypt but at the same time "hardening the heart" of the pharaoh so he won't see reason and let the jews go to... prove some kind of point to somebody - solomon seems like a cool dude and even god is like "i'm going to let his transgresses ride (but i'm going to gently caress over his children hardcore, lol)" - there is barely any notion of an afterlife and god's attitude is very much "do as i say or i will gently caress you over seriously in this plane of existence" - there is no modern notion of mercy in this book so far. god gets pissy if you don't fully genocide your enemies as he views it as you being inadequately devout
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Jan 1, 2019 01:49
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The origins of judiasm are in the cult of the israelites and featured a full pantheon of gods. Ever wonder why god tells Abraham his name is El? Its because El was the top dog of the semitic pantheon, YHWH was a god of war. Basically, god killed the son of the old god, then killed the old god and married his wife. However there came a point where god decided this wasn't enough and had the israelites purify their cult and god killed his wife, Asherah, and on top of it all had the holy text rewritten into the Torah. The end result is basically YHWH going "We're all fine here, just fine. Uhh, how are... how are you?" The purification is still preserved in the bible too. When King David loses his poo poo and cuts down a bunch of trees? That's the expulsion of Asherah from the canon.
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Jan 1, 2019 01:59
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there is a lot of emphasis on cutting down asherah poles in the translation i'm reading (new international version)
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Jan 1, 2019 02:02
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This Jesus character is a bit of a Mary Sue
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Jan 1, 2019 02:02
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Colonel Cancer posted:This Jesus character is a bit of a Mary Sue well, yeah, he's the hero
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Jan 1, 2019 02:04
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Colonel Cancer posted:This Jesus character is a bit of a Mary Sue spoilers dude. also, king solomon is a total mary sue.
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Jan 1, 2019 02:04
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1d7OczzTy2U
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Jan 1, 2019 02:05
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The Book of Revelations is seriously hardcore and not just because I heard about it on some dumb podcast.
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Jan 1, 2019 02:06
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Also its important to note that the christian god is practically not YHWH. Whereas in judiasm God is the source of both good amd evil, christians retconned this along with basically everything else and said "NO you see, actually god is ALL GOOD HE DID NOT CREATE EVIL MUH TRINITY, MUH JUDGEMENT, MUH ORIGINAL SIN, MUH AFTERLIFE" Basically, Abrahamic religions are all bad. Most of it is just bronze age story time and all of the actually interesting poo poo is glossed over in favor of hearing about how the jews got bullied by their neighbors and their god.
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Jan 1, 2019 02:06
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There's a really cool story in Acts of the Apostles about some guys trying to cast out a demon by pretending they were in Jesus' and Paul's social circle. The demon called bullshit on them, kicked their asses, hijacked their laundry, and tossed them out the door bleeding and naked. e Acts 19:13 - 16 13 Then certain of the vagabond Jews, exorcists, took upon them to call over them which had evil spirits the name of the Lord Jesus, saying, We adjure you by Jesus whom Paul preacheth. 14 And there were seven sons of one Sceva, a Jew, and chief of the priests, which did so. 15 And the evil spirit answered and said, Jesus I know, and Paul I know; but who are ye? 16 And the man in whom the evil spirit was leaped on them, and overcame them, and prevailed against them, so that they fled out of that house naked and wounded. and I kinda like Matthew 5:45 That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. dee eight fucked around with this message at 02:14 on Jan 1, 2019 |
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Jan 1, 2019 02:07
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lol but seriously I posted:there is a lot of emphasis on cutting down asherah poles in the translation i'm reading (new international version) If you killed your wife, wouldn't you want to pretend like she never existed in the first place? Just keep yelling "IDOLISM" for a couple of centuries and before you know it ypu're an eternal bachelor in the eyes of your people. Dont Touch ME fucked around with this message at 02:10 on Jan 1, 2019 |
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Jan 1, 2019 02:07
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Dont Touch ME posted:Also its important to note that the christian god is practically not YHWH. Whereas in judiasm God is the source of both good amd evil, christians retconned this along with basically everything else and said "NO you see, actually god is ALL GOOD HE DID NOT CREATE EVIL MUH TRINITY, MUH JUDGEMENT, MUH ORIGINAL SIN, MUH AFTERLIFE" what? then who the hell am I safricricing this chicken to?
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Jan 1, 2019 02:11
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AEYN5w4T_aM
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Jan 1, 2019 02:12
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Mumpy Puffinz posted:what? then who the hell am I safricricing this chicken to? oh yeah, there is a poo poo load of detail about proper sacrifice etiquette. chickens never come up it goes cows>sheep>goats>pigeons
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Jan 1, 2019 02:13
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What's that about cooking critters in mother's milk?
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Jan 1, 2019 02:14
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Mumpy Puffinz posted:what? then who the hell am I safricricing this chicken to? i say gently caress you, jobu. i do it myself!
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Jan 1, 2019 02:15
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lol but seriously I posted:oh yeah, there is a poo poo load of detail about proper sacrifice etiquette. chickens never come up it goes cows>sheep>goats>pigeons got some links? I know where to sacrifice some horses
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Jan 1, 2019 02:15
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Colonel Cancer posted:What's that about cooking critters in mother's milk? they're not a fan (but only in the case of goats, so far)
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Jan 1, 2019 02:16
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dee eight posted:i say gently caress you, jobu. i do it myself!
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Jan 1, 2019 02:16
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any bokonists up in this joint? b'hai? mormons? is there a pastafarian bible?
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Jan 1, 2019 02:19
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Mumpy Puffinz posted:got some links? I know where to sacrifice some horses https://www.biblestudytools.com/encyclopedias/isbe/sacrifice-in-the-old-testament-2.html
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Jan 1, 2019 02:19
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lol but seriously I posted:https://www.biblestudytools.com/encyclopedias/isbe/sacrifice-in-the-old-testament-2.html the old testament? That's when god was mad at everyone. He had a son and calmed down
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Jan 1, 2019 02:24
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Mumpy Puffinz posted:the old testament? That's when god was mad at everyone. He had a son and calmed down so you are saying that after literally all of time, god finally gets laid and instantly chills out? 
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Jan 1, 2019 02:27
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lol but seriously I posted:so you are saying that after literally all of time, god finally gets laid and instantly chills out? That is what the bible says.
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Jan 1, 2019 02:29
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I like John 420:69 the parable of the hot dog man.
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Jan 1, 2019 02:46
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I legit enjoy Jesus's parables and think he was a good guy.
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Jan 1, 2019 03:52
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This thread is my jam. Thanks for making it, OP, it's a cool read. We need a heavy portion of BEGAT in here though.
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Jan 1, 2019 04:19
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After coming back from the dead after crucifixion, Jesus decides to leave the world instead of going back to the Romans like 'What now, bitches? I am beyond death.' and then continuing to lead his followers. e: It was nice to hear stories about Jesus in primary school, a humble guy who did things for people who needed help, and never tried to put himself above others. Then you grow up and notice all the wealthy and corrupt people say they are inspired by Jesus, and it stops making sense. He has probably already been reborn but the new virgin mother was slut shamed because she wasn't sure who the father was, then God is thinking 'Well I guess I should have seen that coming.' TheMostFrench fucked around with this message at 04:37 on Jan 1, 2019 |
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Jan 1, 2019 04:26
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dee eight posted:any bokonists up in this joint? b'hai? mormons? is there a pastafarian bible? Mormon here. We use the escape clause that the writers and transcribers screwed up a good portion of the Old Testament. Oh, and we think God has at least one wife and possibly more. We do not link her/them with Asherah outside of some theology nerds who write papers for other theology nerds. I like to think we cook baby goats in their own mother’s milk but I have never witnessed this. Oh, and we plan to bring back animal sacrifice at some point. Just not yet.
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Jan 1, 2019 04:31
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Wait until you get to the end and realize that the entirety of the new testament is Jesus going around being a p racist dick while going all 'look at me being the Messiah despite being the son of a carpenter from Nazarerh look how technically I fulfill all the OT prophecies in the dumbest of ways' and the last half his some dude who didn't even meet the guy basically throwing out all the rules of that particular cult and substituting his own. And then there's a big ol' crack fantasy ending like it's the last episode of Evangelion. It's a dumb book. Throw it out and start reading Dragonlance or something.
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Jan 1, 2019 04:32
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I like the parts of the bible about paying the fathers of your rape victims to marry them.
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Jan 1, 2019 04:46
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ezra and a little bit of nehemiah trip report: so the jews have rebuilt israel and surely this time they won't piss off god and cause him to bring ruin & deprivation upon them (i am almost certain that this will end with god bringing ruin and deprivation upon them). i also want to point out that "you shall not bear false witness against your neighbour" clearly does not apply to foreigners/ba'al worshippers as several times what seems to my modern eyes to be low down dirty trickery is presented as the heroic exploits of the just & righteous
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Jan 1, 2019 04:47
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lol but seriously I posted:ezra and a little bit of nehemiah trip report: so the jews have rebuilt israel and surely this time they won't piss off god and cause him to bring ruin & deprivation upon them (i am almost certain that this will end with god bringing ruin and deprivation upon them). i also want to point out that "you shall not bear false witness against your neighbour" clearly does not apply to foreigners/ba'al worshippers as several times what seems to my modern eyes to be low down dirty trickery is presented as the heroic exploits of the just & righteous Of course. Just like you can only enslave your neighbor in the short term but you can enslave those wicked foreigners forever.
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Jan 1, 2019 04:51
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the bible is tl;dr
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Jan 1, 2019 05:25
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EvilJoven posted:Wait until you get to the end and realize that the entirety of the new testament is Jesus going around being a p racist dick while going all 'look at me being the Messiah despite being the son of a carpenter from Nazarerh look how technically I fulfill all the OT prophecies in the dumbest of ways' and the last half his some dude who didn't even meet the guy basically throwing out all the rules of that particular cult and substituting his own.
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Jan 1, 2019 05:26
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how many foreskins for a copy of the good book
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Jan 1, 2019 05:33
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It seems wrong to read the Bible on nye? Did Jesus party?
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Jan 1, 2019 05:34
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SardonicTyrant posted:I read Isaac Asimov's gude to the bible, and Iirc his theory was that each gospel was meant for different audiences. Mathew was basically written for Jewish audiences because it tries to explain how Jesus fulfills the propehcy stuff, and how the whole census thing was an attempt to explain away why Jesus wasn't born where the messiah was prophecised to be born. Israel was under the control of the Romans and they were second only to Nazi Germany when it came to obsessive record keeping and there's not a single record about a census in Israel taking place let alone one where they made people travel to their ancestral home land before being counted, which has never happened anywhere in the history of ever because it would be loving stupid.
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Jan 1, 2019 05:37
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Jesus is pretty cool and had a good message imo
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Jan 1, 2019 05:40
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EvilJoven posted:Israel was under the control of the Romans and they were second only to Nazi Germany when it came to obsessive record keeping and there's not a single record about a census in Israel taking place let alone one where they made people travel to their ancestral home land before being counted, which has never happened anywhere in the history of ever because it would be loving stupid. in no way is this any kind of evidence but i will say that pre jesus, the bible is really obsessed with censuses and listing every descendant line of the twelve tribes (and how many silver plates and spoons they had). numbers is very appropriately named as it is largely autism.txt
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Jan 1, 2019 05:41
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