|
Nice meltdown!
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2019 08:13
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 18, 2024 19:11 |
|
|
Grevling posted:Nice meltdown! One thing the Bible teaches us is that we should approach even our enemies with grace, humility, and above all else, love. This is one of the things my religious grandmother, one of the wisest and most compassionate people I have ever known, impressed upon me from a very early age. You have failed this test, and it's very troubling to me not because of how it affects my feelings, but because I fear for your own spiritual well-being. Surely if we were ever to meet in life, you would not behave as you are doing now. You would be too embarrassed. And so it distresses me that you seem to have lost hold of yourself through the medium of the Internet. Believe it or not, Grevling, I care about you, even though I have never met you. This isn't good for you. Take stock of yourself, before it is too late.
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2019 08:21
|
|
|
Cnut the Great posted:One thing the Bible teaches us is that we should approach even our enemies with grace, humility, and above all else, love. This is one of the things my religious grandmother, one of the wisest and most compassionate people I have ever known, impressed upon me from a very early age.  
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2019 09:46
|
|
|
Grevling posted:Nice meltdown! What the gently caress did you just loving say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class at Fuller Theological Seminary, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Satan's minions and I have over 300 confirmed conversions. I am trained in gorilla evangelizing and I'm the top missionary in the Southern Baptist convention. You are nothing to me but just another target for God's love. I will wipe your sin the gently caress out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my loving words. You think you can get away with saying that poo poo to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am praying to my God's secret network of angels across the USA and your soul is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life without Christ. You're loving dead in sin, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can convert you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed gospel, but I have access to the entire arsenal of Zondervan's published Christian works including the widely-used NIV translation and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your wretched rear end off the face of the continent, you little poo poo. If only you could have known what holy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your loving tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will poo poo salvation all over you and you will drown in it. You're loving dead in sin, kiddo.
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2019 10:05
|
|
|
Cnut the Great posted:I get where you're coming from but 2002 was also a very different time when Biblical Fundamentalism was much more pervasive in the culture and seemed to be infiltrating and corroding everything. The atheist edgelords were a reaction to that. The fact that we can even say some of the things we say now and not have it seem as shocking is due in large part to edgelords like Hitchens and Dawkins desensitizing everyone to it. How edgy is it, though? Those are, in fact, Bible verses. Those guys didn't just make them up.
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2019 10:16
|
|
|
Lutha Mahtin posted:like just imagine what it would be like if you genuinely thought dorkins or hitchens are people that society should ever remember for any positive reason. what kind of sad and hateful existence would a person have to have in order to hold such hosed up opinions
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2019 11:17
|
|
|
imagine worse people than a pop scientist and a mouthy journalist. that legacy of hate
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2019 11:23
|
|
|
Lutha Mahtin posted:like just imagine what it would be like if you genuinely thought dorkins or hitchens are people that society should ever remember for any positive reason. what kind of sad and hateful existence would a person have to have in order to hold such hosed up opinions hitchens was a good author even outside of the atheism stuff which he probably burnt out on once it stopped making him huge bucks, dawkins however i agree really should just stick to teaching and writing about evolution because he isn't half as funny or clever and is basically a gbs goon with a 'i laugh cuz ur all the same' shirt
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2019 11:32
|
|
|
Don't forget the part where god demands Moses sacrifice 32 virgin girls to him for tribute Numbers 31.
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2019 12:48
|
|
|
People are now so far up their own rear end that posting funny bible stories makes you alt-right How many wires can you possibly cross
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2019 12:57
|
|
|
Cnut the Great posted:One thing the Bible teaches us is that we should approach even our enemies with grace, humility, and above all else, love. This is one of the things my religious grandmother, one of the wisest and most compassionate people I have ever known, impressed upon me from a very early age. I dunno should I chop off their dick skin instead? Maybe I should be chopping genitals. I'm like 83% convinced I should be reaping taints.
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2019 13:02
|
|
|
Smiling Mandrill posted:Don't forget the part where god demands Moses sacrifice 32 virgin girls to him for tribute Numbers 31. The Bible Numbers 31 posted:15 “Have you allowed all the women to live?” he asked them. 16 “They were the ones who followed Balaam’s advice and enticed the Israelites to be unfaithful to the Lord in the Peor incident, so that a plague struck the Lord’s people. 17 Now kill all the boys. And kill every woman who has slept with a man, 18 but save for yourselves every girl who has never slept with a man. Sounds like that's not the case. No, all the virgin girls were spoils of war and all their mothers got thrown in the killin' pit. A lesson we can all truly learn from. God is good Blazing Ownager fucked around with this message at 13:12 on Jan 4, 2019 |
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2019 13:09
|
|
|
Bible's nuts man. But it's probably a pretty great and unheard of glimpse into what life was like way back when. Mostly it's just fascists killing other fascists and raping their daughters and then raising their hands to the sky saying 'God who is great has granted unto us this gift' and then in a few hundred years once there's enough people, some fascists kill some other fascists, rape their daughters, and raise their hands to the sky saying 'God who is great has smote the heathens'. The cycle repeats itself until the modern day wherein some fascists kill some other fascists, rape their daughters, etc. The interesting parts of the Bible that people try to pretend is where the real learnin' is from would be Proverbs and some of the New Testament, especially when Special Counsel Satan starts making Christians question their actions. And Genesis for the creation myth. The rest of it is just lovely history.
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2019 14:16
|
|
|
SniperWoreConverse posted:I dunno should I chop off their dick skin instead? Maybe I should be chopping genitals. I'm like 83% convinced I should be reaping taints. Do you own a donkey's jawbone? A katana just isn't going to cut it. No pun intended.
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2019 15:21
|
|
|
Someone on the forums suggested the podcast Sunday School Dropouts and it was really awesome. It took me a couple months to listen to every episode, but it did a great job of simultaneously exploring the book, expanding on it's context, and mocking it mercilessly. http://sundayschooldropouts.lol/ Main takeaway is that the Old Testament really is just a lovely history on a very narrow window of time and the New Testament is some expanded universe bullshit. The apocryphal stuff owns though.
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2019 15:24
|
|
|
Blazing Ownager posted:Sounds like that's not the case. No, all the virgin girls were spoils of war and all their mothers got thrown in the killin' pit. A lesson we can all truly learn from. Umm.. read the whole story bro. 32 The plunder remaining from the spoils that the soldiers took was 675,000 sheep, 33 72,000 cattle, 34 61,000 donkeys 35 and 32,000 women who had never slept with a man. 36 The half share of those who fought in the battle was: 337,500 sheep, 37 of which the tribute for the Lord was 675; 38 36,000 cattle, of which the tribute for the Lord was 72; 39 30,500 donkeys, of which the tribute for the Lord was 61; 40 16,000 people, of whom the tribute for the Lord was 32. 41 Moses gave the tribute to Eleazar the priest as the Lord’s part, as the Lord commanded Moses. Sure sounds like sacrificing virgin girls to me.
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2019 15:35
|
|
|
If I remember right, most tributes to the Lord that went to priests were kept/used by the priests. Like when they were sacrificing goats or w/e they would then eat them. It was like ceremonial barbecue. The women were likely given as wives to the priests, which is still pretty messed up for women to be treated like livestock, but I really doubt they ritually killed them. Eating human flesh was completely forbidden, so it would be a total waste.
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2019 15:49
|
|
|
Hey sorry I got bored after a while and skimmed most of the Old Testament stuff I already saw in that Lego-based webcomic. Until I got to Revelations. It's almost as if they got a senile schizophrenic, shoved him onto some random Greek island, and fed him psychotropic mushrooms, or something!! I think I prefer the Qur'an, in the end. Sure, it's super anti-semitic, really I was very surprised how much Jew-bashing there was (there was a whole lot). But despite that, still probably...30%-ish more coherent.
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2019 16:37
|
|
|
extra stout posted:anyone here willing to trade me their inheritance for a warm bowl of stew? There's so many more levels and potential directions going on with the Esau and Jacob stories. There really is something for every audience. 1: Polack jokes / Yo Momma so fat jokes The Edomites are so dumb, they'd trade their inheritance for a bowl of lentil soup. The Edomites are so ginger, that's what their name means. The Edomites are so nasty, their clothes smell as bad as a goat. The Edomites are so hairy, even their own dads mistake them for animals. The Edomites are so beta they do nothing when they get bitchmade. 2: Jacob as Bre'r Rabbit / Anansi Jacob is the underdog who is always punching up. His brother was born with strength and woodsy skills and his father's love. On top of that, by mere accident of being firstborn he will get the lions share of everything even though he's a big dumb lunkhead. There are more Edomites and they are more powerful than the Jews, but Jacob always gets the better of them in the end because he is cunning, ruthless and thinks ahead. Yes, they're strong and in charge, but man o man are they dumb! On a related note, you mess with us, we'll gently caress you up. 3: Jacob has the mandate of heaven Esau is too simple, slow, unthoughtful, unambitious and live-and-let-live to be the leader of a god's chosen people. Even though he was second-born, Jacob had and demonstrated the qualities needed to be the leader of a great nation. Esau lost the mandate of heaven, Jacob gained it. 4: FYG(immee)M All this land is mine, your ancestor sold it to my ancestor. This story in this scroll (and these armed men) says so. 5: Don't feel bad about treating people like crap, it's their fault. Coming back around to trading a birthright for a cup of soup, the story also works in the same way the 'Indians sold Manhattan for a handful of beads' story works for us. "I don't know why those people are whining about 'their' land/birthright, they sold it to us fair and square. This land is ours, they just need to get over it. But now that mention it, if they were so dumb as to sell so cheap, they really are too simple to handle their own affairs, so we'll do it for them. Maybe if they eventually show some competence by assimilating a little bit we might grant them some minor autonomy, so long as they don't mess it up."
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2019 16:55
|
|
|
Lime Tonics posted:If you are a true sadist, and i mean this in the best way, read the wheel of time series. I did. Holy poo poo. I remember I got to one book and nothing happened for 800 pages. I mean, in the last book they had cleansed the male half of the Source (Saidin?) and in the next book nobody loving noticed. For 800 pages no one noticed, and it was one of the central problems of the setting. Then in the last ten pages someone got kidnapped, which finally moved the plot forward incrementally, and it was over. I didn't go back until that other dude finished the series, and then it was just out of sunk cost fallacy.
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2019 17:53
|
|
|
joat mon posted:There's so many more levels and potential directions going on with the Esau and Jacob stories. There really is something for every audience. One of my favorite parts of the story is the one where Jacob the con-man gets conned by his Uncle who's been playing this game a lot longer than he has. Jacob still gets one over on him in the end, but it's a fun little twist. Also the part where Jacob wrestles God into submission in a fair match and God takes losing so poorly He uses His power to dislocate Jacob's hip and then in the ultimate power play tells Jacob that he has a new name now, which not only means "struggles with God" but will also be the name of the nation that God claims to favor but will on at least two occasions explicitly say He's backing the other team because he's sick of those losers.
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2019 19:15
|
|
|
How loving thirsty is Samson "this woman tried to kill me three times but says she won't put out if I don't tell her to kill me????? Better tell the truth!"
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2019 20:47
|
|
|
Samson, the betacuck. The original incel hero. Stacy sure showed him.
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2019 20:55
|
|
|
Samson was like Goku, he lived for kicking rear end and wanted the most powerful opponents. What I'm saying is his bringing the temple down was basically the same as when Goku died to kill Raditz.
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2019 22:20
|
|
|
Can someone write a new bible without aliens in it or elementals? seriously, elementals are too OP.
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2019 22:26
|
|
|
Lutha Mahtin posted:remember in like 2002 when atheist edgelords thought it was a sick burn to post white noise like this probably.
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2019 22:27
|
|
|
jokes posted:Mostly it's just fascists killing other fascists While I know it's the hot thing to call everyone's politics you don't like fascism, it didn't exist anything like it's current form until like World War loving One. You're thinking of despots.
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2019 22:38
|
|
|
Blazing Ownager posted:While I know it's the hot thing to call everyone's politics you don't like fascism, it didn't exist anything like it's current form until like World War loving One. this is a really weird thing to quibble about
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2019 22:46
|
|
|
Blazing Ownager posted:While I know it's the hot thing to call everyone's politics you don't like fascism, it didn't exist anything like it's current form until like World War loving One. lol when do you think the bible took place idiot
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2019 23:01
|
|
|
I often wonder if we did ever sex the lesser monkeys in the cradle of civilization, just because we could and we could like build fires to proclaim dominance. then a land bridge happened (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST) (USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2019 23:06
|
|
|
lol but seriously I posted:just cracked job, first opportunity to The Book of Job is written perfectly as a Greek Play/Drama. So whatever the actual origin, someone intentionally adapted it to that form. It's been years since I studied it that way in a literature class, so I can't give you the particulars, but you have the main Character Job, like Oedipus or Creon, then the Choragos and Chorus, taunting him and interacting with him to get his responses, etc. It was pretty cool to study the story that way and see how well laid out it is with an Introduction, Rising Action, Climax, Trip to the Underworld (when he is all diseased), Falling Action and Conclusion with even Deus ex Machina throughout, as God and Satan wander through. Certainly those of us who are older can identify with Job as more and more bad thing befall him, as Satan tries to get him to curse God and get it over with. Yet Job refuses and is lifted up and saved at the end. Does God play with us like that - as a mere game? The Greeks though Zeus, Hera and the others did that all the time. Earth was just a chess board of pieces for them to play with. I would hope not - but I often fear so. For that reason, some years back, I simply decided to no longer to play. Would God actually converse and bargain with Satan like that, the way Zeus would with Hades or Ares? Since Satan was expelled and cursed, no Christian would actually believe so - God cannot look upon Evil with any form of acceptance. But it is an interesting story showing how Life might be a grueling Test which we are all expected to pass. Faith without Works in Death. To endure to the Bitter End no matter what. That's pretty tough... Cock Sucker fucked around with this message at 07:27 on Jan 5, 2019 |
|
#
?
Jan 5, 2019 07:23
|
|
|
in isolation job's lot seems pretty harsh but his treatment seems fairly consistent with god's behaviour throughout the preceding booksBig Data posted:Would God actually converse and bargain with Satan like that, the way Zeus would with Hades or Ares? i do not have your level of appropriate book learning, but several times moses bargains with god using his reputation as saviour of the jews as leverage
|
|
#
?
Jan 5, 2019 15:35
|
|
|
lol but seriously I posted:in isolation job's lot seems pretty harsh but his treatment seems fairly consistent with god's behaviour throughout the preceding books And also consistent with his behavior irl
|
|
#
?
Jan 5, 2019 16:15
|
|
|
King Lazer posted:If I remember right, most tributes to the Lord that went to priests were kept/used by the priests. Like when they were sacrificing goats or w/e they would then eat them. It was like ceremonial barbecue.
|
|
#
?
Jan 5, 2019 17:04
|
|
|
Saint Drogo posted:cannibals are better than rapists. Then cannibals are better than ancient Israelites I guess.
|
|
#
?
Jan 5, 2019 18:20
|
|
|
King Lazer posted:If I remember right, most tributes to the Lord that went to priests were kept/used by the priests. Like when they were sacrificing goats or w/e they would then eat them. It was like ceremonial barbecue. Human sacrifice was also forbidden. The whole point of the story where Abraham is told to kill his son for god and then at the end he’s like syke!!! What do you think I’m an rear end in a top hat??? It was supposed to show how progressive the new god was.
|
|
#
?
Jan 5, 2019 18:59
|
|
bruvs be4 luvs
|
I remember when I wrote the bible
|
|
#
?
Jan 7, 2019 11:24
|
|
|
Dubplate Fire posted:Human sacrifice was also forbidden. The whole point of the story where Abraham is told to kill his son for god and then at the end he’s like syke!!! What do you think I’m an rear end in a top hat??? It was supposed to show how progressive the new god was. You "sacrifice" ur first born son but god takes a lamb/levite in lieu (also letting a non-levite preach is ungrateful/perverted bullshit)
|
|
#
?
Jan 7, 2019 16:38
|
|
|
Lots of movies and stories about Moses but the Book of Joshua is were the real action and reward take place.
|
|
#
?
Jan 7, 2019 17:19
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 18, 2024 19:11 |
|
|
FlimFlam Imam posted:Lots of movies and stories about Moses but the Book of Joshua is were the real action and reward take place. The one where the later writers whine because the people did not do enough ethnic cleansing.
|
|
#
?
Jan 7, 2019 17:21
|
|